How am I responsible for his housing situation?

[Anonymous]

I recently moved over a month ago and my boyfriend is already assuming we would be living together. I told him after were exclusive and committed its a possibility we can live together, but he needed to get his own place because I can't house him unless he has a steady stable income which he does , vut he doesn't have responsibilities like I do by paying bills and running a household. He focuses on gas for his truck , take out food , and his cell phone. I'm not ready to give up my space for him living wise , but don't mind him staying sometimes. Pretty soon I'll be running my business and homeschooling my kids. Since telling him this a few days ago I haven't heard from him since then.

[SnowedIn]

You are NOT responsible for his situation. Good for you for being responsible and for what you're doing. Take care of your kids and yourself.

Honestly? Don't let him move in. Not if you're homeschooling them. They need stability more than his drama.

[Asker]

Yes I'm not giving up my space unless engaged to marriage. I'm not use to living with a man and he should have his own place and be more stable. He does nothing when he's here even gripes when I ask him to take the trash out ' just too see what he does and makes a mess - I'm not taking care of another man child

[SnowedIn]

Well said.

[Asker]

He contributes to nothing- I'm better off alone as I have been 11 years and were not exclusive or committed nor do I do shacking. Men want real and traditional until the rubber meets the road.. even said he wanted to marry me. Action speaks louder than words. Maybe one day I'll meet a real man !

[BasedBaeBecca]

Sounds like you know your mind. He may have been looking for a woman who would support him financially. The fact that he won’t speak to you after you’ve made it clear that he can’t rely on you for housing, shows that he wasn’t truly that interested in YOU, but was mainly interested in YOU looking after HIM!

Don’t waste any time on somebody like that, you deserve better ❤️

[Asker]

Yeah, we were not dating I doubt he was actually going to change. It was only 1 months versus 1 year - I watch what a man does not says 🫡

[kylee2437]

Be careful some men date just so they can mooch off of someone and then leave you high and dry once they get into a life position that serves them but they don’t want you apart of

[Asker]

Not happening not moving this man in based on comments and my post

[kylee2437]

Good for you! Don’t allow yourself to keep a man around that doesn’t have his shit together. You hold yourself to a higher standard, so your partner should mirror you

[Asker]

Yeah tired of meeting these sorrowful males and done with men all together this was someone I knew that's all

[kylee2437]

Girl I feel that. I just rejected someone because of this particular reason. I feel like so many men in this current generation are so behind.

[Asker]

I'm tired of it you would think they would have they're shyt together no the low tier behavior isn't me standards are high 😒 I may have to go to dating women

[kylee2437]

I’m just not even dating lol I told that guy I built up my two exes and I honestly have no energy to build up another guy so he can then leave when he has it together. It’s really a mutual feeling.

[Asker]

I've never built a man and refuse to do it wtf is wrong with men?

[kylee2437]

I feel like so many men feel like they have no purpose so they just stay absolutely stagnant until they are 45

[Asker]

Yes this man was 45 life isn't together at 45

[kylee2437]

And he never will if that’s the case. 45 with no investments is insane.

[Asker]

Ikr way too many red flags and he thought he was moving in 😆

[DannyUk2017]

Sounds like he's a drifter, and it takes his "chances" with you. Better off alone than having another "child" in your household. 🤷‍♂️

[Asker]

Yep what I said it's been 2 days I think he moved on

[DannyUk2017]

At least if it comes back you better make some boundaries and put them things on the plate, and if he wants that "plate to share" its fine, if not... His loss...🤷‍♂️

[Asker]

Yes boundaries are in place

[Asker]

They're always in place

[Anonymous]

Wow, It sounds like he is miffed like some immature little school boy!! You did the right thing by not allowing this leach to sponge at your house. he would prob ably never get work and maybe just give you a few bucks for food and gas. keep him at arm's reach. Maybe he was just using you. I don't trust this loser.

[Asker]

Neither do I and thank God for standards which I keep up. He should be moving me in his home not the other way around- I swear men of today not worth it and far and few are actual men. 💯 it's sad I've never let a man live with me. He tried it and FAILED 😆

[Asker]

When I don't hear from a man after 2 days I'm gone 💯 he's coming with red flags and 0 change time to cut him off.

[Opinion Owner]

Wow! Two days? Red Flag for sure. Don't trust him again if he tries to come back on his hands and needy knees!!! You deserve better!!!

[Staximus]

If you haven't been dating this guy for at least a year and don't truly know him well, the last thing you need to do is let him move in. Especially if you have kids.

[Asker]

He's not moving in, and I've been knowing him 11 years but we just reconnected when I moved. Whether I've been knowing him a year or nkt he needs his own place he's not use to responsibilities and frivolous spends his money how he sees fit - I have no control over that as he's not my husband. We're not exclusive or committed prior to marriage to be living together. I don't shack with men simple.

[Staximus]

Good, sounds like he's a bum looking for a free ride

[Asker]

Yeah I know. Makes me wonder about his last roommate- we should have control over finances and home at a certain age as a man. I don't do deal with codependent men or men who are male children.

[Staximus]

Tell him he can move in if he pays all the rent hahaha

[Asker]

Haha 😄 he was offered to pay $700 and flipped lol I said half which is $400 not including food. He couldn't pay all my bills nah

[Staximus]

I pay 760 for one room. That guy's a fucking bum if he can't pay 700 a month

[Asker]

My rent is $950 but everything's is included 1 bed/ 1 studio space is nice equivalent to 2 bed. Cable water lights and internet. Yeah he's trash 🗑 no loss here lol

[LazerBean]

No, and he's not going to be compatible with your life. It's time to move on.

[EmmaMary]

I distinctly remember reading this very same question noy that long ago.

[EmmaMary]

*not*

[boggboss]

U are not

[Asker]

Why does he put this responsibility on me?

[boggboss]

Because u either didn't explain yourself clearly or he just thought u would fold on the issue

[Asker]

I told him numerous of times where I'm at the spacing wouldn't work , his hours and mines aslong with my kids school schedule would be a problem. Plus I like my own living space without cleaning up behind another person.

[boggboss]

OK fair enough

[Asker]

I don't know 🤷🏽‍♀️ why he couldn't get it

[boggboss]

Because he thought its somtging u wouldn't hold to clearly

[boggboss]

If u feel so strongly about this why are u even with him

[Asker]

Because I'm finding these things out what normally happens when you try and date - too many red flags, too many issues - he needs therapy not a wife or girlfriend what's requesting this is someone I have history with. My focus is on me and were at a distance now since this. Maybe this was the reality check he needed. Unless I'm committed and not an option I'm still single. So no were not together ! Waisting ny time for him to get himself together yeah. It's only a month versus a year. This man ain't together - he needs to get himself together before approaching women and when he's together and there's a possibility I'm avaliable maybe he'll have a shot.