A few time my boyfriend has told me that he does not like what i'm wearing (the color, shorts too short). When I cut my hair, he also asks me why I did it without asking him what style he wanted. Same as telling me he likes my hair straight and not curly when I had it curled. He was also upset I had my nails done. And when I go out with my friends, he would get angry that I ignored him being sad. I left my friend earlier to see him afterwards. He had also said I shouldn't wear any makeup or wear it the way he wanted. He's also arab, i'm not generalizing but I heard that they are more controlling.
- 26 d
I think that he has the right to have an opinion and feel how he does. But you also have the right to tell him that you want to do things another way. He then has the option to accept that you can style your own hair the way you prefer, or go his separate way if it bugs him that much.
The reality though is that this situation boils down to mutual respect for the other person. He is probably feeling disrespected because he views this as a string of disregard, which is causing a lash out. You don't particularly feel like catering to his fit, and so you may tend to take less pains to do anything he requests, exacerbating the problem. But the thing is, your preferences are your preferences. His are his. He doesn't have the right to control or force you to do anything, but he does have the option to leave. So, you can either give up the freedom to make your own choices about your hair and clothes in order to maintain the relationship, or risk him leaving. But if he is willing to dump you over something like that, I highly doubt your relationship was compatible to begin with. That won't be a great loss once you clear your head.
A word of caution though: Beware of the passive-aggressive ploy where he doesn't actually want to give it all up, but he does want to form you into his fantasy girl. You make be the one needing to break it off if he continues to push the issue after an honest conversation in a calm and relaxed setting, where you determine what you are willing to do or not do.
I wish you luck. :)
12 Reply- 25 d
This is a great analysis. As an Arab, he comes from a culture where women are considered subservient to men so unless they can get past that it's never going to work.
- 25 d
@RingOfFire Thanks! Yes, that's spot on. :D
Most Helpful Opinions
- 26 d
My advice. Leave. Because you're a selfish inconsiderate American and that is the WORST sort of person to get involved with many different cultures. He's not being controlling, he is upfront. Open. That is how Arabs are. Americans in compare are a secretive treacherous sort and that is obvious here. Instead of talking to him and trying to figure out a middle ground or solution you whine to strangers like the snake in the grass you are
00 Reply
- 27 d
It's not really controlling, people seem to really have a hard time understanding what is controlling, if he was controlling he would be forcing you in his own way to do it his way, he is simply expressing his opinion and his emotions on your choices, when someone doesn't like something it's going to lead to an disappointment, if you choose to ignore them it will lead to sadness, I would imagine you'd have the same or at the very least a similar reaction if you chose to express your opinion to your boyfriend about something he is doing (that as his partner you have full entitlement) and he chose to ignore it, what you want to do with yourself is your choice but everyone I entitled to their own emotions and he simply can't change how he feels and you should feel a bit of relief that your man is comfortable enough to not only express his emotions but communicate about them, many men don't want or like to express their emotions and it can cause issues in their relationship, it's better to be aware and have the ability to find solutions, not him have them suppressed and it causes other inevitable issues.
03 Reply- 27 d
Manipulate? By expressing his emotions? technically what you are saying is that he doesn't have entitlement to his own emotions, her choice is still her choice no matter what emotion he feels, what is manipulative is that a person shouldn't be able to express their opinions or emotions because it would be controlling of them to have any opinions or emotions that disagree with their original choice, this is why many people struggle in relationships, they believe that everyone should do what they want even in relationships, if it's like that then the selfishness goes both ways because that would mean that this other person can do whatever they want and not think of how it makes their partner feel, in relationships you are thinking for two, not just yourself and personally i think its petty to ignore your partners emotions because you want to do what you want, personally if I dress some way and my partner is sad or even insecure of it, her emotions would have a much higher place in my heart than my own selfish wants and needs, id change because hurting them over something petty just isn't worth it to me, I wouldn't call them selfish for having such emotions mostly if they did the proper thing to communicate with me and tell me instead of hiding it and giving me the silent treatment later or taking it out on me some other way, people seem to really put importance in small things and remove importance from what really matters, if someone wants to do whatever they want then just remain single, it's perfectly fine to think about just yourself at that point.
- 27 d
Getting into a relationship to act and behave like they are single just never made sense to me, making the choice to accept another living soul into your life to then call them selfish when having opinions and feelings towards that person that accepted them is kinda messed up, bring someone else into your life will be a life changing decision, which will require sacrifice, if you aren't willing to sacrifice and you just want it to be just you you you then by all means stay single and you can you you you all you want.
686 opinions shared on Relationships topic. I think deep down you already knows it answer to your question that's the reason why you're asking it
Maybe the question should be. I think my boyfriend is just super controlling and I don't like it how long is it going to take me to realize that it's just not for me or what you're going to take me to walk away
controlling and possessive followed by angriness probably
And if you were my friend and I seen this happening I would ask you
so
How long the doctor say you were going to be doing this.
Or putting up with this00 Reply
AI Opinion
AskSweetheart, it looks like there are some red flags here. 🚩Your style, hair, and makeup should reflect *your* personality, not his preferences. It's important to feel comfortable expressing yourself in a relationship, and someone who truly loves you will support your choices. 💁♀️ Communication is the key, love. Talk to him about how you feel, and remember: controlling behavior is never okay. You deserve someone who appreciates you, quirks and all! 😘❤️
312 Reply- 27 d
Taking advice about emotions from something that lacks them wouldn't be a smart choice so shut up you emotionless sack of shit 😂
- 26 d
@ChicoFromThe305 AI or not, he’s not wrong though lol
- 26 d
He is, he's just programmed to think the same way as the general population, controlling would be if someone was forcing someone to change their decisions, by stating your opinions and reacting with some emotions isn't controlling, it's just being human, if the person was lashing out and threatening to do something if they don't change, now that is controlling, I've noticed many men have surrendered their minds to all this woke agenda crap and have given their spine and balls in the process, there's a reason why we are biologically the stronger vessel in society and what actually is controlling is the way society has turned and warped people's brains to believe that we are meant to do whatever we want and if someone gets in the way of that then they are the issue, that is their control over people, if you are in a relationship you are suppose to think for two, its that simple, if you want to walk around in your underwear and be sexualized or go seek validation then remain single, why would anyone commit to someone to then believe they have the same freedom as being single, which is only possible if you are selfish enough to not care about your partners feelings, love comes with its own price and that price is having to settle and respect each others boundaries and put that other individual first and most of the time maybe even put their needs over your own, nowadays a lot of women have men gripped by the balls and have em kneeling to them like they can't make any mistakes and thats pretty pathetic tbh.
- 26 d
I love women but I'm always gonna be the head of the house, their feelings, emotions and ideas will be heard and cherished and I won't ignore them and ill look forward to them but as her lover i expect my emotions and opinions and ideas to be respected just how i respect hers, I applaud that man for standing up for his boundaries and what he thinks because until this point he shows nothing but the fact that he's human and one of her decisions rubbed him off wrong, until he makes the choice to threaten, harass, manipulate or force her to make a decision, he isn't controlling.
- 26 d
Even if she chooses to go against him and he remains mad, that's not being controlling as anyone would be mad if their partner ignored them, unless this guy has ignored her over something she admitted bothered her then that would only mean they are both not thinking of each other and they have signs of incompatibility with each other, if you have a partner that expresses and shows their emotions that's a good sign of their ability of being able to easily communicate and that's actually a green flag for a relationship, when committed the couple always has a bit of "control" over each other, there's many that remain single because of this reason and that's fully respectable and completely understandable, they made the perfect decision and know exactly what they want, can't hate on it, but if you want a partner put the damn effort or breakup and do what you want and not carry someone around like a tool for your own emotional benefit. Let's see how many people block me for this 😂
- 26 d
@ChicoFromThe305 I agree that we are allowed to have opinions and preferences with our partners. But there’s a fine line between expressing opinion and getting ANGRY and upset about it.
She mentioned he got mad when she cut her hair. There are certain hairstyles that I think look better on my partner but I would never get mad or state they should have “asked me first.”
Same with nails or make up. Like yeah he might prefer her with no make up but a way to phrase it would be “I prefer you with this make up style or no make up but you still look good” (cause if you really love and are attracted to your partner you would think they look good no matter what they wear.) but the way she’s phrasing it sounds like he’s getting legitimately mad over these things. He’s getting mad over things that are literally temporary anyways. There’s no reason to get mad at your partner for curling their hair when all they have to do is get it wet and then it will be straight again lol. That’s ridiculous. Like I said there’s a difference between “I prefer your hair straight” and “why don’t you wear your hair the way I want it! Wah wah 😢”
It’s not like she went out and got her face tattooed or plastic surgery…it’s hair.
Bro sounds like he’s just insecure. He doesn’t want her to look good with make up, nails, short shorts because he thinks it will get her attention from other men. But if you trust your girlfriend, you should trust that she would turn down those advancements from men anyways. Thats the reality of dating women, when they go out and look good, they are gonna get hit on. You can’t just prevent your partner from looking good your entire relationship. - 26 d
@ChicoFromThe305 And then the story about her just trying to spend time with friends and him getting mad at her about it and making her feel bad / come home early is pure manipulation at its finest. Him being “sad” doesn’t mean she has to drop everything and go be his emotional support. If it was something serious that he was going through then it would be understandable but I have a feeling that him being sad was just a bullshit excuse because he doesn’t like the idea of her being out having fun without him. Especially because she phrased it as “when I go out with friends..” implying this is not a one time occurrence and it happens every time.
There doesn’t have to be a physical threat in order for something to be controlling/manipulative - 26 d
Oh I get that but I don't believe him getting angry is controlling, it's just the emotion he got from that action, it also doesn't make it a bad decision on her part either but we can't just say this guy is controlling cause he got mad if that was his genuine reaction to her cutting her hair, if he takes his anger out on her then that's a different situation and at that point it starts becoming abusive but someone can be angry, express it and not behave toxic with it, they might no even get angry at her, just gets in bad mood, being in a wanting to be left alone mood, that doesn't make them controlling tho, if anything it makes em short tempered but someone can be short tempered and not be abusive, I don't think the emotion makes him controlling because he couldve truly loved that hairstyle and his disappointment turned to some anger, if he cools down after that genuine reaction does that emotional reaction really make him controlling or does it depend on what he does with those emotions make that decision if he's controlling or not cause if a woman accidentally drops a bowl o hot soup or chili on you and you scream and get angry, does that make you abusive or does it just make you someone that got angry? lol
- 26 d
Not physical but again being sad doesn't make him controlling it's an emotion, sounds to me like he doesn't like her friends and I'm sure he has his reasons for it which is what probably leads to such emotions but he isn't going like "come baby me, im sad" you can make an assumption about this man because you have a feeling, or give this woman advice on her relationship because of this feeling.
- 26 d
@ChicoFromThe305 I get what you’re saying. Yes you can’t control your emotions. If you’re angry, then you’re angry. You can’t help that.
But we need to acknowledge where that anger is coming from. The anger is coming from his belief that she should present herself in the way that HE wants her to.
he's using his emotions as a way to make her feel bad over something as small as wearing a certain color.
She has to wear her hair straight because he gets angry when she doesn’t. He feels that she needs to come to him and ask his permission to change her hair style. That is 100% controlling behavior. - 26 d
@ChicoFromThe305 Saying that he must have a good reason not to like her friends is also an assumption. Even if he did, that doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to spend time with them.
I have a certain friend that my partner didn’t like for a long time. But he’s never gotten mad at me for hanging out with him or made me feel like I had to go home to coddle him over it - 26 d
That's true but expression of emotion and controlling are different If he didn't say anything to try and stop her from going, if she saw that he became sad doesn't make him controlling because he only reacted with emotion, you can't just say he's doing it out of mal intentions to stop her from going, because someone reacts with emotion doesn't show intention even tho it makes it obvious what they would want someone to do, its not expressed directly to change someones mind, to some it's just easier to express their emotions than it is to hide it, making a decision or judging someone's character over an assumption of their intentions because of their emotional reaction to something isn't healthy, people are different, comparing your friends and your connection with your friends doesn't really change anything here because your girl might have a different reaction to you hanging out with your friends than your friends might and would that make her controlling if that reaction is a negative emotion? It doesn't necessarily mean she's trying to intentionally manipulate you from going, it's just how's she's feeling and you changing your mind on your decision doesn't mean you are being controlled by her, you just put her emotions first and made a decision off it, controlling is a much more toxic environment than emotional expression.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
30Opinion
2.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic. Yes he is controlling and sadly to say he is insecure as well , and something you should really reconsider staying on a relationship with. A partner that loves you and cares about you will trust and respect you and accept you for who you are , they won’t demand you to change for their approval, whether he likes your hair or not whether he likes your outfit or not , it’s ok for him to give his opinion but it’s not ok for him to demand you to change to appease himself , so yes you are being controlled and you are best to put a stop to that shit , if he can’t accept you for who you are then he doesn’t deserve you period.
10 Reply- 26 d
If you think he's controlling, then he is controlling. Tell him to back off when he does that.
00 Reply 801 opinions shared on Relationships topic. He’s selfish and manipulative. How do you think you should move forward in this case?
00 Reply- 26 d
"boy" is correct term. It's fine to want to be involved but he's over the top. He's very controlling.
Have you noticed the muslim women dressed head to toe in black, or faces covered? What you think that is about? It isn't about making the woman feel good or her freedom... it's about protecting his fragile emotions and honour. Honour is the core of these beliefs that controls.
If you like that, hats off to you, I salute you and wish you well... given sounds like you have a choice whereas millions of others do not. Dating is about learning about yourself and others, so I think you've learned something useful before you commit to loving and honouring him.
What I would not expect, is for him to change without some MAJOR spiritual work and change of faith. Good luck with that... because he is indoctrinated into his belief system.
00 Reply - 26 d
Well there is annoying controlling and dangerous controlling.
So far it sounds like he’s more of the former and it’s likely a cultural thing. But if he ever loses his temper over something fickle, threatens you or worse then you have a very serious problem on your hands. Again this is when you did nothing to provoke him and/or he isn’t dealing with an unrelated serious issue.
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is a decent guy but is acting this way because his cultural upbringing. But again if he ever (really) loses it over something fickle you might have a much more serious problem on your hands.
00 Reply - Anonymous(45 Plus)26 d
Some things I’d say yes. Maybe just a little overboard. Others no. People tend to co rise things w what is co trip or what isn’t. Women have always said they want a man who expresses his feelings, who’s in touch w his emotions. Than a man speaks out in this way about things that legitimate concern him and he’s met w all this backlash, especially from women cause he disagrees w some of the stuff she’s doing. Which one do you want? Talk to him. Ask him about it. Validate his feelings by trying to understand why he’s like this. This is between you two not you two and the GaG community.
00 Reply - 24 d
The hair and the clothes are just opinions and dressing a little bit modestly is respectful to him as your boyfriend. My husband tells me how he likes my hair often, I don't always do it but I do listen. Pigtails drive him wild for instance. He does often say I don't need make up because I'm so pretty but then I don't wear much anyhow. The nails sound like a red flag.
Controlling where you go and who you speak with using emotional black male is Controlling.
00 Reply - 26 d
I sure as Hell wouldn’t force my girlfriend to get the style I preferred or give me a heads up about getting the haircut…. The color & shorts being too short maybe though that is a stretch tbh. Hanging out with friends and him being pissed & angry is not cool.
Now I don’t believe it is him being “Arab”, I believe it is his personality & character. Your boyfriend on the individual characteristics of character, personality, also history is definitely controlling.
00 Reply Saying you like or dislike something is literally not controlling. Threatening or intimidating someone into doing what you want, is controlling. Dictating what his emotions are allowed to be is very controlling though. But at the same time, his emotions seem pathetic, so you might be better off without him.
00 Reply- 26 d
Well I never understood guys who date women who dress revealing then tell them they should change when he decided to date her.. Never date a person who wants to change you because it will never work out.. He could be controlling or he could just be saying his opinion but yes men from those countries are generally more controlling and reserved but not always because I knew a few who were big hoe bags..
00 Reply - Anonymous(36-45)26 d
Not all Arabic’s are bad. Same for Canadians or Indians or Americans… get it?
“All men or All women are awful!!”.
It’s likely his religion, if he is Muslim, then he is incredibly culture shocked then. Are you Jewish, Muslim or Christian? My understanding is if you’re either of those three then it’s okay for Muslims to pursue.
So if you aren’t any of those things, dude can hit the road. But if you are, then he’s being reserved and it comes off horribly. Also there’s nice and bad muslims as well.00 Reply - 25 d
I don’t see it controlling at all. He voice out his wants. Like, what you wear is how you display yourself either to be respected or asking for attention. After all, he is a man, he knows well what other men will think of you. It is his way of protecting you (that’s what men are). Plus, no make up is a good make up.
00 Reply - 26 d
Yes definitely. Your partner should let you express yourself the way you want. Sure we all have our preferences. There are certain hairstyles that I like on my partner more than others. However I would never tell him that he has to ask me for permission before getting his hair cut…
And the fact that he pulled you away from your friends early because he was “sad” sounds like manipulation..
00 Reply - 22 d
Either you tell him to stop or you leave. If he stops there is hope he will become somewhat normal. If he does not stop it is time to say goodbye because it is not going to get any better and possibly worse turning into physical abuse if you do not follow his suggestions
00 Reply - 26 d
He's expressing his likes and dislikes. He's honest and straightforward. He's teaching you how to be the perfect girlfriend for him. You have two options... do what he likes or don't. But it's not controlling and it's not manipulative. You still have a choice. They are his preferences and if you don't want to be and do what he likes... let him find one who will.
00 Reply Yes, he is very controlling. Know that he won't change if he is already like this, not matter what nationality he is. But as you say, many men from the Middle East and Asia are controlling this way. I would do as I wanted.
00 Reply1K opinions shared on Relationships topic. Just out of curiosity why wouldn't want to dress in a way that you boyfriend finds appealing?
It is a sexual relationship and the way you dress is the sauce. It doesn't sound as though he is important to you. That is probably a problem.00 Reply1.4K opinions shared on Relationships topic. I don't get this dynamic.
If someone told me what to do, was coercive or controlling, I'd tell them to go fuck themselves.
Don't get why you put up with this?
00 Reply- 26 d
Yep. A partner should never dictate what you do with your body or life. They can give suggestions of things they like but it shouldn't be with an expectation that you will only every do that
00 Reply 2.1K opinions shared on Relationships topic. Controlling. YES.
Red Flag. YES.
Dump Him. YES.
00 Reply- Anonymous(18-24)25 d
That is a little controlling, but vote trolling isn't bad by itself. I'm in a very controlled relationship, even to the extent that I have a VERY regulated day, i wear only what he says, i e exercise when im told, have sex/ madtirbate when and with whom I'm told, I don't even use the bathroom without permission... but i love it because I love him and because he is helping me stay on task with my classes.
So, in short, the question is, do YOU like it/ need it?
00 Reply - Anonymous(45 Plus)26 d
"He's also arab"
That explains it. Yes he is controlling. That's Islam culture. The men are in charge and the women are forced to do what they are told. Next he'll be making you wear a burqa.
I really get a laugh when I see the feminists standing up for the Palestinians. They treat their women like animals.
00 Reply Ok... and you can say you never have said what he should do? Because i know lot of women who tell their boyfriend which shirt to wear or how to look or which haircut to have or if they should have a beard of not.
00 Reply- 26 d
If you're Western and he's from the Middle East, you two might not be a good match.
He kinda seems like he might have "traditional" Arab views about women, which most Western women aren't going to like.
00 Reply 5.8K opinions shared on Relationships topic. Yes, he is, and unreasonably so in my opinion. How do you feel about it?
10 Reply6.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic. Your boyfriend is controlling, overly jealous and possessive. Dump his immature ass now.
00 Reply- Anonymous(45 Plus)26 d
He's allowed to take interest in your appearance and behaviours. And it may or may not be a cultural trait. But to a capitalist westerner, it does seem a little excessive.
10 Reply - 25 d
You're 30+. What would you say if one of your friends told you this about their boyfriend? Would you genuinely not know how to answer?
00 Reply 538 opinions shared on Relationships topic. He is probably acting out on what he saw as he grew up. So he thinks that his controlling mind is normal. Figure on a life as you are living now or hit the road!
00 Reply- Anonymous(25-29)27 d
Yes, he thinks he owns you and should decide everything for you. I'd escape and the sooner the better.
01 Reply- Opinion Owner27 d
And yes, he comes from a culture that oppresses women so that is his expectation that you'll be 100% submissive to his will in every aspect.
- 26 d
Red flags. He’s trying to train you to be the obedient wife. Next, he’ll isolate you from your friends and family.
00 Reply - 26 d
If you won't submit to a man you don't deserve him.
10 Reply Ur boyfriend may be over possessive so dont take it as negativity u both need to spend some time together and u both should speak openly about ur problems it will help a lot
00 ReplyHe has no right to act that way. I would dump his ass. How is ur sex life with him?
00 Reply- 26 d
I bet he is. This sounds like a narcissist to me 100 percent
00 Reply - 24 d
He is very controlling
00 Reply - 26 d
What do you feel about this?
00 Reply Yep ifs calls you names cut em loose
00 Reply1.5K opinions shared on Relationships topic. He sounds nuts. He is controlling in my book.
00 Reply606 opinions shared on Relationships topic. Yeah that’s very. controlling and critical
00 Reply1K opinions shared on Relationships topic. Yeah, he's too needy
10 Reply🚩 🚩🚩
00 Reply- Anonymous(18-24)24 d
Yes, I definitely think so.
00 Reply - Anonymous(45 Plus)26 d
Inconclusive.
00 Reply - Anonymous(30-35)27 d
No he isn't.
00 Reply
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