Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

[coachTanthony]

Yes

No

[WhiteSteve]

-ish? I don’t feel like I was being purposefully abused, necessarily. She was just so damaged herself that it made her act out in unhealthy ways. She had a really fucked up childhood. Physical abuse, sexual abuse by men that was facilitated by her crazy ass mother, physical and emotional abuse by her mother, having to clean up after and cover for her mother when she would get faded or do a bunch of drugs so her little sister was cared for and her stepdad wouldn’t find out and leave…. all kinds of wicked crazy shit, she had a really rough go of it, like that’s only half the shit she dealt with. So I’m sympathetic, ultimately, and honestly, I feel like I helped save her life and give her some stability as she was transitioning from a child to an adult (I was her age, don’t worry, lmao), even if we didn’t end up together. I feel like she’s in a much better place today, in large part because of our relationship.

But it did manifest itself in some bad ways. She had a temper (still one of the most ferocious street fighters I’ve ever seen. She was small, but holy smokes was she tough, lmao), she didn’t beat me or anything like that, haha, but she’d take the occasional swing in a heated spat, and she once threw a glass vase at my head. That was a little far😅 But when you’re the guy, physical abuse has a way tougher standard. It’s like “ok, but were you hospitalized?”

We were teenagers, we felt like we were each other’s first true loves…. we loved really hard and we fought really hard. Thing with me is I can’t stand fighting in relationships. That’s not what I sign up for.

I’ve developed a “90%” rule. If I’m not happy with a girl at least 90% of the time…. what am I even doing here? What is SHE doing here? We’re just not a match, obviously, so let’s keep it moving.

With her, ultimately, it was the jealousy. She watched her mom fuck around on her stepdad routinely while growing up, so I think she assumed people were just like that. I went off to college when we were a little over a year into it, and she REALLY couldn’t handle that. I’m talking near-daily freak outs and accusations, forbidding me to hang out in mixed company and to only talk to other guys, telling me I can’t go to parties or drink or even smoke weed without her, claiming she was sending her crazy ex-con uncle to spy on me and that he’d wipe me out if I he caught me up to no good, scheduled phone calls at times that would prevent me from going out, surprise calls to ensure I didn’t go out after I talked to her, etc…. and of course I just lived my life and lied, and then I’d have to have these embarrassing conversations with female friends to instruct them to ignore me when she came to visit and pretend we don’t really know each other, and tell her I don’t drink or smoke weed or party, and if they didn’t, she might kick the shit out of them. It was pretty rough. It got a little better when she moved out there into an apartment with me, but she was still very jealous and untrusting, and occasionally had violent outbursts.

Our relationship kind of organically ended though, strangely, it was pretty amicable. There wasn’t some huge event, I think we just outgrew each other, realized we had different long term goals, and we weren’t right for each other on that level. I like to think she’s healed and grown, she got married, had a baby, and to my knowledge they’re still together, and that’s exactly what she wanted to fast track, and I’m like “yo, I’m trying to be young, go to college, etc”, but I think she was desperate to create the stable family she so desperately wanted and never had, and I think I was just the wrong guy for that, but the right guy to be a bridge out of her personal hell and to get to the right guy. I feel good about it, overall, and wish her all the best.

[Finchie40]

Yes my ex wife suffers from PTSD, bi polar depression, it was the hardest relationship I ever been in , like being married to Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde , her mental illness got worse and worse through the years to the point I had to walk away. My advice is check a girls’ medicine cabinet before getting into a relationship with her

[electromagnetic]

Physically no but emotionally and psychologically sadly yup. For years too without even looking at my self from the outside perspective. Damnn near almost broke my soul and my family dynamic.
He had a masters degree in cheating I’ll forever give him credit for that.

[FenixG45]

🫶💜

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yes my first husband, (hence why he’s an ex, not all women divorce to trade up, some women divorce to get away from abusive husbands 🤷‍♀️)

[FenixG45]

You're better without him

[Minxxie]

Yes, he used his terminally ill mother to manipulate me and financially abuse me. He became addicted to porn and stopped seeing me as a person and emotionally abused me.

Sometimes I wish he'd just hit me once instead, I would have left immediately if he hit me but I wasn't taught to identify other forms of abuse.

[exitseven]

Yes, she used to verbally abuse me. She would say the most horrible things to me. She had hit me before and once bit me so hard that I still have the scar. I would never hit her back. She was abused as a kid by her parents and I knew how damaged she was.

[worldscolide]

Yes, my ex hit me a lot, especially if I happened to glance or speak to the opposite sex. I was not permitted to even talk to my female relatives.

When I broke up with her, she sliced my face up.. When I reported it I was threatened with arrest. When I went to get stitched up I was asked "what did you do to deserve this" and was laughed at by my doctor and nurses..

[FenixG45]

Where was this?

[worldscolide]

Midwest usa

[FenixG45]

And the doctors & nurses laughed at you? I would have sued their ass!

[FenixG45]

They threatened to arrest you? That's a lawsuit waiting to happen!

[worldscolide]

Not so much. Read up on the Duluth model. Its what most police departments follow. It states that in cases of domestic violence, regardless of who the aggressor was, the man gets arrested.. Only reason I was not taken to jail is because she was not there. They refused to press charges against her as well. This is typical in most states. It's why DV shelters don't serve men and boys.

[FenixG45]

I'm glad I don't live there. My friend had a police call. His wife had to leave.

[Anonymous]

Was my only marriage, which I held on to because I thought he could be "cured" and I was in love." Foolish on both counts. What hubris!

There is no curing abusive people unless they are seeking a cure. There is no helping people who think they are fine. He never apologized and clearly has never thought he was wrong. We were divorced 24 years ago. It's sad and tragic.

An angry, miserable person with self-esteem problems. Abuse is about anger and control. The person thinks they can beat someone into submission. That's never possible. WEll, it might be. But what good does that accomplish to ruin someone for your ego? Ugh.

[systemsareyo]

No and lucky me for staying single and continuing to. I could've been a divorce lawyer or a divorce industry worker and always in my own personal mind remarked internal monologues to myself about the amount of clients or couples that walk through the door going through divorces and smile to myself that I never got on that train lol Choo Choo Choo 🚂 slow, smelly and full of hot coal lol as in hot air. So nope, gladly single, gladly never been and don't want to be. Stay single y'all 😄😆

[7Phoenix7]

Yep... so happy to be free from that. Im healing and enjoying my solitude.

[WhiteSteve]

💪💪💪

[FenixG45]

It's a relief, isn't it?

[CorneliaUSA]

You got to leave asap!! The abuse will just get worst with time. I was in an abusive relationship. A lady stayed with for a while was also in an abusive relationship to the point where he broke her jaw 4 times. They were married for about 20 years. She finally got out and got his ass put in jail.

[RavenLoverEndeavour]

My (2nd ex wife) was an evil gaslighting narcissist who completely destroyed me and enjoyed every moment

But, ultimately she failed as we are now divorced and I am in a far happier relationship

she has commented to mutual friends that she’s angry I’m happy and says I don’t deserve it

she’s also a nurse - says a lot eh?

it’s so sad

[HawkPerception]

I think I might classify my first relationship as somewhat abusive. The girl always put me down and slapped me once for absolutely no reason. She's weak and I'm a dude, but no one should be hitting anyone. I broke up with her at that point.

[FreyaRed]

No. Before it could become abusive I've killed it. People with my personality don't make good victims because we are those who create victims.

[Nikki1989]

Yes, and I said I would never date that kind of man ever again, and I never have.

[FenixG45]

I said about my Ex, and I haven't.

[Pete671]

Yes as a cuck boyfriend, I didn't really realise it was abusive at the time but looking back I really enjoyed it and would do it all again,,,

[Sparkie460]

No I've never been in an abusive relationship. I also have never abused any women I was with

[Anonymous]

Just psychologically abusive. There are a lot of toxic women that will psychologically abuse guys if they guys allow it.

[IslaTheWitch]

Yes. The lesson learned

[FenixG45]

💜💜

[serious]

No, I have always been single

[legalboxers]

she was a narcissist

[0-limit]

I have been in 2 relationships, they were both abusive.

[Babygirl_S]

Not yet and I'm trying to be cautious.

[NathanDavis]

nope