Would you end a relationship with someone if you didn’t like one of their friends?

[Finchie40]

My ex wants to be official with me again and I told her it’s Not going to happen. Because I don’t see eye to eye with her anymore , I don’t hate her , but I can’t give my heart fully to her again , I still have my reasons , even though I do love and care about her and she is still legally my wife but things have been better just being FWB’s between us. She also has a new girlfriend that I can not stand whatsoever , she is just another part of the reason , I do not want to be official with my ex again , I think my ex is doing more than just being friends with this girl , her friendship with this girl is very weird and shady to me , I can’t really put my finger on it but my gut knows something is off about her friendship with this girl. This girl doesn’t really care for me either and does her best to pull my ex away from me as much as she possibly can , like she is Gay for my wife. I told my wife it’s either me or her , if you want a commitment again with me. Am I wrong? I have been nothing but honest with my wife and expressed my concerns to her. I also do not want to be in a relationship with a girl that chooses her friends over me , that doesn’t accept some of my friends , Why I feel FWB’s iis best for her and I

[OlderAndWiser]

1. "My ex wants to be official with me again" You break up and most of the time, one of the two doesn't want the breakup.

2. "and I told her it’s Not going to happen." So you know what you want and you don't really need to ask us. You're just looking for moral support?

3. "I don’t hate her , but I can’t give my heart fully to her again," No need to hate her to break up, and hate hurts you more than her.

4. "I do love and care about her" And if you really love someone, you will probably always have some feelings for her despite the breakup.

5. "she is still legally my wife" Why?

6. "things have been better just being FWB’s between us." So you enjoy the sex with her but that keeps the relationship going at some level, gives her hope for a reconciliation, and keeps you tied to the past instead of moving forward.

7. "She also has a new girlfriend that I can not stand whatsoever," Doesn't really matter because you had good reasons to break up before the girlfriend was ever on the scene.

8. "I think my ex is doing more than just being friends with this girl, her friendship with this girl is very weird and shady to me , I can’t really put my finger on it but my gut knows something is off about her friendship with this girl." So you think your wife is bi and hooking up with this girl? You are old enough to trust your instincts on this.

9. "This girl doesn’t really care for me either and does her best to pull my ex away from me as much as she possibly can, like she is Gay for my wife." Yes, you are her competition.

10. "I told my wife it’s either me or her , if you want a commitment again with me." Ultimatums almost never work. You know that. If she gives in to your demand, she resents you and all of the other problems still exist.

11. "I also do not want to be in a relationship with a girl that chooses her friends over me , that doesn’t accept some of my friends" You don't accept her "friend" but you want her to accept all of your friends? She probably has a problem with that notion.

12. "Why I feel FWB’s is best for her and I" Again, sex with an established partner can be great but the sooner this marriage is ended and becomes history, the sooner you will move forward, unless. . . do you want to be friends with benefits with her for the rest of her life, with her having lesbian relationships on the side?

[Finchie40]

Everything is spot on accept the part where you said she has to accept my
Friends , she was the one that didn’t accept some of my friends first , and gave me hell about them , so out of respect I distanced myself from those friends for our relationship, than she turns around and does the same thing to me , Double Standard

[OlderAndWiser]

Got it. Thanks for the clarification.

[Purpleronnie]

I’d literally never do that there has been many friends of guy friends and girlfriends that I haven’t liked but so way , THEY DO I’m respectful courteous and polite and if they wrong me then my wrath they will receive

[DishLady]

No. But if there’s a significant number of their friends and family who really don’t like you… it’s a sign.


There’s an ancient expression… “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.”


So at his/her core, your SO is a culmination of all his/her associations. Can you handle that or do you find his associations irritating?

[Finchie40]

That’s the issue I am having , all of her other friends and family like me and we get along great , but this one particular girl friend of hers , doesn’t for whatever reason , and my gut instincts sense something is off , I have questioned my wife about it and told her to tell me the truth as to why her so called new best friend doesn’t like me? I asked her if she was talking shit about me to her,? She said No , she doesn’t , she just said that’s the way she is. And she just makes excuses for her behavior. I told my wife it’s disrespectful that you are choosing to have a friendship with someone like this , and that’s part of the reason I just want to remain friends with you and just do our own things , I wouldn’t keep a friend that was being disrespectful to you , so that’s the difference we are having , as to why I am open to meeting someone else. I am nothing but honest with my wife about my feelings and concerns , and I told her what I will tolerate and will not tolerate. Leaving her a choice on what she wants to do. I just choose not to be committed to someone that isn’t truly committing to me. I had my fair share of females’ trying to write Sucker on my head , with their selfish behavior , acting like it’s ok for her to do certain things but not ok with me doing certain things , I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t choose me like I choose her, if she chooses to treat me like a convenience, I will treat her like a convenience.

[DishLady]

Ok, so if I'm being honest, (1) you've taken time that used to be hers and is now yours... she's licking her wounds, leave her alone and pretend she's just part of the wallpaper. (2) B**chy is as b**chy does. I have a friend who always looks like she smelled bad cheese in a locker room and always thinks she's the wittiest person in the room by rattling off endless questions and critiques in a clipped voice that everyone finds annoying. (She means well and I know her 1-on-1 when she's not so cranky, but in mixed company with guys and gals she has this odd go-to personality shift... again... just pretend like she's part of the wallpaper.)

[Finchie40]

Yea that’s pretty much what I do , I stay out of it as much as possible , she can talk all the shit she once and I just kill her with kindness , as for my wife , I told her my feelings and standing my ground. If she doesn’t like it , there’s the door

[DishLady]

Honestly, don't even kill her with kindness. Would you kill the wallpaper with kindness? No... Just ignore her. She's your wife's friend... you don't need to pander to her. She sounds like quite the piece of work. Sorry you're dealing with that...

[WhitneySnow]

You are jealous of her. You need to be honest with your ex and tell her that’s why you dislike her friend.

[Finchie40]

Not jealous at all , her friendship with her is just weird and shady compared to her friendship with her other friends, it’s like this girl is in love with her and wants her all to herself , she pays for expensive trips just for the 2 of them and wants to be be close to her as much as possible like she is her shadow , it’s just weird to me that’s all , other friends’ have made comments as well , which I didn’t even tell them anything about how I felt about it , they were just concerned as well, which made me feel like ok, I am not the only one that is sensing this shit. When i tried talking to
My wife about my concerns , she got real defensive and said you just have the hits for her because you don’t like her , I laughed and said No Fucking way , don’t spin this around at me , other people have made remarks as well. So whatever is going on please be honest with me , she is just in denial and acts like I am wrong. I told her my gut instincts sense something is off that’s all and then I shut up about it. So I don’t know , it’s just weird to me that’s all

[Artificial Intelligence]

Navigating the seas of love, aren't we? Here's the scoop: your feelings are as valid as the last slice of pizza on a Friday night. 🍕 It's not about being right or wrong; it's about what makes your heart tick or tock. If there's a friend in the mix stirring the pot, it's essential to trust that gut instinct of yours. Relationships are like recipes; all the ingredients need to complement each other, and if one's off, the whole dish can taste funky.

But let's sprinkle in some wisdom: ultimatums, like "it's me or them," can sometimes backfire. They're the wasabi of conversation—potent and risky. It sounds like your love story has turned into a bit of a love puzzle, with pieces scattered everywhere. Communication is the glue to solving puzzles, but remember, both partners need to be holding the puzzle pieces together.

Keep in mind, my friend, choosing between friends and a partner is like asking whether you'd rather breathe air or drink water—both are vital. The real question is whether compromise, understanding, and mutual respect for each other's social circles can be achieved. If the vibes are off with her friend, it's crucial to express your concerns without dropping the "her or me" bomb. Remember, the aim is to be a team tackling issues together, not opponents in opposite corners.

In the realm of love, it's about finding someone whose beat matches yours, even when the music changes. If friends with benefits feels right now, that's cool, but keep checking in with yourself and your feelings. Life's too short for maybe's and what-if's. Listen to your heart but take your brain with you—it's got the good stuff, like reason and logic. 💖

[spartan55]

@Finchie40
Cheer up Love Guru Brad just compared your feelings to last night's pizza. He really needs to cease 'navigating'.

[Anonymous]

Only if she made it clear that they were more important to her than me. And the friend was a red flag.

Which is exactly your situation so stick to your guns. She has a choice. And so so you.

[itsclearlynicholas]

Unrelated to your situation and only the question, hell I'd run a Kilometer (mile)

[loveslongnails]

The first and primary reason you mentioned is more than enough, isn't it?

[SphynxUK]

Why do you care who she’s friends with? You only have a friends with benefits situation, so why sweat it?

[lorenzomichael]

Shit I’ve dumped a chick for driving an ugly ass car. And another one because I didn’t like her type of music , and another one for always wearing bows in her hair. So yeah I leave her ass quick. I wouldn’t give a fuck.

[spartan55]

I'd have to agree on the bows in the hair shit..😳

[DrPepper12]

I would move on. Not even friends with benefits. This sounds like it has the potential to be toxic and explosive.

[NathanDavis]

no, that's childish

[Ms_Facesitter]

No, I just wouldn't talk to that friend much.

[Finchie40]

Yea I distance myself from her friendship , she knows I don’t care for her girlfriend , Her girlfriend is paying for her to go away with her for 4 days to some expensive spa , I told my wife have a blast , if going away with this girl is that important to you have a blast , but don’t get upset with me , when I go away with my friends , sadly this is one of the double standards my wife and I faced before , causing us to separate in the first place , when she didn’t like some of
My friends , she no longer wanted me hanging out with , that I distanced myself from for her , since she was my wife , i distanced myself from those friends out of respect for our relationship, my wife doesn’t do the same for me , so that’s why we separated , Now we are FWB’s and I feel FWB’s is working great between us , less fighting with each other and less strings attached, she is now worried that I am going to do something when she goes away , I said oh, I’m not going to feel the same way when you go away? And laughed I told her I don’t want to be in a relationship with a girl that doesn’t want to experience things together , that expects me to be a sitting duck while she is away doing whatever , leaving me with all the responsibilities while she is off having a great time , if you want to be with a guy that loves having a lot of space from you? There are plenty of them out there , have a blast , I said what do you think is going to happen? I am just going to sit here with a finger up my ass while you are away? I’m sorry I am going to go have fun as well.

[rick_LOML]

Leave that friend for mi

[sheikalana]

Not at all.

[Finchie40]

You are ok with your partner having a friend that takes a toll on your relationship with him? That he doesn’t see eye to eye with you?

[sheikalana]

You mean that friend gives him opinions about our relationship.

[Finchie40]

Yes , they talk shit about you and pretty much want your partner all to themselves

[Kathy1111]

no i won't

[impalabill77]

Not at all.