Is attraction voluntary/controlled or involuntary?

Question

We speak of things like racial reference vs. racism, homosexuality vs. sexism, etc. So, if a woman is only attracted to men does that mean she is voluntarily being sexist or that it's involuntary and she feels only led to like men? If a man prefers women of another race besides his own, does that mean he's racist or voluntarily excluding his own or that it's just what he likes and he has no control over that? (same if he excluded a race that wasn't his own so you get the picture)
This also leads into how some people say the "standards are too high." Obviously these people who say this tend to be the ones who are seen as unattractive. So consider that so many different types of people find this one person unattractive yet go with others who some would say are actually less attractive than that first one.
And I bring this up to say that the hypocrisy is real in this. Many people will criticize someone they want to be with simply for that person rejecting them due to something like not being physically attracted to his/her race, but when it comes to them, such as their sexual orientation, then all of a sudden it's a different story.

If the answer is more along the lines of being open-minded, then how open-minded is too open-minded?

anonChineseMale · Accepted Answer

Wow, well... There are large case studies of homosexuality so I would not question it too much because it is a sensitive topic. I will say however people can be... Sexually curious. Love is weird and attraction is a bit more straight forward.

In regards to race and gender... Yes heterosexuality is most common due to our biological nature. Homosexuality is not as common however I believe should be accepted and respected. Now race attractiveness is a huge debate and potentially a problem. Some people like new/different people in their lives. I think of it as the pleasure of novelty. We take pleasure in something or someone new and different in our lives. However, this isn't always the case especially when the world you grew up in demonizes one race and glorifies another. The current trends and demand for more diverse actors and movies is because it has actually skewed our perspective on each other. If you sit back and think about it, and count how many movies or tv shows have a bad guy or very aggressive character then think about the hero's and their characteristics. You will see a pattern and now think of your bias towards people that closely resembles that. Even the news does it, blasting name and faces of possible criminal that haven't even been tried yet. Do that enough and people will stop thinking about it because you already have a pattern of who you assume is good and evil. Which really sucks in modern day justice.

Now I know this is about attraction. And I am still on it but with a twist. I think I more closely align with B because yeah, our exposure to media, stories, news, TV, and movie portrayals shapes who we find more attractive. However, I also accept that sometimes the body will just react biologically in that it will push us towards someone different and makes us feel attracted to them. It really comes down to the battle between the mind and body. To me at least.

ItsTheNephilim · Accepted Answer

It's involuntary at it's core. All about hormones and response to stimuli. I can't help but think that almost every one is attracted to preferred gender of every race. The taste could differ of course that's why people say 'You look good for a Black/Latino/South Asian etc'.. because their stereotypes are based on the opinion that people from these races are *generally* unattractive to *them*. So, any person who would look good them would be an *exception* but they are still going to deny getting over their stereotypes based on the races.
Other than that, there so many behavioral issues that people highlight which sets broad and unchanged in people's mind and they refuse to get over them and hence not prefer to date the person of the said race. For example, 'blondes are dumb', 'whites are supremacists', 'Indians and Pakistanis have small 8======D' xD. Many won't openly admit to believe into them and will come up with an excuse to give a reason to why they're not attracted to that race: 'I'm just not attracted that race.'
Seeing the polarization of people because of politics these days, cultural differences and (maybe) religious differences which come into play (which might say something about prohibiting interracial relationships) also governs people thinking and as an effect, they'll use every reason to not date a person from a race.
Just like those people who are so against the LGBTQ, when get into different environments and do some exploration, end up becoming a part of it 😉😂.
But I'll still say that at sexual attraction is very likely to happen no matter the race. But as intelligent (comparatively) beings on Earth, we will consider other factors too.. for dating someone seriously at least.

coachTanthony · Answer

---------------You can't help who you are attracted too! Having a preference of not dating black people even though you are attracted to them could be seen as racist for sure.

bluetoblack99 · Answer

Attraction isn’t a choice.  But both respect and self-respect is .  Also I don’t agree with your silly analogy that this somehow ties in with racism and homophobia. Attraction is mostly due to the biological impulse to reproduce. But also is due to the desire for pleasure. Racism/homophobia is much more complicated and stems from tribalism and how our brains automatically categorize people (whether we like it or not). But that’s a whole another subject.  Back to attraction. For example I can feel attracted to a beautiful 19 yr old woman. But I know better than to pursue a girl like that the same way I would back when I was her age. I’ll just say nothing, not stare nor do anything “creepy”. I recognize it’s inappropriate. I have self control. I can’t control my mind or other peoples minds but I can control my actions.  I’m 20 years older than her anyway and the chances of her being legitimately attracted to me (other than wanting money) are slim.  But she is a pretty young girl and fertile. Biologically my brain and many other guy’s brains my age will feel that impulse. But whether we act on that comes down respect and judgment which is a choice.  So for you girls who get taken advantage of by assholes. Well I see how he is attractive to you given his aggression. But you  made a choice  to let him in your life. You have the will power to accept or reject him.  So I have no sympathy for you if you get screwed over not would anybody have any sympathy for me if I got labeled a “creep” for actively pursuing a 19 yr old.

Barbaric · Answer

It's mostly involuntary. If it were voluntary a lot of gay people would choose to be straight to avoid being discriminated against, but they can't. Straight people also can't help what we're attracted to either. It's hard-wired.

We can make conscious decisions about who we get with. You might be attracted to somebody for example, but you know that based on their character that they'd be no good for you, so you avoid them. Then you meet another person you attracted to who is good for you, so you get with them. I think that's what people are thinking about when they think it's somewhat voluntary.

But before you choose to get with/avoid either one, the attraction you feel for either is involuntary.

Then let's say you meet somebody who has a great personality, everything you'd want in a long-term partner personality-wise. They're kind-hearted, loyal, fun to hang around with. But there's just no romantic/sexual attraction. You can't just switch that on, so you'll be platonic friends at best. Some people might try to date such a person, but these relationships ultimately fail because of the lack of attraction.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Depends on the attractions. Anything perverted like homosexuals and pedophiles is a sign of mental disorder.

Different race attraction is also mental driven by something psychologically.

Its normal to be attracted to your own race and people that share the same phenotype as you, but to be deeply attracted to other races that don't share your phenotype is because something in your mind wheather you heard it or some twisted thinking a person might have created in their own mind to reject their own people for the sake of being with other people that don't look nothing like them nor family members. Its literally all in the mind and people are the ones who create it mostly.

Jjpayne · Answer

So let's say you as an Irish woman look in the mirror every day and see this

Is attraction voluntary/controlled or involuntary?

I think it's feasible to want someone that matches your family traits that you were given by your parents so you are attracted to an Irish man

So you have an Irish man and woman

I don't think that makes you racist...

Now what about mixed couples?

It's about your life experiences and where you live to me.

You can be naturally drawn to someone of a race based on the impact they had on your life or simply because the population around you reflects that race.

There are a number of different reasons but those are at least three proposed guesses

ManWithThePlan123 · Answer

I think attraction is definitely voluntary. However, I think when people have standards that are too high, they try to have every single box checked and that is a little much. Like obviously you aren't going to find the perfect partner so if you can't tolerate a couple things being off then there lies the problem.

brennanhuff · Answer

It’s both. There’s hormones and chemistry where people feel attraction. So involuntary in one way but same person you’re attracted to can open their mouth and say ignorant stuff or be boring and once a turn on and attraction, like a light switch flicks to turn off and loss of attraction so voluntary there.

magiusX26 · Answer

i think its more of a mix of both voluntary and involuntary traits. some of it is learned either by being exposed to a lot of something or inspite of being exposed to a lot of something. an example of this would be a child raised in a household where racism is as common as sunshine yet grows up to not be racist. can be romanticly or platonicly. and yes this has happened many times in history. it kind of boils down to an older question of nature versus nurture. another type of example would be the child raised in an organized crime family ( lets say 1940s mob) yet grows up to be an honest cop or prosecutor. yet another example, the child raised in a certain religion that grows up and decides to join a completely different religion, possibly even becoming a form of clergy in that new religion.

in the end you will not get a definative answer as to why, how, whay, etc.

Ripper_E · Answer

We cannot control what we are attracted to, but a preference is a choice, or can be. If I say I prefer women with a master's degree or higher and make 100k a year. That's a stupid and unrealistic preference. If I say I prefer a woman who is simply slim rather than skinny, it's just that I'm drawn towards one more than the other.
A lot of people have preferences that make no sense, not really based on attraction.

COMMODOREII · Answer

From what i learned in biology it starts out as involuntary. If the person doesn't hit you right sexually or you are not attracted to them then it takes longer for you to discover the person as they truly are. It's instinct at first. But second it can be voluntary. Because the person can be attractive but you can decide not to go with that person if something about them does not meet with your values or how you feel. To me being open minded is to know and understand that I can be prejudice or prejudge based on my preconceptions which is understandable. But by learning to evolve from that prejudice and taking the initiative to do what is right universally. If not for everyone around but for your own good.

AwanAlphaMale · Answer

Involuntary. I see a feminine girl and let's suppose this girl is blonde with blue eyes and isn't a fat shameful lard, then I can and WILL get hard. I have no choice folks, my little meat rocket likes em' blonde and blue-eyed. If she is anything under a 8.5 then idc about her.

So I am attracted to this blonde. Now the question of love comes after. Can she clean? Will she drive me around? Can she cook a good stew? Is her vagina pure and pretty or is it used up and worthless and looks like roast beef🤢? These are the questions that determine whether I am in love or if am just attracted to said blonde girl.

RingOfFire · Answer

"So, if a woman is only attracted to men does that mean she is voluntarily being sexist"

God help your generation that you even have to ask a question like this. After reading some of the questions posted by people your age, I am horrified at what the the liberal brainwashing in your schools and the mainstream media has done to you. I never thought this kind of mind control was possible until now. God help our country!

andy530 · Answer

I believe it’s much more nuanced than what is represented here. I think we have forces that cause us to be attracted that are outside of our control, layered on that though we have the chance to choose what attractions we act on or that we let others know about

Zelda_5 · Answer

You're sexual orientation is not being sexist!!! I'm not going to go to deep in to this but you can, to a degree, control what you're attracted to. You can control what you don't like or don't want to like so, therefore, you are kind of deciding what you do like.

jgibsonian1986 · Answer

I think your picking into a topic bigger than attraction.

I think some people cannot handle not having their way, as they see themselves as the God of their own life, and as a result reject and fight anything outside of their personal agenda.

NamerOfStars · Answer

It's involuntary. Want proof? Pedophiles. People so demonized that others call for their heads for something they can't help or control. And yes, go about and you'll hear folks calling for death for  pedophiles , not child molesters. While I don't find them particularly compelling, there are legitimate reasons a person might choose to be gay (if that was a possibility); no one would choose to be a pedophile. And yet they still exist.

triff · Answer

This is an interesting concept of ideas We are all wired so differently and can follow / brainwashed to take on there Parents / siblings or Religous cults. Making ourselves continue the same traits of Hatred or maybe love It can affect who we find If attractive Goodlooking or ugly If we haven't been so influenced Then we can have a type or we can have freedom of choice

Stephrose88 · Answer

Sometimes we are not even attracted right at first. But once you start getting to know them more, the attraction just happens in some cases.

Orangeandturquoise · Answer

This is an extremely good question. So kudos for that.

I'd say we first have to distinguish three concepts:
- voluntary/involuntary
- intentionality
- conscious/subconscious

Attraction is intentional, but not voluntary and not conscious. However, depending on circumstances, it can be conscious. But just because it's conscious, doesn't mean it is voluntary.

thehorriblesheikh · Answer

I think attraction is involuntary. However, we do choose to not pursue people of some races, or religions, or ideologies, or even countries sometimes.

For example:
I tend to avoid white and black American women.
I do not avoid white and black European women.
I love latinas, no matter where they live.
I avoid practising religious women.
I strongly avoid conservative women.
I love liberal women, except for American ones.
I love Spanish, French, and Italian women.

Is attraction voluntary/controlled or involuntary?

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