So I’ve been in a relationship with “Joe” for over 10 years, our relationship has been good. I recently met a guy “Robert”. It was really odd because when I first saw him, I felt butterflies and everything, that’s how much he shocked me. Anyway, I told Joe about the incident and how I found that guy really attractive. He got really upset and said that I cheated! But I have never even talked to the guy for more than a minute, never had sex with him or anything but Joe is acting as if I did. I would appreciate some perspective on this please. Thank you
Is being attracted to another person considered cheating?
Because when you are in love with someone and you want the same love in return , you need to put walls up to the opposite sex , meaning respect your partner the same way you want to be respected , How would you feel if your partner met an attractive girl that got him turned on and he came home and told you and said honey, guess what , I met this banging ass girl and she was gorgeous , I almost couldn’t contain myself with her , How would that make you feel? You would probably get jealous , So that’s the same reaction your partner is feeling , it’s disrespectful , When a guy loves a girl he becomes protective and territorial over her , he knows what other guys are thinking , so you have to remember your partner didn’t commit to you thinking you were ugly he committed to you because you are beautiful to his eyes and he is trusting you with his heart and sadly Most girls’ don’t look at it that way , they just assume her man is insecure and doesn’t trust her and sadly it has nothing to do with that , it comes down to respect , you can’t expect someone to respect you if you can’t respect them period. Most guys are horn dogs that only think with their dicks , Most of them don’t care if a girl is already in a relationship , if she is beautiful to his eyes he is still going to go for it hoping he can win her over to get her in bed , but little do you girls realize , when a guy can take another man’s girl , he is t going to stay committed to her , he is going to fuck her as much as he can until he realizes wow this girl left her husband or boyfriend for me but in a matter of time she os going to do the same thing to me that she did to her ex , so he eventually kicks her to the curb where she belongs. Do not commit to someone knowing you might not be able to resist temptation for them , Cheating is a selfish act making you a selfish person , you will never experience true love if You can’t remove that selfishness for your partner and wear each others shoes before making decisions , We can’t force someone to love us but we can love them the same way we want to be loved
Your partner is now worried that you might have the intentions of allowing this other guy to sweep you off your feet , so yes he is going to be mad and upset cuz he is afraid of losing you When I am in a relationship with a girl I don’t want to hear about other guys she’s been with or other guys that she finds attractive if she truly valued me she wouldn’t compare me to other men just lie I wouldn’t compare her to other girls it’s disrespectful and selfish , if She is expecting me to do the same for her so she needs to do the same for me period, or she is digging her own grave because she is choosing to be selfish and only thinking of herself The truth is if you can’t treat your partner like a King and will not be able to treat you like his Queen , If you like checking out other guys then don’t get upset with him for checking out other girls , it has to go both ways or it will not work , It should be you and your partner Vs this fucked up world we live in not the other way around , learning to respect each other is what makes love grow between 2 people
Dude, did she come home and "compare" this guy to her boyfriend? No. She didn't say " Oh, I met this guy today who is SO MUCH MORE HANDSOME than you are that I got tingles." You automatically "assume" that she was checking him out with ulterior motives, JUST because she thought he was handsome. Geez.
Ummmm yes she did , she told her partner she met this guy that was really attractive to her that gave her butterflies , so what was her intentions on telling her partner this? What was the reason behind it? Why all of a sudden after 10 years in a relationship with someone you are bringing up an attractive person to your partner like this all of a sudden? , it took her 10 years to finally see an attractive guy to finally announce it to her partner? I see beautiful girls every day but I wouldn’t go home to my partner and announce it like it was this important thing in my life , it’s disrespectful period , even though in your own mind you think it’s innocent it might not be innocent to your partner , and that’s where people Go wrong in relationships cuz they only think of themselves ( SELFISH) So yes that would definitely raise questions of concern if my partner all of a sudden after all this time together finally announcing to me that she saw this attractive guy all of a sudden , but she didn’t see attractive guys prior to that? Why is it important to announce this one all of a sudden? If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, it’s more than likely a duck , It’s disrespectful period , he has every right to be upset and pissed off
What was motive, intent and purpose? She never stated one, did she? You can sit here all day and guess at it. "Why is it important to announce this one all of a sudden? --- Maybe she felt "guilty" for her reaction and thought she should confess it. Maybe she thought he was her best friend and could help her understand such a reaction. I don't know, but I do know that this makes no sense: "If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, it’s more than likely a duck". Personally, I think she was an idiot to say anything at all, but once she did, he was equally stupid for acting like he did.
Take away the whole "I got butterflies" thing. What you're saying is that you personally are SO insecure that if your girlfriend says to you in the course of conversation " I was at a business lunch today and met a man so strikingly handsome that it shocked me" - YOU are going lose your shit over it! YOU are going "question" your entire relationship for the past 10 years because your girlfriend saw a handsome man, and told you about it!
You think it's "selfish" for her to mention it because she wasn't thinking about how it might hurt your "widdle feelings"? Well man up, dude, and grow a pair. If that's ALL it takes to set you off and doubt your girlfriend, you didn't have much to begin with, at least on your end.
And yes I agree with you there , and yes he was probably a little out of line being angry with her but you have to look at it from his side of things as well. We don’t know how their current relationship is , just because you are with someone for 10 years doesn’t mean things have been 100 percent ok , he might be feeling distance from her , she might not be as intimate and affectionate to him as she use to be , so there can be a l or of reasons he acted this way , I know if I am in a committed relationship with a girl and things start to seem shady my gut instincts start to think something is off or something is wrong , why isn’t she kissing me much anymore, why isn’t she having much sex with me anymore , all those things make someone have a question of concern , So if she Came home and started Talking about this attractive guy I would totally be hurt and upset that she seems more interested in this other Guy then being interested in me and would think she was up to no good , so yes I can see where he is coming from , If my girl was questioning me as to why I am being distant from her and not wanting to be as intimate and affectionate with her I wouldn’t Come home and say oh her baby I saw this really attractive girl at work today that gave me a hard on , It’s disrespectful period and selfish of me to do that
"... Talking about this attractive guy I would totally be hurt and upset that she seems more interested in this other"... Like I said, remove the "butterfly thing", and you'd still feel disrespected, which is ridiculous to me. And of course, telling your girlfriend this other girl at work gave you a hard on doesn't make sense, unless you're in a different kind of relationship, such as an open one. That conversation would go like this: Guy - "Honey, the new girl at work is so hot, I got a hard-on just looking at her" Girl_ "Well invite her over for dinner, baby. If you liked her that much, I will too".
But let's stick to the point. The mention of seeing another attractive person, in and of itself, sets you off. It IS stupid and disrespectful to say to your partner " I saw an attractive person that I'd like to fuck" unless you and partner know exactly what that means. Judging on your comments, your relationship would fall apart if the latter happened. However, being unable to accept that other pretty people exist, and your partner is going to see them in the real world, indicates a real issue in my opinion.
@Dіldophobe It certainly IS bad advice, because it's based on insecurity. I have no clue as to what your last statement means in relation to the discussion?
@loveslongnails I mean in this case the asker probably did get excited for the new guy. That's how I interpreted it.
My perspective is that the correct action depends on what I asked. If the asker got excited for a new guy even though everything is going perfect with her current partner, then she can talk about it. But if she sees him better because the current partner isn't as good, then she has to forget about the new guy and tell the partner what he's missing without mentioning any other men who have it.
Exactly @Dildophobe , it really has nothing to do with insecurities, it comes down to respect for each other , and most couples don’t grasp that concept , because they clearly just think about themselves not considering how their partner might be feeling , Now if her boyfriend got pissed off at her while everything in that relationship has been great between them then yes he is completely out of line , but if things haven’t been the greatest then yes I can see why maybe he got pissed off. Most girls don’t think like guys do and most girls don’t think intimacy and affection is really important in a relationship compared to how a guy looks at it , if my girl hasn’t been as affectionate and intimate with me like she used to be and she came home telling my about some other hot guy then yes I would feel that was disrespectful period , Now if my girl was treating me well and things were great between her and I then I wouldn’t give 2 shots if she ran into this attractive guy , The same goes for me to her , most girls I been with get freaked out if I mention some other girl to her so it’s ok for her but not ok for you is all I am trying to clarify here , it has to go both ways
@Dіldophobe Let's summarize this whole thing, boys. She said: * Her 10 year relationship was good. * She saw a VERY handsome man. * She got butterflies in her tummy and was ODDLY shocked by that * She talked to him for less than a minute. * She voluntarily relays the event to her boyfriend of 10 years. Ten years dudes.
What does HE do?: * Accuses her of "cheating" !! Based on... * The fact that you got BUTTERFLIES !! Oh... my ... GOD !!! oh my God, you cheater! * I know what "butterflies" means. It means you imagined his cock in your pussy! * Mentally , You wanted him, and therefore, you CHEATED! "
This is what you guys are saying. Let me imagine for a moment - her boyfriend has gone 10 YEARS and never, ever noticed another beautiful woman or saw a woman in public, or on TV, or in a movie, that made his little pecker twitch? This is what you're going to try and tell me? And when it did, THAT was cheating?
Did she EVER intimate or even SUGGEST that this man, who she knows NOTHING about, was "better than" her partner? NO - never, but for some reason, you can't get AWAY from this notion, all because of the word "butterflies".
I don't give two shits if she actually DID get excited about how handsome this guy was! GOOD for her. I repeat - she was dumb to mention it at all, and her boyfriends reaction is PROOF that she should have kept her mouth shut. But since she didn't, and since he reacted that way, I think she SHOULD be considering an upgrade!!
Yes Finchie, it has EVERYTHING to do with insecurities. What's "disrespectful" about acknowledging that some other man is handsome, or a woman is pretty. You're actually ARGUING for the fact that she should KNOW he's insecure already and can't HANDLE hearing her say even a passing comment like that. Your logic goes something like this: You and your girl are sitting outside in a cafe somewhere and a very handsome man and beautiful girl go by. She says "Look at that lovely couple - he's SO handsome and she's so very pretty". You'd say " I didn't notice her but thanks for disrespecting me. WHO's the insecure one here, dude. It's YOU.
You claim you wouldn''t give two shits if she ran into some attractive guy as long as things were great between the two of you. Well, she said things were good, but after seeing where your first thoughts went to, and your assumptions went, I don't believe your statement one bit. You couldn't handle it.
Being with your partner noticing an attractive couple is completely different then being without your partner noticing an attractive girl or guy , Yes I see attractive girls all the time when I am out in public but out of respect for my partner I am not going to come home and say damn I saw hot girls everywhere today like it was the highlight of my day , what would honestly be the point of that? What am I honestly trying to clarify with her? Why would I even make a deal about it and make her feel like she isn’t as beautiful as those other girls I saw that day? if I honestly respected and valued my partner? Just because I thought to myself she has nothing to worry about that makes everything ok? Just because I know my intentions weren’t to pursue any of those girls it makes it ok for my partner? It’s disrespectful because you are only thinking of yourself you aren’t thinking on how your partner might feel about it it’s not insecurities , it’s respect for each other And yes I am sure she notices attractive guys when she is out in public , so the highlight of her day is to come to me and tell me about all the hot guys she saw that day? Making me feel like I am not that attractive to her? If she clearly loved and valued me why would her intentions be to tell me about every hot guy she noticed , so all that tells me is when she is without me in public she is checking out hot guys all the time so if this girls situation she is clearly pointing out one very particular attractive guy to her partner. Not all the other guys she she noticed attractive just this one particular guy that she had to announce to her partner that gave her butterflies, making her partner feel disrespected making him feel like he doesn’t compare making him feel like he doesn’t measure up to this one hot guy, So yes I can see where he might get angry from that , he doesn’t know what she is really doing out in public without him he doesn’t know if she is going to run into this guy often ,
He doesn’t know if she made eye contact with this guy? He just has to assume everything is fine that his girl is going to come home to him , he just has to assume that everything is ok , that she is going to stay away from this guy? It’s called respect , put her in his shoes and see how she would respond if he came home and told her about this one particular attractive girl that got his dick hard , see how she would feel about that knowing this attractive girl works with him , assuming she didn’t make eye contact with him , assuming he is t going to pursue this one particular girl because she is More beautiful then this girl at work , So she won’t feel uncomfortable, she won’t feel like why is my man’s highlight this one particular girl out of all the other girls he probably runs o to? It’s clearly disrespectful period , Just because you assume things are ok in your mind it doesn’t mean things are ok in your partner’s mind , their relationship might be a little bumpy , yes it’s good but is it perfect? If it was perfect then why is she concerned about some hot guy that gave her butterflies?
That’s the problem with most relationships, people just assume since it’s ok with them it should be ok for their partner’s , just because they know in their minds that they aren’t going to do anything stupid to jeopardize their relationship that their partner should automatically assume the same. And that’s where people go wrong , it’s not about you anymore it’s about you and your partner , you are now one , it should be you and your partner Vs the world , respecting each other , removing selfishness for each other , not just making things about you , including your partner before making decisions , Most people don’t grasp this concept and then they wonder why their relationship fails, because they just assume things are fine and dandy without thinking about how their partner might be feeling , That’s like you coming home from work to your partner and you are excited to see them cuz you missed them but you get home and they are miserable and not excited to see you , you go to hug or kiss them but they push you away , You ask them what is wrong and they just say I don’t want to be touched get away from me , So you walk away , what are You going to assume? Are they mad at you or are they mad at something else? You just going to assume they have to be mad at something else? You are Going to feel hurt cuz your partner is hurting over something but you clearly don’t know why? They don’t clarify to you what is bothering them so you are just suppose to assume everything is ok hoping eventually they come to you to talk about what is bothering them. But they never Give you a straight answer , they just keep ignoring you and being cranky with you , So what are You going to assume? Then one day they come home from work and out of the blue they tell you they saw this hot guy that gave her butterflies , Are you going to assume everything is ok when she has clearly been distant from you the past few days? You are Talking out your ass if you think otherwise
My God... you're the one writing a dissertation out of your ass. You're as insecure as a man can be. She never SAID she was distant, did she? Geez, your whining is unbelievable. LOL
You are some little cry baby if you can't handle your girlfriend saying someone else on the planet is handsome --- because it hurts your little feelings. Good Lord. LOL
Get rid of the word "cheating." People have ridiculous arguments about whether something "technically" constitutes cheating.
The better question is whether you have intentionally done something to violate a promise or understanding that you had with your partner. I think the answer for you is "no," although your boyfriend disagrees with you.
I am 68 years old and I have had many relationships over the years. I have had at least ten relationships which involved a commitment to date exclusively and monogamously. I never cheated on one of them, not once. But that doesn't mean that other girls automatically became ugly. Of course not! Other girls are still attractive. People don't remain faithful because everyone else is ugly.
Your boyfriend obviously has insecurities and he is projecting his insecurities into this relationshp. This is not necessarily a sign to end the relationship, but it is an indication of a problem which needs to be addressed.
I am not trying to start an argument over this what so ever , I am just answering her question as to why possibly her boyfriend got upset about this , and I love how people say that they don’t have insecurities , , we all have some type insecurity inside us , you can talk out of your ass all you want , that’s why being respectful to each other is important in a relationship , everyone has some type of trauma in their lifetime that can cause insecurities to arise , so don’t sit here and say you don’t have insecurities , cuz that’s a crock of shit , now some people learn to handle their insecurities better then others , but’s that a whole different topic of discussion , so whether her boyfriend has some sort of insecurity or not about being upset about this other guy , out of respect for her relationship she should communicate with her boyfriend to find out why he got upset over this , instead of just thinking to herself she did nothing wrong , putting herself in his shoes and trying to understand why he got upset about this instead of just assuming to herself that it was ok for her to do , the same way he should do for her if she got upset over something he did and he doesn’t have a clue why? That’s all I am saying , for a relationship to work you have To both wear each others shoes before making decisions, not just assume that you are right and they are wrong , when you can’t wear your partners shoes that makes you a selfish person that only thinks it’s your way or no way, and that’s why most relationships fail , because people tend to only think of themselves they don’t consider how their partner might be feeling , for example you are out in public with your partner and some good looking guy starts talking to your girl and he is clearly hitting on her and she is flirting back with him you aren’t going to be a little concerned as to why your girl is flirting back with this other guy and ignoring you and giving this other guy her complete attention? Bullshit
@Finchie40 The gist of what I am saying is that thinkig someone else is attractive, by itself, is not a violation of our partner's trust. f we start acting on that feeling and engage in flirtng or spending time around the other person. . . that is crossing the line.
Yes, I understand that completely I was just answering her question as to why her boyfriend possibly got angry over the whole thing , trying to give her advice as to why he might of got upset at her instead just assuming she was in the right and he was in the wrong letting her see it from both sides , Yes I agree he was more than likely out of line by the whole thing and yes probably his insecurity but who are we to really judge someone else’s actions
Being attracted to another person just means you're still alive. It's not cheating. It is hurtful however to turn it into some sort of confession to your SO as a way of sorting out your thoughts/feelings. Ouch!
My husband and I love to point out attractive people to eachother, but we've never confessed about feelings for another person or having, "butterflies." If my husband told me that, I would be reconsidering our relationship.
"Joe" is acting like a child, though it does really depend on how you worded it. You say you told him you found "Robert" really attractive... depending on how that's phrased and put forward (as in, did you act embarrassed, nonchalant, giddy? each gives off different vibes) it can definitely explain his reaction more easily
Being attracted to someone else is what we call LIFE. Acting on those attractions is another thing altogether. You did nothing wrong except maybe tell him about it. Men can become very insecure about things like that. Cheating though is not in this equation though so he's a bit off the mark on that.
Joe’s reaction in his fantasy world resulted in an improperly punished spouse as related to honest attraction to another person disclosure.
One does not usually or ever hear this statement until she is already both emotionally and physically involved with the other. The fact that it was mentioned, in a level-headed manner, on the front end says volumes of good. Joe or Josephine, as the case may be, need to Man/Woman-Up.
I dont think you cheated, since you didn't violate the boundaries of your relationship. You didn't even entertain the thoughts of violating them. It's odd that you felt butterflies at a glance, but what of it?
Without knowing Joe's level of confidence, or the way you two handle such things, I think a shocked reaction is warranted but an accusation is not. I think you two need to talk about his self image, or lack thereof, in a own and healthy discussion.
While i support open and honest discussion in a relationship, I wonder what you thought would happen.. did you expect him to be supp if you getting his number? Did you think Joe would try to fight him? What was the purpose of telling him? You could've just aseasily never said a word and no one would know but yourself, but since you had no plans to act on that observation, none would be the wiser.
My wife points out people (usually the attributes she finds attractive) to be to look at, and while I feel no jealously whatsoever, I don't see much of a reason for it either.
Attraction to another person, by itself, is not considered cheating. It is natural to be attracted to other people even when in a committed relationship. What is important is how you handle that attraction and what actions you take.
In your case, you did the right thing by telling Joe about your attraction to Robert. It shows that you are being honest and open about your feelings. However, if you were to act on that attraction, such as pursuing a relationship with Robert, then that would be a breach of your commitment to Joe and could be considered cheating.
It's important to communicate with your partner about what you consider to be appropriate behavior within the bounds of your relationship. While some couples may have different boundaries, it is generally accepted that being attracted to someone else is normal and not considered cheating.
Overall, it is important to be honest with yourself and your partner about your feelings and actions, and to respect the boundaries and commitment you have made to your relationship.
It sounds like your partner Joe is feeling threatened and insecure about your attraction to this other guy Robert. While you didn't act on your attraction, the fact that you expressed it to Joe may have triggered some jealousy or insecurity in him. It's important to remember that attraction to others while in a committed relationship is normal and doesn't necessarily mean that you will act on it.
It might be helpful to have a conversation with Joe about why he feels like this incident is a form of cheating. Is there something in your relationship that is making him feel insecure or is he feeling threatened by the possibility of losing you? It's important to address these concerns openly and honestly with each other, and to work together to find ways to strengthen your relationship and build trust.
It's also worth considering whether you want to explore this attraction further or if it was just a passing feeling. If you do want to pursue something with Robert, then it may be necessary to end your current relationship with Joe. However, if you are committed to your relationship with Joe, then it's important to communicate your boundaries and reiterate your commitment to him. Ultimately, the decision is up to you, but it's important to be honest with yourself and your partner about your feelings and intentions.
I don't think you should be surprised. Both girls and guys react like this when a relationship threat comes into view.
If you and I were in a relationship and I came home and told you I met this girl and she had immediately given me a super hard erection and my whole body was tingling at the thought of body contact with her but not only that I could feel the warmth of her body because she was standing quite close to me which excited me even more. I could sense her curves. I haven't felt so alive for years.
I suspect you might react as Joe did. If you transpose the situation than I think you can have understanding of it. Joe probably thinks 2 or 3 things. 1. he doesn't do it for you anymore. 2. He was always an also ran to you. 3. You will do something about it. Maybe cheating, maybe leaving.
None of this would be pleasant for the other side of the relationship. At the least it has been shaken up. One side now knows there is something more exciting out there.
I think it is unwise to disclose stuff like this to a partner because of the obvious thoughts they will have and you are putting your problem on them really.
Being attracted to someone else is not cheating. Some years ago there was a younger , attractive coworker that used to make eyes with me all the time. It was obvious she was into me. Yet , she was already with someone. I made some chit-chat with her a few times but that was it. I do not consider that cheating at all since nothing ever happened.
Stuff like this happens all the time. You are with some one and then you meet some one else that you are attracted to. It happens and it is natural. This does not mean anything if you do not take it anywhere. Since I was in high school I have had scores of women that have been attracted to me - most of them already taken. They flirt but that is it.
Nothing happens.
Also next time you are attracted to someone ask your self if it is necessary to tell your boyfriend ( unless you are looking to get a reaction out of him). I doubt that all those married women who have been stealing glances at me since I can remember go home and tell their husbands. What for?
*smh* For FS, NO, you didn't cheat!! The concept that once you're in a committed relationship, or married, you'll never, ever, EVER see another person that you find attractive --- is so damn ridiculous as to be inconceivable! Finding someone else "attractive" doesn't mean you're lusting after them, want to fuck them, or that suddenly you're ready to replace your partner of 10+ years. Good Lord. And what about those in open relationships? Your partner may be saying " Well shit, why didn't you get his/her number if they were THAT good looking? LOL
There are tons of great looking men and women everywhere. You talk to one who you found "so handsome he gave you butterflies", and now you're a CHEATER? Insane. My SO will smack me, lovingly, if we're out and say " Hey, you're missing a really great looking woman over there. Super pretty!".
I can do the same to her - why? Because we're not so insecure about our relationship to the point where we put fake blinders on and say " Oh honey, you're way hotter looking than she is or he is, or anyone on the planet for that matter". Then we'd laugh and say "Uh, no I'm not, but I love you anyway!. Want another beer?" LOL
If you have SUCH little faith in your partner, and are so personally insecure that the recognition of another human's physical beauty (opposite OR same sex!) sends you into a tailspin, you shouldn't be IN a relationship!
Attraction to other people never stops, because its not something that you can control. You can only control what you do with that attraction. Cheating, can happen in several forms, but a general rule of thumb that helps put it into perspective, is cheating is anything that you wouldn't feel comfortable with your husband doing. Lastly, cheating is pretty black and white for the most part. You've got emotional cheating, physical cheating, monkey branching which is the precursor to cheating, but what you describes deosnt fall into any of those categories. I think it's normal to be a bit jealous when your significant other tells you that they're attracted to someone else, but it's not fair to call it something it isn't. Acting on that attraction in any way, is what would be cheating. Good Luck.
One time, out shopping with my at-the-time girlfriend, she came to my side and whispered: "I have to go home and masturbate". I was 'hot" when she told me that, and was flattered that she told me. She took me in the store and pointed out the guy that got her "wet". I told her she should go talk and flirt with him to give her more to think about when she 'rubbed off"
The whole idea got me hot as hell, and wish I could have been with her when she rubbed one off.
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
1 y
No you didn’t cheat but you should have kept your mouth shut. That’s what us men do. Even though it’s not cheating most people, especially women would not react to that well. I know my girl finds other men attractive, mainly movie stars but doesn’t bother me. But that might be because I know there will never be a chance in hell she’d ever end up w them. Plus as a man I’m secure as to who I am. If I’m not what you want anymore so be it. I know I work my ass off, take care of the family, give her more than she needs or wants. If she doesn’t want that there’s plenty of women who do. But no you didn’t cheat. Just keep your mouth shut next time unless you physically did something than that’s something else.
No as attraction is often not something you make a conscience decision on. What you do after that is within your control, but pheromones often create the illusion of attraction for both sexes.
You did not cheat, in fact by telling Joe what happened, that is being completely honest with him.
Have you did anything on that attraction? did you try to get a sexual thing with them? kiss them or anything? So no your not cheating, feeling attracted is norwmal and fine, its not something in your control really, as long as your not acting on that feelings your fine
I don't think its surprising to be attracted to someone else when you're in a relationship. however, I would question why you would tell your boyfriend of 10 years about this (if you already know he would react poorly to it). If you truly valued your relationship with your boyfriend, you would've kept it a secret.
You didn't cheat. You had a biological reaction. Your boyfriend seems like the type where he wants to be the ONLY one you're attracted to, which is not realistic. At all.
You might want to have a talk with a relationship counselor on this one, to get to the root of his issue. Because that is NOT cheating. That is insecurity.
We are never responsible for having feelings, and if one is attracted to someone else, I don't see where the cheating kicks in, because we just have spontaneous attractions and repulsions. It's instinctive, but what matters is what we do with those feelings, or rather, how we react in practice.
You did not cheat. My sister is married. If she meets a guy, that she is sure she is better suited towards, she will divorce her husband and marry, or become a SO with the new guy. Some people believe it is better to stay with your partner no matter what. She does not.
God created Our Universe with Love and Free Will. Use your Free Will to Love!
Talking too with the thought in YOUR mind of doing it because you find them attractive, flirting, physically touching people inappropriately and downright having sex is all considered cheating.
If in doubt, ask yourself this very simple question.
Technically, NO, and I think physical attraction is fine. People are gonna find others attractive, that's just human nature. Even an emotional connection or talking about wanting to fuck them, isn't technically cheating, but it can still make you feel guilty. Flirting is probably the first step though
