I love her, but she doesn't feel the same. How can I change that?

Question

I've known this girl for 3 years now and I told her I have feelings for her about a year into our friendship. She said she only think of me as a friend and nothing more. So after that I avoided her for a while, however a few months later she decided to talk to me again on msn. I tried to be friends with her but I still avoided her at school, Then she complains that she doesn't see me in school. So we met up at school and it was from that point on that I fell for her again. I walked her home everyday after school, I gave her gifts every now and then, we chat on MSN everyday and I gave her a really special birthday by taking her to places that neither of us has been. She said it was the best birthday she has ever had. We also went to places like ice skating, hiking, museums and movies just the two of us. I pour my heart out for her and gave her whatever she wants (she didn't ask for much) and more. Even her mum likes me although her mum didn't really like me at the start but as time passes she changed her mind. Her mum even mocked us for starting a relationship so young (18 years old). It wasn't until recently that I tried to defined the relationship. She told me that we are just friends and she will never feel the same way I feel about her. She also said that she has already made it clear at the beginning that she only thinks of me as a friend. Hoever she said she did like me at some point in this 'friendship', but decided that she wants to focus on her studies now and worry about relationship later on in life. I told her I'd wait for her however long it will take but she said that she will never feel the same way for me and we will never be in a relationship. She said she was sorry for leading me on and hurting me. I am confused.

Mystique01 · Accepted Answer

Awww..sorry to hear about what you're going through. :(

Honestly, I would forget about her in regards to being anything romantic with you. I know that sounds kind of harsh, but this part that you mentioned right here was what made me come to this conclusion:

"She told me that we are just friends and she will never feel the same way I feel about her. She also said that she has already made it clear at the beginning that she only thinks of me as a friend."

I'm sorry, but when a girl tells a guy that she will "NEVER" feel the same way about you, and that she only views you as a "friend", that is like the kiss of death. Most girls do NOT go back and change their minds. I don't even think a guy who told a girl this statement would eventually change his mind over time.

There is just something so "final" about the word "never" that I can't even imagine using it unless I'm 100% certain that I would never feel the same way about somebody. If she's using the word "never", then it's pretty much a sure bet that she only views you as a friend, and will more than likely continue to only view you as a friend.

But I wouldn't worry/fret too much. Just continue to be nice and cordial to her, but start getting out and doing things with OTHER girls! Walk OTHER girls home, and stop catering to this friend of yours. You might find that you have more of an interest with other girls...girls who actually SHARE your romantic interest. :)

babygirltiffie · Accepted Answer

you can keep showing her how much you love her and just don't be pushy. trust me, I'm in love with a guy I was friends with but something happend and his mom made it much bigger of a prob then it was..if she had kept her nose outa our business we would have only fought a week or a month at absolute most. now I don't know how he feels but I refuse to give up. I don't care if he says it won't happen, if he did that is, but I can't give up. when you love someone so much, you wont. you really can't MAKE someone love you, but you can show them why they should. giving her gifts? taking her places? showing you care? I would have taken the hint by now and started liking you by now prob, because eventually people grow a bond, and I believe eventually it can turn into more then just a friendship bond. if you wanna talk add me

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Are you not attractive? Maybe you should ignore her for a while and get successful too. She's so not ready for a relationship. Don't answer to her. Answer to yourself. Don't go out of your way for her. Let her come to you too. I know how this is. I have strong feelings for my best friend and it's not returned, but I'll get him. And you can get her too! Never give up :D

hwalton211 · Accepted Answer

It sounds like she has said over and over that she only likes you as a friend. I have come across this many times in my life. So, forget about her, and spend your time and effort looking for someone who really can like you as more than just a friend. If this girl tries to talk to you again, tell her you are serious about finding someone who will not place limits on how intimate you can be. Tell her you haven't got time for just friends, since friends come and go. Obviously, she isn't interested in preserving your friendship, or she wouldn't place limits on it, so move on to someone else. Sometimes, a person is put into our lives for a season, for a reason, or to help us learn something. When that season is up, it's time to move on. It sounds like her mind is already made up about you, she thinks you are not "boyfriend" material. So give someone else a chance. This has happened to me so many times I can't even count. You will, eventually, find someone who won't place those limits on you. And you won't be able to find that person if you are hung up on someone who wants to say "you may only come THIS close" then you are off limits.

joshua1515 · Accepted Answer

looks like yal have a good realationship  you should stop bringing up your feelings for her  but take her to places.while you are doing that start working out learn how to play the guitar ect get her to notice you.if you keep on telling her that you like her she thinks that she has control if yal date or not. you need to show her that she needs to try to get you.so just try to get her to notice you. but remember if yal do go out and when, if yal break up chances are your friendship with her well not be the same trust me I regret going out with a lot of my "best friends" beacuse we are just a little less then friends now

Anonymous · Answer

Girls in the developing stages of a potential relationship are similar to cars in terms of accelerating the vehicle or in the case with a girl, accelerating a relationship. Never give the car too much gas, and never give the girl too much love. You will smother the relationship. And once a girl reaches the "never" stage... the relationship potential has flat lined... and it is only fair to both of you that you accept it in a respectable way.
I get it... it's hard. You are so convinced that pouring it on is the answer... when it is not... not in the developing stages anyhow. Her feelings for you can only grow in the growth phase... which comes when she is in need... misses you... and she has never felt a strong imbalance of feelings in the past. Tall order, I know, but it's the truth. If you don't like the car analogy... treat her like a young flower. She needs water and sunshine to grow, but not too much.

As far as your orginal question goes... there really is nothing you can do because she already knows how you feel (which is really a good thing as you head toward the exit).
You don't have to look back and wonder what could have happened... cause she knew how you felt.
But... any additional forcing will just push her away even further. You have to move on. There is always (I don't care what they say) The slightest of chances she will pursue you one day. But do not hold out for that to happen. Sorry for your pain... but best to move on.

eldamien · Answer

If she said, flat out, that you'll never be in a relationship, then just accept it. It's a cliche, but there are PLENTY of girls out there - every girl, at heart, wants a boyfriend, and you're just spinning your wheels pining for someone that has said flat out to your face that she has no interest in you.

Don't confuse friendly interest for romantic interest. If you try to push her into a relationship, she'll end up resenting you and you'll lose a great friendship as well. Accept her decision and move on.

kheserthorpe · Answer

I'm not sure why you're confused given she keeps telling you over and over again for years that you're just friends.

So I'll try too:

She just wants to be friends. Here are some things you've told us:

- her mother likes you

- she likes hanging out with you

- you give her gifts

- you speak sweetly to her

Have you noticed anything missing on the list? Here's something that's missing:

- she lusts for your body and touch.

IT IS NOT HAPPENING. Stop wasting your time, energy, emotions and money on this girl. She doesn't want you.

reeltaulks · Answer

Don't worry it happens to the best of us. Save your good heart for someone that deserves it. Sorry to bust your bubbles but she never had feelings for you neither did she like you because if she did she would consider the fact that you would wait for her. Instead she sealed it again with her words "she will never feel the same way". It's OK everything you have done will come back positively to you in some way or the other. It may not be in a relationship but you will get it back. As for her, she will never find anyone like you, she may try to work "her magic" on someone that peeks her interest but instead she will get the results she gave you. We live and learn Yes...hopefully we all do...CiaO

Vonda G. Nelson

sigsauer45 · Answer

The love doctor is going to help you out you told her how you fill about her and she told you she will never fill the same way you and that won't ever chang so the best thing you can do is just be her friend and move on and stop pineing over her becouse you will never get her to fall in love with you so just move on and you will fine a girl that fills the same way you fill for this girl and there on confused here she just what you as a friend and that it. so more on and get over it.

the love doctor

Good luck

quail · Answer

I think she is telling you the truth when she says she just wants to be friends, at least while she is concentrating on her studies.  Sounds like she wants to establish herself in a career before she gets serious with anyone.  Also, she may just simply not feel any "chemistry" with you.  That can sometimes change, but it sounds like right now, she has her focus on other areas in her life.  Give her some space, try dating some other ladies, and maybe in a year or two you can try with her again, but in the meantime, show her you have a life of your own.  Show her you are a whole person without her.  Get your studies done, establish yourself in a career, and she might perceive you as someone who is on the same page as herself with the same focus and turn towards you.

irish-girl-08 · Answer

this girl doesn't like you in a romantic way and what she has told you has made that clear but what she's shown you has made it unclear. the only thing I can say is you can't make someone love you and you shouldn't want to have to make someone love you . real love is effortless you don't need to be anyone or do anything but be you and the person will love you hold out for someone who will love you without trying ,you may think this girl is perfect but she's not simply because she doesn't love you ..best of luck finding the one :)

donteallen · Answer

stop attempting.. leave her alone for awhile and accumulate other female friends... those that will be attracted to you then once you have these females ... found out where she'll be and bring the other ladies around , multiple woman you don't have to be having sex or interested you are just created a desire.. showing that other people find you intersting and this will cause her to psychologically desire and want to pull you in

dx021 · Answer

you've already lost dude. women don't get into relationships like guys do. they want to be swept away in a whirlwind of passion, inexplainable emotion and drama\

thats what sparks that burning passionate fire in her lady-parts

being really nice and sh*t doesn't do much. in fact it kinda makes you boring

chaos + poetry = win :)))

misterjones · Answer

I'll be as brutally honest as possible. This existence we have isn't a rom/com and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. Cut her out of your life. entirely. You know what you want and she doesn't want the same. She will not change her mind. Tell her that you and her shouldn't talk anymore. The statement: "We shouldn't talk anymore." will end your current friendship with her. Under no circumstances should you contact her.

Turn away from her, walk forward, and don't look back. Then start looking for a girl who will return your affection.

This WILL hurt and a part of you WILL die inside.

alysaa16 · Answer

you can't always change this she knows you by now and likes you for you but its a different kind of love tell her to give you a chance and read a couple of cliche girl books or look up phonezoo and look at some photos they hav tons of quotes from girls that are totally true make yourself that prince charming but if after that she still dusnt like you stop maybe only time will change it or maybe she's just not right for you and vice versa ull meet someone else

sumina7 · Answer

You can not force or buy love. If you are not what she is looking for you can never get love even if you spend an enormous time and effort. And, remember that each person is looking for some thing unique to him or her.

So, you have to find some way to get out of this one way love and look for someone who can love you as well.

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes people know someone is good for them and tries their hardest to make that person fit into their lives. But when it really comes down to it, the fact is that you don't chose who you fall in love with. It just happens. It's not a switch you can turn on and off. She probably knows that you are the best person for her, but she just doesn't feel the same attraction that you do. Which isn't her fault, she probably wants to like you. And it isn't something you should take personally, even though I know that is much easier said then done.

Anonymous · Answer

You need to back off, sorry but I think you trying persistently although she has said no twice or more is turning her off completely. What's wrong with being friends and find another girl to date, because the way you are tagging along is not only pathetic but it's unhealthy for yourself, the sooner you realize it is the better. That girl has you like a blind puppy.She knows what she wants and as heart breaking as it maybe to you she knows what she wants and it not you at this point.

Anonymous · Answer

You cannot change it, you are in the friend-zone, which means she has no romantic interest on you. You need to think on what you did wrong -maybe you were too clingy, too wuzzy or something- At this point there is no return, you are just wasting your time with this chick.

Go get some new phone numbers.

art84 · Answer

Seems like she doesn't have feelings for you, dude. Sorry to hear that you poured your heart to her and spent time with her but it didn't work out. You really cant' force someone to love you or have feelings toward you. If there is no connection than its not gonna work out. I been there before and it sucks when you like someone and they don't feel the same way about you as well. Best of luck to finding the right girl in the future, just keep searching and you'll find your true love.

DisaterousLove · Answer

Sorry Bro But You Gotta Realize That You Can't Really Force Her To Love You But Since You Really Like Her  Wait For Her Because In Every Friendship As Clse As Yours The Girl Will Usually Fall For The Guys So Just Don't Push It And Make Her Uncomfortable Around You Okay :) And Good Luck :D

AndyWes · Answer

DITCH HER! For your own sake, just ditch her and find another girl! It'll hurt for a while, but once you heal it'll feel amazing! You'll thinking and be shocked, when you think back, at how much she DOESN'T matter, now!

Ihateyou524 · Answer

Be a friend don't let your feelings control your actions. Let the hand play out organically maybe add a unconscious nudge in the right direction.. at the end of the day if she means that much to you then you should only want her to be happy.. better as a friend then a memory.. cards will fall as they see fit

Ainvar · Answer

What the heck man! I asked the same question a few days ago and didn't get this many answers! Good luck to us both I guess!

I love her, but she doesn't feel the same. How can I change that?

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