Why are parents so controlling that they don't even want to give me break from life?

[Anonymous]

I will move out of house within next 15 days.

I really need few days alone just for myself! Because I'll be busy as fuck after moving out.

• But parents keep giving me some chores or tell me to go out with them/join social gatherings every day!
• If I don't have any chores then their best friends come and take my time.

HOW DO I FIND TIME FOR MYSELF?

[ohsheeT]

Good luck yes take a deep breath relax and just take that time if you can't do it there in the house then go out in the backyard go to the park because yes you do need that time if you're busier than f*** and you're just moving out you have all kinds of things going on in your head and you really need to be able to analyze it the best way possible to make the Right Moves even if you have to take a walk someplace and just think breathe in through your nose not your mouth I'm the same way as you are I need my time alone I need to think I need to become one with myself again I'm sure moving out on your own that's going to put you through a little trip I mean you're used to being with your parents I moved out when I was 16 and a half 17 years old and the very first week I realized that everything my parents had taught me it was different from when you're on your own so that's another thing you're going to go through you're going to see through other people that your parents weren't always right all the time and that's okay though because from this day forward you get to start programming yourself on who you want to be remember this when we are born we were given a gift that gift is choice we get to choose who we want to be by the things we say and we do your parents are always going to try to control you because they think they know best sometimes they do sometimes they don't you just have to take it with a grain of salt and smile and respect them that's all they'll come around pretty soon when you're not around they'll be dying to come over and see you but take that time I mean even if you need to talk or something send me a message I'll talk with you because I feel you're stressed big time

[Staximus]

You won't have any chores after you move out. You tell them you can't do that, you have to do other stuff. Don't lie, just have other stuff to do that you already planned. Tell them "sorry, I have plans to do this that day". It's your life, not theirs.

[Staximus]

Tell them you need a break and to let you relax.

[Asker]

Yeah and I won't be in front of them because either their friends come to talk to me or they casually bring the other plans to go to places/do certain things.

[BlueScorpio]

Of course she'll have chores, chores don't stop when you move out.

[BlueScorpio]

I guess they want to spend as much time with you as they can before you move out. You have 15 days left, so until then you still have chores around the house. If you have friend your age, make plans with them first before your parents friends come over or leave the house before they come over/wake up.

[Asker]

I spent time with my friends. What I exactly need is to nurture my introverted self, do my hobbies for the last time uninterrupted in my room and have a full day visit at museum. We are never free in this world, I just want that freedom for at least few days. It will really charge me up. I've been suffering from burnout since last few months

[Asker]

And no, my mom always abused and controlled me. She even said she wants me out ASAP.

[BlueScorpio]

If you can't have free time at home, then its best to just have it somewhere else. I know it sucks but that seems to be your only option. You can go to a quit park to relax. Do you have money to rent a hotel room for a day/night?

[Asker]

Thanks for your time. I will see what I can do. I'll keep saying no and won't come out of room. I have to be rude because she controlled me and even tried to force me into a marriage and a certain career. When I was abroad she didn't gave a damn about me for a MONTH!

[lightbulb27]

You have to learn the word ‘no’ and to say it in a positive way with strength.


Find a way to say that you have other priorities.

[Asker]

Thank you. But I feel really really really bothered after saying no, how do I stop being less empathetic?

[lightbulb27]

That's a process of self discovery, I had that problem. Here's what I learned... Some of it is personality... maybe you are more sensitive and empathetic. As such, maybe you were more subjugated by others in the family (like you are the less strong... so they took advantage of that and pushed you down) and so you got more verbal/emotional put downs and trauma. Or maybe you are just sensitive and you don't like to hurt other people and make them feel bad, so you agree... putting yourself second and screwing yourself. Check your psychology and examine how you feel and why you feel that way.

It's screwed up in there and part of becoming an adult is separating from others, taking responsibility and prioritizing your own needs... while FEELING GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. When you do that others will respect you more (because you are holding a position and having more self/priority) and you have more control. You can learn to communicate better so you don't feel bad. for example, you can say "I'd love to do xyz", but I have other priorities. You guys have fun and I'll join when I can". Something like that. If they push more, you say no.
As well, just practice saying no when it doesn't matter. Go shop for a car... and say no all the time and practice feeling ok with it.
Another thing maybe bloated sense of self importance (which may mean lower self esteem). In that case, you feel like everyone needs you. They don't:) Learn to accept that.
Once you get your power (inside right), you can say yes and no and feel good and be more productive and effective.

I think there is strength in that empathy when it's focused on good, from a good loving heart rather than a broken/wounded needy one.

hope that helps some. sounds like a good youtube...

[Anonymous]

if you need to be alone but you can't be alone at home, then go to some park or mall and be there pretty much alone. Hope you are in a city.

As for moving out, you'll have to do it yourself or hire a transport for relocation. Money is everything.

[molonski2]

Just apologise , and explain that you are really busy with the move and you dont have time , work yourself a schedule and try and fit in as much as you possibly can.

[Kiss_Me]

Learn to say No. Your parents may be doing it on purpose. Just politely decline invitations in an attempt to make plans at a later time.

[TonightYouu]

I think it triggers something in parents when their baby bird is about to leave the nest im not sure myself because I never really had parents but they must be worried about you parents can’t help it

[DizzyAster2]

Just hold on until you do.
They probably trying to spend as much time with you before their "baby" leaves. Lol.

[Asker]

No not time but annoying me with other work to help them or so that their friends won't feel bad if I don't come.

[lalithkumar2152]

You're home town is where are born so yes that is your birth place and home town

[Anonymous]

How far away are you moving?