What's the point of my parents wanting me to behave like an adult when they control me like a child?

[bingbongbangbung]

Yup here we go again with my crazy delusional parents. They're narcissistic antisocial idiots, so not surprising they use such self defeating tactics. If they want me to be like an adult (their version of what an adult is), they must treat me as their near equal, not micro manage me, and allow me to do almost whatever. Of course, obviously that doesn't mean they should let me do shit like cooking in the middle of the night or inviting friends over to trash the house.

I'm not a minor, I'm not their slave, and the feudal times have ended centuries ago. The more they try to get me to do stuff, the more I'm not going to want to do it, especially since they love to shift the goalposts whenever I do appease them. My older sister is way more obedient to them and is more "successful" than me yet they still get pissed off at her for not obeying them 100%. Before you tell me, they already told me it's their house their rules and they have no intention on ever changing.

Sure I could always move out and live on my own, but I'm not quite ready and they never gave me an eviction notice. And also they're lying hypocrites since they still willingly pay bills, property taxes, and insurance despite not wanting to. I don't smoke, I don't gamble, I don't bang hookers, I don't do drugs, I don't join gangs, I don't drink alcohol, and I don't committ petty crimes. I also am still currently in post secondary and I will always tend to my daily necessities, even if I procrastinate.

[dynamicyandere]

They sound like they don’t want to let go of control. My parents have been like that since I can remember and they’re still like that even after I’ve moved out, have a good job, have my own studio, and have been living by myself for nearly a decade. Some parents just don’t want to let go of control. Some parents just see you as their child and cannot unsee it for some reason. I literally still need to set boundaries, be assertive with them, put my foot down, and force them to behave with me.


For example, I negotiated a time with them that I’m free for a phone call. During work, I can’t answer the phone. If they call during work anyway, I stick to my guns, and let the call drop to voicemail. If they complain, well, tough sh*t. They didn’t keep their end of the negotiation. Eventually, they learn and start acknowledging my boundaries. It’s like I need to literally train them to behave with me.


It sucks that it has come to this, but hey. You gotta do what you gotta do.


Of course, you’re still under their roof, so they still do sorta have a right to make demands. But once you move out, you are no longer bound to their rules, you can live by your own code.


You’ll learn how to be respectful, yet not take sh*t from anyone. It can take a bit to get used to, but I think developing this kind of assertiveness is important for anyone’s adulting journey.

[bingbongbangbung]

Yup it's all about control, hence why I pointed out they were narcissists. They get triggered over me doing whatever I want in my free time even though it doesn't directly impact their life. They boss me around as if I'm at bootcamp with a dumb routine schedule. They also keep telling me I have to fix my "mistakes" despite me never agreeing to do that. And of course, they love to self project their flaws and demand me and my sister obey in a perfectionist manner.

[bingbongbangbung]

They also love to constantly repeat themselves like literal NPCs and when I get pissed at them being repetitive they get mad as well. Knowing how much they pathologically lie, they're probably gonna talk shit about me and still care even when I do move out. Their sense of entitlement is so high they expect me to "help" them for any physically intensive task and cry when I correct them that helping is voluntary. Whenever we get into arguments, they love to resort to many logical fallacies and they don't care when I point out their BS.

[bingbongbangbung]

By the way, I already have lived outside the home before when I was still attending university. Currently attending college for personal reasons and to save money, I live at home instead of renting. I have saved enough money and with a part time job, I can move out and live on my own. But from my experience, I absolutely despise living with others and I'd rather have the entire place to myself. I can't really afford such a setting unless I rent some ghetto joint, move out into a rural/remote area, or get lucky which I won't count on.

[silkjames]

Just get whatever career you want and move out the nest lol all will be well for u:)!

[bingbongbangbung]

Sure but at the school I attend, it's completely mandatory to take 6 courses a semester. Including the lab sessions, I almost have no time to do anything else besides fulfilling daily needs and doing homework. I'd only have time for part time but that won't be enough to rent and cover other living expenses.

[silkjames]

Well school is all that matters and you have moving out in the future that's something too look forward too just keep dealing with annoying parents at the end u will be happy your still young there no rush you got this my gag friend:)!

[bingbongbangbung]

My parents claim I'm old because they're still stuck on outdated ideals of young adulthood. They assume one should be fully independent by their early to mid 20s and be "successful" by their late 20s to early 30s. When I objected, then they told me that maybe I should follow Western concept of moving out at 18. Except that notion is also outdated since almost 15 years ago as most people in the West move out in their mid to late 20s. Did I mention my parents masquerade as Asian "tigers" but fail at it?

[bingbongbangbung]

If you're wondering, I never put my real birthdate on any online accounts except for those belonging to government agencies. I've been to university for a few years before I transferred to college for personal reasons. And it's currently like past 3am for me; I can't sleep so that's why I'm up replying.

[silkjames]

What do u mean by masquerade as Asian what they pretend to be Asian tigers? And it takes some people longer than others to figure out what they want too do for a living it's all good just take your time and parents can be a pain sometimes they just want the best for u my mom side of the family is from a military back ground my grandfather was a general I got pushed hard it was overwhelming but I got through it and I have a hard time sleeping too I sleep probably 5 to 7 hours and run my company all day every day I know the feeling of not sleeping too lol!

[bingbongbangbung]

I'm East Asian and my parents pretend to be the typical tiger mom and tiger dad. But they're not since they failed to make me and my sister be "successful". They expect us to meet their unrealistic expectations but won't really do anything to make us achieve them. All the while being as emotionally/mentally abusive as them.

[bingbongbangbung]

Except my parents are stuck in the past and believe that we have to make career decisions asap or else we're doomed. They believe shit like volunteer and unpaid internship not qualifying as real experience, while paid work irrelevant to the aspired career as relevant. They want us to be independent, but only in the way that they approve of.

[Trashyspeeds]

There is no point. They are just trying to hold onto every last bit of authority they can.

[dudeinohio]

Assert yourself as an adult. Take control of your life.

[bingbongbangbung]

You know I asked this like 2 years ago right

[dudeinohio]

Hmm... I don't know why it showed up in my new posts then.