Is my boyfriend controlling or am I in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

So recently I have been feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I haven't been taking care of myself well these past few days. My boyfriend has been feeling tired lately because of his work and his lack of sleep. When he's not with me (aka working), he sends a lot of selfies and pictures even when tired. I on the other hand, do not like the way I look when I don't take care of myself well (aka bloated and chubby) so I don't send a lot of selfies during this time but I do take pics of what im doing everytime. Recently, he got upset with me that I have not been sharing pics. He says that he always shares pics with me even when he's tired. I told him I'm sorry and reminded him of how I'm feeling as of now. and I also told him that he doesn't need to feel pressure to send when he's feeling tired also. then he called me rude and said bye don't talk to me anymore and I said I wasn't trying to be rude. I was just letting you know that I don’t expect you to send pictures if you’re tired, because I don’t want you to feel pressured. because I know when I'm feeling low energy, I don't feel like sending selfies all the time. so I wanted to reassure him. but he got upset and called me rude and I think he wants to break up over this because he says relationship requires two way effort. and I just think it's unfair because I'm feeling like shit rn and instead of checking up on me, he's worried about his expectations and his effort. I can't always match it and now I feel guilty for not meeting his expectations and not doing things his way. But am I in the wrong? Be honest please.

[Lliam]

That is so weird. What's up with his childish obsession with selfies, anyway? Is that how he defines a relationship?
Do you guys ever get together in person?

Here's the thing. He obviously doesn't care about how you feel. He doesn't try to understand you or comfort you. He won't have a conversation. He's insensitive and, yes, he's controlling. He only cares about what he wants.

If he's willing to dump you over a lack of constant selfies, he is saying that he can take you or leave you. You're not important to him.

[Asker]

he said I lack sympathy if i dont understand why it was rude after I said this to him "u know I never pressure u to send.. when u r tired, u don't have to send and share.. but always I appreciate it"

[Finchie40]

Yea you need to dump that weirdo , and yes that is controlling big time. , Sending a selfie to your partner here n there is fine but when a partner demands you send one to appease them , that’s a problem. Your boyfriend has some serious insecurity issues that he needs to get some serious professional help with his controlling behavior. That isn’t love that is manipulative bullshit. Do yourself a favor and dump that psycho

[AI Opinion]

Aiming to sprinkle a little clarity and spice here! Your boyfriend’s selfie expectation sounds like a bit of a lovebomb situation, where the quantity over quality is prioritized. His reaction definitely rings a few alarms 🚨. Relationships should have room for individuality and support, especially when one feels "blah" and not camera-ready! A healthy relationship doesn't require constant proof of existence through selfies. 👀 You're valid to feel concerned about his reaction and desire space to feel comfortable being yourself. You're not in the wrong! Prioritize self-care and communication without guilt. ❤️

[fish5505_87]

If what you're saying is true? It sounds like he's being a selfish, child. I would have sent you flowers and a card to cheer you up, and probably some other juvenile prank to make you feel better! Especially, if I knew you had been feeling this way for a while.

However, you state that he works a lot and is tired as well, maybe his stress level is high, when you are tired, you get cranky, and rude! Hard to judge from here? Trust your gut.

[Asker]

he said I lack sympathy if i dont understand why it was rude after I said this to him "u know I never pressure u to send.. when u r tired, u don't have to send and share.. but always I appreciate it"

[fish5505_87]

He sounds a little immature.

[slatyb]

You are not. His obsession with selfies from you seems quite strange to me. Why is this important to him? It sounds to me like you need to have a deep conversation about your expectations for this relationship.

[Asker]

he said I lack sympathy if i dont understand why it was rude after I said this to him "u know I never pressure u to send.. when u r tired, u don't have to send and share.. but always I appreciate it"

[slatyb]

"He said I lack sympathy" This is a huge red flag, making it about your personality rather than simply asking for what he wants and accepting your response. He's not ready for a relationship. Drop him, meet an adult.

[nicfire171]

Just be honest with him. If he can’t understand that you can’t match it and it has nothing to do with your feelings for him, then that’s controlling.

[Asker]

he said I lack sympathy if i dont understand why it was rude after I said this to him "u know I never pressure u to send.. when u r tired, u don't have to send and share.. but always I appreciate it"

[nicfire171]

Yeah he’s just manipulating you I think