In dating/relationships/whatever, why do labels and titles matter so much to girls?

Why are they always asking the "what are we" question?
In dating/relationships/whatever, why do labels and titles matter so much to girls?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Not knowing whether the other person is thinking of the relationship as casual or serious is important. If the other person thinks it's casual and the other person thinks it's serious, they're both wasting their time.

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    • What's the difference? How is it actually quantified? "Casual" vs. "serious?"

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    • I don't personally see any other reason for dating but to find a partner for life. And that's why I need to know if the person I'm dating agrees or not.

    • I guess to have fun. What else is there?

  • Because if we don't, there are guys who take that as: "I'm not your boyfriend, so, I don't have to be loyal to you." I always expect a guy to be upfront about what we are, because I'm not here to be casual. If he wants to be casual - okay, but he's not going to be doing it with me.

    A big turn off for me as well is indecisiveness, so if a guy can't decide if he wants me to be his girlfriend or a casual buddy, I want to steer clear of him. Therefore, I always make it clear upfront that I don't go titleless or deal with "maybes." Back when I was younger, sure, but as an adult woman: no thank you.

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    • Fair enough.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Our mind automatically attempts to categorize and file through information provided to it, regardless of whether you are aware of it or not. It is, in some ways, obsessed with order.
    When you assign a label to someone, you are instantly categorizing that person's characteristics and traits and attempting to group them with others with similar traits. We are, in a sense, making patterns out of randomness.
    Society gives us a pre-defined definition and a sort of vague idea of what most labels represent.
    You call someone your friend or girl that you know and people may think anything. If you call them your girlfriend, it gives people something to call you.

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What Girls Said 14

  • People love labels makes them feel secure

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  • Personally, I'd like to know if they're wanting a long term relationship, rather than just dating and fucking around etc. I also don't like just guessing "what we are". I want a relationship that I can see in the future, not just something casual. If that makes sense.

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  • Titles help in defining what the relationship is. No one wants to be led on, but I think especially girls. Like some others have said, we don't want to be thinking of a relationship as serious, but the guy doesn't, etc. So titles help in making it clear what the relationship is. Although, if there is good communication between the guy and girl, that should be the main thing in figuring out/defining what the relationship is.

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    • But what do you think about ^ that quote? It makes a lot of sense to me, personally.

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    • It's mostly because you don't want confusion, and you don't want to lead the other person on/hurt them. This can happen if both people are not on the same page/they did not communicate what they meant to each other/who they are to each other. For example one person wants romance the other wants friendship. Hopefully that makes more sense?

    • No, I understand what you're saying-- that's not the issue. Like I said, I still just don't see why that matters to people, and by people I pretty much just mean girls.

  • Because I do not find it fair to offer a guy the advantages of being in a relationship while we both refuse to face the responsibilities that come along with it. I can't invest my emotions into someone who doesn't even know what he wants.

    Ifhe just wants to have fun then that's fine but that's not what I want. Labels aren't just words, they help me figure out what I should expect, my boundaries, and my responsibilities towards the person.

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  • cuz humans like to name things... we have names for soooo many things, so why not the people around you? it also probably help when talking to others... ites easier to say "boyfriend" than "guy im seeing but dont know if he's my boyfriend"

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  • They want to know what the other person is feeling. A lot of times the girl asks this because she doesn't want to fall hard and get hurt because the guy doesn't feel what she's feeling.

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  • To set the boundaries and make things clear.
    I always feel like people who like to avoid labels want to keep their options open. Why would I want to date such guy?

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  • Because they don't want to end up wasting their time if you don't want the same thing they want.

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  • To know where we stand, see if we're compatible and have the same expectations etc.. it's good for both parties.

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    • Is it though?

    • Unless you prefer to be strung along/led on or do that to the other person without realizing it.
      Even in casual relationships, there are different levels of casual and rules that each should agree to and be fully aware of in order for it to be "maintained".

    • Guess there's always the "let's just have fun and enjoy each other's company" option.

  • To have something concrete and to make sure on same wavelength.

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  • Like the picture, well, all I can say is some girls want to know if we're wasting our time or not. Some of us just don't want to be left saying "I don't know what we are" when asked about a relationship.

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  • Lmao when I first saw those figures I thought the legs were switched and it looked like a weird-ass kangaroo and her joey!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    But anyways, I want labels for security. I've had too many guys give me crap about labels, only to treat me like a fuck buddy when I clearly told them upfront that I wanted something serious, because "we aren't dating" so they can do whatever. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜  And that goes for cheating and stuff as well. They hold no loyalty to a girl if they can't even commit to "dating" her. And I am done with that crap.

    If a man wants to date me, he'd better be willing to call it what it is, and not be unwilling to even commit to a relationship that requires the least bit of loyalty. I look for boyfriends, not guys who maybe will not fuck and run. ๐Ÿ–•

    That's my opinion. ๐Ÿ–ค

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  • Girls often want more of a commitment than guys.

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  • Iโ€™m dealing with that and it has me so insecure. We both have a lot on our plate right now with work and career but he claims to know what he wants for his future, moths in, weโ€™re not together but dating exclusively. At first I was upset but then I realized we have a lot of disagreements and jumping into a relationship is probably not good until we find a solid ground.

    I have fear of it not going into a relationship but I trust he really is trying to be stable with it all, as he has brought me around friends and introduced me. I on the other hand havenโ€™t because i want to make sure itโ€™s official.

    Im conclusion, if itโ€™s going great, why wait?

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    • "Official"...

    • What do you mean?

    • Just the concept of "official." It's really rather bizarre when you really think about it. It's just a label. A word. Yet it means so much to people, specifically girls usually.

What Guys Said 6

  • Because with titles comes certain roles, responsibilities, and obligations. If someone likes you and doesn't want you dating anyone else, they'll be quick to make you their partner.

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    • Kinda crappy to try to own someone's life that way, isn't it?

    • I wouldn't see it as owning them, just wanting to define the feelings that they already have and turn it into a loving relationship.

  • If they are always asking then you are not doing your job. You are the guy, so you need to lead the relationship and make sure she knows where she stands with you and what is the next step. Be sure to be open and honest with how you feel about he and expect that she does the same with you. No one is a mind reader so if she is asking how you feel it is because she cannot read your mind or she doesn't feel connected to you for some reason. If you want to have a long term relationship then clarify the steps of meeting to dating to becoming exclusive and so on. If you just want to date and not be committed let her know. She is judged by society and her friends and family and would feel embarrassed if she can't answer the question of "are you and ___ in a relationship?" or "are you his girlfriend?".

    Another reason why is because there are rules associated with each level of dating. When you are still getting to know each other and are going out then she could still be dating other people. If you agree to be in a committed relationship she wants to know the status so that she is secure you will only see her in a romantic and emotionally intimate way and not cheat with others. When you get engaged she wants to know the status so she can plan for married life. Again as the guy you need to step up and lead her towards your mutual goals in the relationship. Don't let time pass by with both of you unsure how you feel and just be 'hanging out' because that can last for years.

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    • "Level" of dating? Cheating doesn't exist, anyway.

      Letting time pass and hanging out sounds pretty good. What else is there?

    • If you are just dating then you are correct no cheating. Once you agree to a committed relationship and don't disclose emotional and/or physical contact with someone (not your SO) means you are cheating.

      Something else rather than hanging out? Marriage is something else.. :)

  • Communicating expectations is important. One of them could just want a casual, temporary relationship while the other one is looking for a life partner. Obviously one of the two communicating what they expect will save a lot of time.

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  • I don't know, Like I've always said the fairer sex is and always will be a mystery to me

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  • Because women are verbal

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  • They need titles to brag to their female friends "look I have a man ".

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