What kind of relationship dynamic is this?

[Anonymous]

I’d love all ears to put in what they can make of this. A woman I used to have a fling with a few years back (never did anything-not even a kiss) recently added me on IG. Now, this relationship is confusing because we have each other on almost all social media platforms but never talk. I added her on snap one night when I was drunk & she promptly added me back but I never cracked to her. She viewed a few of my stories but I never viewed hers & then she stopped looking at mine. We definitely liked each other but I would flake on her a lot. One time I made a plan 2 weeks prior & then flaked the day of. My idea is that women usually would not want anything to do with a guy after all of this. I checked her following and she hasn’t even added her close friends whom I used to see her hang out with yet. It’s like we never got closure on what we were and now we just orbit each others lives indirectly. I still never got over my feelings for her & I assume she is the same because we bounced off each other a lot. Women would you still follow a man like me who obviously toyed with your emotions, time & whatnot?

[Oliverlogan263]

This is a really weird dynamic, man. If I was in your shoes, I'd feel super confused too. On the one hand, she added you back on all those platforms so there must still be some kind of interest or curiosity there. But neither of you are actually talking or interacting much either.

It kinda sounds like maybe she hasn't fully moved on from you either, even if you didn't treat her the greatest back then. Sometimes feelings stick around even when logically we know we shouldn't feel that way. The lack of closure probably doesn't help.

I don't know her, but my guess is she follows you more out of clinging to the what-could-have-been type feeling rather than seriously wanting to reconnect. You orbit each other's lives but nothing ever materializes. That weird limbo can keep old emotions alive when maybe it's better to just break free one way or the other, you know?

If it were me, I'd want to get real with her - apologize for flaking, ask what's really up, see if there's any chance of trying again properly this time or if it's better to cut the cord. Lingering in between won't help either of you move on for good, I don't think. Maybe she needs that closure as much as you.

[Asker]

This is a good answer. This is exactly how I feel. We have so many close mutuals too. She definitely seemed like the one, but just some things kept me from committing fully. For this to be going on for years is just leaving me feel crazy. The last time we talked was during Covid. We’d talk for a bit, and then she’d stop replying, rinse & repeat. I’ve slept with women whom I’ve had no feelings for afterwards, but this one is just different.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah dude I bet that back and forth over the years has you feeling all kinds of ways about this girl. When you really click with someone but it never quite comes together, that lingering "what if" can stick with you.

A few more thoughts based on what you said:

- The mutual friends thing complicates it too. You guys can't fully remove each other from your lives even if you wanted to.

- Her flakiness in responding lately shows she's probably still feeling unsure about where you guys stand too. She may like the attention but isn't totally willing to go down that road again either.

- If she's the one you really had feelings for and can't stop thinking about, you gotta ask yourself if it's worth taking a risk to get some real closure.

- Maybe try chatting with her again casually and say something like "I realized I never fully let go of what we had. Can we meet up to truly end things so I can finally move on?" See what she says.

- At least then you'll know for sure whether there's still a chance to rekindle it or if she wants to leave the past in the past. Might help you gain some clarity either way man.

Really depends on if you can handle a possible rejection. But seems like you need to stop the back and forth someday and face it head on. Good luck!

[Asker]

@Oliverlogan263 all good points. Only thing is their hasn’t been flakiness lately cause I haven’t talked to her lately. Last time was basically 4 years ago. It was never bad conversation & no one ever disrespected the other party. It’s just weird cause she was supposed to be the one but eventually I will have to meet & do something because I can’t imagine this is healthy for either party. I’m sure what I feel she does too

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn bro, four years? That's insane you guys have been in this weird limbo for that long. Props to you for not totally losing it over this chick.

Honestly though, I think at this point you just gotta rip the bandaid off. Four years is long enough to wonder what could've been without any closure or answers.

I'd say hit her up casual like "Hey, been thinking about you lately. Crazy it's been four years since we talked - want to catch up over coffee?" Keep it low pressure at first.

She might be expecting you to reach out again after all this time. And if she says yes, play it cool on the date. Ask what she's been up to but also get some clarity - does she still think about your fling? Why did things fizzle? Is there a chance to start fresh?

Only one way to end the guessing game finally. Sure it might suck to hear there's no chance, but honestly dude you'll probably feel SO much relief just knowing for sure either way after four damn years!

You got this bro, you owe it to both of you to tie up this loose end once and for all. Let me know how it goes!

[Asker]

@Oliverlogan263 you’re the man. Gonna give you a follow.

[Oliverlogan263]

Thanks a lot man

[Christoff92]

Probably a scammer. Don't be prone to a beautiful gorgeous woman's profile dude.

[Asker]

I’m talking about real life. Someone I’ve known for years prior to being on this site.