While in a monogamous relationship, do you still intentionally place yourself near people you find attractive? Is this cheating?

[Jammaa]

I do. Cheating.

I do. Not cheating.

I don't. Cheating.

I don't. Not cheating.

Updates

+1 y

I'm talking about choosing to be near the more physically attractive over the less attractive

[Finchie40]

It can be considered cheating , if you are acting on it and keeping it a secret from your partner , Cheating isn’t just physical act it can be mentally and emotional act as well , Basically anything you can do behind your partners’ back without them knowing? Is cheating , How would you feel if your partner was doing this sort of thing to you behind your back? Why it’s best to always wear your partners’ shoes before making decisions on things, just because you might feel like what you are doing is innocent and ok , it might not be innocent and ok to your partner. If they find out what you been doing behind their backs. I can’t tell you what to do in your relationship, all I am doing is giving you advice on your relationship, From my experiences in relationships I, the only ones that lasted were the ones that we both removed selfishness for each other , meaning her and I were on the same page with things , what she doesn’t want me doing to her , is the same rules for her as well. If you want love to grow between you both , you are best to remove selfishness from yourself for your partner and hopefully your partner will do the same for you

[sadstrawberry]

When you love someone you don't allow yourself to be attracted to someone else.

Attraction is bad..

Loyality is rare. I'm rare because I'm hardcore loyal. But around me I saw many guys triple dating like my 2 ex, my own male cousins and more. It's bad especially in era where dating apps are prevalent. People forgot what it's like to have feelings and love someone and is busy looking directly for intimacy. We are the ones that create intimacy. It's hard to trust anyone now because people say something else, think something else and do something else. It's scary. So if you're guy I think girls cheat less and guys cheat a lot. I think you should be a giver and the girl in return if she loves you back will give you too. Making money when you're young and after 25 find love. Because, I feel people are not very mature and experiment and shit when they're young so find someone who is mindful, knows themselves and loves themselves enough and who has set certain standards for herself, so that she can love you consistently and most importantly love someone only if you love yourself and is content with yourself. Because happiness and love is interrelated. You can't find love or happiness in someone else if you can't find it in yourself first. Okay?

So make money when young and love someone when you're content with yourself and love yourself a lot first be it 25 or 28 or 29 whatever.. to be able to love someone else okay?

One more thing, don't love someone so much that you become second priority for yourself. Keep yourself first, family second, and rest friends etc. I mean love yourself more and then your parents /family and then you would love anyone else. But yourself on top always. If you make someone else your 1st priority, you'll end up hurting yourself.

[bobalife]

I’m with @liggang, I can’t quite understand nor relate to these demeanors… I’ve seen and hear about this quite too often at work from jobs to jobs… even monogamous taken people on GAG.. honestly find it kinda gross and I see them differently… of course there’s a ton of attractive people out there, but it’s sad and odd how people don’t really have respect to their s/o nor managed healthy boundaries to control themselves… unless it’s an open relationship or poly which is okay of course.

[liggang]

I'm even ashamed of myself to have been engaging in it too. Not while i was dating anyone though but I was kissing some female co workers who all had their boyfriend at home.

Why did I do it? Because I am a shy lonely guy who rarely gets any kind of intimacy and I took what I could get. And I used it as practice for myself because I was terrible at flirting for a long time.

So I'm like fuck it, if they're going to do it I suppose I'll just use it.

I'm lucky to have even been able to participate. I'm the kind of guy who is usually completely alone while everyone else is having all the fun. So of course whe. Given the opportunity I engaged in it knowing those girls had guys at home.

Pretty sad all around lol.

[bobalife]

I appreciate your openness and giving a different perspective. I understand it be difficult with being single and not dating anyone. But I think what matters is that hopefully you learned from this experience and no longer participate in this type of love affairs. But if you still wanna continue… it is your choice, though I don’t think it’s fair to say this about others who does this at work or generally any type of affairs while still being involved if you get a chance…

It’s quite sad to me to know how many guys don’t like the idea of cheating, but will take a chance to be the other man for some benefits… I know some girls is the same… but I just feel really sad for their partners because no one deserves this. I’ve only kissed one guy once who was taken, but it’s only because I didn’t know he was taken until after the fact and it was very disturbing.. and crazy how much/far someone would do these things while in a relationship/marriage.

[liggang]

For me when I had engaged in this behavior I was more shy than I am now. I was way more broken. It was all very new to me.

What has really put it all into perspective is my most recent job. I didn't know going there that girls were going to just be flirting with me.

One I developed a crush on and she rejected me. I thought she liked me.

Later another girl is flirting and another. Being so cute. Turns out both had man's at home.

And I'm like ok I get it now. People just be flirting constantly and it's just rampant and everyone is doing it and I have to make sure I don't develop any type of feeling because it's all just fun and games in there.

I'm like damn do I even bother? I feel like I'm more the romantic type. I want to flirt with someone I actively like and want and could see myself dating.

At the same time I'm still a bit weird though. I do need to practice flirting so I can maybe stop being single all the time.

So I might just keep doing it. But I'm not the one cheating. I'm just a weirdo who needs practice can I get a pass?

If I do end up dating I will 100% cease all that flirting out of respect for the girl I'm dating.

All is fair in love and war I guess. I just can't stay single for ever I am getting desperate lol.

[bobalife]

I’m sorry, I don’t think it is a fair pass as you’re still wanting to participate in affairs of taken women. The fact that you know what you’re doing and not stopping it, but encouraging is doesn’t really make your actions any better than hers. It’s not really justified.

If you truly wanna practice flirting, then try it on single women to have real practice and results… not taken women.

[liggang]

See but I don't know that they aren't single until later. And literally everyone is flirting.

I think I deserve to flirt. I deserve to date. I am a great man. I am a good man.

I shouldn't be alone just because I didn't have friends growing up and there's no other way out for me.

I will continue to use them to help myself find love someday. They're flirting with everyone else anyways. I feel justified. I don't care anymore. People out here suck.

[bobalife]

That’s your choice and if that’s what you wanna tell yourself, but I believe a good person knows better and wouldn’t participate in this type of act when they know someone is taken while shaming people who are cheating at the same time. Yep you can find someone in better places and status of being single though. Goodluck on finding what you’re looking for.

[DrPepper12]

@liggang. @bobalife. I guess I just take a different view. Flirting can be a POSITIVE for a relationship by making the flirter feel desired while simultaneously communicating to the other person that their SO is desirable And what a fantastic choice you made in choosing him her and you're going home with him her and he's / she's not.

[bobalife]

I guess that’s one side to it but not many dedicated monogamous relationships would agreed to that type of relationships to have their partner flirt and do more than that outside their relationships

[liggang]

A girl I work with actually doesn't flirt. I'm proud of her. I saw her even tell a guy don't flirt with me I got a man.

That was cool to see.

[bobalife]

I respect people who respect themselves and their s/o, so I agreed.

[RavVid]

It is less cut and dried that that. Potentially you could enjoy a person's attractiveness without doing or thinking anything wrong. Typically men window shop all the time and check out girls extensively with no intention of anything more.

Women might place themselves in a situation where there is an increased chance of attractive men approaching them. Sure women do approach men but it is not as common.

'Placing yourself' can work for women but is unlikely to work for men.

I would consider it cheating if there is a hope behind it.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the seas of attraction while anchored in monogamous waters, are we? 😉 Let's unwrap this, love dove. Being attracted to others while in a committed relationship is like being on a diet and smelling fresh pizza—it's natural! The real question is, what do we do with that attraction?

Intentionally placing yourself near someone you're attracted to, just to feel that buzz, is like playing with fire without intending to get warm. It's not necessarily cheating, but oh, it's flirting with the boundaries. Cheating is a big term, usually reserved for physical or emotional actions taken towards someone outside of your relationship. But hey, let's not forget about emotional integrity and respect for your partner.

The golden rule? Communication is the love potion here. If you're doing something you wouldn't want your partner to know about, it's time to reflect. Keep the lines open, sprinkle a little honesty, and let's not forget—keep that flirty energy focused on spicing things up at home! 😏💕

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

Shut up, Love Doctor Brad.

[sawno]

I don't really understand, is that with the intention or being approached or approaching them because you consider yourself partially single? Or do you just like the looks and you consider yourself 100% taken and exclusive? Because it sounds like the former to me in which case I wouldn't consider you loyal in the relationship. But if its not the former I wouldn't count it as cheating as long as your partner is fine with it.

[Jammaa]

Good answer. I was actually thinking about the latter. I completely agree with you in the fact that intention is important

[236color]

Lord and Lady save us from the ever expanding definition of cheating. So if he's in the presence of an attractive person, that's cheating? How about if he thinks about sex with her for 5 seconds? What if he cheats on you in your dream?

You know what's cheating? When he has sex with someone that isn't you.

[Davey88]

I hate monogamous relationship.. i find the highest way to show to your partner how you trust them and loved them is to accept unconditionally everything she felt and accept it without judgement.. my wofe told me often about which guy turning her on or which guy she will love to see naked or fell for touching them or getting touch by.. and i feel thankful to see that she truste about everything

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

It's not cheating, but it's like pre-cheating.

It's like, if you ever decide you want to cheat, you want to have attractive people around you, so finding a cheat-partner won't be hard.

It kind seems like you might not be "all in" on your relationship.

[Nikki1989]

I work with the public, so dealing with attractive people can't be avoided.

[Jammaa]

But I mean intentionally being closer to the attractive people over everyone else?

[DishLady]

What do you mean “place yourself”? It sounds like you’re just fishing for trouble. Yikes.

[Jammaa]

Just physically getting near. Perhaps you wanna get some glances of his good looks

[20yearsolder]

If it was happening to you, your boyfriend or girlfriend was doing it to another person when you consider it cheating. Do I do it, I do. Yeah it's probably cheating

[JacobJordan]

I don't choose to but it does happen sometimes doesn't mean much to me I am happy with the woman I married. I can not say enough about how amazing she is.

[DrPepper12]

Cheating IS PHYSICAL. Flirting is ACCEPTABLE. He/she is NOT yours. He/she does not cease to have desires/attractions/curiousity just because they're with you. Get a grip. They're still going home with you.

[dustybiker2]

Happy people don't stray, don't even think about it. I don't. And I wouldn't. People who do I'd assume are not completely happy so pushing boundaries.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

This sounds more like just being aware of the shallowness of others, or maybe your own shallow traits, to just sit by somebody you think looks nice.

[liggang]

In my last 3 jobs I saw so many people all with SO's as home, flirting, touching, hugging, rubbing, and so on.

I think that's cheating. I'm disgusted by people honestly.

[handsomelad70]

Welcome back, Big Bad BradBot !!! It's unseemly, but not technically cheating unless this behaviour becomes action.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Cheating is, shagging someone else behind your partner's back. Not having a polite conversations with a woman you find interesting.

[Sofie1994]

What can’t look? What are you supposed too do pluck out your eyes?

[DrPepper12]

TY!!! 💯 Correct!! Even my own mother-in-law when speaking of my marriage to her daughter, actually said these words to me: "You can still look at the catalog you just can't order!"

[KrakenAttackin]

It's not cheating but nothing good comes from this.

[rachel776]

they call it micro-cheating now

[RedInnocent69]

I’m still alive…

[itsclearlynicholas]

I don't cheating was my vote lol 😆😆😆

[Booklover_90]

Why would you do this?