Yes. Second girlfriend. Lasted about a month. Met long distance and skyped a couple months during university, then met up when classes started during second year. She was very physically abusive towards me but I never stuck her back.
She would dig her nails in and claw and dig into my stomach till I bleed on two occasions while I was standing ready to leave. She blocked the door and did that to me while demanding I stay and sleep with her. I declined and sternly told her "get your fucking hands off me or were going to have a serious problem." She said "while will you stay then? I have anxiety and I'm lonely blah blah" (she just wanted my dick but I wasn't interested that night because I had a midterm the next morning and wouldn't fuck her that night to go back to my own place and get up early). First two times she would claw and dig into my stomach telling me I had to stay and sleep with her. I declined because I enjoy sex but prioritize my grades and was doing too well academically to wreck that over one extra night of fun. Never struck her back and just keep saying calmly "get the fuck out of my face, take your hands off me, then I'm leaving" many times (10 solid min before she finally did then put on the crying face and pretending SHE was the victim because she didn't want to sleep alone).
I broke up with her the following day after that second time (that was about a month in with just the nails drawing blood on two occassions within the 4th week in). First time I talked to her about and gave her a second chance in case it was a momentary lapse of judgement to give her the benefit of the doubt. Do not do what I did. The very first time in hindsight someone physically is abusive to you (and not in the fun sexual way - but with intent to harm you out of spite) drop their ass instantly. They can get a second change (or not) with some other loser. I regret not leaving her instantly.
The a month later she hits me up says she's changed blah blah, I was nieve as it was my second relationship ever, and took her back under the condition it never happens again. Was less than 3 weeks in until she got upset (and drunk) after the club on the walk home, played the "I'm crying so I'm the actual victim even though I was the one abusing you earlier card." I said I'd take her back to her dorm and tuck her in then I was going back to my own place tonight. She wanted to fuck me again but I wanted to go to bed and get up early to do a group project with another female classmate, so told her not tonight. You should just lie down, grab some water and get to sleep so you're not hungover tomorrow. Then she turned and punched me square in the jaw. Took me a second to realize what the fuck just happened but I stared back at her with an angry look in my eyes and told her "WTF jackass?" Then she put on the water works and started (trying to manipulate the situation) pretending she was the actual victim because she was a crying female so I told her "get the fuck out of my face. We're done." Could see her heart being crushed inside then she was genuinely crying and upset and sad inside for real. I never looked back and my life got way better since then.
That experience really put me off relationships for a while and I just fucked a bunch of girls over the next 1.5 or so years during rest of 2nd and 3rd year and having fun with my friends. Starting to look for a relationship now as I did like the first one I was in until she moved away, so starting to consider long term now as a possibility again because despite the crazy bitch for a couple months, the first girl was so sweet and awesome (very kinky in private too which I loved). Starting to let myself be open to that happiness and intimate companionship again.
In general too for anyone, guys or girls alike, if someone is physically abusive to you EVER, even one single time, drop their ass instantly. If they've done it to you once, and you make the choice to stay, that's on you from that point on. And they have no learned "ok I was abusive to you, no consequences resulted and you are still around. Wow guess I can abuse you again and again and the exact same outcome will continue to occur and you will stay again and again." If someone is abusive to you it means that's a part of their values and personality. And it will happen again. And again. It always does. If drinking makes them do it (it does not, just makes it more likely they will do what underlying intention is already their and become looser) they have that choice to pick up that first drink knowing they may abuse you, and they still do anyways. If someone clearly cares about having a beer or two over the well being and safety of their own partner, that person's a piece of shit and doesn't deserve to be with you anymore. There is no excuse for physical abuse ever. Just a pro-tip so nobody else makes the same mistake (s) I did and takes their partner back after they cross that line. The moment they cross it, they lose it. And you drop their ass. No second chances ever. None.
And that feeling of dumping her and finally being truly free and done with all that shit was one of the best and most satisfying feelings I've ever had. Felt like taking all my power back and being my true self again.
unfortunately yes, but she was mentally manipulative, and had the nerve to claim i beat my kid we had together while my other two was living with us, and was around me pretty much throughout the entire of the time my youngest was with me... and then tried to say i physically and mentally abused her...
lets just say she had serious issues and even though she had these psychological issues... i remained with her for the duration to help her through them in the hopes she would realise her actions needed addressing, she messaged me after i moved far away out her reach and so i could get my own life back on track and fight to see my youngest, my other two i didn't need to fight to see as their mam wasn't twisted like the ex wife... but in the message she sent me she admitted she "knew i didn't do anything that she had accused me of, but cos she lied to the authorities and everyone around her, she couldn't tell them she lied as people would hate her... that it was easier for them to hate me as she knew i could take it..." whether or not i could weather the crap she threw, didn't mean it didn't take its' toll on my mind and body, i moved far from her crap but in doing so i ended up becoming homeless and it had a huge knock on with my physical and mental health, and still does due to her still using my youngest against me as a weapon
People told me one of my relationships was emotionally abusive, and it may be true, but I also just think the guy was a manipulative spoiled brat.
I've actually been in a couple of emotionally abusive friendships, however. Both of them became extremely jealous and possessive over me and tried to isolate me from my other friends, and both were always putting me down and trying to break my self esteem, and trying to take away my happiness, and hated anything that made me happy.
Now that I think about it, that ex also shared a few of these qualities...
I've never been in anything physically abusive, thankfully. I'll never allow any type of abuse ever again.
I have never been in an abusive relationship personally, but I grew up watching my mom in one. Trust me, it was completely terrifying and I wouldn't want anyone to ever experience that... it's so sad and scary all at once. Being just a witness, I can only imagine how my mom felt in the situation and I hope that anyone who has been through it can heal and find happiness in the long run. I know better now, rather than if I hand't seen it at all, so I strive to be in a better relationship and pray that my mom will find an even more incredible one.
0
0 Reply
What Girls & Guys Said
47
Opinion
63
Opinion
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Mentally and emotionally, yes. Worst relationship ever. I don't wish a thing like this to happen to my worst enemy. She would call me names whenever I did something "wrong" or not in the way she liked. We would argue for the entire day, and she would always expect an apology from me afterwards, and very rarely and reluctantly provide one herself, even when she was the one clearly in the wrong. She'd yell at me at night while I was trying to sleep. She'd get drunk and yell and argue all the time. It was a long distance relationship, so this was like that when we were together in person. Over the phone we still argued almost every day. She'd tell me I was worthless and that I was crazy for being jealous about her, all the while she was cheating on me with everyone else, I recently found out
Men actually get abused but We get abused in other ways. If a man goes to work and pulls 100 hours of overtime and when He comes home and finds the wife spent all the money on worthless shit then that's technically abuse because She just showed Her man that His time is less has no value and Her wants are more valuable.
@Jac2424 Yes the are but it's a learning experience. I know what red flags to look for now because even though I was loved I lived with constant financial stress which made Me work more and more to support Her spending habits which totally destroyed My quality of life so She could get Her short term dopamine rush by buying useless shit that We didn't need. We had a little game that We played where I would go offshore and then come back and notice something new and I'd ask Her if She just bought that so She would lie and I would pretend that She didn't just lie to Me. I usually just rolled My eyes and ignored all the bullshit so there wouldn't be friction in the family. Now I know that? You have to watch the mother in law and see how She treats the father in law and His money. Now I also know if a woman has to many knick Knacks and clutter to steer way clear of Her because She's a shopper. I l also know to stay away from couponers because they have a warped since or reality where spending money equals saving money which is beyond crazy for Me to even try to comprehend that one.
Wow, sounds like you've been through a lot! I don't get how anybody could be comfortable spending money that isn't theirs to begin with. It's esentially stealing. Why don't they make their own money? It;s hard for me to understand the dynamics of a relationshp like that. I'm glad you can see the red flags now, we're not all like that I promise... although it depends where you live - what country, culture & society you live in I think.
@Jac2424 She had a saying that theirs My money and our money meaning My own. She also had a saying that It's always the man's fault. Also another one is the woman whom has the most shoes wins. So the signs were all there and I ignored them because I just wanted to be loved. Like I said it's a learning experience and now I know what to look for and if I see the early signs I'll break it off before I become to emotionally attached or heaven forbid children enter the scene.
I'm glad you've learned not to let women take advantage of your generosity. Love can't be bought with money, shoes or jewelery and stay away from anyone that says it can! When you find a good one you'll know.
@Jac2424 Yeah I asked Her one time if I had any redeeming qualities and She said I was extremely generous toward the people I loved. I always put Myself last and My family first which can be good but You have to also love yourself.
I've been in several emotionally abusive relationships, but I think with men the emotional abuse needs to be better defined.
For instance, let's say a girl who cheated on me and denied it for several months while cold-shouldering me... picking fights over stupid things just for the sake of keeping the drama and tension high, denial of sex, etc.. that's abuse in my book, but by everyone else's book? I don't know.
Not yet but my dad was an emotional abuser so family wise I was in one. The emotional abuse was not always there but when it was it was intense at times. Lots of anxiousness and stress 😞 for me but mainly for my mom 😞
Yes, and I think it was because of how my parents affected my personality. I've been in a mentally abusive relationship with my parents and with two of my friends. My current husband used to be very manipulative in the beginning of our relationship, but he actually changed and me too.
yes I was ! I was on a date in my house with Mike ! he got mad at me and hit me on my back and bottom ! so I ended it with him ! now he is married ! however , before we broke up he called me and I heard him say to others - I do not think my girlfriend wants to date a jail bird - he was right and so I ended it with him ! thanks
Verbally & emotionally with my first serious boyfriend. It was really hard throughout the process, but I knew it something wasn’t “normal” and leaving that relationship was the best thing I’ve ever done. It’s really crazy because he can seem like the sweetest person to anyone even me, but have this scary side to him that no one knows. Be careful who you date until you really get to know them.
Yes I have. He was an alcoholic, unmedicated bipolar, depressed, manipulative, aggressive, vulgar, rude. He made me wonder if I was insane, he'd make me feel like a whore for dressing in the ugliest things- which I did to try stop him calling me names and accusing me of cheating when I wasn't. He was a liar a cheat and a narcissist who I am glad to see the back of
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I definitely have. One of the worst experiences of my life. She would hit me, scream at me, accuse me of things I hadn't don't, destroy my property, and spread rumors that I had hit her (completely untrue). She would call the cops at the drop of a hat, and I would be arrested and taken to jail. No charges were ever filed, and the cops were sympathetic, and actually told me I was probably safer in jail than at home. They were right. I finally got a restraining order against her and was able to kick her out. I've not seen her again but lost two close friends due to her lies about me. I never touched her, but one day, she will pull this shit with the wrong guy, and he will kill her.
Not just physically, mentally, and emotionally but spiritually as well. Friends for 11yrs and more for 5yrs not even 3 months in we started destroying eachother with abuse. Im not the same perso, who I've become is someone I never thought I would become and i dont like it. He isn't the person i fell in love with that part of him everyone loved died along time ago I kiss him dearly, ill never forget how much he hurt not only me but himself also.
I have dealt with my share of mentally abusive women and I will tell you that it's extremely difficult and painful to navigate through. Before you realize it your self worth and esteem have been damaged in irreparable ways. In my humble opinion the mental beatings can do far more damage in the end than the majority of the physical abuse some have been dealing with.
Yes , had both physical violence , including being slashed with a knife by a past ex girlfriend , plus the constant foul moods , complaining & being blamed for everything from my ex wife , and why I became a single dad... and will NEVER enter a relationship again. Being a single dad is instant woman repellent anyway !!
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Yes. It's a long story. Too long to post here though
He was mentally and emotionally abusive towards me when we were in a relationship, but he didn't show physical violence towards me until after I ended the relationship. People say emotional abuse is worse than physical, but it took me over a year to recover from the physical injuries he caused
No, thank god, I have never been in a relationship.. To even begin from that people have been emotionally and mentally tortured by their parents.. I think I can only salute them for handling it or being in a relationship like that!
I come from a dysfunctional family and the first girlfriend I had was verbally abusive. But I thought this was normal. I went into therapy and learned a lot. I asserted myself with this woman and she broke it off with me.
Yeah, my ex was a manipulative twat who would cheat on me and then blame me for doing it, he also didn't let me break up with him and used to stalk me bc he thought I was doing stuff with other boys after I broke up with him and kicked him out
I've been in some that were emotionally and mentally abusive. But never physical. I would leave immediately if a guy ever hit me. But emotional stuff is invisible and can be harder to detect. So it took me a long time to figure out how bad it was.
Not abusive in a really bad way but I did have an ex who demanded sex a lot and would get angry if I denied it even ones. I eventually broke it off because on a free day he could ask 3-4 times and went on forever
Most Helpful Opinions