Boyfriend says I'm controlling?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend says I'm trying to control him, but I just think he is making bad decisions. I told him he should get a job that pays more, so he can pay his bills. He wants to keep working fast food, which would be fine, but isn't making enough money. He doesn't want to leave cause he feels like he would be miserable at a different job. I told him he should focus on paying his bills now, then do what he wants, which is cooking. He just says I'm trying to control him.

I'm upset because I think he is being selfish. He's having to ask people for money when he is perfectly capable of getting a higher paying job.

Am I being controlling and is there anything I can say to him?

[Anonymous]

In a way yes. He seems happy doing what he’s doing right now. Making more money as you know doesn’t always make things better. Some people stress about it, some don’t. If you’re looking to move up in the world to a better life but he isn’t, whether it’s just right now or the rest of his life, you need to find someone else who is on the same page as you. Hopefully one day he will realize what you’ve pointed out to him, but he has to realize it. You can’t push him cause he will just end up resenting you in most cases.

[ShiftingMonke]

He seems content doing the bare minimum and asking others to fund the rest; if he's like this now, you aren't going to make him honorable overnight with marriage; I think he's wasting your time.

[SecretsofKB]

Honestly, nope. You're being an adult and telling him to get his shit together. I get that he likes cooking, but he can at least try to find a cooking job that pays more or get a second cooking job.

You're not controlling. You're just telling him things he doesn't like to hear.

[Nikki1989]

No, it is not controlling. It sounds like he needs to step up and do better.

[BarryLiverstone]

How old is he and how long has he been there?

[Asker]

He's 27 and he has been in fast food for most of his 20s. Just started this new job a few weeks ago and was at the last one for about 4 months.

[BarryLiverstone]

He has shown a pattern of just getting a job he’s comfortable with and he isn’t ready to take a risk at something more ambitious. So because he has only been there a few weeks any time you tell him to find a better job that will make him feel defensive and he will reject your advice.

Instead have you and him discussed the future and what goals he has?