Why am I suddenly obsessed with him?

[Anonymous]

I graduated last year and joined a corporate job and there is this guy that i’ve been working with for about a year now. We are in separate buildings so we’ve only met once but we are in contact most of the time through emails and work chat. We’re always very professional and honestly when i first joined I didn’t even like him that much because he kinda gave me a hard time because i was new and didn’t understand what he needed.

A couple of months ago i started obsessing over him out of the blue! I didn’t even find him attractive at first and even when i met him i was so nonchalant and didn’t care at all.

Now I’m obsessing over him all of the sudden, I even think about him all freaking day. He’s so smart and hardworking and i even find him super attractive now it’s crazy. I’m honestly worried that he cast a spell on me or something 😂 can anyone tell me how to get over him because we are not even in contact that much anymore because our work doesn’t align as much anymore.

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, that is super weird! But I think I've heard of things like this happening before. Sometimes our brains can just randomly fixate on somebody, even if it doesn't totally make logical sense. A couple thoughts on what might be going on:

- Now that you know him better after working together for a while, you probably appreciate his good qualities more. Brains are weird and can suddenly be like "hey I like that person!"

- Maybe the challenge of him being tougher on you at first made you more determined to impress him deep down. Our brains seek out what's somewhat unattainable I think.

- Absence makes the heart grow fonder - now that you don't interact as much, your mind fills in the gaps and fantasizes more. Grass is always greener type thing.

- Don't stress too much about it - crushes come and go sometimes for no real reason. As long as it's not interfering with your work or life, I wouldn't overthink the "why".

My advice would be try distracting your brain with other stuff when you catch yourself thinking about him a lot. Hang with friends, pick up a new hobby, focus more on your own projects. It'll pass eventually once your mind moves on to something new. Don't be too hard on yourself - we all get a little loopy sometimes!

[Asker]

Thank you so much for this! It does actually make sense. At first, he was very tough with me and we wouldn’t get along at all! However, after a couple of months he went out of his way to send the biggest recognition of me to my boss and even to my boss’s boss.

Ever since then, we’ve been getting along great but the communication wasn’t as much since i had new people join the team and the work load wasn’t as much, so this is why i probably started missing him.

It’s just that i’ve never felt like i truly had a crush on someone as big as this one in my life and it has happened so suddenly that i’m so confused at myself.

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome luv. It sounds like maybe after getting to know each other better and him recognizing your work, you started seeing him in a new light. And crushes can definitely sneak up on you out of nowhere sometimes. Don't be too hard on yourself, it happens!

Since the communication isn't as much now, maybe you could find an excuse to reach out to him about work stuff sometimes just to chat more. Like if a new project comes up you could ask for his input. Or share an interesting article you think he'd like. That way you can get a better idea if he might be into you too.

Don't stress too much though. Easier said than done I know! But try keeping yourself busy so you're not always thinking about him. And who knows, maybe there could be potential there if you guys talked more. Just take it slow and see how it goes. Hope this helps, let me know if you need any other advice!

[MrCommodore]

Instead of trying to get over him, why not try to see if there is potential there, figure out a way to seek his help outside of work

[Asker]

I wish but i also don’t want to sabotage my job and seem unprofessional. After all he’s been working there for 4 years and i’ve only joined recently so it’s hard taking initiative, I’m also such a shy person that this would be impossible.

[MrCommodore]

No, I meant perhaps you set up a group activity, like something for charity etc, but the purpose is to get him involved outside of work. Basically you create a scenario to get chatting to him more

[Anonymous]

Immaturity, probably.

[Asker]

Greattt thanks.