My controlling boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

How do I deal with being with a controlling boyfriend? He makes me tell him everything I do all the time, who I talk to. When he is in a good mode he will be a very caring person. I love him and I am hesitate to leave him because I feel sorry for him. Is there anything I can do to save my relationship?

Updates

+1 y

The thing is, I'm really tired of explaining and telling him everything all the time

Updates

+1 y

I forgot to say, when we first met, he was jealous but not like that. He changed a lot after he lost his job. I want to help him now that he is facing this situation but he is not helping at all.

[Finchie40]

Stop telling him everything and make it clear he doesn’t own you and that he is not your boss , if he can’t handle the truth , then kick his ass to the curb where he belongs , just because you love someone it doesn’t mean you have to be with that someone , Your boyfriend has a lot of insecurities and sadly that isn’t a good thing , it means he doesn’t trust you , usually when someone doesn’t trust you , it means they are the one that is up to no good , so don’t fall for your boyfriends controlling bullshit behavior , if he can’t have trust in you , he doesn’t love you , he loves himself. Never settle for shit like that , you are only hurting yourself by tolerating that abuse. When someone truly loves you , they let you live your life the same way they want you to live yours. If I had a girlfriend that demanded I tell her everything I did when I was away from her , she wouldn’t be my girlfriend anymore. It’s ok to get a little jealous and insecure here and there but when it is consistent that is a huge red flag that he is the one that is up to no good , Don’t fall for that controlling nonsense you deserve happiness not misery

[Summeroflove]

He isn’t your boss. You’re not even married to him. The control he has over you is control you allow him to have. If you’re not what he’s looking for. Then he needs to stop trying to change you and find what he’s looking for. Not make you follow his rules.


Who died and made him in charge of you? You have to be willing to leave. He ain’t entitled to be with you and you aren’t entitled to be with him. Someone needs to be the bigger person and leave or make it work.


If he can’t trust you and you know for a fact you aren’t doing anything behind his back. Then the problem isn’t yoi.


Maybe you just aren’t compatible. Maybe neither of you is wrong and you’re looking for different things. Despite the fact yes he’s being controlling and thafs wrong.

[Asker]

When we first met, he was jealous but not like that. He changed a lot after he lost his job.

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know Asker. Maybe you’re just looking for different things. I think you just need to talk to him. That you feel he’s being controlling. If he can’t talk without getting mad and defensive. Maybe it’s over if you can’t communicate.

[Summeroflove]

No. People you have to constantly explain yourself to are really annoying. They may mean well but others it’s intentional gaslighting.

[Asker]

Yes, it's definitely annoying. I'm devastated😔

[Summeroflove]

It’s hard. I get it. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do

[Asker]

I don't know. Thanks though

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome

[Summeroflove]

Can you see yourself married to him with this same behavior. Sometimes short term pain. A breakup. Grieving. And finding someone hopefully better later down the road.

Or being miserable for a long time. Even if you want to think he’s great and don’t wanna break his heart. He will be miserable too.

[Asker]

The thing is, I don't want to leave him now in his new situation. Maybe I'll wait until he gets a new job

[Summeroflove]

Asker. The choice is yours. You need to communicate. Tell him how you feel. If you know you’re not cheating on him. But he don’t trust you. It could be projection. I’m not saying it is. But there is sometimes it is.

[Summeroflove]

Now. If he’s a good guy or not. I have no idea. I’ve never met the dude. But. Maybe you’re both looking for something different

[Cutegirl06]

I think you already answered your own question. You said that you're really tired of explaining yourself to him. You feel bad for him? I know I'm only 17 but I'm studying to be a psychologist and will be going to college next fall. From what I've read just being with someone because you feel bad for them isn't a good relationship to be in. Wouldn't be surprised if he started to hit you. Break up with him.

[Anonymous]

Dude women are mental. You leave. Fuck feeling sorry for him. You’re willing to live in misery because you feel sorry for him. As a man I’d be pissed off if she was only w me because she felt sorry for me. What kind of bs is that? Leave!!! He’s a grown man. He will figure it out. Men usually adapt better than women. Sure he’s going to be sad or whatever for a while but he will move on.

[Asker]

Sorry, but I said I still love him.

[abc3643]

You wrote:

" I love him and I am hesitate to leave him..."

You don't love him. When you love someone, you cannot imagine leaving them. You're hesitation is indicative of you having an instinct of placing yourself above him. You never do that when you love someone.

Leave him.

[slatyb]

That is the worst reason to stay in a relationship. You don't owe him your life. It's not working for you m wife is t do you can form a healthy relationship with someone else. Maybe get some counseling to figure out why you accept the unacceptable.

[sawno]

Stop giving in to it.