Why are dismissive avoidants SO HARD to have relationships with?

[hardboiledink]

After a while they get really critical of who they're with and sabotage the relationship with secure and anxious types. Do they settle with other avoidants or how do these people even exist when connection scares them away?

You talk about marriage, kids, or anything future bound and they start tearing down and picking apart the relationship as to why it wouldn't work out

[ManOnFire]

Avoidants almost always have some kind of deep inner damage or trauma from youth, whether it was from a very bad and painful upbringing with their parents, or an early rape or sexual assault from family or an ex.

Avoidants are also the people most likely to ghost you out of nowhere. They can say all the sweetest things in the world to you and still not really mean it. And they are largely incapable of having any serious, healthy relationship until they've worked out their own issues and inner damage through therapy, self-healing, prayer, etc.

[hardboiledink]

Thanks

[LadiesFavoriteToy]

They get into relationships with narcissistic because they compliment eachother neither of them seeks closeness or love. They are surface level emotions no love because that requires compassion and empathy that neither of them have.

[smashleyy]

self sabotaging isn’t unique to dismissive avoidants. It’s hard to have a relationship with them because they don’t understand their emotions and dealing with others emotions feels like a burden and is easily overwhelming. We have four trauma/trigger responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) and the dismissive avoidants is usually flight and/or freeze

[hardboiledink]

THanks. Yes they ghost and run

[provokeesmokee]

That's just a feature of dismissive avoidants.

Not everyone is going to be compatible, especially based on their conflict and communication styles.

[hardboiledink]

Yes commuication is the biggest thing

[jahaims]

Because they are dismissive and avoidant duh

[hardboiledink]

Lol true