I was never much interested in casual flings or one night stands. I preferred infatuated, long-term, exclusive relationships with girlfriends.
But I wasn't interested in being saddled with kids. And, although I had girlfriends from the time I was 16, I didn't start thinking of settling down until I was in my early 30s. So finding wifey material was dependent on my being ready to be husbandy material.
The thing is, I always considered marriage to be for life. I thought it was the biggest commitment I would ever make, so I wanted to be as sure as possible about picking the right woman.
First, I had to find her physically attractive. I had to like her voice, mannerisms, behaviors and style.
We had to get along really well and know enough about each others values, ethics, hopes, dreams, quirks, habits, lifestyles, work ethic and sexuality to know that we could stand living together for the rest of our lives.
Most importantly, I had to be certain that I could trust her no matter what. We had to love, adore and respect each other enough to want each other to feel happy and fulfilled, and to stick with each other through thick and thin as partners for the rest of our lives. She had to respect marriage as much as I did and be committed to making it work.
I found a woman with those qualities when I was 40. I married her two years later. We have been happily married now for almost 27 years, had LOTS of fun, and built a wonderful life together. We are dedicated to each other and have proven it many times.
I am so happy to have her as a best friend and trusted partner. I would be lonely and miserable without her and she feels the same way about me. We care for each other.
I will list what makes a woman wife material in my eyes. Note, this is just my opinion, not to be taken as a generalization.
1.) Cooperatice and friendly
2.) Great sense of humor
3.) A level of independence that she can get stuff done on her own if I am not around.
4.) Loyal and trustworthy
5.) Feminine
6.) Has great relationship with family, especially father or father figures in their life.
7.) Motherly instincts and wants to have a family of her own.
8.) Takes care of herself and is healthy emotionally, mentally and physically.
9.) Supportive of personal goals I have and is willing to grow with me.
10.) Can cook.
11.) Can take accountability for her actions. Says what she means and does what she says she is going to do. Can admit when she is wrong and actually apologize for it instead of shift blame and justify the poor behavior.
12.) Is not afraid of commitment.
13.) Mutual understanding and agreement of goals and ideals when it comes to family, finances, future ambitions, etc.
The main thing that really struck me with my wife that made her so different from my exes is how much she radiated a sense of inner calm and positivity. She's extremely difficult to upset or offend.
So even after being close friends for an entire year and seeing her go through some hard times, we never got in heated arguments even though we disagreed on many subjects. It was always so peaceful and full of warmth and laughter.
Then we started dating and it was the same. Then we got married and it's been the same now after 14 years of marriage. We've never fought a single time.
So that's one of the ultimate things that stood out to me. I can describe a bunch of others as well and write a whole book on the subject, yet this is one of the ultimate things that made me seriously consider marrying her.
She's one of those people who always sees the silver linings in the clouds, even on the very worst of days. I sometimes say that I feel as though I married a Zen Buddhist monk in a lovely woman's body.
Also in the entire time I've known her, she has cried only a few times in total and all over really big and traumatic losses of loved ones and best friends. They're the types of things I would probably cry about as well. That's how much of a strong and positive thinker she is. She's truly extraordinary in that regard.
Wifey material is basically any traits related to an ideal girl. It can be different for every guy, but for the most part, all guys want a girl that's: kind, intelligent, cares about her physical appearance, health and fitness, is loyal, honest, knows how to cook and clean (yes... every adult should know and not expect their partner to do it all, unless they're going to be a housewife), and have chemistry with him. That means similar views, interests, goals, communication style, love languages, sense of humor, way of thinking, sexual compatibility, etc.
If she checks all of those for that specific guy, that's his wifey material.
If she dresses like a woman and not a hoe, if she has had the same or less sexual partners than me, if she doesn't wear fake up, if she only drinks occasionally if at all, if she doesn't do drugs, if she doesn't smoke, if she isn't fat, if she doesn't have short hair, if she doesn't have tattoos, if she doesn't have fake nails, hair, eyelashes etc, if she can cook, if she wants kids and doesn't believe in using birth control, if she encouraged, supports, loves and cherishes the man she is with. If she is feminine. Maybe a few others
I found somebody who shared a lot of my values and had similar opinions about life, kids, money and other topics. I wanted somebody who would be a partner instead of a fashion accessory.
I was in a serious relationship with somebody else for 4 years. We were discussing marriage and I thought that she might be the one. Still there was something that was not quite right. My ex-gf was very selfish and did not put much effort into our long distance relationship. I finally broke up with her.
I met my wife and knew almost from the start how it was going to end up.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
The perception of someone as "wifey material" versus a casual fling or one-night stand often involves qualities such as compatibility, shared values, emotional connection, trustworthiness, and long-term potential. It's about finding someone with whom you envision a deeper, more meaningful relationship beyond just physical attraction or short-term fun.
She shows indications that she cares about you more than just talking with you or spending time with you. She'll go out of her way to help you with something, clean something, make food, etc. She shows signs of selflessness and wanting to be an asset in your life, the way you might do for her. Airing her tires, filling her tank, helping clean up the table after eating, etc.
Someone who is wife material has the qualities I'm looking for in a wife and mother ( of my kids ) and she actually has something to offer me long term as a partner.
Someone who is just one night stand material is exactly that they have nothing of use to offer except their body and have no qualities I am looking for.
She is fit, feminine, friendly, cooperative, submissive, childless, not a hoe, no tattoos, no piercings, no danger hair, doesn't stay in contact with exes, doesn't go out to bars, clubs, or on girls' trips, and she doesn't post slutty thirst trap pictures on social media.
Nothing does, as marriage is not a goal to me. As for partner material: consistency, loyalty and a positive (but critical and realistic) approach on life.
The relationship would have to be of some benefit to me. I still may have to provide more than I get but unless there's something more to her than simple attraction it won't work in the long run.
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