I don't feel like my feelings are as strong as my girlfriend's. What should I do in this situation?

[Anonymous]

My girl is much more emotionally attached to me than vice versa. This is my first real relationship, and I don't feel like my feelings can be described as "love" or anything like that. Of course, I like her; she is cute and beautiful, but I think I was always more interested in the sexual aspect of our relationship, and reality just hit me when she started telling me, "I love you." Whenever she says this, I always say, "I love you too" or "Me too," but it rubs me the wrong way when I say that, as if I am lying. I feel like experiencing true love is too early for me. What am I supposed to do in this situation? I don't want to break her heart because she is pure and innocent. I think I am just unsure of my feelings for her.

[Rosexøxø]

Okay good! Very good, you’re asking and that you have a conscience! Lol

The BEST option you can do IS honesty and offer some type of alternative or support to let her wean herself off of you, and the idea of an intimate relationship with you.

You can say what you truly feel, and say you care enough about her as a person, to tell her the truth because she as an exceptional individual, who deserves the truth.

*Then add, you’d be willing to be friends or keep in touch with her for a bit, until she finds a nice guy to date.* Finds someone else is what I mean.

So she doesn’t feel totally alone in that, and at a loss. It’s the best anyone could do in this situation.

If it feels too much, while waiting for her, you can say that later, saying: you thought It’d be easy to wait for her or anyone to find someone, but you don’t wish to feel depended on this way. Adults all the time are either hooking up or making passes because that’s how it works in love, courtship, or even one night stands, and you shouldn’t have to be the person that helps her cope emotionally if your answer happens to be no, and if she says no to some guy or a guy says no to her, neither should have to wait for them to find someone else or to cope because we all have a very real goal of finding like-minded (you can say like-minded because you want more sexual things than romantic- which is fine) people in this world of about 7 billion. So obviously there is a time limit, and you can say to her: I may have said no, but now, you shouldn’t waste your time crying for me and instead, try to find your lucky one, one who’d seem like me but even better to you, so that you can live a life with healthy companionship, if companionship is one of the goals that you still have.

Make sure to convey it to her in this way, so that she understands what she needs to. If you just say the honest and hurtful truth, and walk away, she will focus on ALL the wrong things, as we all tend to do.

We internalize and we exaggerate the truths and become these ‘walking downward spirals of hopelessness,’ at times (when we were the most passionate, and received losses, instead of reciprocation).

You will both be fine!

best to you! And try not to make this particular situation a recurring one! ☝️ 😭

🙌🫶

[Jamie05rhs]

@Rosexøxø I don't think the gradual phaseout thing will work. That will only make it harder for her. She is attached to him, so she will continue to be attached to him unless she has a reason to let go of him.

Of course, I'm not even of the opinion that he should break up with her, necessarily.

[Jamie05rhs]

I wish he would answer my questions, though.

[Rosexøxø]

@Jamie05rhs Yeah it's a tricky situation, but I stand by my answer 100%! I have done this and it had worked for me also.

Sometimes it's just letting them know they're not alone. They may choose to ghost or break contact either way, but it's better when they do it and feel in control of their livessss

I liked your opinion also! I plan to stay up-to-date with it!

[Jamie05rhs]

@Rosexøxø Okay. :)

[Screenwriter]

Well, stop saying "I love you too," and telling this girl lies, because you ARE lying to her.

I'm glad you're finally admitting to yourself that you're uncomfortable with this. But you are going to have to sit down and talk to her and ultimately, you are going to have to break up with her.

You like the sex, she wants a relationship AND sex. You don't want both. And please, stop being so conceited as to think you'll break her heart. Sure, you'll hurt her feelings and she'll be sad, but you will be doing her a favor by leaving her to find someone who WILL love her and is not simply a fuck buddy, because that is what you are: a friend with benefits.

You're cheating her. Do the right thing and tell her your ACTUAL feelings. "Gina, you are a great person and I love being intimate with you, but I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU. I like you a lot, but I'm more interested in having sex with you than in a longterm relationship."

And do NOT tell her you can be friends. She does not want this, but will SAY she can accept that. MAKE A CLEAN BREAK. And find someone who wants what you want: a friendship with sex-- not a love relationship. There is plenty of time for both of you to find what you want. You're just not a good match.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in this situation once before. Some women will argue otherwise but personally I think it’s a better scenario if the woman has higher interest level in the man than vice versa.

Reason being is women are always subconsciously shit testing men and often don’t even realize it. The more they like the guy the less they will do and the easier the tests will be. So the best case scenario is when the woman has a slightly higher interest level in the man than vice versa.

I heavily emphasize slightly. This will keep her mind straight against rejecting him for unfair, fickle or stupid reasons. However if she is way more into him then vice versa then there is a problem. The man will usually stick around longer than a woman would in this scenario. Most men don’t encounter women we find at least semi attractive who are really into us very often. Simply because we generally have fewer options. So men often hesitate and have stronger feelings of guilt.

Anyway are you annoyed by her loving you too much? Is it a big turnoff? Or is it just making you nervous?

[Asker]

Woah. Never expected my question to blow up, but to answer your last questions: I'm not sure if I get annoyed by her loving me too much, but I am sure that it makes me nervous, because I do not want to break her by telling her my feelings aren't mutual...

[Opinion Owner]

I know exactly how you feel. Funny it’s usually women who have the awkward luxury of being in that position. When it happens to guys we don’t know how to handle it.

[Asker]

What do you suggest I do? Should I continue now, knowing the damage is done, or end it before it gets any worse?

[Opinion Owner]

I broke up with my last girlfriend and said that I had to be honest because I respected her. Attraction isn’t a choice but respect is.

She went absolutely nuclear and I had to endure 2 hours of her going ballistic. But I knew she would remember that event for the rest of her life. So I let her get every single thing off her chest. I was able to walk away with a clear conscious. No regrets. Plus her reaction actually confirmed what I was suspicious of all along (she saw me as her “savior” which is no bueno).

Also remember the one who breaks up really has the power. They have to bare the guilt but they are in the drivers seat. I should have done this with a different girlfriend years ago yet I drove her into breaking into breaking up with me. She not only broke up with me but treated me (unnecessarily) like I was less than human. I regretted not taking action on that ever since.

[Opinion Owner]

Anyway about “being nervous”. You are nervous for a good reason. Your nervous because if you are wondering if her feelings are genuine or if she is caught up in a schoolgirl fantasy.

I want to believe she is genuine and you can be vulnerable and she will still love you.

When it comes to that I don’t know if I can give good advice. Because i had one ex (from many years ago) act this way for almost an entire year. I knew it wouldn’t last forever but I thought we could have a respectful break up. Instead she cheated on me (she never confessed it but I am 99% it happened) as “revenge” for me not fully reciprocating. Then she dumped me and treated me like I was less than human.

But again I am not sure I am the best person to give advice. I know other guys have been happily married in scenarios like this. I might of been too but she met me at the wrong time in my life.

[RoastedToast]

As wonderbell said it, don't stress over it. Just let things happen and continue as you are and don't stress over it. Maybe the girl did get attached quickly I don't know the context. Just go at your own pace and don't force anything.

It's different for everyone just keep doing you and if it you think back about it one day and you can say it becomes genuine then good for you dude. It takes time. You don't get a best friend with years worth of memories over night, do you.

Now I've been there myself about a girl liking me more than vice versa and for me personally it just take longer for me to get to that point. I lied as well to not make her feel bad so I can't judge. I just let things happen until I felt the same way and could say it back earnestly.

[Pinay_ako]

Just be honest with her if you truly care not to hurt her. Tell her you’re unsure and don’t ever comfort her with a sugarcoated I love you to not hurt her. You’re not just lying to her but yourself. Let her go!

[WonderBell99]

A lot of people commenting on your post do not realize that it takes a while to truly fall in love with someone. Emotional attachment =/= love. For how long have you guys been dating? If you’ve been dating for around 6-8 months and you still don’t feel like you could fall in love with her, well, you really should break up. Relationships needn’t always be 50/50. It’s normal for a person to be more “invested” in the relationship. (Not implying that only one person should be invested or anything).

You should not feel pressurized/obligated to tell “I love you” if you feel like it’s too soon or if you don’t genuinely feel that way about her.

Also, what do you mean by “emotionally attached?” In an unhealthy way or…?

[MyOwnMan2]

It takes me 2 seconds to fall in love

[WonderBell99]

@MyOwnMan2 Cool. You do you.

[MyOwnMan2]

Why does it take you so long

[WonderBell99]

@MyOwnMan2 I don't know.

[Keyboardkat]

This is what happens when you separate sex from love. Guys can just do it with anyone. All she has to be is female and breathing. But for girls it's not that way at all. Most girls have to get to know you and to trust you and have feelings for you before they'll get sexual with you. And a sexual relationship, especially for a girl, becomes a powerful bond. This is why I, as a guy, do NOT believe in the old double standard. You've already set her up for a broken heart.
If you at least LIKE her, and if you think she MIGHT be a keeper for you, what I could suggest doing is acting in a loving way toward her, because the experience has been that if you treat someone that way, you will start to feel that way toward them.
But if this relationship breaks up, my only advice to you would be, next time, hold off. Don't be in such a hurry to jump into bed, no matter how irresistible you find her. The feelings must come first!

[arodriguez664]

Break up with her. DO NOT drag the poor girl through your journey to figure yourself out. My ex boyfriend was the same he didn't love me as much as I loved him. It was torture. I finally left him when I realized we both weren't happy. We were together for 12 long years. He felt bad he didn't love me as much and I felt horrible knowing he didn't love me as much as I loved him. Being in a relationship where I know my boyfriend loves me as much of not more than I love him is much better. Definitely worth leaving my ex

[Vegasrunner]

@arodriguez664 That's not going to happen men don't usually break up w/ women because they have a scarcity mindset.

[arodriguez664]

@Vegasrunner it's so cruel

[Vegasrunner]

@arodriguez664 Not breaking up w/ a woman is cruel?

[arodriguez664]

@Vegasrunner yes, in some cases it's more cruel to hold onto a relationship than to simply let it go.

[Vegasrunner]

@arodriguez664 Cruel to who? For the guy it seems like its in his best interest.

[Luopio27]

Your relationship just got out of hand. You are lying to yourself when tou say I love you too. Wanting sex is a natural thing and getting into a relationship is rarely as black and white as stories of high school kids dating a girl only to get laid and brag about it to their friends.


You have her now, but when she is gone, you may grow stronger feelings for her. Or not. I dont know. But I do know that telling her what you told us is is right for both of you. Gives both a chance to be honist.


I know its easier said than done but good luck and god speed.

[Curmudgeon]

Is he necessarily? It may be *less* than she does, but if he cares about her and is fond of her, perhaps he should stick it out? Especially if she really IS good to him and for him.

[Anonymous]

Everyone does not fall in love at the same time. It takes others longer, especially if they’ve been through some emotional trauma in their life, or a combination of emotional and physical. You don’t have to feel bad about this. Besides this is your first real relationship as you said so you have nothing to compare it to as far as what you’re really supposed to be feeling. My girl is the same, but I don’t reciprocate it all the same way she does. Sometimes I feel like I don’t love her, but over time I’ve realized I do I just show it differently. Mainly by being therefor all things, taking care of us financially, making sure she’s taken care of as far as her needs, being a protector. But you have to understand as well that one person will always love the other person more no matter what. I wouldn’t say I love you unless you really mean it. There’s different kinds of love. How old are you? How long have you two been together?

[Anonymous]

Ask yourself what you want in a girl. Don't listen to other girls about this. They are giving you purely emotional advice because they are connecting to their own story. You're not in harmony with this girl so far. That's means either you will have to change or she will if you want to be in harmony. You might find she is what you want after you take a deep dive into thinking about it. And don't list characteristics with no purpose. Everyone does that. What kind of relationship do you want and what type of girl can give you that?

So just figure out that first and then you can make a decision. Don't listen to nobody about your life. You make the decision. It's your life. You have the right to do what you want. Regardless if it is moral or not. You will also have to pay the consequences.

I hope you choose the right choice. I know at that age I wouldn't fucked up. I was so stupid back then.

[Purpleronnie]

You really shouldn’t say you love someone until you feel like that’s true and certainly not because the other person says it to you. Your kinda ignorantly playing with her emotions , re-enforcing a relationship that really doesn’t exist as she understands it. It’s time for you to look inside yourself and determine how you actually feel and either commit fully or stop leading her on , doing damage and wasting her time

[EricSummer]

It's not the worst place to be in. Best give it some time and allow yourself to get attached to her in your own pace.
Could it be that you are seeing love as more exceptional than it is? You are definitely not too young for love.
You could admit to her that you are not yet comfortable saying that you love her. On the other hand you could "fake it until you make it". It's quite possible that you are almost there already.

[WriterDreams]

Stop saying you love her.

If you don't or you are not sure.

Don't say it.

Saying I love you to a girl when you don't will leave scars you cannot erase. Believe me I have been and we'll still are in your girl friends shoes.

Just be honest with her and yourself.

[Anonymous]

you have some serious problems. this girl doesn't deserve you only "liking" her. if you don't love her, don't date her... seriously. this will hurt her more if you keep pretending saying i love you and junk. if you're only interested in sex, then you need to be single and go mess around like that. what you are doing is wasting her time and dragging her along. doesn't feel very nice.

[Jamie05rhs]

Ignore the people attacking you. You're not a bad person. I appreciate this honest question that you are asking. I know you have a good heart.

I would like to talk through these feelings, if it's alright with you.

I'll start with just a couple of questions:

1. What does love mean to you?
2. Have you ever felt love before?
3. What drew you to this girl? What made you attracted to her?
4. What are the core things that you want from a relationship with a woman?

[Asker]

Sorry for taking so long to answer, never thought my question would blow up.
1. What does love mean to you? Love, for me, essentially means when both parties in a relationship are ready to be together for the rest of their life, have children, grow old etc. Keyword: READY. However, I am also aware that feelings of love do not always lead to this outcome.
2. Have you ever felt love before? I have never really felt love before, what came closest was my extremely strong feelings for this girl back in 8-9th grade (but I got rejected...). I still find her beautiful and have lingering feelings.
3. What drew you to this girl? What made you attracted to her? I think, deep down, I have always been interested by the fact that I KNEW she liked me. I always noticed her staring in the hallways at school, and I became sure when she started following me on social medias. At the same time, I had always thought "well, she is cute, good looking, close to my type, so why not?", and that was exactly how I thought of everything, if I am being fully honest. I went into the relationship with that mindset, so I was never prepared for this, and that is why I am in a bind. I really do not want to break her heart, but I feel like we are at a point of no return, so the damage has already been done...
4. What are the core things that you want from a relationship with a woman? I have never thought of relationships that last extremely long, as in several years to a decade, as something I am interested in. I feel like I have always thought of "just" having a female companion beside me, whom I can have fun and spend time with. I never had marriage or anything grand in mind, and I feel like that is extremely normal for "us" teenagers. Yet, when I think about it now, I feel like I am a terrible person for being like that. But I cannot really help it...

[Jamie05rhs]

@Asker Thanks for answering my questions! I really appreciate that.

I have a few follow-up ones, if you don't mind:

2. This girl that you used to have a crush on... Do you ever see her in public? Do you guys still live in the same city/town? Do you ever interact with her in any way?

4. I understand that you have never expected to be in a long-term relationship. But what if you did find someone that you really got along with? Would you ever consider it?

[Asker]

2. This girl that you used to have a crush on... Do you ever see her in public? Do you guys still live in the same city/town? Do you ever interact with her in any way? She goes to the same high school as me (we are both in our last year, albeit in different classes), and she used to be my neighbour until her family moved to another place in our town. The last time I interacted with her was back when we had some classes together as first-years. I always had this awkward feeling around her due to our past experiences back in middle school, so we never talked after that (though we did walk past eachother in the hallways many times)...

4. I understand that you have never expected to be in a long-term relationship. But what if you did find someone that you really got along with? Would you ever consider it? - See, thats the problem... It's hard for me to imagine someone like that, maybe because I have never experienced it. However, if I were to try to imagine, then maybe I would try to give long-term as shot. But as of now, I have never thought of relationships like that (yet).

[Jamie05rhs]

2. So you go to the same school together. Ahh. So you basically see her every day. (Even if it's just passing in the hallway and not saying a word to each other.). That's gotta be tough.
... So no wonder you haven't gotten over her. Because she's still present in your everyday life. You literally are forced to be in the same building with her.

4. That's a fair answer. No judgement from me. Have you shared those feelings with your current girlfriend?

[itsaboutthyme]

I was in your shoes. I didn't realize that it was because deep down, I was telling myself that I didn't deserve that love. If it bothers you, it's just that you're not willing to accept others trying to prove your low self value wrong. Regardless, this is a mess for relationships. Don't mess someone else's self value up just because you can't figure your own out.

[Anonymous]

Don’t lie about loving someone, why don’t you try to do more fun things together that aren’t sex and see if you can get to know her better if that’s the problem. Some people take longer to feel it and that’s ok but you should never pretend if she says it you can always say something genuine that you appreciate about her back like you’re beautiful I’m so lucky to have you or something.

[ZackBan]

Here's what you do

You get down on both knees and thank your lucky stars my guy.

A relationship only thrives if the woman is more in love than the man.
In a reverse situation you'd be a gonner. Women put feelings above all other benefits of being with someone.
Men tend to compartmentalize, talk about the up side and down side.

Just trust me I've seen the other side of this coin. YOU are winning

[Adam1978]

Nothing, unless you guys has been fucking around like rabbits and you still don't feel like it. Men pair bond through sex and physical contact. If that has already been going on, this might actually be the most you will ever feel for her. Then it's up to you to decide if you fine with this state or find someone you can love deeper.

[Christoff92]

Hmmm. For what you said in your situation. Love is blind. Would never disappear. She says she loves you which you're being a great guy to her. Your feelings for her are strong. Am sensing that you have shyness or never had that much love growing up.

Could you gave any grief. Then talk with her about it. You want to really love her so talk to her if you have any situation with growing up. She'll understand really 😀

[OceanGirl21]

My thoughts too. If he breaks things off I feel like he might realise he regrets it, or not, but we all live and learn.

[SphynxUK]

You liked her and started dating. It’s not your fault if you realise it isn’t love. That’s how lots of relationships go.
It isn’t pleasant, but you’ll need to tell her you don’t feel the same. The sooner the better. Tell her she’s lovely and this and that, but although you wish it was, you’re heart isn’t in it.

[Anonymous]

1. I don't feel like my feelings can be described as "love"

2. I always say, "I love you too" or "Me too," . . . when I say that, as if I am lying.

AS IF you are lying? Isn't that just a lie?

You have no obligation to fall in love with her but most people expect you to be honest. You are lyin to her because you don't want to break up and that means the sex would come to an end.

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah sex is not the best when it’s wrong. It will be a terrible post nut clarity (and TRUE LIFE REALITY) even if the wrongness of it makes it more arousing or something.

[bobthe1st]

Feelings change over time, my first girlfriend was the same. I broke up with her at the time wanting space buy looking back she was one of the few girls I've actually loved... I mean this might help... love if love because love inspit true love incompreces all aspects of this... I would spend time thinking of her qualities and be grateful it's not the other way around with you two.