Do women get alarmed by guys who pay attention to details, especially about the woman? I ask this because I once heard a woman say she was freaked out that a guy she was dating was more observant about her than she was. I also remember a girl I was dating who she too was shocked that I would observe things about her without her noticing, and she said "I'm supposed to be the one doing that."
What does everyone think? Any truth in this?
This is my experience, and find it very funny, because I have had women tell me all the time, they are very observant, and intuitive. They will tell you that, as if you live in some vacuum where they have some special superpower that men do not process.
It's not that men or women are more or less observant, but non-verbal communication is an acquired skill. But regardless of the who is doing the observation and who is being observed, women have one distinct advantage... and that is they will tell you what they observe and then expect you to address it and change somehow.
But when you tell them what you are observing, they label you toxic, processive, conceited, arrogant and controlling... like you are using some Jedi mind trick on them as means of controlling them. But when you find a woman that is in control of her man, well that's to be expected as the nature order of things.
Observant or not, does not mean that they are honest or accurate in their assumptions, and we should all know by now that when dating you should try not to make any assumptions. You should never assume the worst, but you obviously cannot assume the best.
So as a man, I sit there and observe and listen. I make no assumptions; I just observe and watch... and then as the weeks go by you get a good estimate of who and what they really are about by their pattern of behaviors. But as a man, you try to address what you are observing and think there will be a mature conversation, you are mistaken... you find yourself one word away from being ghosted.
So, is it really about observation or manipulation? Thats the game men play, is it worth commenting on, or do I just condition myself to the behavior, because as soon as I say something I will be ghosted.
I think this depends on her view of the man. Does she believe that he is someone she sees herself with down the road or is it just a first date/very casual. There are certainly men and women who will make it obvious what they are noticing and make others uncomfortable. If the details you speak of or not of a sexual or erotic nature, she might find it fascinating that somebody is actually paying that much attention to her versus a phone or the world around them.
I think what "freaks them out" isn't necessarily the fact they remember, but more that they paid attention at all. A lot of the time women are told that men aren't really good listeners and only remember like 2% of what you've said. So when a man remembers something seemingly insignificant, that can be a huge deal to a woman.
I'm not saying men never pay attention, I rarely think that's the case, but I too have been surprised when someone remembers something I told them swiftly and wouldn't have thought would be remembered anyway.
Maybe we have wrongly been conditioned to think that men never pay attention, something society might need to work on.
I really don't care for it when a guy is inspecting me all over. It's like he really wants to check out the merchandise. And if they get weird looks on their face when they're doing it, I just back off.
This one guy everytime he would rub my arms, legs, thighs, anywhere he always used to say the same thing "You're so soft. I can't believe how soft you are". Kinda creepy. 👁️👁️
It got me wondering what other women must feel like.
Opinion
17Opinion
I’ve always been quite observant. It’s just how I’ve dated people. I want to be sure whether or not we’re compatible and could have a future together. If it’s a bad match, I don’t drag things out before letting them know. That way, I can respect their time and they can respect mine. So, I observe to gauge our chemistry and compatibility for a long term relationship. I don’t artificially create situations to test them though. I just pay attention to how they go through life and how they handle naturally-arising situations.
I have no idea. My SO freaks out because she says I am so non-observant.
Well, they are women... so they are "freaked... in". They are playing their game to catch and gain control and let in a male. They are a bit freaked, but they like it, as long as they like the attention. Otherwise, he's a creep and she excludes him.
I think its intriguing to me. I’m a little bit more reserved but when I feel comfortable around people i’m not as “quiet.” I’m not freaked out by guys who are observant, more I want to get to know them. They’re so mysterious like actually. It’s interesting because they will notice everything & remember specific details most people wouldn’t. I’m a very observant person too & I feel like a lot of people are becoming less and less observant & lacking social awareness. I like other people who are observant. So definitely not freaked out, but definitely intrigued & draws me in. Keep being you tho even if you’re not as observant.
A guy recently was messaging me saying he thought my freckles were cute (a guy I thought was a mate actually) and it freaked me out a bit as they aren’t that obvious and so he misty have been looking pretty hard and it made me feel a bit exposed.. what else did he notice? All my imperfections possibly 🤣🤣
Highly observant guys tend to be deep thinkers. Deep thinkers have a harder time being funny and being truly in the moment. They are constantly thinking.
I know most women don’t like that.
This seems to be a double edged sword. If you wouldn’t notice a new dress 👗 or a new hair style. Most women would be upset.
I get it that noticing every minute detail might be creepy. But, after four decades at a job that not being observant could mean my life or limb. I probably notice a lot more than most.
No. Not in my case at least. I can appear both observant and less observant (basically, I'm very observant, but I also have a load of things going on in my head at once, so can sometimes forget what we talked about, but will always notice details like a new haircut, even if it's just refreshing the one you always have, then some gimmicks, etc.)
But I love it when a guy shows how observant he is. It means he showed me he has a genuine interest in me. And it just makes me fall harder
In my experience, highly observant men tend to be extremely manipulative. They have always been highly narcissistic and rather sociopathic.
Gaslighting, coercive control, sadistic. Yep. All that.
When I see a man studying me like that, I know he is looking to use me.
Wife response: I can't speak for all women but I find it a very sexy trait in a man. my husband (account creator) is very observant and it is very attractive
Maybe observant men are best suited for observant women 👀😋
Observant but not arrogant men are hot. The problem is if they are so sure that their observations are valid that they don't want to see another perspective.
Not that I've seen. My husband is very observant and everyone seems to eat it up, especially the girls back before we were married.
I am always watching and more than once has somebody comment on how paranoid I am. I am still alive all these years later though.
I'd be concerned that he might be obsessive and/or possessive or both.
They definitely get caught off guard by it. It seems to make them a bit nervous/uncomfortable.
u in my case... they've always been fascinated by itsome might be a bit surprised and intimidated (in a good way) but nevertheless, they do all find it both interesting and exciting
I think most women are indeed freaked out a bit by men who not only observe things in detail but retain the information.
I believe so. Though they expect men to be more observant but when a guy really does so they kinda freak out. That behaviour is somewhat out of syllabus for them.
I really don't understand how this could freak them out. in my experience they seem to like it because it means im paying attention. i definitely know women hate guys that are too dense to notice things around them.
You can also add your opinion below!
