In your personal opinion, will he come back or is it really over?

[Anonymous]

hey guys, I don't know what to call him at this point, my boyfriend or ex, I don't know, have been together for 10 years. a lot of arguments were based on social media. i’ll admit i have a lot of issues, past traumas that kind of stuff. i’m not the best communicator, i don’t know how to express my words correctly and i avoid arguing if it’s about me. we have been arguing, bumping heads constantly for two months. i know there’s some issues in our relationship that has not been resolved bc we both have not made it clear to one another. a few days ago asking me why i have so many guy friends on facebook. i was in shock bc he has so many more girl friends on facebook than i do guy friends. he then asked why i don’t post him on instagram and i told him that i’m not because he never posts me anywhere and when i begged him to stop liking girls butt and bikini pictures he didn’t. i was sitting on his couch with my legs up towards my chest and he asked me why i was sitting that way. since we have been arguing, i didn’t want to tell him that i wanted him to touch me, instead i said i was cold. he knew i was lying and said why are you lying, are you scared i’ll reject you? i said yes. then boom, another argument starts. i’ll admit, he’s good at communicating when he wants to, i’m not the best unless it’s through text. it’s a childhood trauma i’ve had, when i was little. we both agreed to drop the past and move forward, that lasted an hour because he brought it up again. i was fed up and got up and walked to my car, he ran after me and sat in my car. i told him to please leave because i’m going on, i didn’t want to argue anymore. he didn’t listen, i was so annoyed that i took my ring off, gave it back to him and told him to leave. that was his breaking point. that moment i knew was a huge mistake and he told me that he’s not going to go through that again and hasn’t spoken to me since.

[Keyboardkat]

"Agreeing" to not talk about past traumas and not bring them into the present relationship doesn't really work, because it's like energy. Like Einstein's law of conservation of energy, it cannot be destroyed. In the case of your past traumas, I can see that this, or any other relationship, cannot work for you because you have refused to deal with your past issues, and it is not fair to make them your partner's problem. You simply MUST find yourself a good therapist who can really dig into these issues and help you deal with them and finally come to terms with them so that they no longer interfere with your life and your interpersonal relationships.

[Asker]

yes i do need to find a therapist and deal with this. do you think i can save this relationship or let it go?

[Keyboardkat]

I don't know, given the last exchange between you and him. Perhaps if you let him know that you've found a therapist and are serious about working on your past traumas so that they will leave you and you won't have to make them his problem anymore, he might be inclined to listen to you. It depends upon whether he really loves you and the prospect of how much time this might take. I know that therapy can drag on and on. (In the past, it seemed like Freudian therapy just never ended!) You might try to soften him up by sending him a dozen white roses and a note saying, "I'm sorry." Then follow up a few days or a week later with a dozen yellow roses and another note saying, "Please forgive me." And then finally a dozen red roses and a note that says, "If you won't forgive me, I'll never be able to forgive myself." That's what I would do if I had hurt someone I loved and I really wanted her back! If he's a sensitive person , that might hit him in the heart, where it counts. You know him better than I do, which is not at all.

[In_Trance]

It's over