What should I do to not feel this heavy feeling of sadness?

[Anonymous]

I thought the friendship that I was growing with one of the girls was going smoothly last year. We had our group of four girls and we talked about everything, therefore I thought there was a sense of trust within the friendship. That is until this week. It was brought to her attention last year that I had asked the guy she was seeing if he would want to take Bart with me to see a play we were required to see for class lab hours and he was going the same day as me. He had told me 'okay' and then our mutual friend went along with us.

I had not expected this girl to tell me that I broke the 'girl code' and that I should have never asked him in the first place. Even though I constantly reassured her that I only asked him as a classmate and nothing more. And I did admit that I should have told her, but seeing that I never had to do that before it was not in my second nature to do that.

And no, the guy never told her that I had asked him until this week after she found out that I got cast to be his 'on-stage girlfriend' in our college production. I have spoken to the guy and he told me that 'we are professionals and that we know how to separate personal business and what we need to do for the show'.

But I am still feeling hurt because like I said we were four girls in what seemed like a strong friend group. And even though the other two girls have reassured me that they are still my friends, I can't help but feel sad that such a big miscommunication turned everything south.

I don't know if the ages matter but; I'm 22, the girl who broke my friendship with her is 25, the guy is 23, and the other two girls are 18 and 20.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I can understand both point of views but she took it personal, she just feels betrayed, mostly if you knew that she liked that guy, it seems kinda cruel to proceed with this anyways, even if it's just as classmates, she will only see betrayal, id say if she is allowed to come with y'all as Well, y'all should invite her, then push her to make a move on the guy, I think that can bring the friendship back, i think I've seen enough girl dramas on tv to kinda talk my shit here 😂

[Asker]

I know this sounds like something out of a girl drama on TV for sure. But I had cried so many times in front of her and the others when this conversation got brought up on Thursday and we had a group talk in regards to it. Because I genuinely just felt so bad for not realizing her side of things. But I also found out that technically the guy is her man now, so I think that's where I'm like: Okay, so if he is your man now, why are we bringing up the past?

[ChicoFromThe305]

aaand you lost me, what so this is old news or did this just happen?

[Asker]

Me asking the guy to take the same transportation as me to go and see the play for class lab hours as classmates is old news which is around the time my friend was talking to him so they were forming a relationship with each other and she knew how supportive I was in regards about that. The new news is that she was not aware until this week that it was me who asked him.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Ooh but at the time did you know? That she liked him and wanted something with him?

[Asker]

I knew for sure that she liked him and wanted something with him a month after I had gone to go and see the play with him including a mutual friend of ours for class lab hours. The play happened in September and it wasn't until October I found out from her that she and the guy were working things out.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well then this is the discussion you should have with her, defend yourself, at this point you just aren't a genie and you had no suspicions to assume she liked him

[Asker]

Well, that's the thing, I did defend myself while also hearing her out this week. And I respected her decision on Friday that she feels better off not being my friend anymore which is where it hurts given that I genuinely didn't mean to hurt her at all and I thought we had that trust where it's like I made this one mistake and that I didn't mean to make her feel like I "sneaked" behind her back to hang with her man one on one or that I lied to her because in no form did I lie to her.

[ChicoFromThe305]

At you know the truth and the world just isn't fair, you know you didn't do it to flake her and you tried to put effort for the friendship after, the effort from your side is already there, just move and be with the others and who knows, maybe she will come around, maybe someday she will hear it from him and that's when she will realize the truth.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Ay**

[ChicoFromThe305]

Or who knows, maybe their relationship will end and she will realize she actually broke the code, don't y'all have a girls before bros code or something

[Asker]

Yeah, you're right. I do hope that hopefully, this will resolve on its own because I feel like I've already done so much on my side to explain myself over and over again since Thursday. And I think I just feel exhausted mentally given that I have accepted my mistake and that moving forward I will learn from this experience.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Indeed and who knows, maybe she just has to cool off for a bit, usually alone time gets you thinking, she just has to properly think of the situation and in case she never does, what you should do is move on, find better friends, it clearly shows she made this assumption about you and didn't give that benefit of the doubt that every friend should have from the friendship and out of respect and trust, at the very least she couldve put effort to dig for the truth but she chose to stick that betrayal tag on you and throw you away, the fact that she is incorrect about the situation shows she didn't try hard enough to find truth, she let those intrusive thoughts of you flaking her win, cause on some real shit, a flaker doesn't apologize and wouldn't put effort to fix anything.

[Asker]

That is a code that I believe in first which is the 'girls before bros' code. So that's why I felt deeply hurt that all the blame was being placed on me only. I also think that the guy should have told her when it first happened if they were talking around that time because I understand that she most likely feels more hurt since to her it feels like this was kept away from her.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yep he was being deceitful if this happened when he was already talking to the other girl

[Asker]

Yes because now I wish that if anything, I wish that he had invited her or at least asked her to come see the play with us even if it was for class because I feel like if he had done that, then this big miscommunication would have never occurred. But sadly I do understand that everything happens for a reason. If it wasn't going to be this thing, it would have been another thing who knows.

[ChicoFromThe305]

"Everything happens for a reason" wow not many people go by that mentality anymore, refreshing to see someone else believe in that as well, but either ways the results led you here, maybe you dodged a bullet elsewhere, only god knows, if anything true colors were shown, that situation seems like maybe god given guidance, it opened your eyes to who your real friends are.

[Asker]

For sure. Honestly, I feel a lot better now being able to express what happened without any biased opinions. Because I think I was still feeling that heavy feeling of sadness because I truly felt like nobody was trying to see things from my perspective or at least trying to understand that I didn't mean to break the 'girl code' at all. This led me here because I was like I needed more outside thoughts about this. So thank you for taking time out of your day to hear me out.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Glad it helped you feel better, hope the results lead to good things. 💯🙏🏽

[Anonymous]

Take a break from them and see people that want your company

[Asker]

Yeah, deep down I want to give everyone the space they need since I know this has affected each of us in very different ways. And I feel like for myself, I know I need the space to collect myself again. Because I can't imagine just acting like nothing happened, that doesn't feel right to me.

[Avicenna]

Maybe with time, you will feel differently

[Asker]

I have hope for that because all of this has happened very recently and so I guess as the saying goes the 'wound is still fresh'. But I just don't want to constantly think about it.

[Avicenna]

Yeah, time heals. Try to distract yourself for now.

[Anonymous]

Take a break

[Asker]

Yeah, I mean I'm trying to take a break and not overthink about this but it's so hard because even when I'm occupying myself with something else, that feeling of sadness just creeps up.