I’m not physically affectionate at all and it ruins every date and chance I have with guys I go out with. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

To be clear I have no trauma, good affectionate home and I’m very affectionate to my family and friends just never guys. And I’m a high school senior about to go to college so I want to figure this out before I have to go on “big girl dates” can’t hide behind the “we’re in high school” thing anymore, guys actually want sex. Whenever I go out on a date it’s usually fine until they want to kiss sor are just touchy, hands around my waist or behind my head etc.

When I tell them I’m uncomfortable with that and want tor move slower they either cut it off then or slow down but when I mean slow down I really mean it, and they get kinda antsy waiting. Because of that I tend to friend zoned or decline another date at some point because I just don’t like the feeling of having someone waiting around to touch me (not in a way of calling them a creep I just don’t want to), I can’t explain it I just feel sick and cut it off. What should I do?

[richardcory]

Read up on asexuality (there is a good site at asexuality. com) and see if it fits. Nothing wrong with it if that is how you feel, but it will make relationships with sexual men very difficult and probably unhappy. For many people physical affection is part of romance and love - they can't separate them.

Don't pretend you desire affection if you don't - that will just end badly as you find yourself in a relationship where you constantly feel pressured and he constantly feels rejected. Find someone compatible

[Anonymous]

Consider seeing a therapist?

[Asker]

I’ve gone to 2 therapists for a separate reason but they’ve always just said they’re was nothing wrong since I can be affectionate with family and friends + I’m young

[slatyb]

Date women?

[Asker]

I’m attracted to men not women. I want a husband and find men attractive I’m just not overly sexual and touchy.

[slatyb]

Consider getting some counseling. This will be a problem for most men.

[Agape93]

You might be asexual

[Asker]

I want kids one day and I still like the idea of affection when I don’t have to do it. I’d feel awful if I was asexual

[Agape93]

Asexual simply means you don't feel sexual desire, that's it. You're fully capable of affection, you just don't get turned on by others. Or hell maybe demisexual, where you only want it from those you love and trust

[Asker]

maybe but that would significantly decrease my dating pool like 99.9% of guys so I’d rather js be a later bloomer or something. I still want to have kids someday too so I don’t think I apply

[In_Trance]

Be affectionate

[Asker]

but then I feel grossed out and sick