My family thinks my boyfriend is out of my league. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I've just started dating my boyfriend 2 months ago. We recently made it official/exclusive, so I showed my family a picture of him since he's taking me to meet his family soon. My family say I'm a pretty girl, but they all seem to share the belief that good looking guys are bad, or that I shouldn't date them. They say my boyfriend is around the same level of attractiveness as I am (not that it really matters), but since he's a good looking guy, he's going to cheat on me or hurt me.

I said I don't think so because I trust him and he's a kind person so far, but they keep saying I should aim lower at the less attractive men. That attractive men won't just settle for one woman.

How should I deal with my family? And I don't know why my boyfriend's attractiveness matters so much to them?

[bobalife]

What matters is that you’re happy in your relationship and only you know. People can easily judge, but they don’t know him. It’s quite frustrating whenever people judge if someone is too good looking, not good looking enough, or something about their looks lol. It’s just not very supportive but I don’t think people realize how discouraging it is. So, I’m sorry to hear that girl. I’ve been told that before too where I’m too good looking for someone or we’re so good looking together lol. But it’s like people should focus on the facts you’re in a healthy, loving relationship than just looks. Try not to mind your family and just be confident about your relationship. We don’t need anyone’s approval for our happiness and what we know best. They also haven’t met the guy yet to get to know him.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

My family was telling me

“Don’t know how he fell for you.”
“Change this about yourself or you won’t be worthy of his love.”

And such things, really shook off my confidence and I changed, I started thinking I must have changed to have deserved him.

I changed to the better.

And my ex told me “I loved the bad girl you were. I don’t want you to change.”

Don’t change.

Don’t listen to others.

Or it will ruin your relationship.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

The truth is, it shakes your confidence to realize that people who are supposed to love you the most, don’t understand why someone loves you…

Actually that’s one of the things that lead to my relationship’s downfall.

Before then, I was feeling like he was lucky to have me and then I started acting as If I was lucky to have him. Which he didn’t like, because when he fell for me, I was a very careless person, who thought she deserves everything and won’t settle less. He loved how unapologetic I was. He told me I was genuine and wasn’t scared to show my bad side, which he admired.

[Asker]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't know why some families act like that. It's really not okay.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

They did not mean it in a bad way, they just wanted me to improve. What they didn’t realize is that I was loved, just as I was.

[Asker]

In my opinion, you don't need to "improve" just because they say you do. I dislike when people try to "improve" other people. I find it judgmental and often the things they're criticising you about are traits they themselves exhibit.

[Asker]

Unless, of course, they're coming from a non-judgemental place

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yes… I tried to improve just so I would be a better girlfriend, because my family continually told me my boyfriend was amazing and I wasn’t good enough and I started thinking I really wasn’t good enough and tried to become a better person, but as a result, my then boyfriend told me

“Please, don’t change. I like how bad you are. I love you so much for that. Don’t be kind to me. I know you are not. Don’t be so sweet to my feelings. You know I love the real you… You are my hero and my queen. You are my warrior. Never downgrade yourself to just a girl who loves a man. Don’t be nice to me.”

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

But I loved him and wanted to become a better person so I would never hurt him… Maybe we weren’t just that compatible.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Lesson learned.

Never change for anyone.

Change for yourself.

[JacobJordan]

You say "I wanted to thank you for condescension and degradation it means a lot to me. So much in fact that I have decided to remove the trash from my life" and then walk away delete them and just ignore them. Don't block them because you want them to be able to reach you so you can show them you no longer care what they have to say. It will drive them up the wall.

[LiamJHayden]

You two are happy together. Ignore them.

[AviatorTom]

Your answer may be found in this Dad Joke...

Q: What did the chicken say to the rude farmer?

A: Buck-OFF.

[Avicenna]

That's some pretty shallow reasoning, so I'd thank them for their advice if they bring it up again and ignore it. Enjoy your relationship.

[OlderAndWiser]

Ask them why they are downgrading you.

[spartan55]

Your family has some fucked up ideas about relationships. So, they don't believe that a guy who is less attractive could just as easily cheat on you? I would recommend you don't share this info with your boyfriend. I'd be super pissed if I were him and found out.

[Drew-1990]

What does it matter if he looks like he's out of your league if he likes you great. I get why people sometimes don't like attractive people because a lot of them know it and will cheat because they have options but not all of them. They can still be good People stop assuming the worst in someone, get to know them before you make a decision on them. When I try I'll go for girls above my league it may be a small chance but who knows.

[DarkWinterNights]

There are two ways to look at their reactions and it’s polar opposites. Either your family has your best interest at heart and are truly looking out for you, or they’re either jaded/bitter and/or sabotaging your relationship. Only you know them well enough to make that determination.


That said, unless they’ve met him- it’s hard to make such a strong opinion of someone from a picture.

[IslaTheWitch]

Analyze their reasoning. Maybe they see something you don't?

But if everything seems alright, then make your own decision. It's your life and your consequences, not theirs.

[Anonymous]

They have a poor opinion of attractive guys I guess thinking he will find someone better if he gets bored with you but that’s something women usually do so I doubt he is like that because guys are not like that and I think you would have noticed by now and it’s up to you not them on who you date

[rosemilk]

you should tell them to mind their own business. also stop telling them about your relationship. it's none of their business.

[Alwayreckles93]

Your an adult if you allowed your family take decision for you then that meamsnyou are not ready for a stable relationship.

[slatyb]

Spend more time with your boyfriend and less time with your family.

[Anonymous]

You need to pray for your family. As to why your family are acting in the way they are, it probably has roots that go far back before you were even born.

[sheikalana]

Your boyfriend is dating you not your family. Other people's opinions on your relationship should not matter.

[KittygosMeoWW]

If he’s dating you he’s not out of your league, my sisters have said I’ve dated guys out of my league every time but sometimes they’re just low key hating.

[WhitneySnow]

Don’t listen to them. Not all good looking people cheat.

[Jupiter1]

Just ignore them. They must have had bad experiences in their past. They are also about being in different leagues. You are both in the same league.

[catsmemoir]

They know you best and have your well being at heart. If they say you won't be able to hold his interest, you should listen to them

[dolemite58]

Girls get to date up so maybe he is outta ur league, enjoy it 🤷‍♂️

[Anonymous]

Why do they care. Hypergamy is the norm for women.

[laly520]

I dont think their opinion really matters