Was your ex your ideal partner?

Question

I am taking some personality tests, everything I score and everything that my ideal partner is considered to be was my ex.

I feel like I know what my next partner should be like. He should have some traits of my ex for me to be attracted, because - I seem to find those traits irresistible.

ENFJ

Enneagram 8

GuyAnswersGirls123 · Accepted Answer

With my most influential ex (was engaged to be married), we had a ridiculous number of interests in common. I'm talking like 90% overlap in favorite films, music, food; it was unprecedented (usually I consider someone practically a soulmate in interests to find even 50% overlap here).

It actually had WTF responses all the time like, "WTF? That's your favorite movie too? WTF? That's your favorite band too?"

She was also into visual arts like me and we'd draw together (although she came at it from the angle of a fashion designer), she liked to write music in her spare time like me, she loved dancing, etc.

Interests-wise, I don't think anyone could expect a better match.

The problem is that outside of interests, we couldn't be more opposites. My communication style with conflicts is to talk things out and resolve conflicts as soon as they arrive. She was the type who wants maximum space to herself to mull things over. I'm an extreme extrovert, she was the most extreme introvert I ever dated and actually had no friends besides her sister when we started dating (I got her to gradually make some new ones by introducing mine to her, but she was still an ultimate recluse). She liked men who were very controlling, I'm allergic to controlling people.

So after breaking up, I realized we really weren't so ideal for each other.

Meanwhile, my wife and I are so compatible but we started with very few interests in common (although we assimilated each other's interests over time). Yet our communication style is so unbelievably compatible (I've never found any other woman who communicates so similarly to how I do, including the long-windedness). She's almost the opposite that way from my ex.

sawno · Accepted Answer

I had a bucket list in my mind of stuff I wanted for a partner so she'd be a 10. Those are obviously not realistic, so if a girl scored an 8 i'd consider her a 10 in real life. Except she did tick all the boxes and even added a few. So I think as far as it is humanly possible for someone to be my ideal match (You can always find a downside in anyone) she was the one.

But the biggest downside was how far away from each other we were, and unfortunately we couldn't bridge that gap in time. So my actual ideal partner would be like her but with a more manageable distance.

Alwayreckles93 · Accepted Answer

No if he was we wod had been together. I had to convert to Mormonisn in order o marry him andnget sealed so no.

Account · Accepted Answer

Ιf he was, he wouldn't be my ex. Therefore, no.

Wallythewalrus2 · Answer

I don’t have many exes, I married fairly young, but yes, one of them was an amazing woman and my wife has a lot of those qualities. Physically speaking, they’re total opposites, my ex was a little blonde with a light complexion, my wife is a 5’10” brunette, with a darker complexion.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I don't believe in perfection, I do however believe in adapting alongside your partner. Give and take in equal measure works every time. I have been in a few ideal relationships, remaining friends after they have broken down.
Others I can't even remember their names, let alone what they look like!

My partner I'm with now. She's great but she isn't perfect, and neither am I, but we both work at trying to be for each other!

DJB72 · Answer

My ex was a better match sexually but I think my marriage still going after 20 years suggests we're reasonably compatible...

DizzyDesii · Answer

A lot of my exes started off ideal but it was all fantasy. True colors show pretty quickly 3-6 months in. So i dont think i’ve dated my ideal yet.

lightbulb27 · Answer

no, not ideal at all. the only ideal would have been in forcing me to change a lot, which would have been difficult.

Mr_twoface · Answer

My ideal partner? No! There were perks with her which I enjoyed but we broke up for a specific reasons which couldn't be worked out.

Anonymous · Answer

I hate to say it but based upon your ENFJ personality type and your own conclusions it sounds like you created the problem out of some bad information.

Nikki1989 · Answer

If he was ideal, he wouldn't be an ex. We are still great friends, but we are no good as partners.

msc545 · Answer

My ex was about 60%. Perfect! In the beginning. I was arrogant and stupid enough to believe that I could make her better. Instead of making her better. I think my influence actually made her worse.

MsBrie · Answer

No absolutely not, he got into gangs and BLM and wanted Me in that to even after We broke up.

LaurenM1997 · Answer

Nope he was a bad guy and treated me like shit

Sameone · Answer

Only my first girlfriend she was so perfect But other women after her all same

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on which one. There was one who 90% perfect but she met me at a 100% bad time in my life. Which really sucks.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Nope they definitely wasn't my ideal partner if they were we'd still be together

Anonymous · Answer

She wasn't ideal. She was perfect.  It's a shame how things changed and now we're nothing but strangers.

Triarii · Answer

Those tests should be taken more like a game dont use it define your attractions

Rosexøxø · Answer

He was not!

Xia1994 · Answer

No he was not.

WhitneySnow · Answer

No lol. That’s why he’s an ex.

loveslongnails · Answer

Hell no, that's why she's my ex!

elaphe · Answer

No, or she wouldn't be my ex.

spartan55 · Answer

Unfortunately no.

sheikalana · Answer

Obviously not.

laly520 · Answer

my ex wasn't

Jennz6 · Answer

Not at all

LavLavLuv · Answer

Ew no

DagonbroughtMehere · Answer

Yes..

eagle1951 · Answer

nope

Was your ex your ideal partner?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Was your ex your ideal partner?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.