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My partner is a human being. She has eyes and so do I. To think that just because she is with me she'll never see another person and think that they are attractive is an untenable expectation.
Thinking someone other than your partner is cute or hot is not cheating. Trying to do something with that person is.
Agree 100%
@spartan55 You need to expand your vocabulary. 'Vocabulary' - that's another great word :)
@spartan55 :) :) :)
I think it's specifically doing something (anything) behind your partner's back with someone. Obviously it's not cheating if your partner is okay with it. You know, like actually having good communication and meeting each others' needs, including the ones you or your partner cannot hope to fulfill. It's what adults do, but most people never grow up.
I'm not going to be jealous just because my boyfriend finds a girl attractive... honestly if he points out an attractive girl it kind of makes me feel smug as I'm the one he would always choose
Exactly! There's plenty of other pretty girls but he's going home with you!
I have pretty bad self esteem sometimes, but the way my boyfriend looks at me, I know I don't have to worry :)
That kind of confidence is a valuable asset.
It does help on my low days knowing it is something I don't have to worry about to be fair š
Opinion
54Opinion
No, I don't. There are many people in this world, some are too good looking and you can't help but look at them for a second or two. So, you cannot expect your partner to not notice someone attractive. Of course, they're going to find some pretty attractive but that doesn't mean they'll cheat on you. As long as they just find someone attactive and do not act on it and do not stare then it's completely fine and I wouldn't consider it as cheating.
We are not monogamous by biology. We are monogamous by choice. Because that is essentially the most fair system we were able to settle on after the advent if agriculture.
Before that, we did pair bond with a particular individual, but it usually wasn't sexually exclusive. Both men AND women slept around. (The inclusion of women is important, as it reduces male hierarchies that would do more harm than good in hunter-gatherer groups. And our biology points heavily in that direction.)
After agriculture, resources were controlled by a minority of men, and women had to marry into their economic status. So they would flock to the top, and men would have to fight ruthlessly to be one of the guys in top, lest they be left to be alone and sent off to die. Polygynous societies are generally very violent.
So Monogamy ended up being a good compromise. pairing people up with one another. It was more of a social choice than a biological one.
But as Dr Christopher Ryan puts it, "Just because you're a vegetarian, it doesn't mean bacon stops smelling good."
So I think we need to acknowledge this side of ourselves, rather than try to hold everyone to a standard of perfection that doesn't actually exist. And it doesn't have to mean some "defeatest acceptance of your own sexual replaceability". Hell, you can take it as a compliment that they are attracted to other people, and still chose you out of all of them. They aren't "stuck" with you, they "chose" you.
In every relationship I've had, I've generally enjoyed talking about each other's crushes. I like seeing what she's into, seeing what women like about men, and feeling the relief that I don't have to hide my own side as well.
I've opened it up even more lately, and might nudge her and be like "check out that cute guy over there", and she'd be like, "Naw I was just checking out this girl's boobs. They're amazing." But it really takes the right vibe of a relationship for that to work. But boy is it fun and relieving when it works.
Considering someone else attractive doesn't mean that you find them more attractive than your partner. Hell, it's entirely possible to find certain people even more "physically" attractive than your partner, but looks aren't everything. I mean, there is always going to someone in the world who could be considered better looking, especially as we age. Look at the absurd "Sexiest Man Alive" proclamations and women's beauty competitions. It's all a joke in light of the fact that physical beauty is subjective. And beauty is only skin deep.
There are certainly movie stars who are more attractive than me. Hard to believe, but it's true. If my wife thinks they're sexy, does that mean she is cheating? She knows which female entertainers I think are hot. She'll say "Here's your girlfriend." LOL I do the same thing to her when we're watching one of her heartthrobs on the screen.
The thing is, people have a sense called vision, and a guy's eyes might open wide when he sees a particularly striking example of womanliness walking by. If he pretends that he doesn't notice, he's lying for his partner's benefit. That would be like pretending that another person wasn't a great singer or athlete.
I love the sight of beautiful women. They are like sunshine on a cloudy day. But I appreciate them the way I appreciate beautiful art, flowers, landscapes, sunsets, or cute puppies. They are delightful, but I have no thought of possessing them. They are merely sights that make it a joy to be alive.
Both my wife and I get it. There are times when, for example, when my wife and I are at the beach and a lush babe in a bikini roller skates by on the bike walk. We'll both notice her and then look at each other with expressions like "Dayum!" It's actually amusing.
She has even nudged me before to call my attention to sights like that.
My wife knows that I think she's beautiful. I tell her so and demonstrate the fact regularly. But, moreover, I love her more than anyone in the universe. I love her for much more than her looks. And it's the love that's important. We love and trust each other completely.
So I think it's absurd to think that merely noticing and appreciating physical beauty is cheating. Cheating would have more to do with intent. Would your partner actually want to BE with someone else? That would mean that they aren't dedicated to you. The depth of their attraction to you is physical. They don't see your full value or realize that they are luckiest person alive to have you as a partner. It would make them shallow, immature, fickle, untrustworthy, motivated by appetite, and unsuitable as a life partner.
You can be dating the most beautiful person in the world but that wouldnāt stop you from having thoughts run through your head. This is true for both men AND women. Nothing wrong with it as long as it remains a fleeting thought.
When it comes to cheating there is a gradation of how this could be a problem.
Here is how it goes:
1. You just notice someone else is attractive but donāt dwell on it: This is not a problem. Not something to feel guilty about. Not something you even need to talk about.
2. You think about this attractive person a lot: This might be a problem. However itās possible you can get your mind off them just realizing itās wrong. Still not a problem (yet)
3. You go out of your way to talk and engage with this person: now we are wondering into dangerous waters. You still can do an about face but you should feel guilty.
4. You platonically hang out with this person one on one: this is bad and some consider it cheating. But if there is no sexual contact it might be forgiven as long as it stops immediately. This is arguably emotional cheating
5. You start making sexual contact this person from a kiss all the way to sex: I donāt need to tell you that this is cheating.
Anyway some people are open to their partners about finding other people attractive. Im not sure if such honesty is good or bad. At least you can see how your partner feels about it and that might prevent you from doing something stupid. But your partner might feel you donāt see them as attractive and thatās insulting as well. Tough call.
I donāt see it as cheating, but itās incredibly disrespectful to me. If he made the effort to visually show attention to her every time she was in our presence, it would make me feel incredibly insecure. That I was not āenoughā for him.
I want to be the woman he is impressed with every-time we see each other. I hide my feelings well, but I can get incredibly insecure quickly and I will go from feeling a 6 to a -10 in seconds. Aspire to have a partner that tells you, and makes you feel appreciated daily. So you are the woman who turns his head every-time you are together. It does exist, but it requires a lot of strength to only accept the best from men.
"If he made the effort to visually show attention to her every time she was in our presence. . ." That was not in the question at all. Did this trigger something for you?
Maybe, but honestly I was looking at the picture that came with it, and I was not impressed to see a guy blatantly turning round to check her out (I know itās staged) so any guy who put himself in such an obvious position to catch a glimpse, isnāt worth having.
Being in a relationship doesn't magically make someone stop finding other people attractive. I find plenty of other women attractive and I'm sure my girl does the same with men. What matters is how the person acts on that. Do they constantly stare? Do they perhaps send signals of interest to other people? Perhaps even approach? If it is just an observation and nothing else, then it is fine. But if one acts on it, then I consider that a form of cheating, yes.
People think cheating is just physically. They couldn't be any more wrong.
When it comes to if my girl mentions that one of my firends is attractive, I would be slightly more skeptical. There is no need to mention something like that if it is just an observation, unless there is an underlying desire that she is having struggle controlling. Not saying she is going to do stuff behind my back with said friend, but there may be something there that can cause issues within the relationship. I find some of her girl friends attractive as well, I don't see why I should tell her that as I have no desire for them.
Happy Sunday Mr. R.
no Florida for us this winter break.
will stop by lovers land down the block 😍
Noā¦I remember my ex husbands grand father once saidā¦ unless he is dead, he will look, he was in his 80s said to his beloved wife.
We can appreciate pretty things, smart people.
but the one who will be there for me comes from inside ā¦ looks will fade.
the picture above, however would consider disrespectful to his partner (I understand it was just a picture from the netā¦ it happens a lot in real life)
on the other handā¦ if my partner thinks one of my friends a lot, talks a lot about her, goes out of his way to help her and ask me to do the sameā¦ I would consider that emotional cheating.
I believe It's human nature to be attracted to others besides who we are with. One can appreciate beauty without acting on it. I think one must consider the difference between attraction, lust and cheating. I'm not sure if they all necessarily correlate. It's not a easy thing to decide and somehow I find the answer lies within the context.
Some people in a relationship may not care. My Fiancèe and I often talk openly about who we're attracted to and it kind of helps us to understand one another. Yet I feel that if a person wasn't on the same page as their partner on this then it be disrespectful to talk about or openly do in front of them. Perhaps they're not a good match or maybe they're just different in that respect. I think at the end of the day it comes down to the relationship and the individuals in that relationship.
Not in the slightest. My wife and I often agree that some of the guys or girls in our social circle or people we newly met are very attractive. I'll even do that with guys and she'll do that sometimes with girls.
Like I might say to my wife on meeting a new guy when we're out, "Hey, that guy is really good-looking and charming, don't you think?" And sometimes she agrees and sometimes she doesn't. And sometimes she'll say that to me about a guy, and sometimes I agree and sometimes I think she has really weird taste in guys.
By the way, I am not bisexual. When I say a guy seems very good-looking, I mean it in the sense of, "Hey, he's cool! I think he'll be very popular with the ladies." Like that. It's the same way when my wife says she thinks a woman is very attractive. She's not bisexual.
But in our case, we can point out to each other who we find most attractive without feeling threatened by it. So we share that a lot; it helps us understand each other even better. Just because I say a woman is very attractive or my wife says a man is very attractive doesn't mean that we're tempted in any way towards infidelity. Actually, it's probably why we're not tempted towards infidelity in the slightest that we're so comfortable sharing these things with each other.
Telling you that your friend is attractive isn't necessarily the same as cheating. He could be making polite conversation, or he could be smitten with her, or anything in between. Having a good idea of where his head is at can give you a better Idea 💡 of where his heart lies on the issue. Maybe he doesn't want to offend you by ignoring your friend. There are a lot of options available on why he thinks she is attractive, if he thinks that at all. Communication is key. Talking too each other gets those lines of communication open. Trust in each other keeps them open, and being faithful to each other is the ultimate aphrodisiac 🤗
You're just insecure, is all.
Many people consider all sorts of scenarios. and there is no law against thought crimes.
How stupid would you look trying to report your partner for saying he knows how to break into Fort Knox, for example?
There's nothing in the question about making this a crime or reporting your partner to the police.
We see a lot of people we see as attractive. We generally don't act on it. Naturally if we're with a girl who has a lot of female friends, the likelihood that one of her friends will be attractive to us is higher. I've actually told my girlfriend some of her friends I find attractive, and which ones they are. Yet she knows that I have no desire to act on that, since I still find her attractive, and I know that she feels the same. Going after a different person who might not feel the same way is not an upgrade.
Nope. That would not be an issue with a partner. Finding other people attractive and having attraction are basic human feelings. If a partner was to go out the way to exchange sexual images or something physical then that would be cheating but I would be okay with a partner having a friendship and light and fun banter with friends and if he found someone attractive I would trust they would communicate and stay faithful. That's just how I would see it. People have all different views.
I think it is a respect thing. We are all human and we will find attractive people attractive. Itās just the way it is. If you find someone good looking thatās fine but if weāre in a relationship donāt tell me. I wonāt tell you if I am with you and I find someone good looking.
course not. that would be called he has working eyes.
being in a relationship doesn't make folks blind. whether not the relationship is secure enough for either person to point out people they find attractive is up to each coupling, but nothing wrong with it.
It isn't cheating. You can't help you find attractive. However, I think it's best to keep your distance from that person when you can. Obviously, if you work or go to school with that person it's going to be harder but you should only interact when you have to (like having to complete a project together).
I voted for no, my boyfriend did admit that he thought his friend was attractive, was I hurt? Yes. But I also trusted him. I even admitted to him that I became attracted to a guy but I didn't have feelings, just thought he was cute, after that it went away quickly. I even wondered why I thought the guy was cute lol. But no matter what we were both honest and talked it out, and it made our bond and relationship stronger.
Goodness, no. I think it's rather silly to assume they wouldn't find anyone else attractive, and looking is just looking.
And I'd MUCH rather they be honest with me about their feelings than try to hide it; that doesn't lead anywhere I want to go.
No way. My husband is not a robot. I hope he still finds women attractive and is happy to come home to me.
It's not. It is human nature though. Making that kind of accusation won't stop the behavior but it will make your partner feel the need to be secretive (if they continue putting up with your ass at all)
that secrecy will eventually lead to feelings of betrayal (self inflicted) and resentment (deserved)
No. Being in a relationship doesnāt mean that everyone in the world suddenly becomes ugly to you. Iām married but I still look at people and think āoh wow theyāre hotā but I would never feel the need to act on that.
However I would never tell my partner when I think someone looks good unless theyāre a celebrity or something. Especially if itās one of their friends. Itās respectful to just keep quiet about it.
As I told my ex-fiance when we first started our 10 years together, I'm GONNA look but that doesn't mean I WANNA fuck them, because, I'm MADLY in love with YOU and NO ONE is EVER gonna take me away from you!! Those girls are just eye candy! I'm looking at them the same way anyone would look at great art in a museum: something beautiful to admire FOR the beauty of it but, that's all!! Of course, SHE'S the one that started cheating on ME after 10 years of my loyalty!!
No you can't help that you find someone attractive. It's a very natural thing. It's harmless unless you act on it. If a partner has an issue with you simply finding another person attractive then they need some serious help
I'm sorry but only insecure folks will consider that cheating. Cheating is actually doing something with that other person that is out of context (e. g. more than just being friendly), not just considering that person attractive. That is just being honest.
Well, we arenāt blind and we notice attractive women. That is not cheating in the least, although a really insecure woman might think so.
The question was prompted when I read a post by a really insecure woman.
There is that one verse that says if you look upon a woman with lust that you have already committed adultery with her in your heart, So maybe that could be considered cheating.
@Bel88 It could be in God's eyes. His view is the only one that counts.
God no. You can appreciate art without owning or want to own a piece. Iām the type of girl who will happily talk about someone else being hot, regardless of gender. We donāt stop seeing people just because weāre in a relationship
No. There are so many people in the world, of course he and I will both find other people attractive, itās natural. It only becomes problematic when you consider cheating and/or act upon those feelings.
No lol. Thatās ridiculous, heās a human being and heās gonna naturally find other people attractive. I find other people attractive to and my boyfriend doesnāt mind bc thatās human nature. Itās only cheating if you act out on it, tho.
No. I'm not the only woman around. I'd like to think he knows attractive when he sees it and chooses to be with me.
If that is cheating, then virtually all of humanity, including those currently alive, those who have lived, and those yet to live, have cheated.
No people are going to look. Shit I look at the time. Looking is harmless. In my opinion as long as they come home to you that's what matters
No. That's just acknowledging that a person is attractive.
Maybe never say "yeah, she's way prettier than you" because that's a pretty quick way to see how comfortable the couch is.
Itās not cheating but he should keep those thoughts to himself and never act upon them like flirting with the person etc. otherwise itās just disrespectful.
Having a partner does not make you legally blind. Its life. You can still find attraction with other people and in other people without being in a romantic relationship with them. Its not cheating.
I wouldnāt consider it cheating I mean we all are gonna see people we find attractive is one way or another sooner or later.
So long as your arenāt being disrespectful with it and arenāt acting on anything and staying loyal you should be ok.
Iāve made comments such as āHeās beautiful.. but still has nothing on you.ā and mean it. If you do have thoughts that cross your mind they are natural thoughts, unpreventable.
Admitting someone is attractive is having a mature conversation. Not cheating.
No. Wifey points out the really exceptional ones.
Cheating is where you invest your feelings and emotions with another, or have sex with them. 'Considering' or looking at something or someone isn't cheating.
No. It's hard not to find other people attractive. It happens. They just not gotta act on it. Moreover, they shouldn't repeat it several times either. That's still acting on it. Saying it once or confirming it cause you asked a specific question might be different but it happens.
People in love will say they don't find other people attractive but I don't believe that's true. Things can change over time and vary on the existing environment.
No. It is only cheating when they try to get involved with another person.
No, itās not cheating. Iād rather he didnāt tell me though as it would probably make me compare myself and would upset me a little
No not at all. Everyone has eyes and can admire, but taking any action on those feelings is definitely cheating.
No, it's not cheating, but it does really hurt when they keep checking said person out more than once. 💔
No, just because he's taken doesn't mean he's blind. Or dead. He can look and appreciate all he wants. So can I. Neither of us are insecure about it.
Being attracted to someone, if that's all that happens, is not cheating. Cheating requires acting on the attraction in some way.
Everyone looks and you can find somebody attractive. You could find a movie star attractive too. Whats the difference?
No considering someone else attractive when you donāt act is not cheating. My wife has crushes too on actors, a random good looking guy on the mall but never acts on them as her love for me is way more that makes her not act on them. We are all humans, everyone is attracted to more than one person but you spend your life with the person you love and not the person you find most attractive. Attraction wears off but love remains.
I wouldn't consider it cheating but it would create unnecessary strain on the relationship.
Itās not cheating but some women donāt like wondering eyes since they donāt usually do that themselves but guys are more visually stimulated so thatās what we do but itās not cheating
It's fine if they mention it a few times here and there but if they constantly need to I won't be happy.
he's allowed to find other people attractive lol. Itās cheating when he does something about it.
Of course it is not infidelity.
The idea is absurd.
We all consider many people attractive! Me and my wife even know which people each other consider attractive and we make jokes about it. It's normal... you fall in love for one person at a time, but you can like many!
We may be attached but not dead. Looking is only natural for everybody. Look but don't touch (unless you are open and have permission).
Thinking someone is attractive and having feelings for another person is different, or should be, at least.
You can only control your actions.
No one should expect their partner to find no one but them attractive. Thatās literally impossible.
No harm in looking/fantasizing as long as you dont act on impulse
No, but there is a way to say that someone is attractive without being obnoxious about it.
there will always be somebody more attractive and uglier than you are at least she is honest with you she looks but don't touch just like males
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