Girls, Women: have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

Question

I do not feel good about asking this. It makes me feel slimy and gross.

I am especially unhappy with having to ask so bluntly and crassly; in order to fit the one-sentence format for a GAG "question title".

I would like to explain why I am posting this. ( Feel free to just answer. Nothing below is critical for you to know).

I've always had many female friends. Most of my closest friendships since I was 13 years old have been friendships with women. I'm generally someone who people feel comfortable confiding in. I have known SO many wonderful women who have been in abusive relationships. I am as intimately familiar with the scars that can leave on a woman's psyche as anyone can be, short of first-hand experience or formal training.

On GAG I've spoken to dozens of women who were:
-In abusive relationships;
-had escaped from an abusive relationship;
-were currently in the early stages of a relationship with a guy who was showing signs he was likely to be abusive;
- or were in relationships which were clearly abusive, but were in denial; or genuinely didn't realize their relationship was "abusive."

The nature of abuse varies widely; as does the "sort" of woman. It varies from a boyfriend who is emotionally manipulative and has boundary issues... all the way up to sadists monsters who would quite literally torture their girlfriends. I have nightmares about some of these women's stories (three of them in particular).

I am under no illusions about abusive relationships being uncommon. That upsets me more than I can put into words. I also know that there have been attempts to find out "just how common". I also understand that a GAG poll is far from scientific.

**I would really appreciate if you would click an answer to the "poll" even if you have no inclination to write anything. Women who haven't been in abusive relationships, please just click that option before moving on to the next question.**

Thanks

🙂

midnightmoon05 · Accepted Answer

I was when I met him
here 4 years. ago. It was bad for 2 years. He in term called me a narrassist, his then counselor called me having BPD just like his ex whom he emotionally abused and cheated on.
he told everyone the negativities aspect of me and his ex. While he was as cheating emotionally, staying over at another woman’s, giving her jewelry, free trips. Fought with me, lied.

after he broke up with me, I bet he would go back to her. He did.

While broken up, I learned why he was emotionally unhealthy among other things. Sexually abused when he was a child. How he lied to himself what the truth is. How he trusting the wrong type of people. How he got to the point of never married. How his mom lean him back to a woman to be used and abused.

many would say. Let go of men like that. I didn’t.
a yr. later i reached out. We talked, understood what happened. He started to realized how all the things I shared with him makes sense. He started to change. He didn’t want to be that lonely single man in the neighborhood anymore. He didn’t want to be the puppy to that woman anymore even though it was hard for him to learned how he was in a toxic situation that he wasn’t able to get away from her friend zoned, trapped, that she was the one who was a spider trapping a lot of nice guys, to use and play.

he went through a lot of self reflecting with my support, assertive assistant or honest, blunt way to let him he must do or he will forever trapped in her spider web.
another year of us becoming closer amd him
putting the past behind, he realized... what real love means when with me that he never had in his whole live. He thought the other woman loved him/respected him till I pulled out of the spider web.
we are moving in, starting a new life together.
I too needed time a fix my brokenness... he understands and we are together to move forwards love and marriage.

Jazquee · Accepted Answer

I, unfortunately, y, fell in love with a narcissistic piece of the shit guy in my early 20's.
He started out so sweet and passionate about me. He came along just after my 21st birthday, just after my mother had passed away.
He helped me get me. life back together made me believe he cared... until we moved in together. Then the controlling started. The first time was a 4th degree burn on my hand from my milk steamer on my espresso machine for talking to my childhood friend Jason. (Talking to my guy friends was just unacceptable.)
Few black eyes and cracked ribs followed.
It wasn't until he broke my jaw and threw me down the stairs did I allow my friends to take me away. It was my fault... how dare I get pregnant.

It took a long time and a lot of therapy to feel I was good enough again. It's a tough road to travel and a hard one. But never settle for anyone who would lay their hand on you in anger.. your worth ao much more

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

My first husband was physically abusive... And if his mom wouldn't of beat him off me with a broom, I probably wouldn't be here right now
And, I'm not blaming women as I am a woman myself who's been through it. And I understand how they can get into your mind, or convince you they'll change, but the ONLY WAY to stop the abuse is too LOVE YOURSELF enough to stop putting up with it. I know it's not easy, some women feel trapped, but nothing in life is as worse as someone that's supposed to love you that you love abusing you. And the more they get away with it, the more it escalates... There's programs to help those in abusive situations. But even without those, I'd rather be homeless and alive than a roof over my head that I might get killed in... Someone abusing you is not your fault, whether it be physical, sexual or verbal/mental abuse. But you have to be strong enough, love yourself enough to not put up with it!!

emilym12345 · Answer

Yes. Although it wasn't really a relationship and I'm pretty sure the guy was just a user. I wasn't even sleeping with him so i don't really get this guys angle of continually talking to me.

I was raped, belittled and stalked. He would force himself on me. He would call me names. Telling me I had no friends, I could never actually date a girl like you. "Shut up." "Your such a fucking bitch."

I kept trying to end things with this guy by blocking him. He'd call me off of different numbers etc after I blocked him. I really don't get this guy. I'm not sure if he couldn't get anyone else other than me. I finally ended it 4 years ago.

Anonymous · Answer

I think I might be. Maybe not in the physical form of hitting me etc abuse. But he is manipulative and he has threatened to kill my pet before.. and he has told me before that he will kill himself if I break up with him.

Sarahloves19 · Answer

It was subtly abusive.  Even lying, maipulations, deceiving and pretending to be a perfect person in order. to exploit your partner IS ABUSE.

crazyish · Answer

My last relationship was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. And my marriage before that was emotionally abusive. So 2.

Ninani · Answer

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 8 years up until last fall.

Flower7 · Answer

I've never been in a relationship where I was physically abused, but I've been in lots where I was emotionally abused.

Cleorr · Answer

Does an abusive relationship with my parents count? I had to escape that and I still continue to deal with their harassment from a distance.

DaisyM23 · Answer

Feeling slightly worried about the responses

Rina_colada · Answer

Yes, it wasn’t physical but definitely emotionally/mentally.

Girls, Women: have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

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Girls, Women: have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

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