Attraction isn’t a choice but RESPECT is. Do you agree?

[Anonymous]

You do not have a choice in whether you feel attracted to someone or not. Someone else does not have a choice in whether they feel attracted to you or not.

However you do have a choice to respect someone whether you feel attracted to them or not. Just like someone else can make a choice to respect you regardless of how they feel.

Personally I think too many people equate attraction to respect when it comes to dating. And no offense ladies but if you actually respected a guy who likes you (but you don’t find attractive) then you understand how insulting the friendzone is.

Yes

No

Updates

+1 y

I got a lot of negative comments about my last paragraph. I didn’t mean to use this to throw all women under the bus. I should of used more examples of how men can be culpable as well. Feel free to post them.

The reason I used the friendzone example is because in my experiences I’ve met woman I felt attracted to and they didn’t feel the same way. That’s completely fine. But instead of being (tactfully) respectful by being honest (which is a choice) they choose to play dumb for their own ends

Updates

+1 y

They made a choice to be disrespectful.

Now there are plenty of other examples of people choosing to be disrespectful JUST because they don’t feel attracted to someone. I know I make a conscious effort nowadays to treat all women respectfully whether I feel attracted to them or not (unless they give me a reason not to).

[Ευδεμονια]

Respect is a fundamental basis of a trusting relationship.
Obviously you can’t choose to be or not attracted to someone (unfortunately) but you can choose to be or not respectful towards a person. And to refer to your situation, friendship sure is a depressing situation, in particular when it comes frequently. But I don’t think it’s always disrespectful since, as you said, no one can choose to be or not attracted to you. So the other person maybe has no interest in returning you the attraction you feel towards them, but wants to have a friendship with you. Friend zone can be disrespectful if the other person treats you like a doormat or a servant, but basically is up to you to prevent this to happen.
I pray you to not be offended by my words, I’m the champion of friend zone and rejection, I simply made some reflections.

[Asker]

Nah that was good insights. But let’s be honest here. How many women truly respect men they friendzone? I mean really see them as REAL men.

[Ευδεμονια]

In my opinion in general to make a friendship between man and woman to be existing, there has to be no attraction, so both of them don’t see each other as a woman / man. So if a woman friendzones you, she sees you as a friend so there’s no way she’ll see you as a true man. It’s the same thing for a man having a female friend, she’s his friend until he sees her not asa woman but only as a friend.

[Asker]

Yes sir you hit it spot on above. But do you think I would want to make a woman feel like crap if I wasn’t attracted to her (via the friéndzone)?

[Ευδεμονια]

I kinda know what do you intend to say, but I think basically that a woman friendzoning you (not treating you like a doormat or a pack animal) is simply saying “you’re a friend to me, I can’t treat you like a man”. The same happens when a man friendzones a woman. It’s rarer but it can happen! You say that friendzone means feel like crap… I think fundamentally for the sentimental part, ok, you’re right, since it’s not a nice thing to be rejected. But I’m the other hand, the things are clear and I appreciate more a person that clarify the situation friendzoning me than a person that is indifferent or acts like I’m a pack animal, like I said anything.
I know you’re thinking “I never want to make a woman feel like I felt when I was friendzoned”, but it’s because probably you never have dealt with a sentiment given to you without a return from you. It’s very difficult to manage a person you consider a friend giving you a piece of his/her hearth… it’s difficult to not break the hearth and maintain the friendship existing. I know the friendzones means rejection of the sentiment but she’s giving you the possibility to remain friends.. if you’re strong and can lower your sentiment.
I succeeded to remain friend to a dear friend I declared to, at first our friendship sunk because I couldn’t bear the delusion of rejection, but after some years I contacted her and recovered our friendship. I don’t see her as a woman and she doesn’t see me as a man, we are dear friends.

[Whatever2929292]

I can even like or LOVE someone without being attracted. It is just not that kind of love. Especially when I am in love with someone I don't even really think about anyone else in that way.

Mostly just when I am single or lonely. You are not throwing women under the bus. Plenty aren't like that and I figured you were also talking about men as well.

I totally get what you're saying. Attraction and respect are TWO TOTALLY DIFFRENT THINGS. You can have one without the other.

[Whatever2929292]

But also many times if you're friendzoned then she does like you and respects you... Otherwise she would not even be your friend.

[EllaNella]

this take started out so well and then it took a left turn and ended in a disaster

[ChrisMaster69]

@EllaNella yeah I was about to reply as agreeing, then it just fell off the cliff and entered twighlight zone

[EllaNella]

he said "respect but respect actually means that women have to sleep with me after i hold a door open for them"

[ChrisMaster69]

@EllaNella very much fucked up thinking

[Asker]

@ellanella no respect is being tactfully honest with a guy (which is fine) vs stringing him along. I also admit men are culpable with this at times as well

[Whatever2929292]

You're right. If a woman friendzones you then most of the time she respects you and likes you since if she did not like you she would not even be your friend... Just does not like you in THAT way... If you see what I'm saying

[Whatever2929292]

Like there are women who can be my friend... I am just not attracted. I obviously like them and respect them

[ChrisMaster69]

Respect at times is something that is given but also in part must be earned through actions, words, how a person is,

This question started good and I respected it, then however it just nose dived into Incel country and now zero respect for it.

[Asker]

Well I could of given more examples of how men can respect women too. I did cut it short.

[ChrisMaster69]

It’s a two way street.

[Asker]

It is. I admit I usually have a harder time remembering an unattractive woman’s name vs an attractive one. However I am never disrespectful to unattractive women unless they give me a reason to be.

[ChrisMaster69]

That’s subjective

[Asker]

Being tactfully honest with someone isn’t subjective. It’s respectful. I’ve had to turn down a few women myself over the years. But I didn’t string them along. I did it gently but directly.

[ChrisMaster69]

Subjective what people find attractive and unattractive

Being tactfully honest you ramble on and no wonder women have problems with you

[Asker]

No tactfully honest is “hey I appreciate it but I am not interested”. Is that rambling?

You know I am starting to get sick of your high horse buddy. I already clarified that I could of used more examples and yes men are sometimes culpable.

[Yotth]

Attraction is normal it is not love

But respect is necessary because it make people falling in love

[MCheetah]

I guess I do agree, although I don't think of it in terms like this.

[Fuentes]

Yeah ofc

[Anonymous]

Their both choices.