I think he’s cheating?

[Anonymous]

It’s a first time I’m staying for the night at his place but I was at his place before
I just went take a shower and he was sleeping
There was few hairs in his bathtub, pink razor and durex gel there. We are seeing each other for a month, and he’s showing like he really cares about me, but then this happens… we never talked about relationship, being exclusive or anything, he just seem like he has eyes only for me. Then I just went to take a stupid shower and i saw all that, and I just don’t know what to do after seeing all this… should I talk to him about relationship first cuz we never had this Convo or I should just leave him

Updates

+1 y

I get it, but I don’t even have place to sleep, I’m just sitting on the floor beside him and crying. I had some feelings for him, I really thought his the one even tho we see each other for a month, now I feel like he manipulated me so much. He was so loving from the beginning and I kinda trusted him. It’s like 1am and I looked for hotels or airbnb and it’s nothing that I could just go now

[Anonymous]

honey, i feel you😭 im in the exact situation as you except instead of me finding out all of that, i found out he kiss other girl… and feel the same as u, as if we have no right to be mad at them because technically we didn't agree on anything exclusive, hence the dilemma begin. But best believe, just communicate it to him. Thats what i did, i took the courage and to ask him who is that girl. I admit to him im mad seeing that. On a good side, he is willing to open up and explain everything hence the issue is solved. Being said, u should communicate to him as well, dont worry..

[Asker]

Thanks, at least one person that doesn’t blame me for it. We never had convo about being exclusive no, but since the beginning he told me he’s not seeing anyone else, and I told him the same, isn’t that mean same thing as being exclusive? He told his sister about me, introduced me to his friends etc. like seriously everyone here attacked me cuz I didn’t specify word exclusive…

[Asker]

He actually came to me and asked what wrong, I told him, and he said he’s not seeing anyone else, that he cares about me and doesn’t care about anyone else. Apparently the razor he just got it cuz is cheaper and he said for the hair that he has no explanation cuz no one was there, and maybe it’s from before but he did promise that is just me. And when he was saying all this he sounded genuine

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry for relying late.. Well, im not sure if that can be consider exclusive, but yeah. Whatever it is, ur reason to feel so is valid. And im glad that u guys eventually have a good ending over this matter..

[Anonymous]

How long have you been seeing each other? If you’ve never talked about being exclusive he could’ve slept with someone else. I think right now you need to collect yourself, once you’re in a better emotional state then you can talk to him about your status, or you can jokingly ask if he is sleeping with anyone else (don’t sound accusatory).

[Asker]

Yeah, but I finished shower and he’s sleeping. I can’t even lay beside him cuz I feel disgusted

[Asker]

He told me he’s not seeing anyone else, not talking to anyone else etc, so I kinda beloved him. He seem from the beginning so attached to me

[Asker]

And the problem is, I had few drinks and I’m at his place, I checked airbnb and hotels but it’s 1am… I’m sitting on the floor beside his bed, and I don’t know what to do. There is not much I can do anyway. I left showe and he was sleeping already, I couldn’t even ask him about it

[Opinion Owner]

Try to get your mind distracted, write down everything that you’re feeling right now on your phone or on paper to help ease your anxiety. Don’t jump into conclusions for now and try to reason with yourself while you wait for him to wake up in the morning so you can talk about this. Maybe the durex gel was old, same with the razor, could be his ex’s that was left behind.

If you’ve only been seeing each other for a month then those things in the bathroom could’ve been from a month ago before he started seeing you. For now, just list down the things you want to bring up to him (in terms of being in a relationship), what are your expectations, etc

[Asker]

Buy form what I know, he broke up with his girlfriend like 2 years ago, of course he saw someone after that but wasn’t anything serious, and last time I was at his place, the gel as in his nightstand

[Opinion Owner]

He could be hooking up between those time which is kinda expected. Maybe he used the gel to jerk off? I think your mind is gonna be spiraling right now and desperately trying to look for evidence but technically, he wasn’t cheating on you since you aren’t exclusive. It sucks learning that the person you’re seeing is still hooking up with others but before we jump to conclusions, you need to ask him point blank.

[Anonymous]

'we never talked about relationship, being exclusive or anything'

Then that is the issue but it's too late to talk about that now.

'Then I just went to take a stupid shower and i saw all that'

Be glad that you saw that now, rather than 10 years later. I'd recommend you go get yourself checked out. Health is wealth.

[Asker]

I don’t know honestly what to do, it’s late at night, and he’s sleeping, I can’t drive cuz I had like 4 drinks, I’m just sitting on the floor and thinking what I did wrong. For last 2 years I didn’t even go on a date after my last relationship, he was the first guy, but he seemed so genuine and loving, now I feel stupid and I want to tell him that but his in bed. I have no place to go now or even sleep. I don’t even want to sleep tbh cuz I’m just so frustrated with myself that I let him play myself like this

[Opinion Owner]

You need to sober up, get some sleep and say nothing until you are safely away in your own location. Being frustrated right now, not sleeping, or confronting him will solve nothing. I suggest you seek God's guidance and strength. This is where many of us have gone wrong, forgetting who we are, why we are here, and the order of things that should be done in when it comes to relationships or cohabiting.

[Asker]

Honestly I checked airbnb and hotels just to leave him but there is nothing. I’m not the type of girl to sleep around with guys, i really thought he likes me, he was so loving towards me since beginning, and he was falling asleep in my arms and I told him I will go take a quick shower, brush me teeth etc and then I started realizing all that. I just don’t know what I should do. I have no place to sleep now, it’s 1am, his sleeping and I don’t have where to go at this moment

[Drumlin2001]

You're calling him a cheater but you're not in a relationship? Do him a favour and leave him

[Anonymous]

Why are you upset? You clearly aren't exclusive with him so he isn't cheating. Also you and others here are assuming there is another girl when he could have simply allowed his sister or cousin to use his shower.

You don't really have the right to cry either way because you never talked about the status of your relationship so he hasn't done anything wrong if he slept with someone else

[Asker]

He doesn’t have his family here. And last time I talked to him, he said he’s not seeing anyone

[Opinion Owner]

But you are just assuming shit. Maybe it's possible he brought them himself to use because they were cheaper to buy.
Either way if he slept with someone else you have no right to get upset because you said yourself you aren't exclusive and that you never had a relationship talk so stop your crying when he hasn't done anything wrong geez

[In_Trance]

did you talk to him about it?