Is it emasculating to pay for a guy?

Question

So, I’m talking to this guy daily. I shared to him a party event and he bought his ticket with no hesitation. I was supposed to go with my friends but they dropped me last second. So it ended up being only him and I. He bought me 2 drinks and I bought him one. Two days ago he invited me to join him and his friends to a party event. I bought my own ticket , he paid for the check and we shared drinks. I would say it’s quite friendly between us but I can sense an interest. Is it weird if, let’s say, we go to the theatres and I pay for food or his ticket etc to show him I appreciate when he pays for me?

ZackBan · Accepted Answer

I remember my very first date I had made a bet with a girl in my English class that the one with the higher grade between us gets treated to dinner by the other. I beat her by half a mark and honestly I just wanted an excuse to ask her out as I had 0 experience.

We had a nice dinner date and come the bill she said she'll pay as it was the bet and she lost and I wrongly felt emasculated by that trying to cancel the bet and pay it or at least split it but she insisted.

After the date i tried seeing her again she sorta blew me off.

And when my friends found out I let her pay they started trolling me. Went on for a few years even.

It took some growth and maturity to learn that I made a big deal out of nothing and could've handled it much differently.

Nowadays I pay for my date when appropriate, split bills when appropriate, and even let her pay when appropriate.

All this to say, it's not emasculating if he's ok with it. So maybe try it once and if he reacts as though he didn't like it you'll know and decide accordingly.

patrick994 · Accepted Answer

When dating or in a relationship, the gesture of taking financial responsibility is by no means emasculating; on the contrary, if you decided to cover expenses for a guy, it would be an elegant sign of caring, indicating your interest and willingness to contribute to each other's well-being, especially in the early stages of the relationship.

Fortunately, nowadays, women have acquired a well-deserved independence, so it is expected that, in the context of a relationship or courtship, both partners contribute financially according to their means.

The idea that it is always up to the man to pay is rooted in a macho and patriarchal conception, dating back to a time when women were subordinate to their husbands and often deprived of the right to work. In those days, the man took on the role of the main financial supporter to mitigate the economic disparity between the genders. Fortunately, today we can embrace a more equal and shared perspective in which both partners contribute in a balanced way to the relationship;

StarsInTheEyes · Accepted Answer

I don't see how paying for a guy would be emasculating, but I'm not a guy - although I suppose that guys would appreciate and value women who pay, instead of expecting him to do so all the time?

I've been on 2 dates with a guy (by "dates" I mean we're not in a relationship).

First date when I saw he took out his wallet, I asked if he wanted to split (or if we should split, I don't remember how I worded but feel that one would sound better than the other). He said no it wasn't a lot.

Second date when I saw he took out his wallet, I said I'm paying this time, and proceeded to put my credit card into the machine.

I feel that guys shouldn't be expected to pay all the time because of their gender, and I feel that women shouldn't expect nor let guys pay all the time, because we're respectable. We're keepers. We're grownups and we can pay for expenses when we're out with guys. I pay more for the first reason, but I do believe that second is true.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

I don't think it's emasculating, but make it an OFFER.

Say, "You know, I appreciate your kindness, and want to return it by picking up the tab for the show we're going to and lunch. How's about you pay for drinks, the tip, or would you like to do something different?"

You've told him what you'd like to do. You've told him why. AND you give him the opportunity of choosing to be more traditional!

Nothing emasculating about that. You're "returning his kindness and generosity." I think MOST men would be flattered, and this is a salient point: It indicates YOUR interest. If he's NOT interested in anything but friendship, you'll find out.

If he's STILL interested in dating, he'll could choose either way and thank you for YOUR respect. Because, I think, and always have, that women should always pay something during initial dates. Then, if it all goes south, no one has been "taken" or "used." And no one OWES anybody anything. You've each paid your way. Good luck.

AviatorTom · Answer

Good thing I read your description. From the question, I thought you were asking if it's okay to get a male escort. Well, if that's what you want... your decision.

But that's not your question. I can't speak for all (or even most) guys, but I would not be offended if the woman offers to pay, and I'd probably be appreciative.

coachTanthony · Answer

That is a good way to get friend zoned. Letting the guy properly ask you out and pay knows he's interested in more than just hanging out.

blueonblack22 · Answer

Considering what he paid for earlier not only is it okay now to pitch in but that’s what you should be doing.

There is about 95% chance he’s interested. No man is going to keep paying for favors (especially more than once) if he’s not interested. Some nice guys have a “covered contract” issue where they keep paying and doing nice things thinking women will get the hint. Some women have an extremely selfish “play dumb” attitude when a nice guy keeps doing them him favors.

He’s interested so take the hint. But kudos to you for doing the right thing and looking to pay him back. Whether you are interested in him or not at he will at least feel respected and that’s huge for men. So glad you aren’t a female freeloader.

Nattek · Answer

I'm something of a traditionalist, but no there is nothing wrong with that. Generally guys like to be respected and in a world of the sexes being equal shows you literally put your money where your mouth is (sort of speak) and that is respectable. If a guy felt weird about you paying he would (or rather should) say so and that's okay also. In dating, especially when you first meet, that is more than fair but if a man starts thinking more serious about a relationship he should be paying more than not. But then, I'm a traditionalist.

RingOfFire · Answer

I don't feel comfortable letting a girl pay for anything for me. It is a little bit fuzzier if the relationship is undefined and sort of an inbetweenship between a friend and a date. But I am never in those kinds of relationships because my only relationships with women who are not part of my family is the romantic kind.

In a dating relationship, I pay. Period. That's one important way I show my respect, appreciation and interest. I expect her to show hers in other ways, like dressing nicely, being friendly and good company, being thankful and sincere, showing her interest in her actions and demeanor, etc. That is all I want.

Anonymous · Answer

I have a friend who would never let a woman pay for him. He literally considers it an insult, but he was raised really really old school, and wants to marry the whole housewife thing, so to each their own, but I think most modern men would welcome it.

Anonymous · Answer

No. But in my personal opinion you're doing this too early. I don't doubt you appreciate him. And I don't think there is anything with offering to pay ( the majority of the women I date always do). But I wouldn't want to set the precedent of him being reliant on you in the early going.

It's not emasculating to a guy if a guy is a solid earner. But I fear you're setting the wrong tone too early in the relationship. But maybe I'm too old fashioned. Maybe this is how you kids operate today.

Bottom line a guy needs to know he CAN depend on you. That you'll always have his back. Not undercut him, that you'll support him. Good men generally WANT to carry the bulk of the financial responsibility.

smne35 · Answer

It's not weird if you only if he makes it so, by being adamant about tradition that a man pays for everything, yeah that's cool and all, but women are independent and open in that sense that it's normal for a woman to say I got that, it's not weird of you in anyway it's admirable of you to show you appreciation and he I hope gets that and appreciate you and realize that he got himself a winner with you, and if he protest just say dude is 21 century keep up ok

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Not at all. Generally whoever invites the other pays in my circle, whether it's a romantic interest or just friends. If you can't swing that... you know... do what you can. I don't know any man that's going to have an issue with you paying. Insecure little boys, yeah, maybe. Actual men... no I know I don't need your money, it's the gesture that counts. Nobody thinks I can't afford my own dinner/drinks/whatever but if I'm someone's guest, she pays.

Phoenix98 · Answer

I don't find it emasculating but then again I'm not insecure about my masculinity either.

However my thoughts on it are that the man should always pay for the first date period I'm just old fashioned like that. But every date after that I think whoever takes the other person out should pay ( or split it if that's your thing ) Meaning if you were to take me out then you would pay or if I said to you I'm taking you out tonight then I would pay.

Because I just think that's fair.

Paul09 · Answer

Once a girl bought me drink. I was very grateful. And amazed. Respect to her. We are both adults. Why can't either pay? This silly gender things that bake zero sense. It's one of those silly old traditions.. that made more sense back then, not so much today.

wiltingrosepetal · Answer

Depends on how the action is delivered. If you tell him in an infantilizing voice, "What? No, put your card away! You sweet, dumb man. I'll pay the cheque. I know you can't handle a bill like this" ... then yeah... a little emasculating 💀

Anonymous · Answer

I do not consider it emasculating.

This has actually happened quite a bit for me lately. I go to a local bar every night to drink. Over the past month, different women have come up to me, bought me drinks and wanted to chat. Not sure why as I've shown no interest in dating, but hey I won't say no to free drinks, no matter who buys.

Anonymous · Answer

"Emasculating to pay for a guy",

No - but surprising, I've never know a woman to pay for anything out of their own pocket, they go on and on about their "high paying job", but when it comes to the time to pay they are the last to put their hand into their purses.

If you are paying you are the exception to the rule.

sheikalana · Answer

I don't know I feel like if things get serious this guy is going to get too comfortable with you paying for things and not make an effort. Masculinity has to be earned and femininity has to be protected.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

No.. I had a guy I was seeing who always wanted me to pay or split but I thought it was ridiculous so stopped seeing him. Never dating someone younger than me again lol.

JacobJordan · Answer

Haven't met a man alive that gets upset if a woman pays. Especially given how frequently men are EXPECTED to pay every man I know finds it to be quite a nice compliment when a woman pays even though we would be happy to.

abc3643 · Answer

No, that's fine; it's really good in this case too. It shows you are more of an equal partner. A mature man wants a good loyal partner even more than sex.

Anonymous · Answer

No I don't think so. I actually think it's a really nice thing to do.

I don't like the whole guys should pay for things attitude tbh, it shows a difference essentially saykgn that one person's time is less valuable. Plus at this time it seems more like your both friends with interests in more, so just treating each other like that is a nice friendly thing to do.

puurikke · Answer

You sound perfect. I personally don't like it when I get the feeling I'm dating in the early 1950's. Most guys in my circle think the same. And all the girls in my circle act the way you act.

molonski2 · Answer

Not weird at all , its extremely good and I commend you , well done , it shows your integrity also.

strateguy632 · Answer

not emasculated but weird if you pay for his, for me unless after he pay for you, you tell him in advance this time i buy tickets.

Billlewis · Answer

I'm sure there are plenty of opinions about this, but if you were my friend, I'd much prefer to pay for everything, at all times.

NamerOfStars · Answer

No- but if you offer and he declines, don't push it. Some guys are more sensitive about it than others.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

Treating the guy won't deprive him of being a man.

HighValue · Answer

Not at all. It is totally okay in my opinion. It shows that you will be more fair in a relationship.

Todd9612 · Answer

No, there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing. It shows appreciation, but men typically like to take care of their woman, or girlfriend, they like to feel needed.

pascal_climbs · Answer

Why should it? This is the 21st century, not the 19th. Men and women are equal.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

No, you can't emasculate a guy without removing his genitals. Everything else is just cultural nonsense.

aceleon · Answer

no, people needs to get rid of guys should be pay shit, money has no gender.

deus_ex_sisyphus · Answer

The act itself isn't emasculating to a secure man. However, if you were to, for instance, make a spectacle of the act and publicly humiliate him, then, yes it would be emasculating.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

It depends on the guy. Unfortunately not all of them feel the same way about this issue. There are a lot of differing opinions, and there's a lot of nuance involved.

Tomisworthless · Answer

How would he emasculating for a woman? Women don’t want to pay for nothing. Name one woman in the history of mankind that financially supported a man for a long period of time

Strong_Warrior · Answer

You are a gold digger and you opened this question to manipulate men and making them think to let a woman pay is less masculine. You are full of shit and manipulation. You are toxic as fuck!!!

laly520 · Answer

it isn't if both r ok with it any of em can pay

Anonymous · Answer

It’s 2024 it should be like okay you pay this time, I’ll pay the next and keep going like that. The guy shouldn’t pay every time.

boobliker · Answer

you seem to be ok with it so ask him my girl pays for dinner all the time as its housekeping I give her

JHAYES317 · Answer

No. In fact it’s a turn off if a woman expects me to pay for everything if she’s not a housewife raising our kids.

Still-alive · Answer

No and we really need to get passed this already. Whoever asks out who should pay. That should be the standard

Surely · Answer

In today’s economy. Nothing wrong with splitting the check or sharing the cost. Providing you both can afford to.

CozyCoffin · Answer

I'd accept as long as I cover the first date. So her the second.

RedInnocent68 · Answer

I would normally say inviter pays, but It’s perfectly fine to take turns.

Slapmynuts · Answer

Not at all! I prefer to pay because I'm old school and a gentleman but I don't feel like I've been castrated!🤪

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

No, it’s okay to go half’s on certain things.

iFarted · Answer

It's not emasculating to me, maybe perhaps in some cultures it might be.

AngryCarl · Answer

No but it would be emasculating to cut his balls off, that is for damn sure.

straightmax12 · Answer

I don't think so. Because it kind of shows that you love your man and you're willing to help him out.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I don't know why it would be.

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes the girl can buy, but it should be rare.

Anonymous · Answer

Not really, I like it but most women never do it unfortunately 😕

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I would find that attractive

elizamichale1 · Answer

I think its a gud thing

Avicenna · Answer

No, its fine

Loki97 · Answer

No as long as it’s not all of the time

Massageman · Answer

Sounds fairly good to me.

swordbreaker · Answer

Of course, it is not always right

LiamJHayden · Answer

Unexpected, but not emasculating.

Roudyrebel8 · Answer

In today's world I'd say no

Jhonrembo36 · Answer

No it’s really show good relationship.

FenixG45 · Answer

NOT weird!  Appreciated!

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