Attraction is not a CHOICE... or is it?

Question

SirRexington · Accepted Answer

I have no conscious control or understanding of what attracts me to a girl. It's instinctual. I see a girl, my mind makes an opinion off of that. I, Rex, so not contribute to it. I am merely a recipient of the information relayed to me that I then decide on what to do with this information. Do i approach? Yes, no? How do I approach? Should I? That's all I have power over.

genericname85 · Accepted Answer

no it's not. it works on a much lower level of your brain. the human brain entirely evolved on a primordial core. so basicallly our brainstem where those very low level decisions are made (like automatic breathing, heartbeat and such things) is out of our control for the most part.

Moonchild714 · Accepted Answer

It's not a choice. I find myself attracted to men that I can't figure out why. Then there's been men I wanted to be attracted to but just couldn't.

SydneySentinel · Accepted Answer

I don't believe that it's a choice. The choice is in resisting that attraction or not.

btbc92 · Answer

Is a CHOICE. There was even a scientific study to prove it. And there was plenty of times I was attracted to people and immediately lost it after finding out things about a person. And when I saw I was getting attracted to the wrong kind of person, I got away from them and it stop. All it takes is self-discipline and self control. People, sadly often use it as an excuse and I noticed that more and more. It all boils down to mentality and upbringing.

Chikky · Answer

It is a choice cause you accept the person first with your mind

Amy_Theo · Answer

Who we're attracted to is not under our control. If we think we can choose that in itself is an illusion. Psychologically speaking, we don't get to choose who we're attracted to. A lot of factors play a role in the level of attraction we feel for anyone, be it a significant other, a friend, family member or just some stranger.
Studies show that we tend to be more attracted to people in our proximity (this is where the "long distance relationships mostly don't work" thing comes from), the similarities between us (the saying "opposites attract" is to some extent incorrect. Just about any set of opposite personalities don't attract each other. Usually, it's the opposite qualities that can complement each other. For example, if I hate capsicum but my s/o loves it, we can always get a pizza with the usual veggies and I can just give him the capsicums on my slices. Our likes and dislikes compliment each other). Another factor is more evolutionary. Unconsciously, when looking for a partner, we tend to look for qualities that we want in our offsprings. So the root of our attraction comes from the need to procreate in a way that allows our genes to live on.
Basically, attraction is not something we can control. We may think that we do, but we really don't.

Deathly_Pheonix · Answer

Physical attraction (based on initial contact) is not by choice. We are each naturally attracted to specific details about a person.
Physical/Emotional attraction (based off frequent contact) can be a choice as we choose to see the things that attract or deter us.

Shalaaa · Answer

Attraction is just as much of a choice as addiction in a way.

We choose to be around people, which increases the risk of being attracted to them.

Some people are physically attracted to people without the emotional connection,
Some people need it to go any further.

But we choose to go further.
And further.
It gets harder to fight the more you choose to put yourself around the same triggers.
The more you give in and talk to them, get to know them, familiarize yourself..
And before you know it you feel like you can't get out even when you want to.

But.. you always have a choice to act on involuntary feelings or submerge them.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I don't know but no matter how good the personality is, if the looks aren't as equal or as good then i won't stick around. It may sound shallow but i gotta go. I refuse to cheat and well if i stick with someone i know im not physically attracted to, then it would cross my mind regardless of if i’d ever go through with it

Doodabeat · Answer

Not like wish it was. It's been very tiring trying force myself to be attracted to people, and in the end it didn't make a difference. I'm back to my old standards. I tried to change myself, too, actively every day for 2 or 3 years. I tried really hard every day and nothing stuck. Now that the waves of reality are beginning to crash on my shore its clear that my feelings, emotions, personality, expectations and standards are all going right back to being what they're always been. Each involuntary wave is forcing me back to being me and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Screenwriter · Answer

There are physical attributes you're generally attracted to in an involuntary sense. The personal attributes you also learn over time. Then you choose to act on whether a person fits your physical and personal bill. I think both come from familial history. What were your parents' values. What did they stress as important character traits in people. After awhile they become involuntary reactions to those lists. The choice is whether you act. You can also choose to change a few things about those lists. But intrinsic desires can't be changed.

NYCstreetPhotog · Answer

It has aspects of both. Not a choice:

Chemical reaction in the synapses is the cause of feelings. You have very little choice when these chemicals, thus feelings, are produced. If I had the time I would go into how your choices can effect the amount of chemical, but that will have to wait for another episode of my didactic rambling.

Is a choice:

We clearly can't control the chemicals, but we can control how we handle the chemicals to a degree.

I run into gorgeous women almost daily, and while I will admit, I do in fact have sexual desire for most if not all, I don't act upon that feeling. The same can be applied to love, or any other emotion.

You can in fact ignore the chemicals, forgo your emotions, and choose to act against them.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Go Cowboys!! (Damn Saints... grr)

Regarding the question, I think it's half and half. I think you have to be at least a little attracted to someone to "like" them. That's something you can't control. But if you really want to be with them you can choose how much you want to allow that attraction to have an affect on you, to really open your heart up. Sometimes you can be really attracted to someone physically but shut it down because you know that the two of you would not be right for each other (this happens with men all the time.). On the flip side, you could be only casually attracted to someone but you open wide and peer deeper and allow them to draw you in physically because you really like them personally.

For me, I have a pretty wide range of "type"s so I can fall in love with just about anyone if I allow myself to.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

Attraction isn't a choice.

But love is.

Because love is an action-- a habit-- something you *choose* to enact upon another person. It's something you GIVE. It's "service" in the purest sense.

But that initial (and recurring) attraction... is its own beast. Runs its own show. Plays by its own rulebook.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not. I've tried to be attracted to people I didn't feel any sexual chemistry with and it didn't work very well. I am attracted to the guys i'm attracted to and that's that. There are too many things that are in play when it comes to attraction, it's not just the physical but our brains take in all input subconciously such as their facial expressions, scent, posture, how they express themselves etc... Things we don't even realize and then our brains determine wether they are attractive to us or not.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think you can totally help what you're attracted to. At least with me, I know I wouldn't be able to convince myself I was or wasn't attracted to something if I didn't already feel that way. There have been plenty of great guys in my life that I wished I was also physically attracted to but I wasn't and couldn't force myself to be no matter how hard I tried, and even though it's not of upmost importance, physical attraction is still a necessity.

Prof_Don · Answer

Attraction is NOT a choice... it just happens. The choice is whether to act on that attraction or not.

HOAAH · Answer

Who I find attractive is just random, but whom I choose to love is a choice.

Mazet · Answer

It's not a choice. Your idea of how a person looks who's attractive is influenced society, friends and family. So once you see someone that fits those ideas, you can't help, but be attracted to them. You only can control how you react to it.

cavmanier · Answer

If attraction isn't a choice, we have to abandon that lbgt people aren't choosing their sexualities.

Anonymous · Answer

I broke up with my ex because I just wasn’t attracted to her. It was sad and horrible. But I came to the realization that the longer I stayed with her the worse it would become.

I did this long and hard about it. She was on the nice girl side but psycho when things don’t go her way. If she was more bitchy that would NOT make me more attracted to her. It might of very shortly peaked my interest but I would have broke up with her much sooner.

Women on the other hand can be swayed by a guys personality more. An average looking guy with an awesome personality can beat out a male model with a shitty personality. This gives average guys some hope. But the exact kind of personality women want is very very difficult to nail down. The word “confidence” is way too broad.

Киттйлинк · Answer

Not.  You can’t just say “oh! I’m gonna choose to not be attracted to the next guy I see!”  Either you are or you’re not! You can’t choose that. It’s retarded if anybody says otherwise.

outthere · Answer

Think about what you're attracted to. It's it by choice? Do you have reasons? Ok now decide to be attracted to something else.

Attraction is not a CHOICE... or is it?

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