Have you ever been in a toxic abusive relationship with someone?

[Finchie40]

My ex wife and I have been trying to work things out as FWB’s. and things were going good with us for a bit , but it sadly turned to shit again , she all of a sudden treats me like shit and acts like everything bad that happens is my fault , She expects me to take care of everything while she goes and does her thing , I realized I was stupid for allowing her back into my life and told her she has to leave , she doesn’t want to work and thinks she should be catered to at all times , I recently got laid off from my job with a nice severance to buy me sometime to find another job, that I am having a really hard time landing , My wife has all of sudden started treating me like shit and putting me down, and criticizing me and belittling me and comparing me to other men , mainly her girlfriends husbands she points fingers at me , that everything is my fault. She no longer wants to be intimate and affectionate with me , I told her she is best to leave and to go live her life elsewhere, because she is not a partner to me. She makes excuses as to why she can’t work and acts like it’s my duty to take care of her and everything else. I have no support from her whatsoever , she is sadly a very selfish person and a user , even our kids are making comments about her behavior towards me , and my kids are fed up with her as well. Am I wrong to feel this way of being used by her? She also made a new girlfriend that caters to her , I honestly think they are gay for each other. Her friendship with this girl is very odd to me, it’s complete opposite of her other friendships. My wife also suffers from bipolar disorder even though she denies it , the doctors diagnosed her with it , she also suffers from severe anxiety and depression and her health isn’t good , her doctor said she probably doesn’t have much more time to live , so another reason I felt sorry for her , but now I feel she is just buying herself time to find herself another dumbass to take care of her.

[lightbulb27]

I've had toxic relationship (s), seen them. Each different. There's two sides to it... the one triggers or enables the other. Seems to be different patterns based upon personalities and wounds. I recall a guy whom had similar issue... his wife would not work and he was being fried trying to support family.

You've made me more thankful for my wife... she is none of this... works hard, makes life easy and fun, low drama, and I don't have to work... just run the household. To be honest, we argued a lot for a while but once I made necessary changes to eliminate issues, her hormones calmed down and I learned to support and communicate better, we're good. She learned to handle me as well. I know other married guys... their wives work and love to work... and maybe opposite, they work too much. So there are different realities out there. Remember... you are the chooser!

I wonder if you fell into a Caretaker/"Abuser" pattern. In other words, the attraction energies were opposite... you are a care giver and she is needy for support. Those can attract, but it gets exhausting. I read about it long ago.

Do I blame you... no, but then again, you married her and was re-sucked in by her. This is a tough spot to be in as "she makes the family" and can trash it.

I won't judge, I'd ask God for guidance. There is a reason for these underlying issues and that is the value.. finding and resolving. But it may be impossible, she'd have to want to find the root causes and resolve. Emotionally ill people don't see a problem with themselves... other people are the problem. wouldn't shock me if she had paranoia.

Women's hormones change, emotional damage can occur. Lack of sleep or brain damage can lead to issues. Emotional wounds from childhood that are still there... are controlling. Dietary issues, health issues can contribute to the brain/gut. All of that... is relevant. It's tough to fix, and she's playing her cards to get her crutch back, manipulate him to care for her. But then she apparently starts the abuse cycle to gain control.

you've been through the ringer lot from what I read, I won't tell you what to do. But I know for me, I had my limits and felt I'd turn to saw dust. I also know, I had to make changes to myself, to find and heal my own wounds that were enabling these errant energies in relationships... allowing the abuse to persist. I had to change, and my wife helped promote that. Changing and healing earlier in life, I'd have saved a lot of wasted time from those that took advantage of my weakness... because I allowed it to happen. So it's good you are learning to take a stand for yourself.

I deal with a mentally ill family member... and that is hard. Boundaries... to stay healthy.

Bipolar is rooted in deep emotional issues I've heard. Find the underlying issue causing the problem. There is something wrong inside her to do what she is doing. May not be on you to fix. A good Christian Therapist should go hunting inside her for the underlying emotional damage causing the swirl. Absent that, the system puts her on meds to mask the symptoms.

[exitseven]

I did date somebody who abused me. She would say horrible things to me and sometimes she would hit me and once she bit me so hard it broke the skin.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO

[DeeDeeDeVour]

I had an ex who had become lazy and unambitious.

I was getting the notion that he started seeing me as his "sugar momma" and I soon confronted him about his lack of efforts and interests.

I ended the relationship when I didn't see any positive changes.

[Finchie40]

Sounds like what I am going through now , she is so negative about everything and only wants things her way , she sleeps most the day away and wakes up like a bat out of hell , never really happy about anything unless it’s something that favors her. I don’t have a partner , I have a user that I am kicking to the curb , I realize I deserve better than this shit

[DeeDeeDeVour]

An "early" realization is better than a late one.

Best of luck to you.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, it sounds like you're riding the wildest rollercoaster of emotions and circumstances! First off, your feelings of being used and overwhelmed are totally valid. Juggling the challenges of a layoff with the complexities of a relationship that's veering into toxic territory is no small feat. It's clear you've got a big heart, especially when you talk about feeling sorry for her health issues. But remember, caring doesn't mean sacrificing your well-being on the altar of someone else's demands.

Navigating a relationship with someone who isn't willing to contribute or meet you halfway can feel a bit like trying to fill a leaky cup—it's exhausting and never quite satisfying. The criticisms, the comparisons, that's all classic lovebombing then ghosting, minus the return affection. The red flags are waving furiously here, signaling it's time to think about your happiness and health, as well as your kids'.

Feeling responsible for her, especially given her health and psychological issues, is natural, but it's also a Herculean task when the partnership isn't reciprocal. It's important to set boundaries for your sanity. It sounds like you're asking for equality and respect, things that are non-negotiable in any relationship, especially from someone who's supposed to be your partner in crime (in a lovey-dovey way, not a "Bonnie and Clyde" way 😉).

Regarding her new friendship and your suspicions, feelings like these usually stem from a mix of intuition and insecurity, especially when everything else feels off-kilter. Take a moment to breathe, my friend. Maybe it's less about their orientation and more about feeling displaced or undervalued.

Remember, nobody can pour from an empty cup. It's crucial to take care of yourself, seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can guide you through this. It's not wrong to need a break from someone who's draining your energy rather than doubling it.

And hey, if you ever need to chat about the rollercoaster of life, love, and everything in between, I'm here with anecdotes, advice, and maybe a cheeky joke or two to lighten the mood. 🌈 Stay strong!

[ProbablyClueless]

Unfortunately, I have.

[Agape93]

Yeap

[jahaims]

Nah, I'm not a moron