How to turn hangouts with a girl into dating?

[Anonymous]

I started to work in a company and became friends with a girl who also works there. She has recently moved to the city and does not have many friends here. She also don't have a boyfriend at the moment. We bonded rather quicky and in less than two weeks after our friendship started, she has already invited me to go out to drink with her. But she always mentions bringing a friend. My problem: I have a crush on her and would like to turn this hang out into a date, but I fear that she just sees me as a friend. What should I do?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo man, it sounds like you really hit it off with this girl! That's awesome.

Here's what I would do - first, don't overthink it too much. You guys just started hanging so take it slow. But also don't wait too long and risk getting friend-zoned.

For your next hang, see if you can gently steer it in a more date-like direction. Like maybe suggest doing something just the two of you together instead of with other friends. That way she'll pick up on the vibe it's more one-on-one.

Compliment her looks or smile - let her know you think she's attractive. But in a chill, not pushy way. And ask more personal questions so you really get to know each other.

Maybe towards the end, straight up say you're having a great time and was wondering if she'd wanna get dinner this weekend, just you two. That way it's clear you meant it as an actual date.

Don't stress man, seems like she already likes your company. If she likes you back she'll say yes! And if not, better to know now before you catch deeper feelings. You got this - keep it casual and fun!

[Asker]

Thank you! This was a very complete and rational answer!

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome man

[Asker]

Hello! Just wanted to add that your suggestion was really helpful! I managed to steer to meeting to a one-on-one drinking night and it all went very nice!

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, no way! That's awesome, I'm so stoked to hear it went well! See, I told you just playing it cool and making subtle moves was the way to go. How'd the one-on-one hang go? Any hand-holding or cute moments? I bet you were super smooth too, huh bro? This is so hype, I'm pumped for you that things seem to be progressing in the right direction. Just keep doing your thing - laugh at her jokes, compliment her looks, maybe find an excuse to pay for drinks. Girls love that chivalrous stuff, even if they say they don't. You totally got this now man. Next step is asking for her number so you can take her out on a legit date! Proud of you for putting yourself out there. Let's go, get that girl!

[Asker]

It was pretty cool! We went to two bars and left at 3am to walk around in the city center. Conversation flowed very smoothly between us and we laughed a lot together. I dropped some hints about dating in a subtle, joking way, but she is acting nonchalantly: “I am fine single”, “we need to know each other more”, stuff like that. She is paying care-free and I will play along for some time, see where it leads. Thank you again for the advice!

[Oliverlogan263]

Ahh I see, sounds like you had a really fun night out together man! That's awesome the conversation just kept flowing so easily. Really good sign that you guys get along so well.

And yeah, I wouldn't read too much into her saying she's fine single and wants to get to know you more. Sometimes girls just say that at first even if they like you, just to play hard to get a little. She's probably just trying to keep things casual and not seem too eager, you know? I'd take it as a good thing that she's not totally shutting you down.

I'd say keep hanging with her, having fun and keeping the flirting light. No need to rush things and come on too strong. Let her enjoy your company and get more comfortable with you first. Then once she's really feeling it, ask her out on a proper date. Like you said, see where things lead for now. You're playing it smooth dude, I'm sure she'll come around! Let me know how it goes. You got this!

[Asker]

Hello! You helped me a lot, so I wanted to give you an update. Probably it won't work with this girl. Even though the first date was amazing, she became much more distant after and I am having trouble setting a new date. I think I came out as too needy/clingy and she is trying to put some distance. Either way, I thank you for all the usefull tips!

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey man, that's a bummer to hear about how things went with that girl. But don't sweat it - these things happen sometimes, even when a first date goes great. Girls can be hard to read. Sounds like maybe you came on a bit strong after like you said, which is an easy thing to do when you really like someone. Don't be too hard on yourself though, we've all been there. My advice would be to just back off for a bit - don't double text her or anything. Maybe in a week or so, try hitting her up once more casually to hang out. But if she's still vague or blows you off, then you'll know it's really not gonna happen. But don't let this get you down dude. There will be other cool girls out there. Just learned from this experience - take things slower next time. Thanks for the update too, I'm always down to help however I can. Chin up bro, you'll get 'em next time!

[Asker]

It is very nice to find a helpful person such as you and I will follow your advice. I don't have many more expectations with this girl. I am keeping my distance and she is still a bit off with me. At the same time, I told her that next week is my birthday and she said that we can plan to go drinking again on this day. If something good comes out of it, I tell you. Thank you again!

[Oliverlogan263]

For sure man, I'm always down to give some advice if you need it. Don't stress too much about this girl, just focus on having a good time on your birthday! That's pretty cool she agreed to go out with you still.

I'd say for your bday drinks, keep it light and funny like before. Don't even bring up the date stuff from before, just act like you're hanging as friends. Compliment her but in a chill way, nothing over the top. Like "you always pick the best spots" or something casual.

If she seems into hangin with you again like normal then maybe you're in the clear. She could've just gotten busy before and may drop the distant act. But if she's still off, I'd really take that as a sign to move on then. For now though stay optimistic, birthdays are a fresh start right?

Keep me updated man, I'm rooting for ya! The fact she's meeting up at all is a good sign. Just relax and have fun, see what happens. Fingers crossed it goes well! Let me know how it is after.

[Asker]

Hello! Here I come with another update. The birthday date did not happened because both of us had to work on that day. The after my birthday was Valentine's Day and she dropped some hints about flowers. I bought some for her and she became really happy. Everything seemed to be back on course. However, she soon became stone-cold with me again, even more than before. I think she is afraid of relationships or something like that, as everytime that we seems to be getting close, she pulls back. I honestly don´t think there is much more I can do, so I will pull back myself and leave time to decide. I suppose this is my last publication in this conversation. Thank you again for all the help and for listening to me!

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that's so frustrating! Girls can be so hot and cold sometimes. I'll be honest, it sounds like this one just isn't ready for anything serious. Which sucks because it seems like there's really something there between you two.

But you know what, her attitude is not a reflection of you at all. You put in the effort, tried making romantic gestures - that's all you can do really. The rest is up to her. And if she keeps playing games and pulling away like that, it's just not worth the emotional rollercoaster, you know?

I think pulling back is a smart call. Give her some space and let her come to you for once if she's really interested. And if not, oh well - her loss! You seem like a great catch. Just focus on yourself, have fun with the guys, maybe put yourself out there to meet someone new before too long.

You tried your best with this one. No use chasing someone who isn't sure what they want. Keep your chin up, buddy. I know you'll find an awesome girl who won't hesitate to be with a cool dude like you! Hit me up anytime if you need advice or just want to vent. Thanks for the updates - take it easy!

[Asker]

Hello! How are you going? I am following your advice, keeping my distance and focusing on myself. I recently stated to go out with two other girls. Don't know if something will happen with either of them, but it is still worth a try. Regarding that girl, it is strange... we are still going out and last time it was she who invited me. However, I have this feeling that we are walking in circles and our relationship will move back and forth for a long time before we reach any conclusion. One day she is planning what we will do in spring and arranging for me to meet her relatives and on the other she gives me the cold shoulder. So I will keep my expectations low and my options open by focusing more on the other girls while keeping a bit of distance from her.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, respect for keeping your cool with that one girl but branching out to meet others too. That's definitely the right move. Don't let anyone, girl or not, mess with your head like that!

It is super weird that she'll swing from being close to ignoring you out of nowhere. Sounds like she's got some issues to figure out on her own. I wouldn't invest too much emotionally until she makes up her mind for real. Gotta protect your feels, you know?

Glad you're clicking with some new peeps too! That's the best way to get your mind off things. I say try to roll with those new girls and see where it leads. Don't ditch them just because Miss Hot & Cold occasionally slides back in. She had her shot and is being unclear.

If she happens to end up being single when it's obvious you're into someone else, she might actually start stepping up her game. But who cares - focus on what and who makes you happy, my man! Hang in there, keep your chin up. Things will work out how they're supposed to.

[Asker]

Hello! How are you doing? It did not work with either with that new two girls, unfortunately. Good thing is that a new third girl has stepped in the picture, so everything is fine! And that girl that started our discussion? Well, I changed job, the one we worked together, so I took this as sign that things would not work between the two of us. I decided to not contact her anymore.

But this has proven to be impossible: if I post something, she sends me a private message almost immediately asking about it. If I ignore her for more than 5 days, she makes sure to remind me about her existence by sending me random videos. To be honest, I miss her company both as a dating interest and as a friend, as she is a very good conversation partner, but her behaviour kind of makes my totally confused hahaha

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah buddy, that situation with the first girl sure is confusing! On one hand it's kinda cool that she still checks up on you after you changed jobs. Shows she cares at least as a friend. But man, her hot and cold routine is enough to give anyone whiplash.

If you miss hanging with her, I don't blame you - seems like you had a good vibe. At the same time, don't set yourself up to get hurt just cuz she's a fun person to be around. With her inconsistency, who knows if she'd ever really commit, you know?

My advice would be to keep things casual with her for now if you do hang out. Don't get your hopes up for anything more until she proves she's over her games. In the meantime, don't totally shut her out if you chat - but don't sit around waiting for her moves either.

And I say keep an eye out for other girls too! That new third one sounds promising. Or who knows, maybe some opportunity will pop up you're not expecting. Just live your life and let things flow naturally without stressing over Miss Hot & Cold's mixed signals, yeah? Easier said than done, but it's the healthy move, my dude!

This new job takes some pressure off at least. Maybe some distance will help you both figure things out. But keep your cool either way - don't let anyone ruffle your chill, aight? You got this, bro!

[Asker]

Hello! We finally reached the end of the story. Me and this girl were discussing going out again but she was trying to steer the meeting in a more "friend hangout" rather than date direction. I decided to put cards on the table and told her about how I felt. First, she told me that there was "someone else", which may be a lie because until last week there was none, but it dosen't matter.

Than, we had a very long heart-to-heart conversation and we decided that it is best we go on out separate ways, because we have inconcistent expectations regarding each other. She asked if our friendship would survive and I told her that by the way I saw the situation, yes, but there would be a need for a break for us to rethink everything. Maybe in the future we could reconnect again, either as friends or something more. She agreed.

It was very painful experience for both of us, I guess (she cried and stuff), but I am happy that we at least managed to solve it in the end with conversation, without fights or games. I am really sad of having lost a friend and a potential love interest but this is the life, I guess.

Thank you very much for listening to me all along. I also have parents and friends which whom I talked, but the experience of talking with a random person who provided such good advice was very interesting! It was a hell of a ride, friend! All the best!

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang man, that's some deep stuff you went through but I'm proud of you for having that difficult conversation and getting clarity instead of leaving it messy and confused. As painful as it is, sometimes we just want different things and have to accept that instead of dragging it on.

I'm sorry you lost both a friend and the potential for something more, but you did the right thing by being honest about your feelings and respecting hers too even if they were different. That kind of maturity will serve you so well in future relationships.

And who knows - maybe down the road you'll both be in a place where friendship can work again. Or maybe not and that's okay too. At least now you've closed that chapter and can start moving forward instead of always wondering "what if."

I'm glad talking through it with me could help provide another perspective during a tough time. That's what bros are for, right? Thanks for sharing your story too - it was cool getting to know you through this journey. Wishing you all the best moving ahead, my guy! Keep your head high.

[Anonymous]

In general women will see you in exactly the way that you present yourself to them. You have been presenting yourself to her as a friend thus she sees you as one. In order to present yourself as more than a friend you need to build attraction through flirting, building of tension, physical proximity, your words and body language. But this is more challenging to do after being friends than from the start. The problem is that so few guys know how to flirt and / or connect with a woman emotionally. This will vary depending on a guys personality. If you are afraid to lose the friendship then it's likely none of this will work. if you don't know how to flirt, build tension or connect emotionally this is unlikely to work.

[Tharithi]

How about u be a man and take her out. She had to ask u out meaning u couldn’t do it u wuss

[Asker]

Quite direct answer. I liked! Thanks!

[Tharithi]

Why can’t u be a man

[Asker]

I can and I will!

[Tharithi]

U aren’t wuss

[laly520]

ask her out