u Before I get into a relationship, I look around and see many girls who are attractive. Once I get into a relationship, those other girls don't become ugly. They are still attractive. And as long as I am alive, whether I am married, LTR, or single, there will always be many pretty girls in the world. If I am in a committed relationship, I can look at those other girls and think that they would be very arousing and satisfying in bed.
But that doesn't mean that I want to have sex with them. Being faithful is not something that happens because all the other girls are ugly. If that was all that faithfulness meant, it wouldn't be much of an accomplishment or a reflection on good character. No, faithfulness happens even though there are other girls around me who could tempt me if I allowed that to happen. But I don't.
I don't focus on other women. I go home to my partner every afternoon, every evening, every day.
Is it normal to be aware of what is going on around you?
Is it normal to read so many questions on this is website asking "IS IT NORMAL..."
Is it normal for me to ask why so many people are obsessed with what is normal, and what horrible, socially irresponsible, or self-destructive things some of those people might do if they find out that something isn't normal?
Is it normal for people to continue trying so hard to be normal despite the everyday examples in the world today about how screwed up normal things, done by normal people, really are?
To answer your specific question about normalcy, I would imagine it is normal, because if you don't notice something like how a person looks, then either you're sick, dead, or preoccupied with more pressing issues, like not dying horribly
from some unfortunate inexplicable unanticipated accident or unfortunate event, like a real life Lemony Snicket
novel.
I hear you, love. I'm the same way and used to struggle with this concept a lot. That said, I think there's a huge difference between recognizing someone is conventionally "attractive" and actually being attracted TO them, relationship or not.
For example, I think my mom and sisters are beautiful. Does that mean I'm sexually attracted to them? Obviously not. Framing it up in this way helped me realize the two things are not one in the same.
A guy can be super into you and still recognize that women are attractive, in the same way you can, without actually wanting them. I hope this makes sense!
Most people can be attracted to other people while being in a relationship.
But what you are describing about yourself is also normal.
I am sort of similar to you. I can acknowledge that someone can be pretty to people, but that doesn't mean it would even cross my mind to fuck them.
Opinion
97Opinion
Absolutely. It is normal to have crushes or attractions. It is NOT okay to act on it by flirting or texting or sexting them. Or doing things with the crush that you wouldn't do if your boyfriend was there. Even if it is innocent behavior... if you are having to sneak to do something it means your heart is cheating even if you are not.
But looking at someone or finding someone attractive is normal. Telling that person I would say is a bridge too far. I would say that is flirting or making a move on someone. It's not okay. It is not cheating but it is building up a roster or trying to initiate a change in relations that leads to cheating. Extremely disrespectul and not okay.
That's only really realistic in the initial infatuation/getting to know each other phase. Those are some potent hormones and endorphins that are kicking in then.
Beyond that, beauty can be appreciated at any time. That mechanism doesn't just shut off.
No matter how much you love someone, it does not change the fact that a third person is attractive. The issue is to accept that they are attractive, but to do nothing about it.
I find some guy friends attractive, but that is as far as it goes. I know my partner finds one girl on GAG very attractive, but nothing will ever happen.
It isn't cheating, as there is no intention to be unfaithful, either physically or emotionally. It is just recognising someone is lucky enough to be good looking.
When does it become not normal? What if a girl with boyfriend constantly flirts with another dude (touching, teasing...)?
@heytherelol1 Flirting is going over the line. It is emotional cheating.
the girl touches the guy like holding his hand and lets him touch her face and so on. doesn't seem to be friendly to me?
It's pretty normal because you'll find the qualities that made you find your partner attractive in other people.. I mean I've had women with boyfriends call me handsome, and I'm pretty sure you found some other dude handsome or cute but it didn't matter because you love your boy..
When does it become not normal? What if a girl with boyfriend constantly flirts with another dude?
@heytherelol1 Being passively attracted to somebody is much different than letting yourself start to lust or gain feelings for a person.. When I get a huge crush on a girl my eyes stay on that girl, but I still find others attractive, doesn't mean I want them..
It depends, if it's just looking and fantasies for sure, no problem.
The only time It's okay to have more intentions is when both you and your partner wants to be in a polyamory relationship of some sort.
Anything else is consider cheating, even if you have open relationship with your partner, because that only says you are fine with that.
Just don't intend to do anything that could be hurtful.
Use your head and heart in relationship, don't use your hoohaa and pp for other purposes than making love and typical daily behavior.
Take care and have a wonderful life and stay awesome!💪💪💜😎
The sight of beautiful women brings me joy. A beautiful woman is like sunshine on a cloudy day. I don't want to be with them, but I sure can appreciate their looks. They are like fine art, beautiful flowers or cute puppies. How could I NOT appreciate them?
My wife gets it. She doesn't mind. Sometimes she'll even nudge me and point out a particularly gorgeous ass or impressive set of tits. She can appreciate particularly hot guys, too, especially certain movie stars. Anyone who can't admire and appreciate beauty is dead.
The idea that being in love precludes someone from admiring beauty in anyone else is naive.
Insecurity and jealousy are unattractive, unless there is reason to believe that your partner would cheat, in which case, you're with the wrong partner.
You can apreciate the beauty of something/someone without wanting them. I could go to the aquarium and think wow that's an attractive/colourful fish, but I wouldn't want to take that fish home with me. As long as you your not rubbing it in your partners face and trying to play games or thinking you would rather be with that girl rather than your partner I don't think there's a problem.
It seems to be the way it happens... Like every Hallmark movie 😂
I may be wrong, but I was in a very committed relationship in my 20's and my girlfriend and I both admitted to seeing other people that we found attractive. She (girlfriend) told me when we were out shopping, that she: "had to go home and masturbate" ! It was to some guy she pointed out to me in the store. I did not feel insulted or anything. I think or thought at the time, that she was at least being up front and honest with me.
As far as the sword cutting both says, she did not seem to be upset if I commented on another women.
Biology and sex are very powerful.
That said: I would never be so obvious as the guy in the picture. That is just ignorant.
what if your girlfriend was flirting with some other dude constantly. like touching him and so on.. how would you feel?
@heytherelol1 Well, that is an easy one. SHE, never did that, but another girlfriend (recently) did just that in Nassau, with a waiter, touching him on the hand and openly acting like I was not there. I got up, left the table and went to the room to pack. She acted as if she had done nothing.
Month later, at a park in Encinitas, a pretty, girl with big boobs stopped and talked (had a big Greyhound dog) and when I talked she basically showed her boobs to me. Looking around at my girlfriend, she had her arms folded over her boobs, giving me the evil eye !!! I guess the sword does not cut both ways, huh?
This is completely normal. Your eyes and brain don't stop working. You can still determine that something is attractive, or even find something attractive.
Because if what you thought was true was actually true, then no one would ever cheat.
The commitment to a relationship is not because you find only one person attractive, but because you make the conscious decision, repeated over time, to only act on your attraction to one person and to deepen your relationship with them
Western culture is so obsessed with 'individuality' that most REFUSE to acknowledge that visually, we as a species, are but 'variations' on a theme. HOW POWERFUL that perception TRULY is, ... is the phenomena of theatrical 'female impersonation'.
For those curious, you need go no further than to internet reference the Asian 'lady boy' cross dressers who exploit this human predilection.
These trans-gender males exploit men, by data-mining cultural gender-al 'glamoury' cues to experience female privilege and offering, oral, anal and manual intimate interaction. A very OVERT example of this is a Deviant Arts artist 'Freeks Place' often seen on both Deviant Arts and Pinterest with accompanying stories and photos.
You are mixing up the use of the words attractive and attracted
I can find Loads of women attractive, however that does not mean I am attracted.
So using this fact.
Are you saying when you are in love you find no one at all attractive?
no celebs, no ex’s, no people you see?
attractive. Antonyms: unattractive, repugnant, repulsive, uninteresting, disagreeable, unpleasant, deformed, ugly, deterrent, loathsome, forbidding.
there are a huge bunch of people I find attractive, including.. Audrey Hepburn, Hedy Lamarr etc, not attracted to them, as they are dead.
Of course.
The difference between a loyal, faithful partner and a shady partner... possibly one who could commit affairs is the faithful partner will have good boundaries and not go out of their way to spend lots of time with this person they are attracted to... talking with them all the time, going out to lunch with them and sharing quality time because they are "friends", pursuing the high they get from being around someone they find attractive, enjoying the attention and possible flirting... etc.
That is how feelings form and things start to grow out of control and the next thing you know they can't stop thinking about this person... etc.
A faithful mate will not spend too much time with someone like this and they prevent feelings from sprouting by not getting too close, talking about too much intimate life details and flirting.
The shady mate wants the time with this other person and they'll start a little crush.
Being in love doesn't automatically turn every woman into a slob lol. It's just more about you refusing to see anyone in a sexual way. So maybe yes they aren't sexually attractive but they are still pretty. I was sitting in the car with my wife one time and this voluptuous redhead walks out of this shop and I'm talking about, this woman was bad af and before I could stop myself I said out loud "got dam" and she seen who I was looking at and just laughed. I think she knew as well and this wasn't my normal character.
Yes it's possible.. Think of it like this. You have a favorite flower, you love this flower. It's your flower.. Does that mean you don't find other flowers pretty? No.. To say otherwise is to deny your humanity..
Its the same with women.. I love my wife, I will never be disloyal to my wife, but yes I do see other women as attractive.. Nothing compared to my wife, but to deny other women are attractive is to suggest I'm not human..
Attraction simply does not work the way you're suggesting.
It is normal to be attracted to others or find others attractive. The difference is the intent. One is based on observation and knowing through interaction and the other is lust and desire.
Most who are committed understand the look but do not touch model. Acknowledgement, but no pursuit.
most people (male and female) do see and feel. attraction even when in a commited relationship. your not is a little on the rarer side or could be you just have not come across the right person to spark that while you were in a relationship. the main thing is whether that attraction is truly acted on or not (looking is not acting on it). its actually something roughly hardwired into almost all species from time immemorial linked as a way to help ensure the contiuation of the species and to vary the genes involved.
"I personally can’t be attracted to someone else when I’m in love."
That's something I love and respect about women. I admire their ability to bond to one sexual partner that completely. It makes me want to be faithful when I am in a relationship.
"Maybe guys are different."
Generally they are. Men are better at separating their feelings from their sexual attraction drive. That doesn't mean all men are that way, and it doesn't mean all women AREN'T that way, but generally men tend to be better at separating the two than women.
I love so deeply so it’s like when my heart and soul is all in no other guys matter to me but him ~Scorpio.
When does it become not normal? What if a girl with boyfriend constantly flirts with another dude (touching, teasing...)?
i wonder this myself, there have been times when i thought i love a girl... but then i can always find 1000 other girls hot as well as her.. so i question if i ever really was in love... probably not... i probably dont have the ability to fall in love
@gosceewual
Don’t know about your capabilities , but looking is fine and normal. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your girl. If you stop looking, you’re a lier or mentally damaged
That's just like asking if it's ok to find strawberry icecream tasty even though you prefer chocolate :) Making a comitment to another is an informed mental and sentimental choice, while attraction is at its base physiological (i. e not more under our control than needing the bathroom). On the contrary, anybody who'd completely stop feeling any attraction towards others once in a relationship would be the abnormal case. So long as you look with your eyes - there's nothing wrong (it's not being unfaithful to your partner).
Being attracted to other people is impossible to prevent.(Relationship or not.) So of course it's normal, it's only human nature to admire beautiful things.
As long as it remains nothing, but physical or intellectual attraction and not window shopping or actual cheating, there is nothing wrong with it.
Yes it is possible. The key is to not give in.
My bestie is in a happy relationship, but she was also fangirling over this really hot guy because, well, he is hot, in a way that's very rare. It happens.
I am sorry to say but you are not going to be able to turn off your own human attraction regardless of your relationship status; it's a biological imperative. But the good news is as human beings we have the sentience required to make our own choice to resist attraction and urges.
Um yes it’s normal. People don’t become ugly once you are committed. It lies with you. Do you A. Stare for more than a few seconds and think about how good looking they are and being with them or do you B. Look the other way and choose to love the person you are with now.
i did when i was young and dumb lo but not now but i won't lie i have seen some very beautiful women who i did not know were married then found out after i told them i liked them and respected there space but i wonder how many single women say there married to avoid the one they find uglier than a dogs harry butt
Finding someone attractive is perfectly normal BUT when you start to initiate a conversation with them is a RED FLAG. Those married guys complimented you so yes they're cheaters.
Guys are BORN PERVERTS.
I wish that I were a lesbian and there was another beautiful and loyal girl like me, end of problems.
Men are NEVER SATISFIED, NEVER!!
I've also observed that women can stay loyal to death and won't fall in love with anyone else no matter how hard she tried.
Just because you consider someone to be attractive, doesn't mean that you're no longer attracted to the person you're with. Or that you're looking to ruin something you have for a stranger.
Doesn't matter where you get your appetite, so long as you go home for dinner.
Yes. I feel like for as long as you have sight, you will always be able to appreciate other people's beauty. That doesn't mean that you want them or anything. When you love someone, you appreciate that person's beauty and attractively differently because you're attracted to them. There's a difference between finding someone pretty/handsome and actually being attracted to them.
Why do the vast majority of women "think" that if a guy loves you, he suddenly believes that NONE of the other billion women in his age range, world wide, might possibly be attractive? LMAO. Did I suddenly go blind? That's what happens when you read too many romance novels or watch Disney movies, girls.
Your question reads " Is it normal... etc, etc". Well, it's not normal for YOU, but I strongly doubt it would be anything even close to normal for the vast majority, and I mean VAST majority, of men. You can see from the male respondents they agree.
@loveslongnails
Women do the same!
If you act on it and throw away something that’s good, then it’s a problem. Looking us healthy. That way you know you’re alive
@JamieLoves I'm not sure what you're saying. Women "tend to read fewer menu's" when they know they won't order from them. Men continue to do so.
I think it's normal. It's not normal to act on it though.
When does it become not normal? What if a girl with boyfriend constantly flirts with another dude (touching, teasing...)?
That’s not normal cause she’s acting on it! We’re humans of course we’re going to be attracted to all kinds of different people throughout our lives. I’m totally okay with my partner finding other women attractive and I will find other men attractive. But at the end of the day, that’s my person and that sets him apart from everybody else. I’m going to be loyal to him because I gave him my word. I would have no desire to act on my attraction towards other men whatsoever.
Finding someone attractive isn't all that high a bar for me. So if I'm in love with person A, and person B walks by me snd is attractive, I think they're attractive. Then when they leave I forget about them. I'm not fixated on them or having a crush on them. I'm just vaguely aware that if single and they were up for it I'd happily have sex with them. But that's... as I said... not really saying all that much.
Yes it's normal, also normal to watch porn while in a relationship.
Attraction outside of a relationships is about looks, if you aren't attracted to looks, then only a relationship will result in attraction.
Gender of the onlooker won't be a factor in whether or not a they are attracted to looks.
When does it become not normal? What if a girl with boyfriend constantly flirts with another dude (touching, teasing...)?
@heytherelol1 if they are touching, flirting, or otherwise attempting to initiate something based on that attraction, then it's crossing a line.
The reason, for example, that porn is ok, is because the video isn't actually interacting with the viewer in any way. which is also why looking is ok.
Whats normal is finding beauty attractive, it's unrealistic to expect anyone to find you attractive without also finding similar looking people attractive for example, but fedelity is still important.
since males are biologically visual 100%
we don’t just stop seeing women as attractive.
Your mentality is that of a female. Since women are not as visually stimulated you will never understand how it is to be male.
yes. here is an analogy- your eating a apple and walk by the buffet and you stop to check out the beautiful great smelling food and you say to yourself i think i will stop and eat that great looking pizza-does that mean you don't like your apple. No. You still love the apple and you finish eating it.
Beauty and attractiveness doesn't stop because you are in a committed relationship. If you went to an art galley and bought a painting would all others no longer look pretty? A committed relationship may keep you from acting on the attractiveness of someone else beauty but it want keep your eyes from seeing it.
Natured hardwired us to survive and procreate, we will always be hunting for a means of survival and for mates with good genes to do so. So as long as you are alive, your procreation radar will always be on. Love is just a when lust and tolerance combine.
There are always going to be someone who is more appealing to you regardless if your in a relationship or not. The only thing that matters is how you used this information. Do you go after the more appealing lady or do you stay with the lady you have now?
When does it become not normal? What if a girl with boyfriend constantly flirts with another dude (touching, teasing...)?
@heytherelol1 cheating is when your activily acting like your single or just flirting, and touching.
I don't see why you couldn't I mean what if someone else comes along with the same characteristics as your boyfriend or girlfriend. Same sense if style taste in music and so on. Naturally you'll fi d them attractive. Or example Beyonce she's gorgeous just cause I'm in a relationship if another girl comes along the look like a Beyonce I'm gonna fi d her attractive no matter what. But I'm not gonna leave my girl for her lol.
It's normal to find someone attractive but making a move or flirting is something that isn't okay if you are in a relationship.
Finding someone attractive is quite natural even if you are in a committed relationship.
Of course. When you start a relationship with someone, all the other people in the world you find attractive don't just disappear. They're still there and I still find them attractive. I'm just not intrested in them as a possible partner anymore.
When does it become not normal? What if a girl with boyfriend constantly flirts with another dude (touching, teasing...)?
When you break the boundaries what you have set in your relationship, it's not normal or okay.
why would a girl break boundaries behind her partners back? is it the fact she likes the other guy so much she can't hold back?
People cheat for multiple reasons. Depends on the individual.
You’re actually the first person I’ve heard not being attracted to someone else while they’re in a relationship. However, yes you can be attracted to someone else while you’re in a relationship. Biology doesn’t stop when you get into a relationship. The problem then becomes whether you act on that attraction.
It's totally normal. I'm in a committed relationship and I sometimes find other men attractive, but it doesn't mean I will act on it, because I don't see those guys as partners. It almost makes me appreciate my relationship even more.
We will always find other people attractive, no matter how committed we are to another person in a relationship. We still have eyes. That doesn't mean that we want to have an affair, or that we are lusting after the other person.
When does it become not normal? What if a girl with boyfriend constantly flirts with another dude (touching, teasing...)?
@heytherelol1 Constantly flirting, and touching and teasing, is going too far. That easily leads to more serious actions, that are wrong.
One can be attracted to to others when in a relationship. But I don't think it should be anything more than just noticing an attractive person. I think that is one reason why a guy in a relationship gets more attention from women, because he doesn't pay much attention to other women.
That person isn’t committed to the relationship then. We do appreciate attractive people but being attracted to them while being in a committed relationship just means you aren’t as committed as you thought you were.
Guys are wired as visual creatures. That's the nature of the beast.
Actually I think my wife would be MORE worried if I DIDN'T look at cute girls. But that's all they are - cute girls - they aren't my wife of over 40 years!
Totally normal. You’re a human being animalistic desires that pop up once in a while. These feelings are fleeting and and don’t require any time of day. If you’re in a committed relationship then you’ll be happy being faithful to him.
Yes. That's not a problem until your thoughts linger on that person, when your eyes are glued to them. I can find a woman attractive and go about my day like she doesn't exist, and that's when I'm single.
I feel like it is, but then again, some may disagree. I guess its like cars. A shiny one comes along
A new. model comes along
Maybe i read that elsewhere so im not claiming that as my own. It sounds right.
I notice an attractive guy, for sure. But that doesn’t mean my relationship with my amazing husband is shaky, it just means that I am a straight female that enjoys seeing a handsome man.
Very normal. Just because I find someone else attractive that doesn't mean I'm interested in them or want to get romantically/sexually involved with them.
Duh, your attraction to other people will never go away. It isn't wrong being attracted to other people, what matters is what you do with that.
Absolutely 100% normal to find other people sexually attractive.
Just don't act on it if you are in a committed relationship
Yes it is its the way people are wired. Pretending you don't inevitably leads to jealousy shaming and lying.
Being aware other people are attractive is normal and means your eyes function. Constantly wanting to fuck other people is weird and slightly worrying.
It's normal to find someone attractive yes, that's something you never do noticing, but when in a committed relationship one should not act on it. It's whether someone acts on the attraction that plays into the right and wrong of the situation
Nah I'm not really attracted to anyone besides my partner
It's completely normal. Just don't make it obvious, talk about it with your partner or act on it.
When does it become not normal? What if a girl with boyfriend constantly flirts with another dude?
@heytherelol1: That's acting on it, and that is not normal or OK
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