Seems like most at least want one foot in the free love camp and one foot in the loyalty for life camp they can run back to whenever they want.
Lets see, reasons I've been given... and heard of.
1. You have way more experience and partners than me, I felt insufficient so needed to practice to catch up and to try and balance our numbers out. (personal experience here from a guy I caught.)
2. I suggested we try something and you blew me off, so I thought you didn't like that, I had to go somewhere else to try that particular thing. (Personal experience here as well from a guy.)
Which is why these days, if he says anything... I don't automatically shut down. I see a lot of people on GAG say if their SO comes to them and suggests certain things, the relationship is over... they are close minded, and could be pushing them away.
Like when a man says he has a fetish to watch a girl pee and she thinks it is gross and won't do it... so then he finds someone else to watch pee in person.
I will entertain anything to avoid shutting him down and making him think he needs to go else ware. I have no issues with completely open honest conversation these days (wasn't always this way) if he talks about threesomes, or fetishes of any type or cuckold or whatever... I will listen and not shut down, doesn't mean I'm willingly to do it. I just want him to know he can feel comfortable talking to me about it. Being his true self with his wants and desires.
3. Spouse decides to be Asexual and has no interest, I know a guy in his 40's this happened to... but he couldn't leave due to #4.
4. Can't afford to get a divorce, because he'll be stuck with alimony and child support, so he cheats instead. The legal system keeps him trapped in a sexless marriage to someone wants to leave but can't, simply wouldn't be able to live with those requirements taking half his pay check, he'd end up homeless and unemployed. Quality of life is better if he stays.
5. She is afraid to leave because she hasn't worked for years, as a stay at home mom, how would she live by herself? leaving could mean being homeless... so she cheats. Even if she got a job it would be minimum wage, that isn't enough to get your own apartment with is it? Quality of life is better if she stays.
Oh and last
6. A guy said, he had so few options to ever have sex ever, he made a promise to himself that he would never turn any opportunity down, even if he was in a relationship. He honestly didn't think anyone would offer, cause he spent years single with no hope of any sex... then got married and several years later opportunity came up so he lived up to his promise. Then as he got older, more opportunities kept coming up more often than when he was younger.
I'm not sure that all cheaters can even be in the free love camp... single or not.
I don't think they are trying to have it both ways, it just isn't as easy to leave as people make it out to be, especially if married with kids. Obviously it is way easier if not married and no kids.
Naw, between the 12th and 15th date I say we need to have a all day long date, and during that day we both need to share our pasts, future desires, fetishes and kinks and whatever, it is a free pass to let it all out. I make it very clear that if something comes out in the future after this time, it will damage the trust and relationship FOREVER. Do it now or forever hold your peace.
Plus I can be kind of sneaky about it, one guy wanted to watch me with other guys, so rather than reject him I negotiated sure, but I get veto power over any person and so doe she, either of can pick someone. What he didn't know is I planned on vetoing EVERYONE... which I did, so it never happened. Kept telling him to try again and eventually he sort of just lost interest or gave up.
He didn't say anything about it during that date though, so it did damage things forever and is part of why things didn't work out.
I don't know what people want...
Life is strange.
And relationships are complicated.
All I can say is...
If someone cheats on you. Its best you consider whether you can handle this situation or not and whether you can forgive them.
The rest is for couples counselling.
Thanks for mho x
For the most part, yes. Most cheaters whom I've known really do want to have it both ways. They want to continue cheating on their partners but also want their partners to stay loyal to them, and only them. They feel like the other person's expendable and that their feelings don't matter, so they don't care and will continue to cheat behind their backs, but will also be the ones who talk up the most bullshit when it comes to wanting loyalty in a partner and how important it is for a healthy relationship. Oh, the irony!
I had two friends, both in college, who were exactly like this. The first one was a guy friend of mine. Rich son of a sergeant who loved flaunting his father's wealth on friends and girls (here in Pakistan, being a policeman is one of the most paying as well as most corrupt jobs you can get). He'd always preach about how a woman is worthless if she isn't loyal to her man, and that for us men, sex is as easy as it can get, but they are the ones who should keep their legs closed and open them only for their man. If her man is loyal to her, then she should be as well. That last bit made sense to us, but then I found out that he was also seeing two other girls behind her back as well, while she was being kept in the dark. I ratted the guy out to his girlfriend, who at first, didn't believe me and called me a liar. But after seeing the proof, she was broken and still in disbelief. They tried talking it out and he told her that he's the sort of guy who wants diversity in his relationship, and only she wasn't cutting it for him. They didn't break up.
The second story is of a girl this time. She was originally born and brought up in a smaller rural city in my state, and moved to the big city in search of higher education and to meet new people. She was a bit brusque but okay at first. She got into a relationship with another friend of mine who was also from her hometown, and the two hit it off. She was pretty but also promiscuous as well. Like there were times when she's flirt with me, find reasons to touch me and ask risque questions (I'd shoot down them all), and she revealed that ever since she came to my city, she's realized what she had been missing out on all this time and that city boys are wayy more hotter and stylish. As flattering as that was to hear, she still had a boyfriend who was a good friend of mine at the time, so I refused her advances and stopped talking to her. She's still with that guy, but she's also seeing other boys as well from what I can tell. He knows and he says he's seeing other girls as well. It's all a goddamn mess.
Anyone that has been married for 20 plus years knows that love can remain strong but that intimacy tents to dwindle. Life, work, kids, priorities! And both husband and wife don’t seem as interested in what the other is doing. Hence, someone steps in giving that positive attention, genuine interest and mutual attraction. Things happen. In over 30 years of marriage it happened to me twice. It made me try harder to be that person that to fulfill her. And I wasn’t innocent either. We seem stronger as a couple now. But it’s hard to imagine that two people were meant to be monogamous, as there is always that drive. Just my opinion and experience!
Opinion
15Opinion
Have their cake and eat it. If it’s cheating and you’re living a double life then wow can’t imagine the stress and dynamics of that. If it were my partner I would be over the relationship, I would never cheat on him and expect the same back.
Cheaters chest for many different reasons. Not all fall in the narcissistic group that would do so for the reason you ask. Either way, it is a choice they make. By the time it occurs, they have already put themselves in a position they should have avoided.
Yes. They want being loved but to love another person is considered as weakness in their perception. They want to take but they don't want giving something back. It's just a parasitic interaction and ALL people who have tendency to exploit others without gaining anything of real value are potential cheaters.
I think they just want to have their cake and eat it. If their spouse forgives them, it's like they got rewarded. They already finished having their selfish needs of their own world and still got their partner back. They're generally sefish.
Sometimes you end up gettings surprised by your feelings and you don't know how to stop the whole situation. You end up getting caught between 2 worlds. Especially when you're a young guy and naieve
Usually it all catches up with you and then you realise it's not worth the headache.
Why are more young girls cheating too? It's on the rise for some reason. My mom cheated on my dad with his best friend way back in 1992 when she was 20 years old and eventually got caught. She was his girlfriend at the time. Though he took her back, forgave and still married her, they're still together. It worked out for them but is it the same reason for young girls too, naive and immaturity?
@SarahS98 It's about not "knowing" what a relationship actually is. Most young people grow learning about relationships in media and drama/romance movies, instead of learning it from their parents or some trusted source which is not about making money.
They get the wrong notions of:
- they lived happily ever after
- white prince on a horse
- being treated like a prince/princess without having to give anything in return
- love at first sight (focussing on appearance instead of personality)
- what can you GET instead of what can you GIVE to your partner
- thinking relationships are perfect
- thinking about having relationship at very young age
Well the list is pretty long.
So yeah... people have wrong expectations and attitude.
The irony is I was raised in a good upbringing and everything I've ever learned (well before reading dad's journal 3 months ago) were from my parents. They omitted their cheating history from long ago. Dad cheated in revenge too when I was 2 and it's just recently that I found this out.
On one hand I'm against cheaters and find no excuse to ever cheat on someone and on the other hand, they are my parents after all. So I'm treating their history as a ''none of my business'' thing and instead focusing on my engagement.
No.
I cheated because my girlfriend isn't paying enough attention to my needs. She leaves her clothes on the bathroom floor and sometimes she makes me go visit her family when I don't want to. I had to cheat because I was obviously unhappy.
I had sex with 3 Mexican prostitutes and it was the best thing I could've done. My girlfriend doesn't know anything about it, but I'm in a better mood now and I think it really improved our relationship. I don't feel so abused by her now.
I'm the victim here.
Nobody made you stay with her while finding sex elsewhere. You miss your part of the wrongs in the relationship.
@Jdjfjcjj
Why would I leave?
I fucked 3 Mexican prostitutes and now I make love to my girlfriend because I love her.
@DUSTYBIKES- She was leaving her clothes on the floor in the bathroom, What else was I to do.
That was so toxic of her.
Read that back to yourself. When sober.
@dustybiker
Don't emotial abuse me please.
I'm here pouring my heart out and need your support. I've been through a lot and it caused me to fuck other women. If everybody would be nice I wouldn't feel so unhappy.
I would be a hypocrite if I wouldn't say how much of a fucking scumbag you are!
If you where that unhappy, why not breakup then? Also seeing family is normal in a relationship, if you always had issue seeing her family then the relationship was never going to work. That's not even a good enough excuse to cheat.
Good for you king. She gave you no choice. It's her fault you made the decision you did.
@Vegasrunner
Exactly.
*snort*
@dustybiker
The comments on this thread made me very unhappy so I had to go cheat again.
Reading this back… Now you just sound like you’ve never actually had sex.
@dustybiker
No need to be mean, you're upsetting me again.
@dustybiker Lol, I dont think you have caught on to his point.
@SarahS98 Lol, you really dont understand what he's doing do you?
@Vegasrunner
He's putting his poor girlfriend (who deserves much better) at risk of catching an STD. He's putting her health at risk and all you both can think of is sex, putting your own selfish needs on top of her feelings, on top of the relationship.
@SarahS98 Lol, no he is highlighting female double standards by using the sane rationale females on GAG use when trying to explain why they cheat on their boyfriends.
@Vegasrunner
I think cheaters of both genders are selfish. I have no problems bashing female cheaters too. There is no excuse for cheating.
@SarahS98 You may say that however, the evidence shows that women tend to make excuses for other women when they cheat, partly because women are rarey accountable for their actions. All those resoonses are actual resonses from women when responding to other women cheating. See the difference? Your reaction validates his point.
@Vegasrunner
I have no problems calling a female cheater that posts about cheating on her boyfriend a loser too. I got no preference for cheaters.
@SarahS98 Lol, think you're missing the point. You may say that however the evidence on here shows that women love to exploit that double standard. When that same post was made by a female, there were dozens of women making excuses for the women, which is pretty standard. However when a man gives the same statement he gets responses like you. He got you.
@Vegasrunner
I'm new to this site. I haven't been here for too long. I don't know what female poster are you referring to.
@Vegasrunner Dude, you are an idiot and I say that as a guy! You have no proof to blame @SarahS98 HERSELF when OTHER women do what they do. With this logic, a lot of men would also support other guys cheating so what about us guys having double standards?
@SarahS98 Again, I realize it's difficult for women to grasp this but the post is not about 1 specfic female it is a generalzation of all females, your specific actions validated that generalization
@Vegasrunner
What actions? That I was calling out whom I thought was a cheater for their BS? I don't care about the cheater's gender. A cheater is a cheater.
@SarahS98 You're so focused on you that you are missing the point. The point he is making is that when this same post is presented and the genders are changed, numerous women come in support of the female. No one ever comes in support of a man, in fact people only say the exact same thing that you said.
@YourFavoriteFriend You're either not reading correctly or lack comprehension. There is no "blame" I'm simply highlighting actions thas she voluntarily took. The part that you're failing to understand, is that this isn't a belief it is a study. We know based on sample size from this site, that no one male, or female, comes in support of a man that cheats. The evidence of that is this post. If as you say "A lot of men would support other guys cheating" Then please point them out in this post. (Obviously besides me)
@Vegasrunner
You need to stop overgeneralizing women but I see there is no point from here so goodbye now. BYE
@SarahS98 I'm simply taking your words at face value if you are embarrassedby them the that is your issue.
I think they're trying to get free love and stability from their partners and excitement from their affairs
It’s simply lack of respect through selfish thinking. Giving themselves permission. Do now, ask for forgiveness later. World doesn’t work that way.
It doesn't make sense. Then when they get caught (like my mom did way back in 1992; dad forgave her and still married her 4 years later), all of the sudden all the lying and time you spent on your cheating isn't worth it anymore, they do a complete 360° turn and start begging, asking for forgiveness. Why so if they took all the effort and time to cover up their tracts while they were cheating and being sneaky with their lies?
Yet ironically mom was strict on curfews if either me or my sister were invited to a friend's party when we were underaged. She was the stricter parent, installing us with values, morals. It's as if she didn't want either of us to become wild nor copy her and instead be serious family-oriented girls. Isn't it interesting that you can cheat on a partner but still be a good parent.
Cheating/adultery is a selfish choice. It's wanting to have your cake and eat it too. Most people do not like a cheating spouse.
In humans, there are big differences in infidelity in terms of sex outside of committed relationships.
Female infidelity, but not male infidelity, is often driven by access to resources.
Furthermore, female infidelity still implies much higher partner standards compared to men.
on the surface it's just pure selfishness though when digging deeper, it's hard to say. after all men and women do cheat for different reasons
In my observation, most cheaters seem to cheat as a way to stay and remain loyal in their relationship. Paradoxical, but I don't think one should expect cheating to ever really make sense.
Anybody can get away with cheating if they just write a hit Rock song about it:
https://www.youtube.com/embed/fX5USg8_1gACheating is about being psychologically and emotionally abusive to a partner.
It's lying and controlling behavior by an insecure person.
The person they are cheating with is just naive
Not all of them but a majority do seem to be like that.
If I told you how long, it has been since I got laid you would then understand my temptation to cheat.
Kind of like hotwives and women who insist on open relationships
Honestly, I am unable to get into their mindset.
Tell me you are loyal without telling me you're loyal. Also, great name!
Definitely for women... they are the worst cheaters.
yes, of course they do
Of course! What else would they be doing?
Pretty much.
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