I personally go by these 3 as a general rule, since they’ve done pretty well at covering my bases…
1. Communication. Open honest and healthy communication is a must. 90% of conflicts come from some sort of lack of communication or poor communication. Bad communication (e. g. passive aggression and ignoring messages and blowing up during a tantrum) are all unacceptable red flags.
2. Chemistry. This not only includes conversions chemistry, but energetic chemistry, chemistry in the bedroom, and philosophical chemistry. It’s all important for creating a spark and keeping a relationship full of life and passion.
3. Commitment. Relationships have their ups and downs. Things can get tough. Challenges are inevitable. If it’s us against the world, would we truly have each other’s back? It’s ride-or-die with me. No exceptions here.
Then, here’s an additional 2, that may also fall under the chemistry and commitment section, but here they are…
1. Growth-Mindset. I’m really big on becoming the best version of myself. I believe it’s important to embrace one’s growth as a person as they go through life. The better of a person I am, the better of a significant other I can be. It’s important for my significant other to share this approach to life. And, when this is not only applied to us, but also to the relationship we’re building together, our relationship will only get stronger and stronger with time.
2. This one should go without saying, since it should be a bare minimum, but for the sake of highlighting it, loyalty is a must. The internet seems to make it appear like loyalty is a rare commodity. And whether that is the true case or not, I’m not sure. But, loyalty is extremely important. I much rather have my heart broken upfront and straightforwardly with a clean break, than to have my deep trust betrayed.
This is major for me. I make jokes all the time and I can't think of anything better then spending g time with the one I love laughing. So if they can't make or take a joke, it's a deal breaker for me.
2. A kind heart.
Someone can be average looking to me but become the most attractive person in the room just by having a kind heart. It could be them holding a door for someone, helping someone lift something heavy, or just being there for someone. It's a very attractive quality being kind.
3. Honesty.
I think honesty in a relationship is obviously a must have. It can't work without honesty. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'd rather be hurt by the truth, then live believing a lie. I want honesty even if it's blunt.
4. Family orientated.
Family means so much to me. I grew up in a decent sized family and have plenty of cousins too. I want to be a father so badly one day. So if my partner is not Family orientated then it is a deal breaker.
5. Confidence.
Seeing someone you love being confident in themselves or what they're doing is super sexy. So confidence is another quality I'd like in a partner.
These aren’t in order and are literally the bare minimum. My potential partner
1. He cannot be a sexist: Now this is important because it determines if he deems me as a human being worthy of something as basic as mutual respect. If a person doesn’t respect you, they don’t care about your wellbeing, your basic human rights, or you as a person. You could be suffering and they would feel absolutely nothing (except wanting to continue taking from you) because you would be nothing to them. Not even worthy of thought
2. Attractive: How can a successful relationship work if one doesn’t even find their partner attractive. It could be objectively or subjectively attractive. As long as I find them attractive and they find me attractive. Being with someone out of pity is setting yourself (and them) up for disaster
3. Emotional intelligence: Now having this comes with many positive attributes for the success of pretty much anything. No need to explain why this is super duper important
4. Trustworthiness: If you don’t have this in any relationship you have, what are you doing besides wasting your time?
5. Faithfulness: I should not have to explain this common sense. If you’re a cheater, stay single and stop being a manipulator
Honorable mentions Communication (a person with emotional intelligence would obtain this), knowledge of life skills (or willing to learn): cooking, cleaning, domestic labor, etc.
Intelligence, or at least a curious enough nature to imitate it.
To enjoy new experiences, eg drugs/food/travel even if it's with apprehension.
To be sexually open, this one explains itself, I have specific sexual quirks and needs and very much like fulfilling them for my partner as I hope they will with me.
To be an artist, Dancer, musician, his one is not something I chose but it's just turned out this way.
A sense of humour, I have a dark sense of humour, I'd like a partner than can join in, though I'll settle for not getting offended at the shit I say.
Respectful : She cannot like a bitch with me, scream, throw tantrum or treat me like shit.
Loyal : Never cheating, never lying, never telling my secrets to others.
Calm and chill : I don't want to be around someone always stressed about everything or who make a mountain of a mole hill.
Being responsible and taking accountability : I can't bear the presence of someone not fulfilling her responsibilities or trying to dodge accountability for her actions by crying or whatnot.
Not being a misandrist : I am not an ATM. I am not a knight who has to die for her or her honor. I am not her to be her emotional trash bin or resolve all her issues.
1. Must be able to start a conversation. Since I can start conversations sometimes. The times I can’t I’d want her to have something to talk about.
2. Nice and respectful of boundaries. this is important because I’m not too vocal about my boundaries unless they go too far but if the girl from the jump is respectful then she’s amazing.
3. Family person. I’m personally a family person and I’d like our families to be somewhat close and be friends.
4. Speak up about things. I’ll admit I’m bad at reading people and guessing how people are feeling unless it’s obvious. So if she speaks up and says I didn’t like that or that. Then I’ll know what to do better or not do again. Unless I did it on purpose which most likely won’t happen.
5. Is good at cooking. I love cooking and likely with my competitive nature I’ll compete with her a few times to see who’s better lol
I guess my top five would be: 1. Femininity in grooming and behavior. Loves being a woman. 2. Sexuality. Strong libido, orgasmic, playful. 3. Loyalty, including honesty, dedication to our relationship and full partnership. We have respect, regard and appreciation, even adoration, for each other. 4. Brains and common sense, including open mindedness, curiosity, and good communication skills. 5. Work ethic and a sensible attitude toward money.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Good sense of humor Kind/considerate Respectful Loyal Hard working
Sounds basic i know, but these would be the most important ones for me. I haven’t found someone with all of these, they always are missing one thing at least. My last ex was the closest one.
Now that I am much older... Not necessarily in any order because, for this, order doesn't matter: 1. Intelligence 2. Emotional control and emotionally intelligent 3. Fiscally responsible - and plan for the future 4. Health-focused 5. Empathetic I know I am leaving some out...
I guess being understand , liking me for me , they have to like me at first. Cause I don't think it work if I had to get them to like me because I wouldn't try. I guess sexual like not stingy and willing to try new stuff. I guess productive so the pressure of life isn't just on one of our shoulders. Someone that understands the words partner and team..
Honestly, if she is loyal, caring and doesn't have crazy Body Count then she good to go for me. Sadly these type of woman are increasingly more difficult to find
1. Acceptance reality check 2. Emotional support during though times 3. Should not make me feel insecure about my weeknesses 4. Some love 5. Maybe some appreciation
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Intelligence. Dark sense of humour. Trust. Kindness. To be curious, not judgmental (in the words of Walt Whitman)
That's asking a lot these days it seems like. Too many girls have this "sorry, not sorry" attitude and think they can act however they want and don't have to apologize
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