Opinions please?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend went away for work. And the girl from the restaurant in the hotel gave her Snapchat to him and they spoke. He never deleted nothing off his phone or anything and he said it was just general chit chat, I spoke to her too and she said the same. But I keep on worrying like what if she went into his room and something happened or they spend the night together etc is it a weird thing to do message someone from the hotel? Or am I over reacting?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that is a tricky situation. A couple thoughts:

- On one hand, just chatting on Snapchat usually isn't too serious. People add each other casually all the time.

- And the fact that they were both upfront about it with you is somewhat reassuring - sketchy people would try to hide it.

- However, it is a little strange for a girl who's working to be reaching out to hotel guests like that, especially if she was flirty at all. Makes you wonder what her intentions really were.

- Her having his room number or being able to stop by privately does seem risky if she decided to try something on the side. Can't fully trust the situation.

- At the same time, you have to trust your guy too unless you have actual evidence he cheated. Don't want to drive yourself crazy accusing for no reason.

I'd maybe let him know it made you slightly uncomfortable and set a boundary that he shouldn't encourage that kind of thing in the future when traveling solo. His reaction will tell you a lot. If he gets defensive, that's a red flag. But it's good you talked to both of them so try not to stress too much unless more happens. Trust your gut though - if something feels off, don't ignore it!

[Asker]

Do you think it’s suspicious?

How do I know my gut? I am anxious over the what ifs of it

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm yeah I can see why you'd be feeling anxious and suspicious about it. When stuff like that happens it's normal to have all those "what if" thoughts going through your head.

I think following your gut is important, but also try not to let your anxiety take over too much with all the hypotheticals. Easier said than done, I know!

A few things that might help give you more clarity on your gut feeling:

- Pay attention to how he's acting now since being back. Is he still being open and honest? Distant or withdrawing at all?

- Look for any other small changes in his behavior or routine. Sometimes a guilty person slips up in little ways.

- See if the story adds up - like does the timing of when/where they talked match up to where he was at certain times?

- Trust what your girlfriend instincts are telling you deep down, separate from anxiety. That's usually your gut feeling.

If after really examining things you still get a weird vibe, it's okay to bring it up to him again in a calm way. Reassurance can help ease anxiety too.

Just don't wanna accuse unfairly either if there's no real proof. Tough spot but communicating is key I think! Hope some of that helps - let me know if any other thoughts come up.

[JoePro_]

I would say don't make it a big deal, until it becomes a big deal. Like he's talking to her all the time, you catch a glimpse of stuff he shouldn't be doing with her, etc. I know it's stressful, and really I think if he were a better boyfriend, he'd have deleted her info, BUT not every guy is that bright at your ages (I'm assuming he's in your age range). That said, think good thoughts, until he proves you wrong. Nagging him long before he's done anything wrong might just make him feel like "Well, if she already thinks I'm doing it, I might as well." But if you also just can't tolerate the stress, you could just call him out for being disrespectful, and move on without him.

[Asker]

He doesn’t have her on snap anymore. And she doesn’t live anywhere near us either. I am just hoping if something would’ve happened she’d of told me. But on the other hand did she not tell me because she’s of lost her job

[Nikki1989]

Phones and apps like Snapchat are the tools of the cheater. Find a man that is more mature.

[Mr_twoface]

Networking in my opinion, no matter how you put it, is not a bad thing. Whether it being social media apps, exchanging phone number etc. For me it comes down to love, trust and believing your partner. If it bothers you and you tell your partner about it, he should be a true man and delete her snap. If your gut says he cheated and you can't let go, then move on.

[Asker]

The thing is I don’t think he did anything wrong. He made a mistake before we was official and he told me straight away. But it’s the what ifs that’s driving me mad. Do you think it’s fine for him to of messaged her? Like I mean I feel like she’s of said otherwise wouldn’t she

[Mr_twoface]

I think as a couple, if one is not happy about the other one chatting to someone, the other should respect and not continue to chat. In this example, if you are not happy and addressed him about it and he continues, he is being disrespectful against you. As a man and in a devoted relationship, he should do whatever he can to satisfy you and assure you, that nothing is going and he cares for you. Not allow you to go with this gut in your stomach and think about what ifs.

[Asker]

He said he gets where I’m coming from etc, but he says he can’t say nothing else other than he is sorry and nothing happened. And she said nothing happened. But it’s just so suspicious like why would someone who works there want to Snapchat him I don’t know maybe it’s just me being an over thinker

[Mr_twoface]

If they both say nothing happened and he has since stopped talking to her. Then you should move on. There is no wrong in someone snapchating your boyfriend.

[Asker]

Yeah he hasn’t got her on Snapchat anymore, I just worry because she knew his room number to take his food etc what if she went into his room. But everyone keeps saying she’d of got the sack etc

[Mr_twoface]

Does this insecurity come from previous experiences in your life? It seems no matter what the boyfriend says, you are still doubting and having these questions. I don't know what else one can do or say for your to believe him and close this chapter.

[Asker]

It comes from something that happened when we was in the “talking stage” but he came and told me straight up about it

[Mr_twoface]

Do you wish to elaborate or dm me if possible? Seems to be underline matters which has casued this insecurity and then you may have to approach it differently.

[Asker]

It won’t let me DM you