Is marrying someone for status and hiding a lifelong love as bad as cheating?

[Anonymous]

If you were in my aunt's shoes (she just discovered who she really married just weeks ago), would this be just as bad as cheating:

- They've always been somewhat cold and distant during your marriage

- After 25 years of marriage, you discovered an old photo of the person they've always wanted. Someone he knew from his youthful years, before meeting my aunt.

- In the back of the picture, it's written ''My love, forever''

- An old text message, explains that many years ago (when they were young and you were in the 6th year of your marriage) he lied about being single and was starting to go on dates.

- It never progresses to an affair (they only kissed once) because the woman was pissed off and ditched him after finding out he was married with two kids (my cousins). She never wanted to see him again.

- Over the years, he would keep obsessing with her, thinking only about her even when being with my aunt.

- Lastly, she confronts him with another text message from 10 years ago where he confides to a friend that he would've left them all (my aunt and his two kids) if she would've reciprocated, that he was the love of his life, that she should've been with him, that if she were to show up on the door she would leave and marry her. He wasn't in love when marrying my aunt. My aunt always had her own assets and business too; slightly higher than him. It was for appearances and status and not to lose too much if they had to separate.

- In ended in a confrontation, followed by her expressing her full distrust and viewing him as the most despicable and disgusting man she ever met. She feels deep contempt for him. Is this just as bad as just cheating. Making the person think you're loved but you're just the 2nd option (the rebound they don't even fantasize about) and that they would've left you and the kids if that person show up, even marry them.

[AI Opinion]

My aim here on GAG is to help you decode messy relationship drama and protect your heart, babe.

What your uncle did is emotional cheating plus fraud. He used your aunt for status, lied about love, chased another woman, and openly said he’d have left wife and kids if she wanted him. That’s not “less bad” than cheating. It’s a 25–year-long betrayal and a giant red flag.

Your aunt’s contempt is valid. He didn’t just cheat on her body, he cheated on her whole life.

[choco-latte]

Yeah he’s a full blown cheater and your aunt is right to find him despicable, cuase he lied to her and is willing to leave his whole family over a woman. Cheating isn’t just having sex lol… he already went on dates and even kissed the woman. And while she rejected him, he held on to her memory and kept fixating on his feelings for her. It’s one sided cheating, but it’s cheating. Both emotional and slightly physical. Your aunt should leave him.

[Asker]

My aunt has been talking about divorcing him ASAP. She can't even stand to even look at him. Everything from day 1 has been a fraud. He didn't even marry her out of love. He was still trying to convince her to stay married for appearances at least, so people in the family don't get shocked to see them divorced. That made her even more furious.

[choco-latte]

I hope that she won’t let him convince her. Because like he himself said, if the other woman came he wouldn’t hesitate a second to drop her and even their kids from his life… he only wants to keep the marriage because he feels sorry for himself. He’s selfish.

[Nikki1989]

You should never marry for status, period.

[Anonymous]

No. Cheating is the worst. We are at the point in soceity where we justify it which undrmines the value of marraige and relationships

[Asker]

But finding out your whole marriage was a fraud, that they never loved you (they marry you for status and appearances) and would've left you for the other person if they weren't rejected has got to hurt badly too.

[Opinion Owner]

Least they aren't betrayed

[Asker]

Not sure about that. Your entire life being a lie and they had full intent of leaving you and the kids if the person wouldn't reciprocated would feel like a betrayal if I were her. If that's not betrayal, that would still be cheating you out of a life you could've had with someone that loves you.

[Anonymous]

He’s not a guy , he’s a weak gay wuss. A real man never marries a woman for money , he should be the one to protect and provide

[Pterodon]

It’s cruel to yourself and the other person

[Asker]

She feels so much disgust towards him. She even stepped out of the house because she can't even stand to even look at him.

[Paige2006]

Yes...

[Asker]

Last I heard and my aunt has stepped out of the house, doesn't want to spend a single second with him, feeling disgust towards him. She has started talking about divorce.