How can I define this relationship?

Question

So there is this guy who is a very important part if my life... For the past few years he was my best friend, the person that knows me the best, and i know him just as well... I recently went out of a relationship that was very consuming for me... And we got to spend more time together, one night talking... we admitted we both feel a strong atraction for each other, and there is a nice chemistry between us... We get along great, are very confortable with each other and we are both lonely so we where like... Why not drop the boundaries and help each other? ... From there on we act pretty much like a couple, holding hands, hugging, kissing, i sit on his lap... In public, around his friends... He dosen't have a problem with showing affection towards me, and i dont neither... We also get more and more intimate as time passes (we didn't slept with each other yet but we're getting there quickly) but our feelings towards each other didn't change... We are still best friends... He is in fact aromantic, and im Emotionally unavailable for a number of reasons,... I don't know how to call it, we are less than a couple, more than just friends... And friends with benefits is not the right word, there is a strong emotional connection... Just not a romantic one... Is this OK?

tony_baloney · Accepted Answer

Whoa.. sounds like you should just keep things going as they are and try not to put any expectations on it. Because you're both in a weird place emotionally it could go either way. They way you described it, the "help each other out" part makes me feel it's just friends with benefits. Everything after that makes it sounds like a deep, meaningful, relationship may be brewing slowly, which isn't bad. He has no qualms showing his affection for you in public and with his friends, which is always a good sign (ie he's not just pinching your butt and doing solely sexual things, he's holding your hand and kissing you) I'd say you've got the makings of a pretty great relationship in the works, but if you're not ready be careful about moving forward. You may end up realising it's just because you're lonely and end up hurting him/vice versa

Maverick872 · Accepted Answer

Do you want a relationship of convenience? That sounds like what this is. That's ok for now, as long as your both aware of what it is, call it what you like. Sooner or later one of you will tire of not having enough. If you truly value the relationship put a REAL effort into it. Don't cop out by saying I'm emotionally unavailable. That's bull shit!! If you are that messed up in the head right now you have no business dating and potentially fucking with someone head. You both sound great together. Give it a real effort, go slowly if you like... just do go half ass.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Strange descriptions to me... How do you have strong emotional connection but not romantic feelings towards each other, but then you were able to hug and kiss each other, and almost had sex with each other? Do you feel like you're sleeping with your brother?

It's a difficult and strange relationship. I would say that you're friends with benefits, but if you're acting like a couple, then you probably are.

Or just don't define it at all - if you don't even have a word for it. Things don't have to be black and white. Just let it be gray, as long as none of you gets hurt eventually, since you don't even know what you are, and your expectations aren't clear to each other.

MimiHashima · Accepted Answer

This is not okay... and it actually is a friends with benefits... you guys are jumping into things from your heart’s feelings rather than realistically thinking about what’s going on with your minds. There could be a possible chance of rebounding as well because you just got out of relationship recently. If neither of you can commit to each other into an actual couple, you are in fact friends with benefits and both of those can include nonstrong and strong feelings. When you start to think about things later.. especially after going so far w. o thinking, you both will wonder what are we.

aaronbw · Answer

You are rebounding. I've been where you are so I understand your confusion is.

I highly suggest you wait a little while. Remain friends with him but try to distance a little, take a breathnq nd focus on you a bit, then discuss the possibility of a relationship with him when you are more emotionally available.

Believe me when I say that I know how awkward it can be when you jump the gun on a relationship like this after ending one, and then finding out some nasty surprise later on down the road.

If it's just sex you want, there are ways to help yourself, but I still suggest taking a break and just rebuild.

DocilexElle · Answer

He's emotionally unavailable, you have a legit friendship... but know that sometimes the kissing and stuff can cause a physical attachment for him and emotional attachment for you. If one of you left it would not be easy. What were his previous relationships like? It took my lover a few weeks to a few months to really open up to me. He's very sexual and stoic unless he's laughing or we're joking around. How much has your guy told you about his life/problems/family? Just be patient.😉

koalakola · Answer

Do you think of him as your future partner or will you always see him as friend?

I think you will find your answer in that question. Relationship is what you lead it up to. Sometimes you don't know where it might go and sometimes you know where it can't, so you inhibit.

Think about where it might go and where it might not and you will find your answer. I understand you are in best place with each other, helping each other but then it becomes hard at later stages to even be friends.

lernulo · Answer

He is your crush.
About the question if its ok or not, I can't understand it.
Im not blaming you, its something which happens a lot of time, but I can't understand it.
Why if you love someone who doesn't care about you or you dont have more deep and trust feelings with is ok, but if he is someone who really deserves it then you dont know if its ok or not?
I think girls who think like that must question their priorities.
About your situation its obvious you can get a deep relation with that man, in all the facets of love including sex, are you going to lose the chance just because there is a real conection?

eephous · Answer

Take it from me, I would not get involved with him, until you are emotionally available. He is your best friend, and if you move too quickly, then you could lose that best friend relationship... it will eventually become different.

I had the same thing, and lost it 5 months ago. I'm still not over losing that friendship we had.

hihihiihiiihi · Answer

That is how my parents got married. They were best friends in high school and church and dated for twenty years.

sunsweet · Answer

The best way to know how to label it would be to ask him, both of you create the label. But it sounds like he likes you and it's essentially dating. I'd dont see why else that kind of stuff would be comforting, but that's just me. Friends with different benefits sounds right too

Anonymous · Answer

It kinda sounds like a relationship, Or at least the relationship I want, I don't know if you want this. But I find it very nice when my partner is my friend before my boyfriend. I also find it nice when we can separate lust from our bond as friends. Plus since he's my friend before, so i have something more to hold on to. I know him more, I trust him more.

Maybe talk to him to see if you two are in agreement what you guys are?

nathanp97 · Answer

It kinda sounds like your leading him on. Your not emotionally available and you started a relationship with your best Male friend. Sounds like is going to end badly. Sorry, that is just my glass half empty opinion😅

Massageman · Answer

If you are sure it's not just a rebound from your previous relationship (depending on how long ago and if you are done grieving that loss) , it sounds like the basis for a wonderful relationship. Don't over-analyze it or worry about labeling it. Savor it! Many couple don't reach this level.

DanBi03 · Answer

Of course it's OK! Obviously it makes you happy/happier and there is no need to put relationships into well-defined boxes.
Anyway who can say what "romance" is? You seem to have a solid friendship with physical intimacy and that's excellent. So just enjoy it without worrying about defining it.

Browneye57 · Answer

Quit trying to define things. Go with your emotions. Form an aliance, be a couple. These are the best relationships in the first place. If you always want to be together then perhaps a marriage will become a reality. Don't fight reality - just live in it.

MecheD · Answer

First off it is in fact a friends with benefits relationship everything you two is beneficial which is why key word in that phrase is benefits... but it is but truly you two should try to make something out of it

mad_brat · Answer

I think that being good friends while you guys are developing a romantic relationship is not a bad deal. It might be a case as you guys were like good buddies for a long time. Thus this transition phase is feeling bit awkward. But give this a shot as a good friendship is often a solid base for a thriving relationship.

mostafabawa · Answer

Before sleeping together you gotta figure out are you interested in him. By the sounds of it I think you two can have a good relationship. Seriously speaking don't want another of my brother falling in the friendzone. You should ask him about how strong his feelings are and than assess your feelings towards him and than make a decision.

Anon-ymous1 · Answer

This seems relevant:

Northern_star · Answer

one of my friends had the same situation when we were ur age. once she asked her dad the same question, he was speaking 10 words per year but was really kind (like a huggy bear) and clever. he told her : princess, you gotta pick a bloody side and start act accordingly and let go of safetypads. ☺️ then we haven't hear him speaking for another 200 days 😂
bit seriously, i think its like that.

paleblue · Answer

You guys are friends with benfits, it doesn't have to be sex. You guys are benefiting from the type of comfort you supply each other.

UnknownTroll · Answer

I don’t know if it went through when I posted it, but honestly you two seem to deeply like and care for each other. There is great potential for this to work and grow. I say go
For t howver and patiently as you can

ro_rave · Answer

Um just sounds like you’re dating, I would say though you should be open with your feelings and intent, so you both are on the same page.

razak40r1 · Answer

I think it's kind of a deal u both have to help each other thats it just a mentor or a companion of a kind but beware of u or that guy finds someone the other one will be left out so be careful for that

Blunique · Answer

Are you ok with this? That's all that matters. Sounds like you aren't ok with the relationship. Ask him and try to define what you are. What you want, what he wants.

maxborg · Answer

Just an advice, find someone who could love you as you could love him, don't water your time in nothing, keep being friends but find a guy that makes you feel that romantic connection because it could be and the next corner and you are not gonna notice

TheLittleIKnow · Answer

I think in all honestly you should become really good friends with someone before you get into a relationship get comfortable as being around them before you go on a date just hang out first, take turns paying, and then end up marrying your best friend

melanieeeB · Answer

Once someone told me if it works you don't need to label it, just go with the flow you both have and enjoy the moment and see where this leads you

joshctlee · Answer

Completely unrelated but is anyone else sick of all the ads GAG has started putting up?

0100001111010001110 · Answer

Forget labels and pay attention to your feelings, it’s more important for both of you to be happy with your relationship than to identify yourselves as “something “. Enjoy your life and leave prejudices away!!

BraveHeart97 · Answer

Definitely sounds like a friends with benefits thing. I don’t think you need sex to consider it as much. Good thing your boyfriend is aromantic. It it were me in his shoes, I would’ve already fallen in love. I’m a sucker for affection.

Lavinnykins · Answer

You're dating... there's no other way to say it; you are in a relationship and seeing each other.

happyhippo · Answer

When I was in a similar situation, I just decided that me and my now boyfriend are in a pseudo-relationship. I guess you can use that to define it.

CheckPlease · Answer

It's called dating girl. gonfornyour best friend I did.

Hopelover_2_Shelby · Answer

Yes this is ok your emotionally not ready but its completely ok at least u know u already got someone when u are and honestly I think its probably cute

Wifflesnoofer63 · Answer

You will need to have sex with him a few times before you can define your relationship. You should get on that as soon as possible.

TorHanson · Answer

It's ok and what you have right now for lack of a more formal word is a, "thing"

Anonymous · Answer

You both waste time and dont know what you want. You aren't emotionally unavailable. If you were.. you wouldn't stay that much with him anf kiss him etc. Thot.

Rambler221 · Answer

Well, it really sounds like romance between two people who no longer no what love feels like.

jimmy2 · Answer

Well give it time. Sounds like you are in love is he with you?

Chaz269 · Answer

Stop trying to label it and just enjoy each other.

VaIiant · Answer

Literally friends with benefits.

vittle1999 · Answer

Don't give it a name. Just enjoy it as is.

KhoryESM · Answer

Puppies

mid_man · Answer

You are both in love that simple

ClearSea · Answer

It could be queer platonic, or not

Anonymous · Answer

Proving there's no such thing as "just friends"

corkr900 · Answer

Why label it? It is what it is.

Seppelson · Answer

Why do you have to define it? Enjoy it

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