Why do I feel as though my parents are an obstacle to my life right now? Why am I too afraid to stand up to them and go on my own without them?

Question

My parents encourage me to just keep going with college all because I’m getting good grades and it makes them “proud” or whatever. Nevermind the horrendous effect it has on my mental health and my happiness.

But it’s easy for them to say “just keep going” when they’re not the ones doing all the work. I’m the one that has to spend hours every day feeling miserable and stressed out about this stuff.

Initially it made sense to go to college cuz I’d been living at home for over a year during covid working some retail sales job and I eventually just got so bored of it and felt depressed cuz I just wasn’t meeting people my age anymore.

But college just sucks.

My first year it was all exciting cuz it was just a totally new experience and I could finally meet people my age and start talking to them again.

But I’m in my second year now and it’s become an absolute fcking drag.

But when I tell my parents this isn’t working for me and I want to try something different. They insist I have no other option. They tell me I have to keep doing this because it’s “working” cuz I keep getting good grades.

But if I hadn’t been getting good grades they would’ve insisted it was because I wasn’t trying hard enough and that I either “do more” or go back to working my old job.

So basically the idea is I have to follow their plan, or go back to my old job.

Otherwise I’d have to move out of the house and try my luck if I wanted to do my own thing, even though I don’t really know what else to do.

And If I disobey them, I lose their support. If I f*ckup, I’m all on my own.

The unequivocal rule in my house is “you do as I say or get out of my house”.

But the truth is I don’t know what to do in my life so I’m too afraid to go it on my own. And I risk just feeling ever more lonely again. Living on my own.

Like college is stressful yes, but I feel as though I’d just fall into worse depression if I was living on my own, just working during the day.

Updates

1 y

So that’s why I’m trynna learn more about careers. And I suppose now that I just turned 21 a month ago, I’ve reached a major milestone as an American.

I can now go to nightclubs and bars and meet people there, whereas I didn’t have that option before. I can also smoke weed and buy it from dispensaries in my state. I had a friend introduce me and I really enjoyed it.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

Who's paying for college? If the parents are paying for it then I'd say they have a say. If you're going into debt though to do something that you find as a drag... then fuck your parents and their thoughts or feelings.

For me, college was worse at the start and then got better. Those beginning classes are when you're in there with all the people that are just going to drop out... you know, the ones cracking jokes, asking a billion pointless questions, and they're obviously not serious about anything at all. I was one of those ex-military dudes so the whole forced physical exercise stuff was written off as already passed... it would be annoying when I can do 100 pushups and run all day having to pay for a class with a bunch of weaklings learning bullshit I already know.

Also, have you considered just changing to a different degree? Like I went for accounting, but once I was done I had the requirements for a physical trainer, computer science, etc and a bunch of things that were just shadowed by what I already had done. At $200 per degree though... and not being able to find a job... that's when I started to realize I was wasting my time with college. I only mention all of this because you could just switch to a different degree program and most of your credits still count towards that other degree.

Friendlybro79 · Accepted Answer

School can be a drag but so can life if you're not prepared for it. That said it sounds like you understand this which is good. A college degree is bare minimum nowadays to get a decent paying job. College grads make more on avg. This doesn't mean you can't succeed in life without a degree.

If you want to go on your own you need to have a strong work ethic, meaning, willing to work a lot to earn your spot in this world. Since you don't know what to do in life, which is understandable at 21, you need to find interest in things. What are you interested in, do you want to own your own business, do you have skills that are worth someone paying you for? Stuff like that. If all else fails what about a trade school? My cousin is an electrician owns his own business and rakes in cash. Makes his own schedule and answers to no one.

Also look at where you want to live and figure out right now how much would I need to make a year to live here. If it's crazy expensive consider moving to a place that's less expensive. I feel bad for your generation because it was bad for mine and even worse now.

I know it's probably a scary time for you. Things to remember.

I can do this, I am capable, I will succeed. Good luck.

alice55 · Accepted Answer

I would say it depend on how many years of college you have left if it's one I think you can do it but if it's more it's maybe best for you to stop going and go back to your old job. I don't know if you have this in America but in France you can get a degree with your computer like basically you follow all your college course with your webcam / computer and only go to the actually college for the big exams. Which would I think help you and maybe be a good option for you.

TheMoreMiffed · Accepted Answer

If you're hanging out in bars and smoking pot that's a big problem. I would like to make a suggestion to you, I think you should get married as soon as possible because you need moral support, not financial support. and finish your school if it is possible to finish in a short time do it then live your life

Guy13 · Answer

University is to be organized working environment not an entertainment, party, and socialite affair. Most people get that after the first year and get with the day-to-day real world working design where every hour should be organized and notated for use. A drag is an understatement.

Adam1978 · Answer

Until you got a better plan stick to your parents advice. Otherwise will just waste your time and create problems for your future self. Smoking weed and partying isn't a plan, it's a way to waste yourself and your future.

Anonymous · Answer

You can play a bit with what you wrote in the update but then quit it real fast. Don't got that route.

What is college about, I mean don't you get to apply your knowledge? Will you be a skilled tradesman? Well even with one year college it can give you advantage in working somewhere.

exitseven · Answer

look- college is not supposed to be fun. It is hard work and comes with a lot of stress. If you are getting the grades you should see it through till the end, you won't be sorry,

KrakenAttackin · Answer

How about the military? You found do four years in the Air Force, become an Air Traffic Controller, firefighter, aircraft mechanic, whatever; than decide what to do.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Why do you hate college so much? It sounds really cool to me.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Go to college

Why do I feel as though my parents are an obstacle to my life right now? Why am I too afraid to stand up to them and go on my own without them?

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