Why is my ex bf spreading all my secrets I ever told him and abusing me? he's 19 btw?

My ex boyfriend and I had an on and off relationship. He was always verbally abusive even when we weren't dating and were just in the pre dating phase. Anything happens and thats it-blocked! He would call me a slut, bitch and, u get it.
He never cheated on me as such, but i never trusted him cause he was always so mean to me, i wondered if any other girl make shim feel better than i do. Hence i was very jealous and possessive and kept many rules on him. I didn't like him smoking cigarettes or hukkah or weed and all that. I didn't like him drinking. I didn't like him flirting or even being sweet with any girl. I didn't like him watching p*rn or anything remotely sexual, like even TV ads because i just didn't trust him. I felt he is always thinking dirty about other women and jerking off on them. I felt hed cheat on me with his own SISTER!
I was close to losing it, so i broke up. We had a very physical relation too.
After the break up, for around 2 months [november 1 to jan 1 2015] we had a lot going on. We met once, kissed, didn't patch up, fought, abused etc.
Now whats happened is, he has started spreading all my secrets to everyone. Example he knew some of my FAMILY secrets which if spread, can seriously harm us. But he told it to a girl who HATES me, and his justification was "since ure crazy, i wanted to tell her ur family is fucked up hence ure screwed in the head". WHAT?
He told another girl that i hate her.
And the latest and worst development is, a girl she's a SLUT i mean when i was dating this guy, she used to stick to him, she has a bf too by the way, and now that we're broken up, she sticks to him even more. She hates me. He hates me. So they teamed up. He told her all my secrets, anything i ever said against her to him, and vice versa [even she told him about me]. And now she thinks she's better than me.
He told me i will never succeed in life. She told me she's better cause she has a bf and all this has taken a toll on me. WHAT DO I DO?
Red_arrow, And Tdieseler, thanks for putting the truth in front of me. It is definitely all my fault.
But now, i can't just have this ruining me. Im going to leave the country in another 6 months, im moving. So maybe then i can just get away from all of this. New place, fresh start?
by the way, if he has my secrets, family or personal, i have his too. But im not going to go around spreading rumors, I shouldn't right? I should ignore him and let it be, right?
Thanks Opinion Owner :) Will do.
I have never been this careless in my life, i will just move far away from this place and never look back. I learned a lesson too.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Hon, you may not like this, but i don't lie. I say it as it is. and this one is on you. "He was verbally abusive, even when we weren't dating" So let me get this straight... You KNEW what was coming and still decided to date him, what were you expecting, he'd turn into prince charming after?
    Pre-dating is courting, which is the time where a guy puts his best foot forward, your guy's best foot was abusive and you STILL decided to date him. Then you told him a whole bunch of stuff which he is now using as revenge. Honey, this one is on You. All you have left is to take it as a learning experience. You probably wanted a BF so bad you didn't pay attention to the red flags... its forgivable. Thing is... can you forgive yourself?

  • He was verbally abusing you before you started dating and you went ahead and dated him. You asked for it. You didn't trust him about anything, even suspected that he was having sex with his sister. All that mistrust sounds like paranoia, but after deciding you don't trust him you share not only your personal secrets, but family secrets. Again, you asked for it. In fact, I don't think I have heard of anyone else asking for the problems you have more than you.

    What do you do? As for keeping him from spreading your secrets, I think you can forget that. Sounds like they are going to be all over. That means not only should you not have trusted him, your family should not have trusted you in the first place. As for what to do going forward, you already knew before what you should NOT have done, so why try to tell you what to do since you will not do it.

    Harsh? Yes. But until you get harsh on yourself and change your ways, nobody else can help you.

    • You need to totally avoid him and don't spread things about him. The sooner that he can forget about you, the sooner that he will not care to spread anything about you. And until that time, sorry, the secrets can get out.

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