Does anyone else have trouble with love?

[TerranceM]

I think I’m done trying to find love. Women have just been playing with my feelings my entire life and they won’t even go out for a simple cup of coffee with you anymore. I’m tired of not getting any chances at all and then being judged before they even went out in 1 date with me. I’m wanting to know does anyone else struggle with this because I feel like I’m one of select few who does. What is wrong with me? I’m not doing anything wrong

[Flatmanlewis]

So I’m going to tell you something that is totally hard to believe and accept. As a man, the 20s suck. There is this very common mindset that your 20s are your best years. Hogwash. Sure, in some ways they are pretty cool. Careers are starting, you’re probably buying a new car you wants, you have some decent friends built up. Plenty of young girls around to meet.



I mean, you have a lot of freedom, few responsibilities, and plenty of opportunities to hook up with chicks but if you were like me and actually wanted to meet a woman of substance, it’s tough. Not too many 20-something dudes have their stuff all put together until late in their 20s at best. A lot of women are looking for more than just a hook-up and have more standards for the men they go out with than just looks. As men, we tend to be more appearance focused. Add to that the dating world now is a messy and frustrating explosion of short attention spans, stupid apps, and a massive shift in people’s values.


Believe me, your 30s are freaking great. By 30 I could afford a place of my own without roommates, eventually buying a house. I learned how to dress way better. Had a nice car. Developed the confidence of making a decent wage and some successes in life. I had some real stories to tell about me rather than just open ended goals & dreams. I was advancing in my career and making some money. I could afford to take a decent vacation once a year and a few small ones in between.


How did the 30s just get better? Part of this is because I had met a good woman, and we had compatible ideas about life. Part of my ability I have met her was because I had my life together and she saw real substance to me. That’s part of what a decent woman is looking for in a man. Income. Stability. Health. Fitness. Signs that you are a man and no longer a man-boy pretending to be one.


My advice is two fold: just work on being the best you that you can be. Improve yourself continuously both for the satisfaction of doing so AND the way this will draw a good woman to you. Second, be aware of the fact that most people feel frustration in the dating scene and you are by NO MEANS alone. It’s absolutely the norm. Lastly, one decent date (even if it doesn’t work out) is a far greater score than several shitty ones. Quality is more important than quantity.


This is my opinion anyhow. Take it for whatever it’s worth.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey man, I know what you mean. Finding love can be tough sometimes. But don't give up completely - there may still be hope!

Lots of guys struggle with dating, it's not just you. Modern dating culture has made things way more complicated than they need to be. But remember, not every girl is going to play games with your feelings - some are genuinely looking for a good guy. You just have to keep putting yourself out there.

A few suggestions that may help:

- Focus on making friends with girls first without expectations. Chemistry takes time to develop.

- Put yourself in social situations to meet new people - clubs, rec sports, meetups etc. Quality over quantity.

- Ask friends to set you up! Sometimes meeting organically helps things click easier.

- Work on self-confidence too. Believe you have great qualities to offer and don't come across as too needy.

- Apps can help you put your best self out there, but don't expect too much - take breaks as needed.

Stay positive, man! The right girl will come around when you're not overthinking it. Try to keep faith that there are caring women out there looking for someone just like you. Don't give up hope completely just yet! You've got this.

[Flatmanlewis]

This is SOLID advice.

[gilmoregirls_456]

don’t give up!! you’ll find the right girl eventually just give it time! i’m sure your a great guy

[sawno]

Regular thing at your age level these days, women long after more established guys who already finished school, have some savings, etc. Simultaniously people at your age level are immature so they don't always value the things that matter yet and rather sleep around. Your chances will improve wih age, for now keep working on yourself and try whenever you do feel like it. It will happen eventually and your chances will only get better the further you are in your 20s.

[Nikki1989]

Nope. No trouble at all.