Would you be honest about your childhood trauma with your significant other and would you want them to be honest with you?

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of unresolved trauma from my childhood sexual abuse. It doesn’t affect me much but it does affect me where i am not as sexually comfortable, i am a bit scared of men but I am working on that as I have male coworkers now however they always notice and point out that i flinch a lot and I had a coworker try to whisper something in my ear today and i moved away and he said “why are you running away from me?” And i honestly just did it unintentionally but i bullshitted my way fast and told him i thought you wanted to pass by that’s why i moved away. I also can’t control flinching or reacting to things I am just jumpy. I am not sure if my boyfriend would appreciate honesty should i tell him so he is aware of the reasons i react to things or should I keep things to myself. It affects our sexual life a bit but he is understanding and approachable anyway. I have tried therapy but i just can’t talk about this if its not anonymous cause i feel embarrassed.

[SallyTho87]

This is something you can only decide for yourself.
Are you in any type of counseling or therapy, to help you overcome the challenges you are facing in your daily life? If not, please, PLEASE look into it. It will help you so much.

As for your question, you need to ask yourself
1. Will telling my boyfriend be something I regret if the relationship doesn't work out?
2. What benefit will this information provide my current boyfriend with? Would this cause HIM duress to know about these past events, or cause him to pull away out of fear of unknowingly causing a trauma response?
3. do you feel you can trust him not to disclose your personal history with other people / family?
4. Does he respect you enough to keep this information private, between him and you only?

You do not need to feel embarrassed about trauma. This happened as a child, you did NOTHING wrong, and you should not feel ashamed, guilty, nothing. You have had a terrible, traumatic experience, and the only way to heal and overcome it is being pushed outside your comfort zones, and TALKING about it with a professional who can assist, guide you, and understand.

As for telling your boyfriend, this is on you. You can, if you feel it will be beneficial to the relationship, but DO please know it is NOT his responsibility (nor should he feel it is his responsibility) to help you heal from your trauma. That responsibility lies within yourself, as YOU need to heal and overcome this embarassment you feel, and acively work on communicating your feelings, fears, guilts, etc. with a professional. That is the only way forward.

Please be aware, by telling your boyfriend, you are potentially causing HIM a discomfort, and he may pull away. People have different reactions to other people's trauma and experiences. Once / IF you inform him, please respect him if he needs space or time to process what has been informed, as it's a huge thing to just randomly tell someone.

Good luck hun <3

[MemeSupreme]

i learned you tell peeps trauma bc you wanna communicate somethin like it serves a purpose. trauma dumping bc you wanna vent is bad unless they're your therapist

so pick and choose what you wanna say. i give em a rundown of what to expect and boundaries, but that's kinda just it. i don't go into detail

[Serkee]

You should be honest, but you probably shouldn't dump it all on him at once early on in the relationship. Some guys respond well to that, but it could push others away. If he asks you about why you flinch you should tell him the truth, but you shouldn't expand on it or go into detail unless he invites you to.

[Jefftheduck]

Yes I always tell my partner everything don’t just unload it on them pick a time your both sharing things

[Jefftheduck]

Personally the more your open and share the more I will like you i love being supportive and sharing with my partner but everyone is different so pick your moments

[sheikalana]

I would but I just don't know what my childhood trauma is.

[Anonymous]

Sure, but only I was gonna marry her.