Have you ever been in a toxic relationship?

[Flower7]

Yes

No

I’ve never been in a relationship at all.

[TruthBringer]

Yes, unfortunately. I've been in a toxic relationship invested with (chronic) depression, lies, deception and racism from her and her family side. Even though it's not her fault for having depression, but the fact she has it turned me more into a personal therapist rather than a significant other. And anyone with the slightest of knowledge knows that often those suffering from depression can affect the people around them. And sadly, it actually affected me more than I should have. But you know what, I take accountability for allowing myself to go through the toxicity and mistreatment of that relationship. That was until I decided to walk away. So all the toxic behavior coming my way is what I blame them for, but going through it more than I should and not ending the relationship sooner as I should have is something I blame myself for.

My second relationship was with a girl with major self-esteem issues. She thought I was way out of her league and was so scared of being alone that she was projecting her anger and insecurity on me. This came to the point that she was also holding one foot in the door to jump back to all her old simps and orbiters (back-up measure). Glad I ended things and I never looked back.

Glad to say I've learned from my mistakes and therefore I managed to get in a healthy and happy relationship with a wonderful girl who is fully committed into the relationship as I am.

[Flower7]

With that first relationship, you mentioned racism. Were the two of you different races?

It’s a really good lesson you learned about the toxicity being her fault but not leaving being your fault. I feel like that’s true for almost all bad relationships.

I’m glad to hear that you’re in a situation that’s more positive now. Fo a minute there, I was worried that those were your ONLY two relationships. It would have been sad if every relationship you ever had was toxic.

[TruthBringer]

Thanks for the kind words! Yeah her and I were of the different race, even though much of the prejudice was mostly about my nationality and culture. In the end, they always ended up pointing back about my race, despite I've never lived up to their prejudice and stereotypes. On the contrary, I was actually a very good influence on their daughter (confirmed by her therapist) and was moving mountains for her. But for some reason, they kept targeting me for things beyond my control. Because I didn't give them a legit reason to use against me, they started to make stuff up to use against me. Someone told me that the reason why they kept demonizing me had to do with the fact that they didn't want to feel guilty for treating me poorly. That's when I truly started to understand that some people are just rotten. I'm blessed to have parents who were ready to force me to break up if I didn't want to do it myself. They saw how much it was affecting my mental and emotional health. And they refused to allow me go through this mental torture any further. Glad to say I broke it off myself and never looked back. Because I spent a long time recovering from that relationship (almost 2 years).

But yeah, it would only reflect poorly on myself if I create a pattern of ending up within toxic relationships. I have managed to find a healthy relationship and much for that is thanks to me passionately doing research about dating and female nature AND applying that knowlege in real life. Something I didn't have or do prior, and thus I ended up suffering unnecessarily... Even though both my exes are completely different from one another, they still were toxic to be around. I've come to realize that often we are just 'victims' to issues other people have and should have solved before entering in a relationship. And that's why it's very important to take time getting to know someone very well before committing.

[FatherJack]

Yes , the marriage I ended 6+ years ago. Constant foul mood , blamed me for everything & complained constantly , I think it is mainly because she let herself go physically was a major factor , became lazy & obese. I will never endure a relationship ever again.

[Flower7]

“Endure” a relationship…I love the way you phrased that. It always feels like that to me too.

[lightbulb27]

what was she like in the early stages... before kids? Are you saying it was daily and didn't stop... after soem point?

[Laura456]

Yes. He is manipulative, a player, a good listener yet has ways to talk you into things, uses you when he wants or whenever he is free. They're trash inside. The hardest part is pulling yourself together, moving on from that douche bag, remembering there is a good guy out there and when the timing is right you will meet them when you're both ready.

[Flower7]

Toxic people usually do have a charming side to them. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be able to get away with so much!

[Laura456]

So true

[Sarahr123]

One long term (seven years) more toxic than anything I have ever known. And I come from a family where there is history of toxic parents, grandparents, upbringing and relatives on both sides. It was BAD. Really bad. It completely drained me and brought out the worst in me.

[Flower7]

Usually people who have toxic relationships started out by having toxic families.

Did this relationship involve any physical abuse?

[Sarahr123]

It did initially but it didn’t get past a few slaps and light punches and it stopped quite early but it was mentally draining. It was so emotionally abusive and he was extremely manipulative. Honestly I am put off relationships for life. My parents had an arranged marriage, had a severely physically abusive relationship and abusive in other ways too, they were also abusive towards us growing up and so were their relatives and then they divorced when I was a child. My grandparents were also divorced. My mum’s parents always had a terrible relationship. I heard my great-grandfather also used to hit my great grandmother with sticks and stuff. For them it was all very normal. Husbands used to hit and women used to tolerate.

I feel like for my own peace and sanity I just need to be alone for life. I also feel like I am so emotionally drained that I just cannot love anyone. I cannot commit to anyone and it would be unfair for the other person to be with someone who is half there and half not there. It would also be unfair on me because I am not healed and I think it’s going to take a lifetime to heal. I just really need to find my own feet in this big evil world.

[Flower7]

Sometimes it’s best just to stay single. A lot more peace.

[Sarahr123]

Yes absolutely. Being alone is the best.

[Paris13]

My fiance and I Have Had our Ups and Downs but are Now Beginning to Get Out of the Toxic Waste. Life is Too short. xxoo

[Flower7]

I love thinking of it as “toxic waste”! And it’s definitely a good thing that the toxic behavior was able to improve in your relationship.

[Paris13]

Both Worked At It. lol!!! xxoo

[hammeronfire]

Yes twice. They both ended in me getting cheated on. In both of them I was strung along and made to believe I was the only one. The second one was really bad. The second time I was love bombed, emotionally abused the whole time, manipulated, lied to, and cheated on with 2 of her exes and one of my friends. This bitch actually told me that her “brothers” who’s names ended up being the names of the 2 exes she was fucking wanted to jump me because I wasn’t the guy they wanted for her. She told me she had a sister who got kicked out of the house who never existed, who stole her passwords to her social media’s and that’s where all the text messages came from. She also tried to turn my friends against me after we broke up by saying I was beating her the whole relationship. Then she told her cousin and almost got me shot by him until my dad talked some sense into him. Then she threatened to kill her self if I didn’t get back with her. then after getting with my friend he dumped her and she tried to get back with me. Then about a year later she tried getting back with me again and when I said no she said she was pregnant and married to someone else to which I didn’t care. Then 2 weeks later she tried to make me seem like the bad guy saying how I should’ve been over what she did and can be friends with her and she wouldn’t try to get with me.
Safe to say that I’m not getting in any more relationships any time soon. This was 2018 and I’m still not wanting another one

[Flower7]

So many lies! And manipulation too. You’ve really been through a lot.

[Shizunk]

I don't think a toxic person would survive enough rounds with me in the ring to manage to call it a relationship. Not that I have no problems with people, but if there is a pattern of behaviour, it's not hard to spot it. If it comes up later but the person is ok until then, usually there is enough of a basis for a negotiation to take place and settle things even if we don't 100% agree. Once people themselves agree to cut the bullshit as part of a compromise, they lose most of their toxic power. Imho most of long term toxicity requires my compliance, which I refuse to give.
The worst someone managed was for me to ignore her laziness and agree to help her in areas where she should really be helping herself. Even then I was fully aware of what I am getting myself into, so it's still something I actively and willingly allowed to happen. And only after a lot of negotiation about what is permissible and what isn't.

[Flower7]

This is a very good way to look at it. Gotta read those red flags!

[exitseven]

I dated somebody who was abusive to me. Mostly she would say the worst things to me but she had hit me sometimes. I would never hit a woman. I used to just hold onto her until she stopped. She was abused as a kid by her parents and I think she was bipolar.

[Flower7]

Sounds like she'd been through a lot. She still shouldn't be abusing people though.

[exitseven]

She really had a kind soul. I wanted her to see a therapist and she was going to go but changed her mind. We had an argument about it and I never heard from her again.

[Flower7]

It's always a bad sign when people refuse to go to therapy!

[exitseven]

I think that she decided to refuse therapy on one of her crazy days. We had an argument and would not return my calls. Finally I drove out to where she was living. She was staying with a friend and her boyfriend. They told me she moved out and was living with friends. I think they kicked her out. I never heard from her again.

[Bricealan]

Can't call it toxic, per-se, Flower, but I did have a brief relationship with a beautiful, smart woman, who was an alcoholic, and had to end it because it was to depressing for me to see it happen.

"She, moved to Florida, and six (6) years later, called me in the middle of the night in Ohio, and told me she had been involved in an accident, drinking, and nearly killed her daughter. She was then in a 'program'. Too late for her and I. I regret it to this day

[Flower7]

Why do you feel like it was too late for her? Was the program not able to help with her problem?

[Bricealan]

No, just too later for her and I , as I tried to get her in a program and she refused, until she really screwed up.

[Flower7]

What do you have regrets about? Are you thinking you should have tried harder to keep being a couple?

[Bricealan]

Yes, I wish we could have stayed together

[t-8900]

Lets continue where @Hispanic-Cool-Guy left off

-Is it toxic when one cheated on me with 3 other men?
-How about trying to pass off my child to her husband? I never impregnated her though ( if you need context I can explain)
-What about one that was doing a drug dealer on the side without me knowing?
-Or the one that punched me several times in the face?

[Flower7]

Yes I definitely would like some context about the fake child!

[t-8900]

@Flower7 she was with me. I thought we were in a serious relationship. We were having sex but i stopped because it didn't feel right. 2 months later i found out she had gotten married. She was engaged for over a year and she wanted our love child to bring her and her boyfriend at the time closer? She wanted his money but my children. Yeah when I confronted her she said she intended to have 2 children and wanted them both by me. She wanted to be with me but because of the other guy's income she wanted to live under his roof. So the whole "Beta bucks, Alpha f*cks" thing? yeah there's truth to it. I was shocked tbh. I told her never to talk to me again, blocked her from my phone, emails, and all social media.

[Flower7]

Sounds like she wanted a polygamous lifestyle! I’m guessing you considered yourself to be the “alpha” in that situation?

[t-8900]

I didn't know about the other guy. But yes he was like 5'5, nerdy, scrawny, and it would have been my kid so yeah

[lightbulb27]

yes and I was one of the toxic people with a prior girlfriend, although I was a nice guy about it. A good person can be toxic because of the emotions that come out.

you may have to define toxic to get more clarity. I certainly held some responsibility for why it didn't go well. I wouldn't say my family was toxic, but there was plenty of emotional issues that were not dealt with so well.

Just mixing wrong personalities can make toxic.

What else is toxic is being in the wrong relationships... ones that don't get you to where you should go, or support you enough to grow as a person. E. g. a waste of time. Toxic waste dump relationships?

Which is more toxic in life... being comfy sitting on a couch eating tubs of ice cream getting fat and weak... watching someone elses mind programming (TV). Or working out and sweating it out at the gym, in the hills... and working towards a physical/life goal?

[Flower7]

My definition of toxic is when the person you're in a relationship with makes your life feel like a nightmare.

[globetrotter22]

What makes something earn the label “toxic”. It seems to be this catch all ambiguous phrase that women tend to throw around for something they remember as unpleasant.

I could easily argue label my past 3 relationships were “toxic”. None of them ended well. All three left heartbreak in different ways. But all three had their upsides and I can separate the golden memories vs. the bad days. I don’t dating any of them. Even the one who went psycho when I called it quits. Reason being is it made sense at the time.

[Flower7]

Toxic usually means the relationship was emotionally abusive. Maybe this is something that’s more common for women to deal with than men…

[globetrotter22]

Or women are more vocal about it.

[Elliegirl]

I don’t know that the relationship itself was toxic, but looking back on it, I think maybe it might’ve been. He certainly didn’t respect me or appreciate me like a boyfriend should. I stayed with him longer than I should’ve. So, yeah, now that I’ve actually said this, I guess it was toxic.

[Kabluie]

I lived with a consistent liar, I don't know how I accepted it for so long. Love clouded the brain or something. I was the one working to put food on the table, so you can imagine how much better my life got after that.

[Flower7]

I'm sure a lot of your stress was removed after that was over.

[silkjames]

Yes she was very clingy and in a weird way I could not stand it at first then I could deal with it lol there was no cheating or physically harm nothing like that just a lot of her yelling and thinking I was up to something with others which was not true and me always calming her down make up lovings the best 🥰🤣😂🤣🤣 hey we where never bored in that relationship thats for sure lol!

[ChrisMaster69]

Not really.

i did have one that was a stalker and had to get a restraining order in place for.

other than that all have been really good.

[Flower7]

A stalker definitely counts as toxic!

[ChrisMaster69]

I could have buried her some place, but decided to let police and legal deal with it

[apple24]

Not really! I did have a man force me to pay all our dates. I am glad I am old enough to stand my ground. I will not accept anyone stepping on me for cash. I want my future person to buy me food and make me feel taken care of. I want that person to respect my no and my needs. It’s all part of grow up. I guesss…

[DryGermanGuy]

I have been in a rather toxic work environment, does that count?
(Work is only 40+ hours per week, but the negative impact can be massive.)

[Flower7]

Sure, I’ll accept that lol.

[Spiderarecool]

@DryGermanGuy I also wrok in toxic work eniroment too and i did had a bully at only on me.

[Oigit]

Yes and both of us made it toxic. But I wouldn't go back and change it. Because I don't know how it would change my life if I did.

[Flower7]

That’s interesting to hear. Usually when a person is toxic, they either don’t realize it or don’t admit it. But it seems that you’re able to recognize that you were at fault also.

[Oigit]

Both of us had some serious things we needed to work on. Also both of us where toxic for very different reasons. Nothing about it was straight forward. In the end I started getting some help to work on my issues. She was not going to get help to work on hers. So the relationship was going to halt any progress I made. Because of that I had wish her luck and leave.

[The_Outlaw]

More of a toxic friendship than relationship. It never resulted in that in the end before I pulled the plug. I hated it but I didn't really have much of a choice. I could either sink or swim. And even though it's only been a year, I've forgiven her and hold absolutely NO ill will towards her.

[EssenceOfLight]

Yes. She is bipolar. One day she was the perfect girlfriend and kindest person on this planet, few days later she threatened me with a knife just because I forgot to put socks and towel from my training backpack into laundry

[Flower7]

Wow, that’s very extreme! She made a very big deal out of just some laundry.

[EssenceOfLight]

If she has bad mood, she found always some triviality to escalate. Even if I'm rather emotionless, she had a talent to annoy me. We argued, she attacked me sometimes physically, after I showed her she can't dominate me, she became calm and later affectionate. Makeup sex was good but really not worth all the stress beforehand. I recognized it's cyclic and then I left her

[Flower7]

Definitely toxic for sure!

[Jinsoyun]

Yes.. he turned out to be a serial cheater soo was happy to get out of that one

[Flower7]

Cheating is DEFINITELY toxic behavior!

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes, trust me it caused me more depression than I had

[Flower7]

Toxic relationships are definitely depressing!

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Flower7 My cousin I live with has caused me toxic problems
and I don't know how long I can live this life, she's asked for
money and I gave it, She drained my bank account but nothing
I can do but get my own place

[Flower7]

I'm sure having your own place would be a lot more peaceful.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Flower7 Yes I agree, She's has a long history of drug abuse
and I can't handle it, She's 63 years old and will never mature
and go get help, someday might be too late for her.

[lilaccc]

yes. and in the end, he's become a stalker via social media. i hope he doesn't know about me using this app 🤦‍♀️

[Flower7]

Sorry to hear that. Stalkers are definitely very toxic!

[lilaccc]

very toxic that it makes people numb. but sometimes i'm used to it, so i learn to focus on positive thought and pretend that it never happen.
i hope people around you are nice and so you. take care🤍