Would you date someone who was friends with benefits with someone else?

[Anonymous]

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Not my style. Only went for exclusive dating, not even open dating without sex. I like our entire focus to just be on each other when we finally go on a date.

That said, our dating style that's strongly preferred here in Japan is to date people we already know and get along with really well (online dating hasn't become popular yet in Japan; only a small minority of Japanese use it). We generally don't date to get to know each other here like with the Western approach.

We already know each other and dating is the next step to determine if we're suitable to be lovers and ultimately a married couple. So typically when Japanese go on a date, they're already pretty serious about each other by that point.

I think that's why I'm so allergic to this idea. Dating is a more serious thing to me than the Western mindset of just getting to know each other.

[Asker]

I like the standards the Japanese stick to in dating. Wish I was in Japan

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

It seems to me kind of like that was the old school tradition in the West as well, like men dating women they already know like a classmate, colleague, a member of their church or some other shared community.

I tend to think that suits our nature better as a social species who largely evolved in small tribes of familiar people. We'd find our love interests among the familiar, not the unfamiliar.

Also men don't have to be paranoid so much about being exploited for their money and women don't have to be paranoid about being exploited for their bodies. If we date people we already know and for whom our mutual friends can vouch for their decent character, they tend to end up being pretty decent.

I've had a few horrible dates but that was when I violated the traditional way, like dating women I met in nightclubs (typically not Japanese). Then I barely knew them when we started dating and some of those ended up really bad.

[Asker]

That kind of standard is no longer available in the United States. Most people become selfish and thirsty for casual sex.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

It does seem to me like it's super-charged towards a hook-up culture. I never tried online dating but it kind of resembles nightclubs to me in that the most superficial qualities like best looks, money, and shallow charm become more important than the deep qualities like moral integrity and character and it quickly works its way towards a sexual relationship even before people know each other all that well.

[Yyyyu]

@GuyAnswersGirls123 well still online dating is good. Not everyone have big social circle.

Japan is so traditional. I wonder why fertility rate is so low there despite it

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

@Yyyyu One of the major things that might be bad is that Japanese never have children out of wedlock and never get married until they can afford a proper home in a family-friendly neighborhood. That last part tends to be the major killer from my experience.

I have multiple friends who have girlfriends for years that they dream of marrying but they can't get enough money yet to afford a proper house for children. One of them was a bartender and owned his own bar and also works the post office in the day (was working 7 days out of the week, post office at day, bar at night). He was almost on track to get enough money to buy a proper home and marry his girlfriend but the pandemic hurt his business so much that he unfortunately had to permanently shut down his bar.

Especially since living costs in Japan are so high, this tends to pose a big problem with declining marriage and birth rates.

[KrakenAttackin]

"Date" them? No. If she was someone else's dumpster, that's all she will ever be to me. FYI, I have never had a fuck buddy and never will. Sex is too important to be casual about.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am not sharing my quarry with another female. He’s got to be fully mine, I don’t accept only 50-70% of him, I want all of him and I’ll accept nothing less.

[JHAYES317]

Your quarry? What is he, roadkill lol?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

@JHAYES317 He might become one, if he wants to have friends with benefits while being in a relationship with me.

[JHAYES317]

Oof but fair enough lol

[PeachyPie93]

No. If they can have friends with benefits why would I ever be stupid enough to think he would ever be exclusive with me?

[Avicenna]

No, not even if she says she is willing to give up the friends with benefits because she's shown she is not serious about a relationship or exclusivity. And if she wants to keep the friends with benefits while dating some other guy, who in the world would accept that? Certainly not me.

[HawkPerception]

Never had a friends with benefits, but as long as they are dating me with the intention of potentially getting married and obviously being exclusive to me, sure. Everyone has their past. Now if we're talking about that they've had like 10 sexual partners, then that's a no for me.

[Booklover_90]

No compromises here. It’s either me or the friends with benefits. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[Asker]

I like it

[Drumlin2001]

Only if friends with benefits ended. Not sure I'd handle ending a date knowing she might be off to shag someone else

[boggboss]

No I woukdnt date a women that had been with someone else I knew

[Yyyyu]

Lol only virgin good luck with it

[boggboss]

Yet I'm in a 7 year relationship lol but u can't try again

[Yyyyu]

I meant you only want virgin good luck with that. Most women in your dating range are not virgin dude

[boggboss]

When or where have I ever said I only want a virgin lol

[Yyyyu]

Oh sorry i read it wrong. Too many dudes on girls ask guys want virgin despite not being virgin themselves

Sorry about it

[boggboss]

No problem had me confused lol I don't care for if my partner was a virgin or not would just had a issue if she had slept with a friend or family member before I got to know her

[IslaTheWitch]

I think finding someone who has a totally pure and clean past is not possible :D

I wouldn't mind it.

[Asker]

There are people with a pure past and soul, they just don't want to date anymore for a lack of credibility

[IslaTheWitch]

being in "friends with benefits" relationship doesn't stain your soul. It's just the kind of relationship that secures the need for trust and physical closeness. It's much better than hookups.

[Asker]

How you be able to find the right person for you if you're with someone who doesn't have a purpose other than sex?
That's a hookup concept

[Crimsyjo]

Sometimes our desire for sex clouds our judgement when choosing a partner so to get these "needs" met whilst looking can give you greater clarity in finding the right one. Rather than jumping into a relationship for reasons of loneliness and missing intimacy.
However saying that, I don't think you should see a friends with benefits whilst dating someone you like. If I see potential in a guy I will cut off sex with my FBs temporarily whilst I see if the date guy has potential. I think the opportunity for a good relationship could be ruined if he/she found out you were having sex elsewhere no matter how early that might have been at the start.

[Asker]

What?
This is recycling a sexual relationship from one guy to another. If your relationship with the other guy doesn't work, then you go back to the first guy. Sex won't stop until you find the right guy... that's a hookup concept, still.

[IslaTheWitch]

@Asker
1. friends with benefits are more stable than hookups; people meet with one partner and very often create emotional bonds.
2. I can't see any problem with my man in the past who had a relationship based on sex only and talking about it openly. I treasure honesty. I see too many "relationships" when one or both partners don't have any deeper feelings for each other.
3. the hookup concept is rather about not planned meetings and having highly risky sex with total strangers. Somehow, I prefer my man didn't do it...

[IslaTheWitch]

@Crimsyjo, who and where said about having friends with benefits DURING a relationship?

[Crimsyjo]

The asker said "How you be able to find the right person for you if you're with someone who doesn't have a purpose other than sex?
That's a hookup concept"
Suggesting how can you find the right person whilst having sex with someone who only wants sex. My counter-argument is that you can do both, find someone whilst with a friends with benefits.. but I acknowledge it could be messy if there's a cross over. So just my recommendation that sex stops when you meet someone who is a potential relationship candidate. Even if it may not work out. That's all.

[Crimsyjo]

"This is recycling a sexual relationship from one guy to another."
Yes and no. I mean sex is always an option between relationships. When single it's nobody's business if you have a ONS or few hook ups with a FB or a regular friends with benefits. The difference really, as @islathewitch pointed out, is a friends with benefits is more safer and less hook up like due to the emotional and intimate bond. Of course there is no escaping the fact that ultimately it is about meeting a sexual need and that it is a choice where the alternative is to abstain from sex. Again. It's all a personal choice when single so neither option should be judged wrong or have an impact on finding a proper relationship.

[JHAYES317]

That’s just not true…there are plenty of people with pure pasts…it’s just this toxic culture of seeing multiple guys at the same time that is creating this situation, like you are beta testing guys and if they fail the test you dump them and go back to your friends with benefits.

[Crimsyjo]

@JHAYES317 thats not seeing "multiple guys" at same time. That's same as seeing one at a time only you go back to a same one rather than on to someone new. And if the guy "fails" to be a decent enough man to be worthy of a exclusive loving relationship with then guys need to man up and be worthy cos seriously they really suck at relationships these days and it's not the women (mostly) that want to jump from guy to guy or relationship to relationship. Firstly it's always been men who were more known for "multiple sex partners" ie cheating even in relationships. And now women have more freedom to choose between sex without commitment or sex in a loving relationship thanks to contraception, we don't settle for a useless abusive or disloyal guy because we have to by law or morals nor have to be reject our sexual urges cos of fear of pregnancy. We still want relationships. Men still want sex. But men who want relationships need to work harder now to yes prove themselves. And that's same even if the woman is pure and has nothing to do with if she has "sex options" elsewhere. Men who are bitter about this obviously are ones that are unable to attract a female AND keep her when they do. Probably because of having false superiority complexes over their gender and failing to see a woman as an individual with thoughts, feelings, desires and rights of her own outside of being devoted and chaste only to her man. Eyes down. Don't speak. Submit.

[JHAYES317]

Your problem is you assume that if a girl doesn’t want to be with a man that’s his fault, maybe it’s her fault for having ridiculous standards.

[IslaTheWitch]

@JHAYES317 It's no one's fault. Being in a relationship is not obligatory. People have preferences and this way decide about their partner. It's exactly as it should be.

[Crimsyjo]

👍 agreed!

[Crimsyjo]

@JHAYES317 I'm interested. What would be ridiculous standards to you? I think there are extremes from both genders. But in general I don't think asking for a standard of decency is bad and myself and everyone I know personally has never asked for anything other that loyal, trustworthy, independent (not act like a child to be looked after) understanding, has goals and values, hygiene. Can support me as I him in reaching goals. And have my back when I need it or want to make me happy when I am sad. And communicate! That's a big one. Guys really struggle to understand that a little communication goes a long way. "I'm going to busy. I can't text you today. I just need some space" .. all fine. Instead of just disappearing then complaining when the woman got emotional, overthinking, then reacts with suspicion or annoying neediness.

[JHAYES317]

I’d say preferring a guy to be a foot taller over an inch shorter would be one, also preferring a guy to have a dick much bigger than average would be another or refusing to date bald guys…

[Crimsyjo]

@JHAYES317 none of those are standards. They are preferences. Physical ones. Just like a guy might not want to date me cos I'm 44 or a mother or not skinny or maybe don't like tattoo's on a woman. That doesn't make them bad guys or have high standards. I'm just not their type and that makes them not mind either. And if someone has a lot of preferences... well... they are going to be alone a long time searching for a rare perfect specimen.

[JHAYES317]

Skinny or tattoos isn’t same since those are changeable…none of the things I mentioned are fixable that’s what makes them standards…

[IslaTheWitch]

@JHAYES317 whatever preferences any person has, they are entitled to have them. Some women like short-haired guys while others like with longer hair, and for some, it doesn't matter, even if a guy is bald. Some like tall guys, while others prefer just taller than they are. Some like experienced in sex, and some prefer clumsy and inexperienced types... etc...

Everyone has preferences. Some guys on g@g would marry only a virgin, while others focus more on personality traits.

[JHAYES317]

Preferences are stuff that can be changed like weight, tattoos, piercings etc. standards are stuff that cannot, like height, dick size, hair loss, boob size et,

[IslaTheWitch]

@JHAYES317 modern medicine makes miracles; everything can be changed, even a gender

[JHAYES317]

False. Trans women are still biologically men…their “vaginas” are open wounds that will close up if they don’t constantly dilate them…leg lengthening surgery just makes your legs longer, your torso doesn’t change so you’ll just look disproportionate and hair transplants don’t stay long term unless you consistently take hormone blockers which have their own drawbacks.

[aceleon]

no.

why would i want a whore as anything serious?

[Guido]

I'm not dating a woman where she dates me and then has sex with her friends with benefits. If you date me, then you are faithful to me. If you want extra then we play as a couple and agree on the rules. Nothing outside the relationship without each other.

[Anonymous]

No, I want them to be MY friend with benefits instead. 😆

[sawno]

As long as she's willing to give that up, the whole friends with benefits thing means it lasts until your taken right?

[Nirmroth]

I dont see the issue here. What is wrong with having friends with benefits, we all get lonely sometimes.

[CVNT5]

i ain't no motherfucking simp

either she mine
or
she isn't

end of discussion.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I might fuck them, with a condom, and she isn't going to be getting any head from me.

[Flatmanlewis]

Who WAS a friend with benefits? Yes.
Who currently is a friend with benefits? Absolutely not.

[Fireguy17]

I have dated quite a few women over the years and in many cases, we were not exclusive, so it was fine.

[SotiCoto]

I just don't "date" anyone any more... but I was never particularly bothered by that sort of thing.

[laly520]

nope

I dont date those with friends with benefits

[Anonymous]

If if her friend was another girl, otherwise no.

[Asker]

Threesome?

[Opinion Owner]

As long as I am the only one with a dick and a Y chromosome.

[Billlewis]

Yes, I've done so many times.

[Asker]

What if they decide to stay with the other friend in secret, to have more benefits?

[Billlewis]

Sometimes she'll keep the other guys a secret, but usually she'll let me know right away that she's seeing them, because she wants me to pay for her dates with them, which of course I always do.

[Asker]

If you already know, that's not fine. The benefits are supposed to be exclusive to you, not to pay for them to be with someone else. This is a pimp

[EmmaMary]

No, absolutely not.

[RavVid]

Abolutely NOT.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Was, yes. Is, no.

[itsclearlynicholas]

I couldn't and wouldn't 😬😬😬😬😳

[JacobJordan]

Hell no

[SolitarySolace]

Hell no. I’m done being cheated on.

[WhitneySnow]

No..

[TheSpaceGnome]

Nope.

[jahaims]

No lmfao

[Slim57]

Nope