Advice needed I’m sure I shouldn’t do this but help?

[Anonymous]

There’s a guy that stays in my life but won’t commit. He knows he has control etc but I’m ready to be done and leave it all behind except it is hard for me to do.

I’m suppose to go on a date tonight.. should I tell him I’m going on a date? & and ask if he finally wants to be serious or if it’s time for me to let go?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo sis I would not recommend telling this dude about your date tonight. Here's why:

- He's shown he's not reliable and hasn't committed to you already, so what makes you think he would suddenly decide to be serious just cuz you're going on another date?

- Telling him is just giving him more power and control over you. He'll know he still has you on the hook even if you go out with someone else.

- If things go well on your date tonight, don't ruin it by having this other dude on your mind. Focus on the new guy.

- You don't need this controlling dude's "permission" to let go and see other people. Do what's best for you!

- This move will come across as clingy and desperate. You wanna play it cool and leave him wondering what you're up to for a change.

Just go enjoy your date tonight sis. Distance yourself from the other dude for now. If he really cares, maybe he'll step up. But for now you need to live your life and not wait around for him to commit. You got this!

[Anonymous]

You want to tell him about your date in hopes of to making him commit but why manipulate as a last ditch effort? It’s like getting engaged with a shut up ring, because even if you got what you wanted it only came after lots of nagging and empty threats. Be with someone who wants to work towards something with you, not string you along and use you for sex. If you want a commitment and the man doesn’t then cut your losses and learn from this so you won’t ever go through it again.

[Asker]

I actually do not sleep with him but other than that spot on. Thanks for the help! You’re right it would be for the right reasons that I was telling him.

[Opinion Owner]

Really? How long has it been? Usually when women act this way they’ve hooked up with the guy, it’s an attachment thing. Great if you haven’t, it should be easier to let him go, I think it would be harder if you had.

[Asker]

This is someone whom I have had an on/off again relationship for probably 2 years. We have slept together in the past but not recently. We had been together before but we haven’t been for the last year or so. He more so just keeps me around telling me him and I will always be together we have the rest of our lives etc yet there has been no commitment happening as of recently and he doesn’t want to. He said he needs more time but it seems like a lie to me and him just trying to get me to hold on.

[Opinion Owner]

Gotcha, in any case though I think being done with him is the best route. I was watching an interview by this popular artist and he was talking about how guilty he felt in hindsight because he robbed multiple women of their baby making years by giving them false hope, stringing them along knowing he wouldn’t commit, empty promises, etc. My point in mentioning this is it really shined a light on how manipulative and self serving men can be. Like with your guy, he knows full well you want a relationship and keeps making excuses not to do what a good man would. I don’t think it would be wise to invest any more time, he’s taken more than enough with his lies.

[Nikki1989]

Do what is best for you. His feelings don't really count in this situation.

[Asker]

You’re right I just needed that reiteration. I don't know why I feel like I have a responsibility to him when he doesn’t have one to me.

[Joker_]

just be yourself!