I think I’m a narcissist?

[missPOTATOE]

I’m 26, I have bad self esteem most days. I do play the victim a lot but I’m trying to fix it because I don’t want to be in a victimized position, whenever I talk to a new man and everything is going good I always look for the worse in someone and I distance myself. Currently I was talking to a truck driver and the communication was awful, he seemed like a decent man but I need constant communication otherwise I’m going to seek out other potential partners who give me the needs. I distanced myself removed him off snap, we had great chemistry but the communication like I said was awful. He wanted to stay friends and I didn’t. I do feel bad and I’ll probably regret it later but I don’t know. I’m hot and cold with my thoughts and it drives me insane. I do have anxiety and depression, but lots of people do and don’t do this. I don’t know what it is, but I care what people think I try to fit in. I don’t know if it’s stemming from my self esteem or what? I’ve tried therapy with two different therapists and it hasn’t worked. They offered solutions but I didn’t follow through.

Am I poisoning my own mind?

Updates

+1 y

I’m just a downright shitty person, lol. I’m so selfish, I use people. Even though I’m aware of it. I just don’t know why. I’m an absolute shit person.