Seems like most at least want one foot in the free love camp and one foot in the loyalty for life camp they can run back to whenever they want.
Lets see, reasons I've been given... and heard of.
1. You have way more experience and partners than me, I felt insufficient so needed to practice to catch up and to try and balance our numbers out. (personal experience here from a guy I caught.)
2. I suggested we try something and you blew me off, so I thought you didn't like that, I had to go somewhere else to try that particular thing. (Personal experience here as well from a guy.)
Which is why these days, if he says anything... I don't automatically shut down. I see a lot of people on GAG say if their SO comes to them and suggests certain things, the relationship is over... they are close minded, and could be pushing them away.
Like when a man says he has a fetish to watch a girl pee and she thinks it is gross and won't do it... so then he finds someone else to watch pee in person.
I will entertain anything to avoid shutting him down and making him think he needs to go else ware. I have no issues with completely open honest conversation these days (wasn't always this way) if he talks about threesomes, or fetishes of any type or cuckold or whatever... I will listen and not shut down, doesn't mean I'm willingly to do it. I just want him to know he can feel comfortable talking to me about it. Being his true self with his wants and desires.
3. Spouse decides to be Asexual and has no interest, I know a guy in his 40's this happened to... but he couldn't leave due to #4.
4. Can't afford to get a divorce, because he'll be stuck with alimony and child support, so he cheats instead. The legal system keeps him trapped in a sexless marriage to someone wants to leave but can't, simply wouldn't be able to live with those requirements taking half his pay check, he'd end up homeless and unemployed. Quality of life is better if he stays.
5. She is afraid to leave because she hasn't worked for years, as a stay at home mom, how would she live by herself? leaving could mean being homeless... so she cheats. Even if she got a job it would be minimum wage, that isn't enough to get your own apartment with is it? Quality of life is better if she stays.
Oh and last
6. A guy said, he had so few options to ever have sex ever, he made a promise to himself that he would never turn any opportunity down, even if he was in a relationship. He honestly didn't think anyone would offer, cause he spent years single with no hope of any sex... then got married and several years later opportunity came up so he lived up to his promise. Then as he got older, more opportunities kept coming up more often than when he was younger.
I'm not sure that all cheaters can even be in the free love camp... single or not.
I don't think they are trying to have it both ways, it just isn't as easy to leave as people make it out to be, especially if married with kids. Obviously it is way easier if not married and no kids.
I don't know what people want...
Life is strange.
And relationships are complicated.
All I can say is...
If someone cheats on you. Its best you consider whether you can handle this situation or not and whether you can forgive them.
The rest is for couples counselling.
For the most part, yes. Most cheaters whom I've known really do want to have it both ways. They want to continue cheating on their partners but also want their partners to stay loyal to them, and only them. They feel like the other person's expendable and that their feelings don't matter, so they don't care and will continue to cheat behind their backs, but will also be the ones who talk up the most bullshit when it comes to wanting loyalty in a partner and how important it is for a healthy relationship. Oh, the irony!
I had two friends, both in college, who were exactly like this. The first one was a guy friend of mine. Rich son of a sergeant who loved flaunting his father's wealth on friends and girls (here in Pakistan, being a policeman is one of the most paying as well as most corrupt jobs you can get). He'd always preach about how a woman is worthless if she isn't loyal to her man, and that for us men, sex is as easy as it can get, but they are the ones who should keep their legs closed and open them only for their man. If her man is loyal to her, then she should be as well. That last bit made sense to us, but then I found out that he was also seeing two other girls behind her back as well, while she was being kept in the dark. I ratted the guy out to his girlfriend, who at first, didn't believe me and called me a liar. But after seeing the proof, she was broken and still in disbelief. They tried talking it out and he told her that he's the sort of guy who wants diversity in his relationship, and only she wasn't cutting it for him. They didn't break up.
The second story is of a girl this time. She was originally born and brought up in a smaller rural city in my state, and moved to the big city in search of higher education and to meet new people. She was a bit brusque but okay at first. She got into a relationship with another friend of mine who was also from her hometown, and the two hit it off. She was pretty but also promiscuous as well. Like there were times when she's flirt with me, find reasons to touch me and ask risque questions (I'd shoot down them all), and she revealed that ever since she came to my city, she's realized what she had been missing out on all this time and that city boys are wayy more hotter and stylish. As flattering as that was to hear, she still had a boyfriend who was a good friend of mine at the time, so I refused her advances and stopped talking to her. She's still with that guy, but she's also seeing other boys as well from what I can tell. He knows and he says he's seeing other girls as well. It's all a goddamn mess.
Anyone that has been married for 20 plus years knows that love can remain strong but that intimacy tents to dwindle. Life, work, kids, priorities! And both husband and wife don’t seem as interested in what the other is doing. Hence, someone steps in giving that positive attention, genuine interest and mutual attraction. Things happen. In over 30 years of marriage it happened to me twice. It made me try harder to be that person that to fulfill her. And I wasn’t innocent either. We seem stronger as a couple now. But it’s hard to imagine that two people were meant to be monogamous, as there is always that drive. Just my opinion and experience!
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15Opinion
Have their cake and eat it. If it’s cheating and you’re living a double life then wow can’t imagine the stress and dynamics of that. If it were my partner I would be over the relationship, I would never cheat on him and expect the same back.
Cheaters chest for many different reasons. Not all fall in the narcissistic group that would do so for the reason you ask. Either way, it is a choice they make. By the time it occurs, they have already put themselves in a position they should have avoided.
Yes. They want being loved but to love another person is considered as weakness in their perception. They want to take but they don't want giving something back. It's just a parasitic interaction and ALL people who have tendency to exploit others without gaining anything of real value are potential cheaters.
I think they just want to have their cake and eat it. If their spouse forgives them, it's like they got rewarded. They already finished having their selfish needs of their own world and still got their partner back. They're generally sefish.
Sometimes you end up gettings surprised by your feelings and you don't know how to stop the whole situation. You end up getting caught between 2 worlds. Especially when you're a young guy and naieve
Usually it all catches up with you and then you realise it's not worth the headache.
No.
I cheated because my girlfriend isn't paying enough attention to my needs. She leaves her clothes on the bathroom floor and sometimes she makes me go visit her family when I don't want to. I had to cheat because I was obviously unhappy.
I had sex with 3 Mexican prostitutes and it was the best thing I could've done. My girlfriend doesn't know anything about it, but I'm in a better mood now and I think it really improved our relationship. I don't feel so abused by her now.
I think they're trying to get free love and stability from their partners and excitement from their affairs
It’s simply lack of respect through selfish thinking. Giving themselves permission. Do now, ask for forgiveness later. World doesn’t work that way.
Cheating/adultery is a selfish choice. It's wanting to have your cake and eat it too. Most people do not like a cheating spouse.
In humans, there are big differences in infidelity in terms of sex outside of committed relationships.
on the surface it's just pure selfishness though when digging deeper, it's hard to say. after all men and women do cheat for different reasons
In my observation, most cheaters seem to cheat as a way to stay and remain loyal in their relationship. Paradoxical, but I don't think one should expect cheating to ever really make sense.
Anybody can get away with cheating if they just write a hit Rock song about it:
https://www.youtube.com/embed/fX5USg8_1gA
Cheating is about being psychologically and emotionally abusive to a partner.
It's lying and controlling behavior by an insecure person.
The person they are cheating with is just naive
Not all of them but a majority do seem to be like that.
If I told you how long, it has been since I got laid you would then understand my temptation to cheat.
Kind of like hotwives and women who insist on open relationships
Honestly, I am unable to get into their mindset.
Definitely for women... they are the worst cheaters.
yes, of course they do
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