Boyfriend says I’m controlling him?

Question

Boyfriend says I am controlling him I’ve told him on many occasions I do not like him liking girls pictures on Instagram. I don’t follow him I just see it because one of my friends follow him and she shows me he keeps asking me how I know and I’m not telling him. It’s his friends from secondary school the photos he likes he’s not in contact with them or anything he’s just liking the pictures she’s half naked in them by the way. He stopped when I told him and recently she posted a progress picture from the gym and he went and liked it and I saw it. He completely twisted it on me saying I’m controlling him this and that how do I know what he’s doing on social media he’s saying he liked the picture as he was happy for and her it would motivation.

don’t know if I’m overreacting or being sensitive would anyone else do the same in this situation? It’s just that he said he would stop and he’s liking it and then he tells me he did it on purpose just to see if I would see which is a blatant lie

can someone help me out to see things more clearly and what would you do in this position

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Yup, this is 100% a you problem to me. If you do not do social media that is because you do not want to. Some people cannot handle the anxiety that social media can cause... so yes you are 100% coming off as an insecure person. Here you are a person that does not have an account, but are more less having your girlfriend stalk him online?

I will be honest with you, this girlfriend of yours is not a very good freind in my opinion. I mean what is her motivation to keep you so up to date? I mean she is basically putting herself in the middle of your relationship. She might think she is helping, but she is not. She is instigating problems, and a good freind would not do that.

But you are letting her, and it comes off to me that she is playing on your insecurities which is directly affecting your relationship. Intentionally or unintentionally good freind do not put themselves in the middle of other people's relationships... or cause problems or effect their relationship in negative way.

Now I do not think you are controlling him, as much as you are alerting him to your higher level of insecurity. And honestly, if this girlfriend of yours, is a as good as a freinds to you as I would suspect... then I would ask yourself, why is she playing on your insecurities like this, instead of being a better freind to you?

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

I feel you. It ain't right that he's liking all these half-naked girls' pics when he's in a relationship with you. That would bother any girl.

And the fact that he keeps doing it even after you told him it upsets you, and then tries to turn it around on you - that's not cool at all. You have every right to feel uncomfortable with that.

It sounds like you tried talking to him nicely about it already and he's not respecting your boundaries. If it was me, I'd have another serious talk with him and lay it all out: "When you like other girls' provocative photos, it makes me feel disrespected and like you don't care about my feelings. I thought we agreed you wouldn't do that anymore. I'm not trying to control you, I just want some basic respect as your girlfriend."

See how he responds this time. Pay attention to if he actually understands where you're coming from or keeps dismissing you. His reaction will tell you a lot.

Girl, you don't deserve that mess. Stand up for yourself and your needs in this relationship. If he can't respect such a simple thing, maybe you need to rethink things, you feel me? You got this!

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

Yeah, it sounds like you’re really overreacting to it. I’m sure he thinks the jealousy thing is cute on occasion but you’re getting worked up over people he hasn’t spoken to in literal years, maybe decades, and he’s just liking their pics. You never liked a friend’s pic from school despite not messaging them or seeing them? It’s nothing, and honestly you are being really controlling if you’re confronting him and getting angry over him liking pics from girls and that jealousy is eventually going to get you dumped if you don’t cool it.

MzAsh · Accepted Answer

Bet you he wouldn’t like it if you posted hot photos of yourself for other men to like, would he? Get a better man. He’s low for this behavior.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

i am assuming that you are dating for the purpose of finding a partner for a long term relationship. Please correct me if i am wrong.

It’s a mistake to expect him to change for you. Are you willing to tolerate this behavior for the rest of your life?

CalmUntilAbused · Answer

Does He cheat on You? Apparently not. I think You should at least reveal the source of Your information about Him liking these photos. What I think is that He initially agreed to stop, but either came to this conclusion Himself or someone has convinced Him that You're controlling, and what's more, it's not even debatable that You're secretive. For all He knows, You might have planted surveillance cameras in His room or even somehow bugged Him. Every relationship is about trust and honesty. His stunt might have been a way to try and force Your hand (which is incredibly risky unless He's suicidal anyway). Thus, He might not be lying that He did it on purpose to see if You'd see. He might even be suspecting Instagram of leaking user data at this point and He might have wanted to check His suspicions. Now... If You think this situation is fine the way it is, then You might be born controlling and You might not realize it's usually not acceptable to be this overbearing, especially regarding Your veil of secrecy over how You get Your data on Him. It's not that I defend Him liking these photos against Your better judgement. While it's perfectly natural for men to be attracted to this kind of content (and it's probably one of the most important reasons for Instagram's continued survival), if You find it wrong in some way, He should be willing to defy His biology to this extent, at least if You are perfectly honest and loyal to Him. However, the way You go about it is even more alarming than His apparent lack of self-control. If You want to enforce the agreement, at least come clear about Your methods of what's basically spying on Him, and it would be adviseable to cut down on the control, as well.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

Being in a relationship doesn't erase other women, and men cease to exist. It also doesn't erase your and your boyfriend's past.

If he likes pics, it's his right to do that. He doesn't meet those girls or sleep with them.

If you have any serious problem with this, find specific scenarios and discuss them in detail. Avoid general speaking.

RHK36 · Answer

Sounds a bit controlling, but you both sound like y'all like playing games. You already told him that you don't like it, but he showed you that he ain't stopping. Why keep track and point it out if he's not going to stop? Stop dating boys if you don't like playing games.

Anonymous · Answer

Easy solution. Leave. Many of you complain about what your man is doing but you stick around. I don’t think he’s that serious about you. People will change for that one special person. He may stop for a while but he will go back to the same thing.

SotiCoto · Answer

The way I see it, he is doing something very slightly inconsiderate... and you are doing something far worse in indirectly spying on him and hiding it from him.
I would personally say you are in the wrong here, and communication between the two of you has essentially broken down as a result. The only way that can be patched is through being completely honest and completely open... but even then no guarantees.

Billlewis · Answer

If you're unable to work out your differences, I'm sure there are plenty of other guys out there who would love to have a girlfriend who controls them ❤️

Anonymous · Answer

You're controlling and the relationship isn't going to last.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Reason #48587 why I'm not on social media

Unit1 · Answer

Translation: "Stop finding other girls beautiful" Social media is cancer.

ThrillSeeker01 · Answer

He sounds like insecure. I would move on

Boyfriend says I’m controlling him?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said