YES it is a choice
NO it's not a choice
Other (left my "two cents" in the comments below}
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no it's not. it works on a much lower level of your brain. the human brain entirely evolved on a primordial core. so basicallly our brainstem where those very low level decisions are made (like automatic breathing, heartbeat and such things) is out of our control for the most part.
It's not a choice. I find myself attracted to men that I can't figure out why. Then there's been men I wanted to be attracted to but just couldn't.
OMG I know right! You took the words right out of my mouth.
It's baffling. Should've paid more attention in Biology and Chemistry classes LOL
Nope. Sorry. I took those classes. They didn't teach any of that sh! t; otherwise, I would have been paying attention! 😂
@Guardian45 Even if they had I was sleeping. lol
Hahahaha, @Guarduan45 and @coachTanthony after I sent the comments on Science Classes, if they mentioned anything about Sex or Human Attraction I wouldve peeked up paid attention Audio Record and took very good notes... I would still have those notes today... LOL
coachTanthony, thank you for the MHO.
I don't believe that it's a choice. The choice is in resisting that attraction or not.
Spot on! 💯
Thanks for the MHO
Is a CHOICE. There was even a scientific study to prove it. And there was plenty of times I was attracted to people and immediately lost it after finding out things about a person. And when I saw I was getting attracted to the wrong kind of person, I got away from them and it stop. All it takes is self-discipline and self control. People, sadly often use it as an excuse and I noticed that more and more. It all boils down to mentality and upbringing.
Okay so you are saying you can't help who you are attracted too but it's a choice to act on it?
Oh no. You CAN HELP who you're attracted to AS well as it is a choice to act on it or not. ^^ It solely depends on one's REASONS for the attraction. For me, I am an observer by nature. My reason for attraction is solely based on what is natural to judge a person's level of attractiveness. But other's reasons can and usually are based on sex and lust. Those are not mine. I can notice a person, acknowledge their attractiveness and then move on. Why? Because it's not important. Other people see somebody they find sexually attracted and wants to hookup right away. Why? Because that's their intentions and mindset. We are built and designed to know these things. But how we choose to base our attraction is simply the choices we make and what we're exposed to throughout our lives.
Well alright.. . thanks for the comment!
I have seen people who immediately didn't like a person's looks, but once the other changed their appearance, all of a sudden it drew the other person in. Gene can only do but so much. But our upbringing, being exposed to sexual perversion early as it happened to me, getting bad advice from friends, other family members, etc can greatly shape who we want to be attracted to and who we do not want to be attracted to.
Our of genuine curiosity, would that mean someone who's gay choose to be straight?
Of course! I seen and known people who choose to go for the same sex because they grew tired and scared of the opposite sex and vice versa. People can change and not everybody is so called born the way they are. We put a label on it and now it confuses people and it becomes common practice. This is why so many of them even when they find others like them, are still confused and seek acceptance for the practice.
It is a choice cause you accept the person first with your mind
You clearly don't know men.
Who we're attracted to is not under our control. If we think we can choose that in itself is an illusion. Psychologically speaking, we don't get to choose who we're attracted to. A lot of factors play a role in the level of attraction we feel for anyone, be it a significant other, a friend, family member or just some stranger.
Studies show that we tend to be more attracted to people in our proximity (this is where the "long distance relationships mostly don't work" thing comes from), the similarities between us (the saying "opposites attract" is to some extent incorrect. Just about any set of opposite personalities don't attract each other. Usually, it's the opposite qualities that can complement each other. For example, if I hate capsicum but my s/o loves it, we can always get a pizza with the usual veggies and I can just give him the capsicums on my slices. Our likes and dislikes compliment each other). Another factor is more evolutionary. Unconsciously, when looking for a partner, we tend to look for qualities that we want in our offsprings. So the root of our attraction comes from the need to procreate in a way that allows our genes to live on.
Basically, attraction is not something we can control. We may think that we do, but we really don't.
Physical attraction (based on initial contact) is not by choice. We are each naturally attracted to specific details about a person.
Physical/Emotional attraction (based off frequent contact) can be a choice as we choose to see the things that attract or deter us.
Okay I guess. You lost me man and I do this shit for a living. lol
Lol, sorry. I don't know, guess I just explained how I see it. You can choose some attractions but others are natural. That's all I meant
Alright fair enough man! Thanks for the comments!
Attraction is just as much of a choice as addiction in a way.
We choose to be around people, which increases the risk of being attracted to them.
Some people are physically attracted to people without the emotional connection,
Some people need it to go any further.
But we choose to go further.
It gets harder to fight the more you choose to put yourself around the same triggers.
The more you give in and talk to them, get to know them, familiarize yourself..
And before you know it you feel like you can't get out even when you want to.
But.. you always have a choice to act on involuntary feelings or submerge them.
Not being attracted to the majority of the population is not a bad thing and is no reason to resent yourself.
Why would you resent yourself?
I don't know but no matter how good the personality is, if the looks aren't as equal or as good then i won't stick around. It may sound shallow but i gotta go. I refuse to cheat and well if i stick with someone i know im not physically attracted to, then it would cross my mind regardless of if i’d ever go through with it
Not like wish it was. It's been very tiring trying force myself to be attracted to people, and in the end it didn't make a difference. I'm back to my old standards. I tried to change myself, too, actively every day for 2 or 3 years. I tried really hard every day and nothing stuck. Now that the waves of reality are beginning to crash on my shore its clear that my feelings, emotions, personality, expectations and standards are all going right back to being what they're always been. Each involuntary wave is forcing me back to being me and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
Dude, you sound conflicted. Please speak to someone. I had a therapist who helped me a lot.
There are physical attributes you're generally attracted to in an involuntary sense. The personal attributes you also learn over time. Then you choose to act on whether a person fits your physical and personal bill. I think both come from familial history. What were your parents' values. What did they stress as important character traits in people. After awhile they become involuntary reactions to those lists. The choice is whether you act. You can also choose to change a few things about those lists. But intrinsic desires can't be changed.
It has aspects of both. Not a choice:
Chemical reaction in the synapses is the cause of feelings. You have very little choice when these chemicals, thus feelings, are produced. If I had the time I would go into how your choices can effect the amount of chemical, but that will have to wait for another episode of my didactic rambling.
Is a choice:
We clearly can't control the chemicals, but we can control how we handle the chemicals to a degree.
I run into gorgeous women almost daily, and while I will admit, I do in fact have sexual desire for most if not all, I don't act upon that feeling. The same can be applied to love, or any other emotion.
You can in fact ignore the chemicals, forgo your emotions, and choose to act against them.
I'm sorry I accidentally touched dislike. By the way, I'm interested in your rambling. Or maybe, could you please share me a reference/study/research?
I'd need a bit more information, which part are you looking to be cited? Since various aspects are built upon the others, but were still addressed in separate papers.
When a person is attracted to someone, what happens to the body? What chemicals play in this situation? How? As far as I know it's related to 3 layer in a brain. The lowest layer (reptile) produces some hormones to make you desire, the top layer (human) controls your actions. Something like that.
I've read from somewhere but I'd like to have more references.
Go Cowboys!! (Damn Saints... grr)
Regarding the question, I think it's half and half. I think you have to be at least a little attracted to someone to "like" them. That's something you can't control. But if you really want to be with them you can choose how much you want to allow that attraction to have an affect on you, to really open your heart up. Sometimes you can be really attracted to someone physically but shut it down because you know that the two of you would not be right for each other (this happens with men all the time.). On the flip side, you could be only casually attracted to someone but you open wide and peer deeper and allow them to draw you in physically because you really like them personally.
For me, I have a pretty wide range of "type"s so I can fall in love with just about anyone if I allow myself to.
half and half? you mean like 50% chance or rain and sunshine today?
No; half of it comes naturally and the other half is a choice.
Attraction isn't a choice.
But love is.
Because love is an action-- a habit-- something you *choose* to enact upon another person. It's something you GIVE. It's "service" in the purest sense.
But that initial (and recurring) attraction... is its own beast. Runs its own show. Plays by its own rulebook.
It's not. I've tried to be attracted to people I didn't feel any sexual chemistry with and it didn't work very well. I am attracted to the guys i'm attracted to and that's that. There are too many things that are in play when it comes to attraction, it's not just the physical but our brains take in all input subconciously such as their facial expressions, scent, posture, how they express themselves etc... Things we don't even realize and then our brains determine wether they are attractive to us or not.
I don't think you can totally help what you're attracted to. At least with me, I know I wouldn't be able to convince myself I was or wasn't attracted to something if I didn't already feel that way. There have been plenty of great guys in my life that I wished I was also physically attracted to but I wasn't and couldn't force myself to be no matter how hard I tried, and even though it's not of upmost importance, physical attraction is still a necessity.
I don't think physical attraction is a necessity, I hate this attraction, at normal times it's ok but whenever a super cute, beautiful, sexy, etc. Just get my feeling.. comes in contact with my eyes I just Rome around that like a mad man. It ok for me to have attraction, but when it becomes necessity then, (actually, it's just a imaginary story, I have more imp works than girls) when some super ___ were to approach, I would rome behind her through out the city to get details about her. It's it the worst thing to be physical attraction to be necessity. ... I do look forward for replay and having a conversation
@rushabp To me, it just feels like something is missing if there isn't at least some degree of physical attraction. I've tried to make it work with an otherwise great guy before and it never did.
I don't know which age group u r from...
But let me rephrase it for u
U r having attraction but u r searching for love...
U seem to be searching for a person to have love whom u can spend a lot of time...
U will not understand it... I know... it's the thing that everybody may be telling u...
I will try to explain
(If not for my mood u would have definitely understood it)
Let's start with the general definitions.. just get the feeling...
Attraction: it's the desire to have sex.
Love: it's the feeling, such as care, affection, admiration, etc.
In simple words, it's the feeling for respect and care...
What u seem to lacking is that feeling of respect and care..
If u understand it, I know u will find a guy who is handsome, smart, respect and cares about u...
Trust me, it's very hard to find a complete perfect guy.
If u do want a bf/ partner u just need to find a guy who respects and cares about u..
It's the secret of having a good relationship... if u don't, it will never last forever..
Hey, don't get it wrong, but I wonder what type of girl u r, i would like to chat with u, as u are keeping the identity hidden u will never talk to me even when I promised that I would not develop any relationship (common case scenario)
Guess what, even u r not interested in personal chat, we can talk keeping both of us keeping identities hidden..
Let me clear onc thing for u, I am already engaged, for the crazy and weird thinking of ladies
@rushabp I don't lack any feeling of respect and care, and I'm not looking for anyone perfect. But if I have zero physical attraction to someone at all, it just won't work. I'm weird enough about physical stuff as it is, but it feels wrong when it's with someone you have no attraction to. It always feels like there's something missing. I don't expect a guy to be knockout handsome, just remotely physically attractive in my eyes, which can be average to a lot of people.
U kept me thing for half an hour...
I wonder which environment u r living in..
In my town, the boys try to show respect, care and affection when they like a girl there choice is always a random girl,
Here is the thing, girls here knows that it's a physical relationship which can lost longer than expected if the girl wished,
What max of them do is prefer studies than having a physical relationship.
Girls that I saw have no desire to have a boyfriend.
As for the boys, Even when the they r rejected on the very next day I found them proposing another girl.
Moral of the story, boys in my town (don't know about other town), just want a physical relationship.
I have seen two types of couples,
1) only need physical relationship ( heard lots of stories from my friends)
2) loyal and have the will to keep the relationship at longer duration of time.
The girls here r so obsessed with the studies that my few of my have performed a failed suicide attempt, actually my friends were madly in love with them
Here's the common factor, they were beautiful, smart, intelligent, good at sports and studies,
Lacks no respect and carelessness.
(If u r similar characteristic. Then, instead of approaching someone, let them come to u. The classic scene where a boy proposes a girl.
Don't u think it's better)
Well I don't know if it will help but it is what happens near me
U seem to obsessed with having a boyfriend,
I don't know why u obsessed but
Reasons may vary from person to person
I possible reason that I found is
"My all friends have one bf/gf , so I want one"
If u r jealous, don't be jealous,
Just be yourself
Don't get me wrong, I just felt that u r jealous. So, I said it.
It's common to have bf/gf in foreign countries specifically in newer generations, not having one is a problem.
@rushabp I absolutely am not obsessed with having a boyfriend, lol. I've been single for nearly 4 years by choice. I have no jealousy issues and don't care whether my friends are in relationships or not. I've found out that it isn't for me for multiple reasons.
Attraction is NOT a choice... it just happens.
The choice is whether to act on that attraction or not.
Yeah okay I am with ya on that!
Who I find attractive is just random, but whom I choose to love is a choice.
It's not a choice. Your idea of how a person looks who's attractive is influenced society, friends and family. So once you see someone that fits those ideas, you can't help, but be attracted to them. You only can control how you react to it.
If attraction isn't a choice, we have to abandon that lbgt people aren't choosing their sexualities.
I think you are attracted to who you attracted too... it's not a choice for me or them. So not sure what you mean.
I was comparing each in logical statements.
x = gay / lesbian / etc
y = straight
x + choice in partner = sexuality
y + choice in partner = sexuality
I don't think we can say attraction in hetero relationships (your pic) are a choice any more than gay people choose who they are attracted to.
I think everyone no matter gay or straight chooses a partner of their liking. I don't think that is in question. What I am saying is... I believe attraction isn't a choice.
So if I am attracted to Scott then I will choose him as a partner. If I am attracted to Missy then I will choose her as a partner. That is if they will have me of course.
We can choose a partner who we are not attracted too I guess but that would be a very unfulfilling life. We might be on the same page here.. not sure.. help me out!
Just talk to me like I am 5... I've been drinking a bit lol
I agree that attraction isn't a choice. I think many politically correct people will say that it is a choice though and stuff like "looks shouldn't matter." They are the same people that would be outraged if this was said against gay people though. That's my intuition.
I agree with you totally. I think most of our attraction is based on genetics or their biology. There are some parts of what we find attractive that can be altered but those are subconscious anyway so we aren't actively choosing them.
Oh great.. okay so we are on the same page! Yeah I am with you bud!
Cowboys lost LOL
So true but Teddy brigdewater ain’t no slouch !
I broke up with my ex because I just wasn’t attracted to her. It was sad and horrible. But I came to the realization that the longer I stayed with her the worse it would become.
I did this long and hard about it. She was on the nice girl side but psycho when things don’t go her way. If she was more bitchy that would NOT make me more attracted to her. It might of very shortly peaked my interest but I would have broke up with her much sooner.
Women on the other hand can be swayed by a guys personality more. An average looking guy with an awesome personality can beat out a male model with a shitty personality. This gives average guys some hope. But the exact kind of personality women want is very very difficult to nail down. The word “confidence” is way too broad.
You can’t just say “oh! I’m gonna choose to not be attracted to the next guy I see!”
Either you are or you’re not! You can’t choose that. It’s retarded if anybody says otherwise.
Think about what you're attracted to. It's it by choice? Do you have reasons? Ok now decide to be attracted to something else.
ha ha ha good point!
Most Helpful Opinions
I have no conscious control or understanding of what attracts me to a girl. It's instinctual. I see a girl, my mind makes an opinion off of that. I, Rex, so not contribute to it. I am merely a recipient of the information relayed to me that I then decide on what to do with this information. Do i approach? Yes, no? How do I approach? Should I? That's all I have power over.
Wow that is an excellent explanation of how it works!
I try. Thank you.