Why does my SO think it's bad to tell his name to my parents?

[Anonymous]

does that mean he's not serious about me? we've been talking for 3 months, met once. we are muslim and both looking into getting married at some point. we met on a muslim dating app. my parents were trying to set me up with someone else so I had to tell them I was talking to someone already and I gave all his details and his name. my SO was upset that I broke his privacy. he was ok with me telling everything but his name. I think thats odd that that's he's upset they know his name. I thought thats the only thing they should know low-key. what do you guys think?

[DoggyDude]

For myslef, it would be a huge red flag (but I'll get to why thats not necessarily true for everyone). So, I'm going to speak generally here, some or none of the below might apply or be helpful. Will see...

Some religions seriously complicate relationships, I am not a muslim so I can't know if your practices do this, but I do know people from around the world in various religions where the any of following has happened:

• its possible he's been going behind his parents back to date you (since I know with some religions unless the courship is carried out under some strict adherence its frowend upon).
• I know that some religions deal in 'arranged marriages' and if his parents already had someone 'arranged' for him, you giving his name to your parents (who might inform his parents) could spell the end for his hopes of marrying someone else before they pull the trigger on some arrange marriage. His parents might be very controlling people, only approving certain, races, creeds, religions or even personalities.
• It might be he IS concerned for the relationship being allowed to continue and that his parents learning he's in one might forbay him seeing you.

If though none of those kinds of reasons apply here. It's just a huge problem he's not wanting your parents to know his name.

I would say, if your sure your parents are discreate people, tell him that and see if he's molified by it (meaning your not betraying some trust, but extending the trust to people you love and trust as well).

I can see a case for privacy, but when he's dating someones daughter the right of the parents to remain informed trumps that.

Lastly he might just be a complete jerk (can't rule that out lol).

My advice would be to find out precisely why he's concerned about his name being revealed and judge wether that reason is based in sanity and a reasonable position to hold.

Best of luck

[Asker]

I don't know his parents seem chill. I think his is more the fact that we didn't say we weren't going to tell our parents. So now my parents know and his dont

[Asker]

We aren't even dating yet just been talking exclusively. I felt like I had to tell them tho or else they'd have me married off with someone else.

[DoggyDude]

Well, if you had agreed together to keep it private, then maybe he just felt a little betrayed by you letting out the secret without discussing it with him.

That said, secrecy is always bad in a relationship. Makes for complications.

Best of luck.

[Zoeysiren]

Hold on, there could be a few reasons why your SO might be hesitant. Maybe he's shy or nervous about meeting your parents for the first time. Or perhaps there's something else going on, like a past issue with his name or a fight with his family. The best thing to do is have a calm chat with him, ask him why he feels this way, and listen to his concerns. Communication is key!

[Asker]

he broke up with me i think he just wanted me as a toy didn't see a future with me

[laly520]

major red flag
maybe u have to reconsider it